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[Poll]

Fidelity

I'm male and have cheated on a partner

6% (14)

I'm male and have not cheated

5% (12)

I'm female and have cheated

22% (46)

I'm female and have not cheated

14% (29)

Male and would never cheat

3% (7)

Male and would cheat possibly

1% (4)

Female and would never cheat

12% (25)

Female and would possibly cheat

3% (8)

Cheating is human and forgivable

18% (38)

Cheating is unforgivable

11% (23)

Total Votes : 206

(last vote on : 5/28/2008 5:37:11 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 6:29:23 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

I think this is interesting so I put it up to share. :)

http://www.zurinstitute.com/infidelity_affairs.pdf

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Post #: 81

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 6:39:04 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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KC…….. great article. Thanks.

A wise and sexy blond doctor (psych) once told that women felt emotional fidelity and faithfulness from a man was more important that sexual fidelity. Men felt sexual fidelity from a woman was more important.

The reason is that women know who the father of their children is. It is important that her man stays true to the family and helps raise the children. A man cannot know for certain who the father is so sexual fidelity from his woman is a priority.

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 82

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 6:42:44 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

A lot of people I know, men or women, feel sexual AND emotional fidelity is pretty crucial. One isn't more important than the other: they go hand in hand.

The biological explanation... bah. It's just to justify male sexual philanderism.

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Post #: 83

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 6:50:59 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

Simply having partners aside from one's primary partner isn't neccessarily "cheating". We, of all people, should know that each partnership can negotiate its own rules and expectations. People have begun to recognize that absolute monogamy isn't always the most appropriate option for them.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 84

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 6:57:24 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

Bah ! Yerself...

Philanderism sounds like some kind of philosophy.

Can we all at least agree that the cheating or infidelity is primarily a breaking of trust consisting of lying and deception rather than the physical act ? In other words, it depends on the clear understaning between the couple in relationship. Those understandings vary and may change. Then there are the cases where, for whatever reason, the couple stays together but their love and commitment to each other is gone. Is the important thing to stay "faithful" to a contract that has become meaningless, or to seek happiness and/or comfort elsewhere ? It's not an easy call to make, especially to judge someone from the outside without knowing what it may be like in their shoes.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 85

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 7:05:12 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

It's up to the individual. Once again, it's interesting how my recent comment on fidelity has turned into yet another discussion on the nature of its opposite.

Looks as though we can't get away from that one.

Basically, I don't like cheating, because I've done it, and I've grown from that particular modus operandi. I know where it stems from (insecurity, immaturity, fear of admitting something's wrong with the initial 'relationship' - fuck I hate that word) , and I also know it's not necessary to lie. Now, can we talk about the delights of being truthful :-) ?

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Post #: 86

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 7:08:08 PM

IdiotMale

Posts: 132
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

I would personally allow and even encourage my partner or ower to cheat on me if she wished.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 87

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 7:10:07 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

If you say "I allow you to lie", you are taking away the essential nature of the lie. It seems clever, if it gets you off to be on tenderhooks all the time.

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Post #: 88

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 7:27:49 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

It's up to the individual. Once again, it's interesting how my recent comment on fidelity has turned into yet another discussion on the nature of its opposite.

Looks as though we can't get away from that one.

Basically, I don't like cheating, because I've done it, and I've grown from that particular modus operandi. I know where it stems from (insecurity, immaturity, fear of admitting something's wrong with the initial 'relationship' - fuck I hate that word) , and I also know it's not necessary to lie. Now, can we talk about the delights of being truthful :-) ?

kitten, "the delights of being truthful" is one of the, and perhaps the, most important things that have drawn me to the "BDSM lifestyle" ( sorry, I'm not crazy about that label, either. ).

