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RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 11:44:54 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		There are many more than men (from anything I've ever seen, read, experienced) than women interstested in this lifestyle.

Strictly from a numbers perspective men are pooched!

Women won't reply because they know that you are not what they are looking for - 99% of the time if they do reply wanting to be 'just friends' and chatting they know that the man (now this may not be true of you, however) is going to sooner or later want to go past the 'just chatting' phase (in whatever form that may take) and now that you've gotten to know me don't you want to too? So they don't reply.

I would suggest finding some local groups - most put on munches where people get together and chat.

If you are a young submissive male (sorry didn't read your profile ;-) you can always take the approach that you are 'unfettered' fields and put on your best I'm so cute and innocent don'tcha wanna come 'an play look. Maybe kick up a little puff of dirt, side tilt to head and hands held behind your back.

Young dominant male? Take as many classes as you can (another good place to meet people in the lifestyle ;-) - do not ever interrupt a scene in progress whether you think they are doing something wrong or not let the DM (Dungeon Monitor) do so and bring your concerns to the DM let them dela with it. Chatting people up while they are in a scene is big time bad form and will get you ignored quicker than not showering.

Read books, many local clubs have a library you can even borrow from.

Sooner or later (probably later - took me 5 years to find one that worked for both her and me, and I think I was fortunate) you will meet someone.

Also, you may (now be REALLY really careful with this one) whichever side of the coin you are on observe someone who isn't in the lifestyle but acts in a certain way - dom or sub and approach them for coffee (or whatever) - just because they act a certain way does not guarantee that they are that way. You may be able to introduce them to something that they wouldn't have found by themselves. Don't go to coffee and say hey can I beat your ass red? Or will you do that to me? You'll send them running.

Many 'vanilla' relationships have a power structure - whether it's 100%, 50% (I'll do this you do that) each, or the infinite possibilities within.

So under the right circumstances (ie they seem interested) you may (don't hold your breath) be able to swing something down those lines. Worst case scenario it will get you some experience which you can learn from. Not so bad a deal.

Good luck in your search.

D (owner of j)

(in reply to ChastityLocked)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 11:59:18 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Or "an evil bastard who really knows how to hurt a person"

[evil laugh]


Faramir your forgot the third option...& we wouldn't have it any other way

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 12:05:32 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


We get posts fairly identical to yours (though usually with more anger) about twice a week.

You're a man, on a bdsm personals site. Unless you get a good rep as a "white knight protector" or "softy who gives lots of fuzzies and attention" then you will be lucky to get 2 emails a month.

It's just how it is. Accept it and be yourself.

PS your age will be a problem for a lot of people also


His age would be more of a plus for me but then I reply to someone who has sent me an interesting note first, someone who has an interest in the type of relationship I do. For just talking I don't care about where he is but for something beyond that then the "where" become a big factor.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 1:55:19 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Faramir,

Aren't you the guy who backhands his slave off her feet when she gets mouthy???

windchymes

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 2:02:17 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		ChastityLocked,

I see you're in the Philadelphia area. The local BTS (Behind The Scenes) BDSM group is very well run. I don't have personal experience with them, but a close friend of mine and his wife do, and highly recommend them.

I hope I'm allowed to do this....you can access their organization through www.phillyfetish.com There are links for BTS and to other local munch groups.

Good luck! (I have kids older than you!!!! Yikes! lol)

windchymes

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 2:21:14 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChastityLocked

first off I think the collarme website and message board are GREAT, but one issue i have is, the profile section just dosent seem to work. Now i dont like to toot my own horn, but I think im a decent looking guy who has plenty of interests to offer any female whos into bondage and fetishes, yet i havent been contacted by any females, and the few contacts ive tried to make fell on deaf ears. Why is this? Are there females on this site looking for guys to talk to? are most of the women just trying to "play the field"? I definatly dont understand this. Theres a decent list of females in my state, yet none have contacted me, nor have any replied to mails I sent. I dont even care if its just chatting, it would be nice to talk to someone from my area, but so far, thats a pipe dream. Does anyone else experience this? is collarme.com REALLY a good site to talk to females into bondage/fetishes? Id be interested to hear from both males and females on this one.


Well, I wasn't going to get into this, but I have to now. Further on in this forum, you say you have made some changes to your profile. Since I don't see profile pending, I have to ask: Is this the change you made? [

quote:

I love classic cars, nascar, pool, bowling, computers, football and pro wrestling.


Because other than that, I can't see anything except your wish to stress over and over your interest in "the bondage and fetish world", even to explaining that you have 35 different fetishes.

