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TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 5:39:52 PM   
subsdmn


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I was talking with a Domme friend of mine and we were talking about TPE relationships.  She has been in the lifestyle for some time now and stated that it is very rare to have a TPE relationship with anyone due to compatibility issues, energy, time as well as other factors.  Do any of you agree or disagree?  Has anyone been in a TPE relationship or are in one that is sucessful? 
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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 5:51:06 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsdmn

I was talking with a Domme friend of mine and we were talking about TPE relationships.  She has been in the lifestyle for some time now and stated that it is very rare to have a TPE relationship with anyone due to compatibility issues, energy, time as well as other factors.  Do any of you agree or disagree?  Has anyone been in a TPE relationship or are in one that is sucessful? 


1. The party in authority needs to have a pretty well grounded and realistic attitude. Most seem to be off in some odd fantasy land, and don't really have thier acts together.

2. Provided condition one is ever met (which is indeed rare) the party submitting has to be competent to follow, and eager to keep up.

3. It's not all about sex and fetishes-most of it involves dedication to a well crafted and continually evolving program, and hard work.

No guts-no glory.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to subsdmn)
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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 5:55:51 PM   
JohnWarren


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From: Delray Beach, FL
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This has been hashed over and over again here. The best thing for you to do is simply to a subject search on "TPE"

Pick a day when you don't have much to do

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 6:04:36 PM   
ThundersCry


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Great input...Thanks
 
I was thinking about this today after reading a profile...
 
I believe both parties have to have a real hunger for...*it*.
 
I agree...it takes alot work and effort on both sides, and I do believe the rewards can be....priceless...

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 6:05:51 PM   
ThundersCry


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And to think I had pen and paper ready when I had observed you had posted here!
 
Always another time...

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 6:26:27 PM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

1. The party in authority needs to have a pretty well grounded and realistic attitude. Most seem to be off in some odd fantasy land, and don't really have thier acts together.

2. Provided condition one is ever met (which is indeed rare) the party submitting has to be competent to follow, and eager to keep up.

3. It's not all about sex and fetishes-most of it involves dedication to a well crafted and continually evolving program, and hard work.

No guts-no glory.

______________



L, Very well put!

CP

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 7:06:26 PM   
JohnWarren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

And to think I had pen and paper ready when I had observed you had posted here!
 
Always another time...


I can't be brilliant all the time... besides I was afraid of raising the ghost of Jon Jacobs

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 8:07:39 PM   
ResidentSadist


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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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From yesterday ... and long ago at the same time: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression?  
Of note, Lucky points out some views on authority transfer and you will even find John Warren in the replies there as well. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FYI: TPE - Davis & Jacobs (Wiki)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<-- my opinion, yes TPE is possible by my experience.  Unfortunately many, including me, have used the term ‘ownership’ while talking about it instead of ‘authority transfer’.  It muddles the reality of it because ownership isn’t legal.  To speak in absolutes and leave any role play out of it:

M
y dog is my slave.  I own my dog.  I have a receipt and I can prove it.  I am legally responsible for my dog’s actions. 

I am not my partner’s owner.  The most control I can get that covers my partner is guardianship papers and a power of attorney.  At best I can be their guardian and legally have authority over them.  I can even be Master of my house and she can be my slave in the second definition of it as in “a slave to a drug”.  But I can’t really be her owner.

Like SSC, TPE is not the best acronym to describe the intent of the phrase but it is all we have right now. 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.


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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/23/2008 11:19:05 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsdmn

I was talking with a Domme friend of mine and we were talking about TPE relationships.  She has been in the lifestyle for some time now and stated that it is very rare to have a TPE relationship with anyone due to compatibility issues, energy, time as well as other factors.  Do any of you agree or disagree?  Has anyone been in a TPE relationship or are in one that is sucessful? 

This is my personal opinion and perspective. 
 
Is it possible to be in a live-in, long-term, committed relationship, where one person is in the position of power in that relationship and the other is under the control of the other?  Sure.  Why not?  People can make their relationship anything they want, with as many partners in it as they want, with whatever power (decision-making) structure they want, with whatever rules and privileges they want.  It's up to the people involved in that relationship to decide how they want to live.  And, they can refer to it with whatever term they choose.
 
Does everyone define TPE the same way?  No.  But, this describes my relationship with my Master and, He and i consider our relationship to be structured on the principle of Total Power Exchange and our relationship has been working successfully this way for over 2 1/2 years, and counting. 
 
There are some people who reject the idea of TPE relationships, all together.  That's their personal opinion.  There are many different opinions about it.  Some people don't like the term, "Total Power Exchange" and they choose to use the term, "Ultimate Authority Transfer" or something else. 
 
There are no universal absolutes about intimate relationships.  Each and every relationship is unique, even if there might be some similarities or common traits with other relationships.  Ask 100 married couples what defines Marriage and you are likely to get many different answers.  Ask 100 parents what defines Parenting and, again, there are likely to be many different answers.  Are they all wrong, simply because they don't agree with each other?  No.  Are they all right, even though they are not in agreement with each other?  Yes, they are right for their own particular situation.  Defining our intimate relationships is totally subjective and based on each person's own perspective.
 
