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RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 7:32:38 AM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		If you want to comprimise because you are not ready for a collar. Instead of jumping in and saying Hold up, youve got to be desperate for liking me and wanting to collar me so fast and and the reason is meeting isnt possible right now because of finanical or other such situations think about this.

Agree that you will not actively seek anyone else to be your partner. (So there is no you finding someone else and getting away) Also it give you both a bit of I guess a trial run with no real commitment to anything. When/if you you meet in real life and wish to be collared because you know you are perfect together... then do so with caution. As others have said, are you honestly compitable with this person? Have you agreed to anything that you do not like or are not comfortable with because there was the aspect of distance? Are you sure of his wants and expectations of you as his slave? Have you agreed on limits, safewords, and such even if you feel you dont need them? When election time comes around will you be allowed to vote freely or will he and you argue over politics?




_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 7:40:57 AM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bcsubgirl

he tells me he makes up his mind quickly, and he already wants to collar me even though we won't get a chance to meet in person for another 1 to 2 weeks.

i feel similiar to him and am willing to spend time with him.

just want a few positive 'love at first collar' stories.. that is all...



Love at first collar/ love at first sight does not exist. Two people can meet and feel mutual attraction, but it still takes time for that attraction to develop into love. He's suffering from Dom frenzy and you from sub frenzy. I would advise you both to slow down and use your brains.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to bcsubgirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:34:13 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		..men that want to collar you before they meet you are basically saying I want you to agree to submit in anyway I say when I get there because I want a fuck toy when I get there  along with instant submission, I am not planning to waste my time and money to date you and get to know you as a person they see the collar as a way to have instant submission and use of you during their stay.  and then he will leave and you probably will never hear from him again  because he got what he wanted.  How much do you know of him ..his true name, home and cell phone number?  Are you able to phone him at any time day or night?  What is the extent mostly of your relationship ....domination by cam??  Is he planning to stay at your residence when he visits? 

I am not saying it is wrong to meet a dom from outside the country I have been involve with a couple myself , with one he did the online domination but just before the agreed meet time, he decided to pull the slave commitment wanting me to promise to submit to him... I told him  to f -off as that is not what agreed to initially.    the other  rarely ever did any cam domination most of our conversations was about vanilla things,  when it came close to time to meet  he provide verification of who he was ..where he worked, he encouraged me to check up on him ,  he had provided home and cell numbers , he made airline and car reservations showing me the online copies ,    because we were meeting up in Toronto  and spending the time there , he made seperate hotel reservations for me and him  so I would not feel obligated and so I also had a place to stay for the night in the event the meet did not go successfully rather than have to make a 2 hour drive back home, we first met for dinner  reservations made in advance there was no expectation of submission from me .. this was just a get to know each other meet ...if we felt comfortable enough with each other  then it was an  option but it would totally be left up to me to initiate if I wanted to, which we did do for one day of his stay  .   The whole trip visit was planned with making sure I felt safe and to prove he was trustworthy, honorable and that he respected me enough not to take advantage of me and to let me know he held me in high regard, another trip is planned this time he will be at my home, seprate bedrooms available,  play is planned but so is causual vanilla stuff and travel, we have been conversing now for about 10 months there is no collar, he would much rather have me submit willingly than because there is a peice of leather or metal around my neck, if one does go there... it is because  we no longer want to be apart and want to make a total commitment to each other... it will never be tool to force my submission to him.   I would never accept a collar from someone I did not know extremely  well and consider it to be of similiar value as a wedding ring  and I also know not every relationship is like a Cinderella  story that ends happily ever from after from first hand experience some can turn out to be your worst nightmare and for every successful war bride story there is a hundred that were failures, the odds are severely  against a happy outcome, if you want to gamble your life and future that is your choice.... but it is not mine. 