Here, once again, you are narrowing your pool of possibilities. (Bold emphasis Mine)

quote:

Im ultimately looking for a woman whos around my age, (older is fine as long as she is ok with it) thats into many fetishes, inc. my main ones, have the basic things in common with me, liek my hobbies, and are looking for daiting or a serious relationship. Im NOT looking to just fool around or a one time deal. I guess you know what to do to contact me!


I am, of course, much older than you, and I am sure there are some ladies (not females!) who are into classic cars, nascar, pool, bowling, computers, football and pro wrestling, but I am willing to bet there are not that many. These are all pretty male-oriented sports interests. I enjoy bowling once in while, I do love to play pool, and I might enjoy riding around in a classic car (it would depend on the car!), but I also like to go to the theater, go out to dinner and dancing, read and play backgammon. Are you flexible at all?
As to the number of ladies you say are about your age, I haven't checked. But I would hazard a guess that most of those who are that young (up to 22 or 23) are just exploring, and your fetish emphasis could be a bit scary to them. Any femsubs or FemDoms older than that, might be thinking (like Me) that you are more self-absorbed and less appealing. I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying that this is how your profile would come across to Me. I don't know how you present yourself in a letter of introduction.
All in all, your profile, with no weight being given to an age factor at all, sounds like a young man looking to hook up and get as many of his kinks satisfied as possible while searching for his possible lifelong companion , or maybe just a short term live-in girlfriend. If this is not who you are, then you need to find a way to get that across in your text. If it is who you are (and that is fine, also) then you are being quite honest, and you should not expect an overflowing email box.
When you say you just want to talk, if I read your profile, My first impresion would be "hmmm...and I know exactly what he wants to talk about, too!". So I would most likely decline to even chat with you.
As has been stated already, get thee to some local munches and events, and hang about these boards for awhile to learn and get a handle on how the "females" feel about things. And be careful of your grammar and spelling. First impressions do count.


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to ChastityLocked)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 2:21:34 PM   
ChastityLocked


Posts: 173
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		i am NOT in the philly area. Who said that? im from connecticut

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 2:21:39 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Yes, it's a VERY good site for meeting people. You just need to be patient. As was said by someone before, a little attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation wouldn't hurt, since the narrative is pretty much how we make that all-important first impression. I get contacted fairly often, but nowhere near the 20-50 messages the women/females/girls/broads get. Many days I get....sob....none. Take heart, you're in a good place with many good people....and a few weirdos...you'll see...

Bob

(in reply to ChastityLocked)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 2:43:19 PM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		Would it help to tell you that I'd do you? *grins*

syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to ChastityLocked)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 2:56:25 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oops, my apologies. I guess I read too many profiles all at once. Coulda sworn it was Phillly.....

Well, for anyone who IS in the Philly area....it's a good group!

Sorry!

windchymes

(in reply to ChastityLocked)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:01:56 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Or, like me, you could get a reputation as a malevolent son of a bitch, and then you'll get plenty of mail from people who hate you--but also some mail from people who are fascinated...

Lordandmaster


That's not Your rep..You are considered kind and knowlegable. Sorry to disappoint...pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/21/2005 3:02:23 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:05:13 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Or "an evil bastard who really knows how to hurt a person"

[evil laugh]

JohnWarren


No, not You either; You have a rep as a kind and knowledgable Man as well...sorry...LOL...pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:05:21 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		So would that make him a benevolent son of a bitch?

windchymes

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:09:56 PM   
TearCollector


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
I pretty much think that GoddessDustyGold spells it out in the best detail but the message is the same in every post. Your youth and lack of experience is normal and natural but it is not helping you in your goal. When I read your opening comments in this thread, I didn’t need to look at your profile to tell you were barely legal. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Quite the contrary. I turned 40 three days ago. Id trade you ages in a second! And I mean right now! Im only replying to this thread because I remember those days and I remember feeling frustrated like you. Im certainly no expert on profile writing. My profile is a good example of how not to get replies.

Youth has its advantages and disadvantages. You are experiencing the disadvantages of not being able to express yourself in a way that people older will take you serious. And girls your age are probably looking for someone with more experience. So, your in a catch 22. But it’s not all bad news. I know there are plenty of women out there that prefer a man that is more of a boy. And if they can find you great. If not, I have some more good news for you. You will get older and wiser and this frustration will pass. As for me, I will not get younger and my frustration will change for different reasons. Relax and enjoy your youth.

