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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 6:53:11 PM

GreedyTop

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*smooch*

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 7:54:06 PM

Sundowner

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

.....No one's fault, really, it just seems to be the way the process plays out. Our fantasies, hopes and expectations may be too unrealistic and too much to expect a real person to live up to.

Secondly, In my experience, it takes a great deal of time spent together to really get to know someone. ...

We recognized this, communicated clearly and often, but, somehow, it didn't work out, no matter how much we both wanted it to. ...

If a relationship fails it's not necessarily anybody's fault.

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 7:55:51 PM

cjan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That CJ is pretty smart. And he's a *guy*. Dang!

Until he drops trou' for me personally...the verdict is out. i mean a chick could fake that sexy voice...i need physical evidence.
~CSI slut

Can't you hear my balls clanging together as I walk about while we chat on the phone ? Sheesh...

< Message edited by cjan -- 5/23/2008 7:56:17 PM >

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Post #: 63

RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 7:56:21 PM

Sundowner

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Hah! Enough of this sloppy love-fest, he cries. Time to face the cruel harsh reality GT.

The reasons are clear.

You must be an un-hot person.

(Fuck. I've met you. You're not un-hot. You're hot as something really hot. Back to square one).

OK. So you must have a vile personality, or at least a fairly unpleasant one. (Shit. I remember now. You're actually rather cool. Ppl like you. My blondestar liked you instantly.)

Hah! I have it. You're a lesbian. (Woops. Didn't think that one through. OK, so you like girls lots but at most you're bi. Not a relationship killer and you wouldn't actually be in this shit if you didn't fancy men too).

So you must have poor conversational skills. (Oh fuck - again. I chat to you endlessly. You rock).

Alright; your chat's good but you must be crap in bed. (Bugger. I've not been there with you (the sex thing). But you do have a distinctly sexy manner in the bedroom, and I have actually been in a bedroom with you! Anyway, even if you were hopeless in bed most blokes like the opportunity to tutor their girl if it's needed. Not a relationship killer.)

Got it. You didn't bother to work at the relationship; you weren't sensitive to his needs. (Oh tish and pooh. I remember now; you specifically took pains to listen and to adjust to what he wanted. Another one off the list. This is getting tedious).

Body odour? No - I've kissed you. Poor kisser? No - see earlier remark (even though it was extremely chaste!).

Tendency to drunkenness? Hah! We may have hit paydirt here. I've seen you pissed as a newt in a distinctly superior restaurant while our drunken friend chatted up a waiter and you two threw drinks at each other. Or thereabouts. (Naaah. It doesn't compute. You're fun when you've had a couple).

Yippeee!!!! I've got it!!! The waiter evening brings it all back! You are fucking useless at dealing with smoke alarms! And this I know from direct personal experience. I should have worked it out sooner (and so should you).

See how easy it is when one simply adopts a cold, heartless logical approach to a problem?

I'm right aren't I? With your previous paramours, and with the English git, you - at some time in the relationship - fucked up a smoke alarm emergency?

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 7:56:26 PM

LadyHibiscus

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This has been just a damn useful thread...... I HOPE we have made our divine GT feel better, but I know that everyone has given me lots to think about too, and considering the week I have had, I needed the input!

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:01:00 PM

GreedyTop

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Sundowner... I do so truly adore you :)
(damn.. now it's out there for all to see, and I can't deny I've ever said it....)

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:03:35 PM

Sundowner

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Aaaww GT <blushes demurely> it was nothing. Cali would have got there too and worked it out after meeting you in July (she just hadn't had the clue in front of her before).

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Post #: 67

RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:05:29 PM

GreedyTop

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*makes note to steer clear of places with smoke detectors*

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Post #: 68

RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:10:13 PM

Owner59

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You`re young,good looking with lots of love to enjoy in the future.

I know it sucks.We`re hard wired to have it suck.But if he wasn`t happy and into you,you`re better off without him.

One door closes,another(or more) door opens.

Mourn the loss and get centered again so you`ll be ready when Mr.Right comes along.

You`ll always have our love,GT.

< Message edited by Owner59 -- 5/23/2008 8:23:58 PM >

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:17:31 PM

slaveboyforyou

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Well I wouldn't feel too bad about it. I seem to have a knack for picking the craziest, most dysfunctional women in the world. I know it's my own doing. I am actually attracted to women that are possessive, confrontational, and crazy. Women like that are a lot of fun. But it never lasts, and when it ends...it ends badly. My last "serious" relationship was with a woman that left her SO of 6 years to be with me. She actually moved 900 miles to come here. All of that should have told me something, but it didn't. She had 3 UMs, who all had different fathers. She had a really good sob story explanation for that, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker. She and her youngest son were both on medication for bipolar disorder. Her mother barely knew her, because she had been in and out of prison. All of that should have put up red flags, but it didn't. It made me feel important to be there for her.