 



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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:42:11 AM   
SIRTASK


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well hell here I am the Master who wished to collar this slave.  Normally  I take quite sometime before I think of it but this time around I am just plain damned greedy and dont want to wait. If I swere giving the advice I would say the same thing like hello give your head a shake,.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:45:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Why the rush?  I will admit that rushing into relationships is a foreign concept for me.  Why not meet and see if something develops.  You know, make sure she has good breath and that her hair isn't greasy.  Make sure you are comfortable over a range of dates, experiences, and time.  Oh wait, instant gratification is more important.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SIRTASK)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:51:45 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		It does work. I met my slave on collarme. We chatted for sometime, planned a week visit here  she left here with a collar and my truck to get her moved over here. been a great 3 yrs so far.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to bcsubgirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:53:00 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SIRTASK

Well hell here I am the Master who wished to collar this slave.  Normally  I take quite sometime before I think of it but this time around I am just plain damned greedy and dont want to wait. If I swere giving the advice I would say the same thing like hello give your head a shake,.


I was rather surprised when I realized your ages. This is something I would expect to see from the very young. I can somewhat understand it on the part of bcsubgirl as she is new to this lifestyle and is likely a bit caught up in the newness of it all. But on your part? 8 years realtime and you want to attach a collar to someone you have never met. Certainly having been around the block a time or two you must realize the level of commitment that a collar represents....how on earth can you consider such a thing with someone that you have no clue as to your compatability with? Do you think it fair that you even ask at this point?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SIRTASK)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:53:23 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		One thing I have noticed about those who rush to collar someone online is that the majority of that is they want to make sure no one takes you before they get to have you face to face. It is more a reassurance that you are no longer looking than it is an actual show of interest. You cannot know someone online in a few weeks well enough to know you wish to keep them permanently. I had Angel under consideration before we met, that was 3 months after we started talking. It took another 2 months and 2 meetings face to face to make up my mind to actually collar him.
I collared Fox quickly, just a week, but we were face to face and together just about every day of it. People are way too different face to face than they are online to make that sort of jump. Unless, of course, the collar is fairly meaningless to him aside from as a placeholder. You might be assuming a bit much into what he sees a collar as and projhecting your own desires onto it as well. Not everyone sees it as a lifelong commitment and many dont think it has anything a al to do with love.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 8:54:12 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hi there,

My slave and I had a similar experience.  We spoke on the phone and in email for about four months.  For the first part of that time, we actively tried to keep our desires 'casual.'  The plan was to meet at a coffee shop, even though I was flying from Texas to California to meet her.  If there was a spark, we'd just take it from there.

Instead, we met on the beach for a picnic dinner.  She was so nervous, she ate very little.  She was beautiful, gentle, and everything just felt right.  She knew I had come with a collar.  We walked along the beach in the moonlight after a few hours, and she stripped, knelt in the sand, and begged to wear it.

We've been together eight months, now.  We've lived together ever since that first evening on the beach.  I won't say that it's been problem free; we've faced many struggles, but we're incredibly happy and are looking forward to being together for a very long time.  We often laugh to others that we did everything the 'wrong' way; but the truth is, the only wrong way, is the way that doesn't work.  If our relationship fell apart tomorrow, I don't think it would be 'because' I collared her that first night.  I do think that many people are in love with the fantasy of a relationship that starts online; but this doesn't mean it can't work.  We're certainly evidence that it can, and sometimes does.

Good luck to you,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to bcsubgirl)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 9:08:19 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SIRTASK

Well hell here I am the Master who wished to collar this slave.  Normally  I take quite sometime before I think of it but this time around I am just plain damned greedy and dont want to wait. If I swere giving the advice I would say the same thing like hello give your head a shake,.


Lets see you want to collar this person and they are asking questions  in another post  about some other Dom?  who wants to make her his pigslut and who she cannot contact unless she finishes the assignment he has given her??????  Wow  it seems the 2 of you really have some fantastic connection going   ...shakes my head   .. I guess a collar is  cheaper  than paying for a prositute with better availability


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to SIRTASK)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 9:19:46 AM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		I would like to add to Master's story that we had spent a long time discussing what a collar meant to each of us.  We both agreed that for our approach to M/s a slave cannot learn to be a slave until she is one and that we never wanted me to be his girlfriend.  We would be Master and slave or nothing.  We both went into it with our eyes wide open and although he is taking his time turning me into the slave he wants me to be but I've been his slave from day one.  This is how we both wanted it.

My point is that collaring from the beginning doesn't have to mean you're taking things too quickly but my advice would be to make sure you two are very clear on what a collar means to you.  For us it's a training collar that allows both of us to try out how this works.  A collar does not equate with a wedding ring for either of us as it does for many in the lifestyle.  Talk about it.  Is the meaning behind the collar for you something that you are ready for?  What does the collar signify to him? 