If you are wanting to get one universal definition for TPE, that's not likely to happen.  If you are wanting opinions about what defines TPE, no doubt, you can get plenty of them.  If you are just curious, you can read a lot of different opinions about TPE.  If you are looking to possibly have a TPE relationship, decide for yourself what you would like to get from such a relationship and why.  Then, talk with whomever you are considering such a relationship with to find out how they define TPE and what they are looking to get from it.  After all, when it comes to defining relationships, it's really only the definitions of the people in the relationship that matters, because you are the one's who are living it.  Everyone else's definition might be interesting to learn about and might give you some food for thought but, when it comes right down to it, you define who you are and you define (with your partner) what your relationship is.
 
More about TPE can be found in the following threads:

TPE relationships (help me understand)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1363037/mpage_3/key_tpe/tm.htm#1373093

What does TPE mean to you? 
http://www.collarchat.com/m_972157/mpage_1/key_tpe/tm.htm#972661

TPE = Totally Pointless Expression?
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1870127

Oh, and by the way, there are all sorts of different types of property, including animate and inanimate objects.  And, not all property has the same purpose or the same value.  Being the property of another, while not legally enforceable, is, again, up to the people involved in that relationship and, what that means is up to them, as well.  There are people who reject the notion of a person being the property of another.  That's their personal view.  It's not universally true for all.
 
As for me, i am not treated like a dog or like any other type of property.  i am treated like the unique and irreplaceable property that i am.  i own a dog and my dog is not my slave.  i am more like a slave to my dog.  She does her best to dominate me every chance she gets.  Luckily, my Master is bigger, stronger and meaner than she is and He is the only one allowed to dominate me so, He makes certain that she doesn't get away with that sort of stuff (except when He's enjoying the show, that is).

As i said, this is my personal opinion and perspective, based on my own unique life experience.  While TPE relationships may or may not be rare, one thing i am certain, after having been involved in several D/s-type and BD/SM relationships since 1977, this is the first and only time i have ever experienced a relationship built on and operated under a Total Power Exchange approach.  And, it's working great for me and my Master.  It is also not a rigid or static relationship.  There is flexibility built-in that, at my Master's discretion, allows for changes to be made to deal with the fluid and changeable nature that is a part of everyday life.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/24/2008 3:26:43 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


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First and foremost, TPE is not all sex and kink.  Yes, it can happen.

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/24/2008 3:49:44 AM   
ProtagonistLily


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I agree with the above poster. Hell, most relationships aren't all sex and kink. Relationships are a lot more than just rack time.

I think Slavegirl Joy hit it when she said "People can make their relationship anything they want" which is fairly all encompassing.

The TPE "problem" is when fantasy and reality collide. I'm not saying that you can't make your fantasy TPE a reality; but when you are talking about getting 2 people on the same page with a fantasy, you can run into problems.

I'm in a TPE relationship. He consults my opinion, but in the end, he has the final say. He doesn't lead me around on a leash and treat me like a bubble head. If he did, we wouldn't be together. He wanted someone with a brain, and he got it. But ultimately, he has the final say. In everything.

He doesn't tell me what to wear to work, what to eat, what to think, what to say. But, if I wear something weird, start eating strangely, start saying things that are offensive or innappropriate - he's not afraid to exercize his control and bring me back to center. And that's how I see TPE.

I'm a lot of things, and sometimes, I misbehave. TPE means he's not afraid to point it out, and let me know that I'm out of line. And then it's incumbant on me to get back in line.

So, TPE exists, and it's out there and being practiced. I'm just not sure that the fantasy of TPE and the reality of TPE are 2 in the same.

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/24/2008 11:06:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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This has come up around me a lot lately- do people really think this is so rare and impossible?  Maybe my perspective is skewed, but I see it happening successfully all over.

Granted, MORE often I see it not working, but that's true of every form of human relationship right now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/24/2008 12:16:33 PM   
moki1984


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it is very rare to find a true TPE 24/7 relationship in this lifestyle now a days, but to those who have that much trust and compatibility, props to you

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/24/2008 1:35:23 PM   
ThundersCry


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Sure ya can...
 
Like send me a signed edition of your book...
 
Thats a brilliant...*idea*!
 
Just kidding...kinda...
 
Enjoy the long weekend...

(in reply to JohnWarren)
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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/24/2008 4:58:23 PM   
slavegirljoy


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From: North Carolina, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

I agree with the above poster. Hell, most relationships aren't all sex and kink. Relationships are a lot more than just rack time.

I think Slavegirl Joy hit it when she said "People can make their relationship anything they want" which is fairly all encompassing.

This isn't some new idea, is it?  Maybe because i grew up during the "do your own thing" age, it just always seemed to me that people could choose to make their relationship any way they wanted and not have to stick to some sort of 'standard format'.

quote:

The TPE "problem" is when fantasy and reality collide. I'm not saying that you can't make your fantasy TPE a reality; but when you are talking about getting 2 people on the same page with a fantasy, you can run into problems.