Profiles:
My profile is the classic one that gets very little response. But it is designed that way. I narrowed the playing field so tightly that I only get messages from people who already know they don’t fit but want to chat as friends. I don’t cyber. These people that contact me usually saw something I posted on a thread and want to discuss it further. I have met some very cool people here. Im looking for someone very unique so my profile attempts to just find that one. Im not frustrated but a lack of response. It would be silly for me to expect such.

Your profile casts a different net. It seems uncoordinated, lacks direction and has little impact on a potential reader. (just my opinion). Look at some of the other profiles here. See how they are structured. Don’t read mine unless you want seriously zero responses. LOLOL

One last piece of advice. Your 18 and your sexual peak. Everyone here knows that and understands that. Its ok we get it. My advice is, learn to masturbate with both hands because at your age, you could build up muscle on one arm like Arnold Swartznegar and leave the other arm looking like Pee Wee Herman. You want to be balanced don’t you?
Don’t be insulted. I seriously remember those days. I envy you more than you could imagine.

Be lucky Farimir went easy on you. He used my sack for a kite when I was whining.

Good Luck
TearCollector


_____________________________

BY conquering jealousy and Mastering forgiveness you will defeat loneliness.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:20:03 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I know a thing or two about BTS. If anyone wants details, feel free to e-mail me on the other side. (It's not that I have anything bad to say about them, but I don't want to clutter this thread with information about a group that isn't in the OP's area in the first place.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Oops, my apologies. I guess I read too many profiles all at once. Coulda sworn it was Phillly.....

Well, for anyone who IS in the Philly area....it's a good group!

Sorry!


(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:27:03 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		It looks like you have been given quite a bit of good advice here, but as someone your age, I will chime in.

This is a BSDM site on at least some level, and on at least some level everyone here probably has some fetish. Take all that out of your profile. There is nothing to gain in having it, and there is potential that it might discredit the statement you made, "I'm NOT looking to just fool around or a one time deal." I'm not saying you are not sincere in this, just that it might look like you aren't.

Listing your interests is great, but wanting someone that has the same interests limits you quite a bit. I'm not sure a couple has to have all the same interests. I look at my happily married foster parents and they probably only share interests about twenty or thirty percent of the time. Again, risk reward ... there isn't that much to gain, and the potential risk is that you will look clingy. I can't think of anything that turns me off faster than young clingy guys. At age ninteen, I just got some freedom with my life ... not much chance that I'm interested in getting involved in a clingy relationship. Again, not saying that you are than way ... only that this might make you look this way.

Finally, at our age the profile needs to be very well written. It adds maturity even if it isn't there. I have some friends on here that think I come across as very mature because I'm not the worst writer in the world. Once they get to know me they realize it's a quazi-maturity act by someone that got A's in English. ;-) If you need some help with spelling and grammar, I would be happy to assist.

All that said, find a local group and try to meet people. It will greatly increase your odds and your good looks will play better there.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 3:56:47 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I have some friends on here that think I come across as very mature because I'm not the worst writer in the world. Once they get to know me they realize it's a quazi-maturity act by someone that got A's in English. ;-)

heh . . . well, even quasi-maturity really stands out and seems like a breath of fresh air when there is so much real immaturity going around.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 4:12:05 PM   
ChastityLocked


Posts: 173
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

One last piece of advice. Your 18 and your sexual peak. Everyone here knows that and understands that. Its ok we get it. My advice is, learn to masturbate with both hands because at your age, you could build up muscle on one arm like Arnold Swartznegar and leave the other arm looking like Pee Wee Herman. You want to be balanced don’t you?


i dont masterbait at all, so that isnt a problem. I dont want to have sex either, so dont asume all guys wanna have sex and nothing but sex.

caitlyn, i was hopeing you would reply, as you are my age. I am looking for something serious in the end, and i hate playing games. It IS true, im not looking to just fool around and have cyber chats. Also, id like someone with a few interests of mine, because my last relationship didnt work, seeing we had nothing major in common. I dont think a girl needs to like everything i like, but atleast a few things.

i think my re-written profile is definatly better then what I had before. I will add the fact i am ok with talking as friends, BUT my ultimate goal is to talk to someone who i really like, and someome who likes me back, in my area. if not, i can always use people to just chat with.

thanks to everyone for the positive comments!

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 4:21:24 PM   
Angrylibrarian


Posts: 214
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		I get a lot of mail but its mostly replies from Faramir

(in reply to ChastityLocked)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: CollarME and its profiles - 10/21/2005 4:34:59 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		There's an old joke that says "there are two kinds of people in the world: masturbators and liars".....

Not that I'm implying anything.....

(in reply to Angrylibrarian)
Profile   Post #: 40
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