Ultimately, you're an adult and as long as you're willing to accept the potential consequences of moving quickly then you have every right to do that.  I knew our relationship might crash and burn but I was willing to risk that and learn from it.  I wasn't expecting people to tell me it was going to be perfect.  I was just willing to work as hard as I could at making it work.  He was well worth it in my mind. Turns out I was right.

Good luck,

charlotte

< Message edited by charlotteS -- 5/19/2008 9:21:13 AM >

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella


(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 9:38:07 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		it took a long while before I actually had the collar around my neck, but he was astute enough in knowing that I was his long before that.  I found that after first meeting I had no desire to spread myself out to other potential relationships.

You and Stephann communicated for a long time, about many different things and though he collared you upon first meeting, you did wait until that meeting when you could see if the feelings that you had on line for each other translated into the physical dynamic.

There are ways of being monogamous (or a proximity there of) without having a collar.  She could choose to focus solely on him and they both could work towards a natural evolution of their relationship without forcing it with physical symbols that may mentally tie them to a connection that they find to be hasty and not well thought out when the time to meet actually comes.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to charlotteS)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 9:43:21 AM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		Agreed. You made a very good point Omega.  You don't need an actual collar in order for the relationship to grow,  which is why I suggested that they both get clear about what the physical symbol means to them.  For us it didn't signify anything more than what we would have pursued with or without the actual steel around my neck.  It worked for us to actually have the physical symbol and made things less confusing.  This won't be true for everyone, in fact I would venture it won't be true for most other people.  It probably wouldn't work for me with someone else.   It worked for us not because he did or didn't collar me right away but because we were both very clear about what it meant to us.  I am not going to speculate on whether the OP has reached the same clarity with this guy, I will only offer my experience and perspective and suggest that time spent asking eachother how they think it will work is just as important (in fact more important) than asking us. 





charlotte



< Message edited by charlotteS -- 5/19/2008 9:47:13 AM >

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella


(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 9:51:15 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Wait, he's not the pigslut dom?  I am sooo confused.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to charlotteS)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 9:53:12 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Exactly.  I think there are enough testimonials of quick collaring going wrong to provide the reader with that perspective.  That it can happen is important to point out, even as we very clearly state that it usually doesn't happen.  I can and have speculated on why people collar quickly and have it go horribly wrong in the past, so I won't wax on that.  I think what it takes to work quickly is very rarely addressed:  it worked for us because I believe we really did communicate very clearly what our goals and expectations were.  The collar she wears carries a one year expiration date; we're revisiting the topic four months from now.  Most people don't handle expiration dates on relationships well.  But understanding that a collar isn't a wedding ring (for us) is an important distinction; if I wanted to marry my slave, I would put a ring, and not a collar, on her finger.  That may yet happen, in fact.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to charlotteS)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 11:15:17 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

But understanding that a collar isn't a wedding ring (for us) is an important distinction;



I hope my words were not taken out of context , I do not equate to being like a wedding ring either but a symbol  of value  not to be take lightly


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 11:23:28 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

But understanding that a collar isn't a wedding ring (for us) is an important distinction;


Why would anyone think they are the same thing to begin with? 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 11:28:18 AM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		I first mentioned that because I have seen many people equate them.  Nothing wrong with that at all, in fact I would say that for many it is a very healthy way of approaching a D/s relationship.  I was simply trying to point out that for us the collar does not symbolise  romantic commitment or love thus it was much easier to say we were certain we wanted to do this without having spent a lot of time in person getting to know each other and developing our relationship in that way.  The point being that there are many ways that people view the collar and what it represents and it's important to communicate about that with your potential partner.

charlotte


_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 11:30:09 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

But understanding that a collar isn't a wedding ring (for us) is an important distinction;


Why would anyone think they are the same thing to begin with? 



You wouldn't consider it to be conventional wisdom among D/s lifestylers that the committment to the collar is on par with the committment of a wedding ring?


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Quick Collaring, asking other Master's opinions - 5/19/2008 11:34:28 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		No, I would not.  A wedding ring symbolizes a legally binding committment.  A collar does not.  I don't do the "lifestyler" thing, I just live my life.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 40
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