It seems to me, that when the ideas of what someone thinks their relationship should be is so rigid that there is little or no flexibility for what might be and what will be (thanks to life making sure that the unexpected happens when least expected), that's when problems can arise.  After all, life doesn't really care how you define your relationship and, no matter how good your plans are, life happens and that can really mess up some good plans. 

quote:

I'm in a TPE relationship.

there are others.....

quote:

I'm a lot of things, and sometimes, I misbehave. TPE means he's not afraid to point it out, and let me know that I'm out of line. And then it's incumbant on me to get back in line.

Same here and, He is able to put me back on track very easily and without too much effort on either His or my part, because i don't pout, whine, complain, argue, or try to manipulate my way out of it.  He keeps me where i belong and, that's what i need and, i appreciate that He does that for me.

quote:

I'm just not sure that the fantasy of TPE and the reality of TPE are 2 in the same.

That depends on what the fantasy is.  As for me and my Master, our fantasy has become our reality (minus the addition of one more female to join us) and, it really isn't as hard as some people might think.  Then again, other people would probably think that mine and my Master's fantasy is pretty dull.  But, it works well for us.  And, He and i are everything that each of us was looking for, to build a 24/7 TPE M/s relationship with and, we had the same vision on what that meant and, we have been able to adapt, when necessary, to the fluctuations that life brings about.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/26/2008 12:19:35 AM   
DaintyDemure


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Yes we are and yes it can be successful. If you both really enjoy this type of relationship and are willing to commit time and energy to it and are compatible with each other it will work out. Just like any type of relationship: The more you put in to it the more you get out of it.

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/26/2008 2:02:59 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


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Please read or reread posts by ProtagonistLily, SlaveGirlJoy and LuckyAlbatross..

TPE is not all about Sex and Kink.  Not some mental mind fuck fantasy of having some Girl Chained to the Kitchen Sink living off dog food 24/7, or having somebody locked away in a cage in a basement.

I laugh at how many people have this fantasy misconception that TPE is centered around imprisonment.   Imprisonment and TPE should not be confused with one another.   This is just the first of many fantasy misconceptions.

The second misconception, is what I call the over objectfication of a human being!Back to a Dog is Dog, A Chair is a Chair, a human being is a human being type of stuff.  I don't care how much she acts like a dog, tries to think like a dog, she's still not a friggen dog.

Damn, I'm so glad I did TPE before the internet explosion hit.  I read things online and I find myself rolling my eyes at times.   A lot of Fantasies and Fears being tossed around left and right with reality getting lost in the middle of things.

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/27/2008 3:53:41 PM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

The second misconception, is what I call the over objectfication of a human being!Back to a Dog is Dog, A Chair is a Chair, a human being is a human being type of stuff.  I don't care how much she acts like a dog, tries to think like a dog, she's still not a friggen dog.

No matter how hard she tries?  Really?  [trying to play the naive part]
 
It's funny (sad?) (scary?) to think that some people actually need to be told that. 
 
Some people seem to have a mental block against ever being able to see 'property' as anything other than a thing (object) or seeing a 'slave' as anything other than forced labor, branded with a number, secured with a heavy chain and having no ability to exercise free will or free thought of their own.  And, as such, they can't see the possibility that a TPE M/s relationship is possible or even desirable for anyone to have.

quote:

Damn, I'm so glad I did TPE before the internet explosion hit.  I read things online and I find myself rolling my eyes at times.   A lot of Fantasies and Fears being tossed around left and right with reality getting lost in the middle of things.

And, i am so glad that i learned how to be in a relationship before getting into BD/SM or D/s or coming onto the internet.  To me, it doesn't matter if it's TPE or D/s or poly or 'traditional', it's still about a girl and a guy (or, a girl and a girl or a guy and a guy or a girl and a girl and a guy......) getting together for the purpose of building a relationship together in whatever manner they happen to choose, without having to follow a 'standard format' or having to meet anyone else's criteria on what a relationship should be. 

After all, one person's fantasy can often be another person's reality.  Just look at Hugh Hefner, living with his "harem" of young, bosomy blondes.  Many men (and women) might consider that to be nothing but a fantasy but, the reality is that his poly lifestyle is well-known and seems to be accepted by the majority of mainstream society. 
 
joy
Owned (fantasy to some, real to me) servant of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 5/27/2008 4:02:38 PM >

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/27/2008 4:22:10 PM   
metalmiss


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Sure its rare to find somebody suited to TPE - compatible partners are hard enough to come by before you even start thinking of how hard it would be to find somebody compatible to that extent.

But it IS possible. i live a 24/7 TPE lifestyle with my Master. Sure time and energy can sometimes be a restraining factor, but when it's what you are that isn't necessarily a problem.
If you consider how you imagine TPE to work, and then make it realistic..
Take away the notion of spending your whole life chained to a bed or naked, vulnerable at the mercy of you Owner & replace it with real life.. Put in time for working, chores, friends, family.. Then add to that the strong driving undercurrent of a Dynamic. This is real life TPE and yes it does work, very, very well.. Its just a case of cracking the compatibility issue for the long term in my opinion.


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

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RE: TPE Is It Possible? - 5/29/2008 11:28:54 AM   
SireKane


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I've lived in a 24/7 TPE relationship for almost 13 years.

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