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DominantJenny -> RE: How do you know U R submissive? (5/22/2008 5:44:43 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: takemepleaseme
Clearly I am new to this, I have been told I am submissive, but I don't feel that way. I sometimes feel mean and bossy in bed, and I love dirty talk. Can some of you who are experienced in this area give me some insight into what makes a sub and what makes a dom? Can a woman who is independent still be a submissive?
It's how you feel that matters.
I'm a dominant; I like to take charge and be in control. I'm a sadist; I like to say and do things that are typically considered nasty and mean, mostly causing someone pain. I also enjoy causing a certain degree of humiliation. Sadism is a sexual thing for me. The dominance runs through my life, in the bedroom and out.
No one told me any of this; it was obvious to me from the start. Some people aren't so lucky.
A submissive typically prefers to surrender to an authority they respect, to give up control to that person and obey him or her. A submissive who is independent is often highly valued; many dominants prefer someone who chooses to submit rather than someone who "has" to. How that independence is managed is between the people involved. A masochist translates pain into pleasure or likes pain; sometimes they like humiliation, sometimes they don't. (Sometimes a submissive likes humiliation and not pain, or doesn't like either.)
There are switches who like all or some of both sides of the coin at different times and/or with different people.
These things can be strictly sexual, can be strictly non-sexual, and anything in between.
It is more than possible to be none of these things as well; evidence to dates suggest we who are are in the minority.
My general caveat is, in a patriarchal society (which pretty much everyone who might be reading this lives in), it is wise to doubly question whether one is simply following one of the society's standardly proscribed roles, that is, whether one is being a submissive female or a dominant male because that is what society has trained them is appropriate or whether it is a genuine orientation for that person. Generally, if you are going against society, you can be fairly sure it's of your own natural inclination (barring life experiences that might alter that, such as growing up in an unusual household, etc.), but it happens that people rebel against society and their own natures at the same time, though, in my experience, that's less common that conforming to society and denying one's own nature, which is why the caveat as I've written it.
Now that I've gotten way too wordy; don't listen to what someone else tells you, listen to what comes from inside you.
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