In the middle of our relationship, I found out her credit was beyond fucked. She never held on to a job for longer than a few months. She cheated on me twice that I know of. I suspect there were more that I didn't know about. But, I didn't leave. On one of the occasions she cheated on me, she told me her grandmother died to get out of the date we planned. When I finally came to my senses and decided to get out of that mess, she stole 800 dollars from me. I had to take her to court, and I still haven't got the money back. Soon after that, she was arrested for felony check fraud.

She is just one of the many losers that I have allowed in my life. So don't feel bad, you're not the only one.

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:25:17 PM

Owner59

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Man!Slaveboy,she must have had a nice ass,to put up with that shit.

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:30:04 PM

Lordandmaster

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It's probably not the same thing that's going wrong, and the common denominator is not you. The only attitude you can take (well, at least the only one that will preserve your sanity) is that a failed relationship is like a miscarriage. It couldn't have come to term anyway, so it's a blessing in disguise that it terminated prematurely. And remember that each failed relationship will only help you appreciate a good one when it rolls around. Lick your wounds, eat a little chocolate, then learn from your mistakes and move on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Obviously, the common denom is me. I have been trying to figure out what it is that causes this to happen. This one said I was too clingy.. even after I all but ceased communication. The last one turned into a stalker (ok, THAT wasnt me..LOL). The last LTR I had the guy broke up with me via email (after living together for 5 yrs) because he had replaced me (the bitch was there the day I moved my stuff out, but she was hiding.. chickenshit cunt).

Ok, ignore me, I'm drunk.

Actually, I guess what I am asking is HOW THE HELL do you figure out what it IS that keeps going wrong??

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:33:11 PM

slaveboyforyou

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quote:

Man!Slaveboy,she must have had a nice ass,to put up with that shit.

She was attractive, but that wasn't what did it for me. I can get attractive women. I could sit up in bed and talk to her all night and not be bored. If we went to the grocery store, it was an adventure. I gauge women on their ability to do that, and their ability to call me on my bullshit. Otherwise, they are boring pushovers and wastes of my time. I don't pick women that are safe, and unfortunately that has all the ingredients for a dysfunctional relationship.

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 8:41:26 PM

subfever

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quote:

a lap full of CAT

There's the problem! ...

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 9:09:36 PM

kdsub

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If you try to change" YOU "so you can suit others then you will never be happy anyway....Just be true to yourself and if a life match comes along you can both be happy. If not... just rejoice in the search and the belief someone out there is looking for you.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 5/23/2008 9:10:35 PM >

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 9:36:33 PM

clevername2

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There is nothing wrong with you. There is something about conflict that serves a need, rewarding the habit of pushing away from those whose promise of conflict draws you in the first place. Every human being manifests the same beavioral prinicples. You could study it, seek counsel about it, see it and understand it, decide what else you want, or if once seeing it clear, you claim it. There is nothing wrong with you that is not wrong with the species. We all stand the same height, breathe the same air, stand exactly over the center of the Earth. Ideas need not be taken too seriously; they are subject to revison. The pen is in your own hand writing your life story. People are usually afraid to be worthy of boundless love, afraid that to speak up is to invite condemnation, punishment. Not afraid like shy, or shaking, but through their soul, as the main thing. Keeping apart from everyone and granting access only under special circumstances, if conditions are met, to one who they believe they can trust not to love them that deep but just not to hurt them too bad. It would be tragic if one person alone was like this and the rest off happy skipping painless. But everyone is like this; it is the human condition. There is nothing wrong with us. We can study it or we can let the quiet voice of intution guide us with simple reminders, believing in love to be the answer, finding it in the eyes of the people we meet, by not looking away too soon. It's sad to lose someone for wanting them.

< Message edited by clevername2 -- 5/23/2008 9:38:37 PM >

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RE: Common denominator - 5/23/2008 10:12:04 PM

GreedyTop

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thank you all.. you've all been so kind, and so wise.. I really appreciate the advice, questions, and support, more than I can ever begin to express...

*group hug.. with gropes as appropriate*

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RE: Common denominator - 5/24/2008 11:16:02 AM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

<blushes demurely>

....you called???

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