That's not to say that it can't be done in a :"vanilla" relationship ( don't care for that one either ),but, it seems, in my experience, that somehow folks seem to be more honest and truthful with each other. Maybe it's an evolution for some as a result of experience. Maybe it's a result of some deeper inner work and soul searching, I don't know. And maybe I'm completely wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. That's just the way it seems to me. And, yes, I agree, it is delightful.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 89

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 7:35:06 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Truthfulness is sexually pleasing.

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Post #: 90

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 8:23:37 PM

LadyRainfire

Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

What do I get, what do I get?

Just close your eyes and reach into the grab bag, darlin'.

*evil grin*

*snorts*

That ain't no bag, that's your pants, cjan....

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 91

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 8:33:37 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IdiotMale

I would personally allow and even encourage my partner or ower to cheat on me if she wished.

i think "cheating" implies no prior knowledge....roleplay involving cheating cuckolding, or poly relationships are different from lying, fooling around, all the stuff that cheating entails.

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 92

RE: Fidelity - 5/20/2008 8:39:00 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

Tenterhooks

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 93

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 7:48:55 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

What do I get, what do I get?

Just close your eyes and reach into the grab bag, darlin'.

*evil grin*

*snorts*

That ain't no bag, that's your pants, cjan....

I see you've been there, done that, LRF. But, but, but...they are baggy pants...very fashionable these days.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to LadyRainfire)

Post #: 94

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 8:39:36 AM

LadyRainfire

Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

I know all about them, cjan. I have 3 teen monsters. One of them just has to have have his pants falling off. I can't stand them. *sighs* What I would do for him to learn about the clasic elegance of a good tailored look or even Dockers.

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 95

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 8:43:19 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

LadyRain...do you remember when we were teenagers and we dressed in the latest style and our mothers told us how silly we looked? I hate to admit it....but sheeeeesh...they were so right!!!

Some day the same realization is going to hit young Droopy-Pants.........

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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

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Post #: 96

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 8:58:25 AM

LadyRainfire

Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

Oh goodness don't remind me, holly. I'm old enough to remember the height of fashion of the golden age of disco with satin and polyester with dripping chains, scary makeup and Farrah Fawcett hairdo's. I would have killed to make my hair do that.... But mine was, and is, too thick, coarse and wavy/curly too do it.

And when monster Droopy Pants looks back and realizes this same thing, I'm just going to sit back and laugh my ass off!

*edited to correct "Droppy Pants" to Droopy Pants - thought Droppy Pants makes sense too*

< Message edited by LadyRainfire -- 5/21/2008 8:59:50 AM >

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 97

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 9:08:27 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

they don't realize it, but us parents LIVE for the "I told you so!" moments...

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to LadyRainfire)

Post #: 98

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 10:16:34 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

The reason is that women know who the father of their children is.

Obviously they don't watch the Maury Povich show, do they? Paternity testing is the subject almost every single day, and they often go through several "potential baby daddy" types and still don't find the one who actually fertilized the egg.

Being trashy and classless is a way of life for many people, so fidelity isn't likely a word in their vocabulary.

*wanders off to the first page of the thread to start reading from there*

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 99

RE: Fidelity - 5/21/2008 12:41:07 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

Oh goodness don't remind me, holly. I'm old enough to remember the height of fashion of the golden age of disco with satin and polyester with dripping chains, scary makeup and Farrah Fawcett hairdo's. I would have killed to make my hair do that.... But mine was, and is, too thick, coarse and wavy/curly too do it.

And when monster Droopy Pants looks back and realizes this same thing, I'm just going to sit back and laugh my ass off!

*edited to correct "Droppy Pants" to Droopy Pants - thought Droppy Pants makes sense too*

I loved my jean vest with the silver ribbing. I looked Hawt!

My Sir told me a story about how his son who was in high school at the time borrowed a custom tailored suit to wear to a Holloween party(ya know, dress like a gangsta). The next day he said, "Dad, I think I want to upgrade my look." You see, he had never had as much attention from girls as when he was wearing that suit. So he switched to polos and dockers from the baggy look.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 5/21/2008 12:45:05 PM >

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Post #: 100

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