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RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 7:25:28 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

Yeah, it does kind of matter.  It's a sore spot for me too, only for different reasons.  Truth in advertising.  I understand exactly what the OP is saying.  Look at the profiles of women who advertise themselves as slaves on here.  Hell, just look at those that call themselves submissive, 90% are anything but.  Most are pretty blunt and many vicious, telling exactly how you should dominate them, what you should like, the income level you should have, and how you should treat them when you're not dominating them.  Thank God I like dominant women, at least I know what I'm getting upfront. 


Well, if you don't know what THEY like, and if THEY don't put their wants/needs out there, how the f are the two of you going to get along? It's going to come up at some point, I'd think right away would be good enough just to stop wasting time.

As far as the doormat thing goes, I'd think paracite would be a better word. They don't mean that they aren't submissive, they mean that they aren't going to lay their like a wet towel and make you do all the work.



Yeah, I regretted that last post the minute I hit the OK button.  It wasn't well thought out or well-worded.  My apologies.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 7:46:10 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation



quote:

This is a lot of qualifying and rationalizing but the fact is you are a slave or not a slave.

And in my relationships there are only two people who have the right to decide if i am a slave or not. The definition of my Sir and myself are the only ones that count in my personal relationship.
 
quote:

 You can make up your own definitions for the term but go to any dictionary and there is only one. 

Every dictionary will have a differently worded version of the term slave.




1.
a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant.



2.
a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person: a slave to a drug.



3.
a drudge: a housekeeping slave.
According to dictionary.com
Now where does it say that due to being an asthma sufferer i still have to indulge in play that is detrimental to my health? Where does it say that i have to be a door mat? (term according to personal defintion of course)?

quote:

 Yes, if you are a slave you are a doormat, or any other thing your Owner wants you to be.

Really? According to whos definition of doormat? Yours? Well im sorry but your definition really doesnt count in my relationships.
 
quote:

 While you may have a "mind of your own" it is always subordinate to your Owner's will.  Anything less is not a slave, by definition.

Really? No exceptions? What if my owners will becomes abusive (possible)?
Again by whose definition am i not a slave? Yours? Well as i said before your definition really doesnt count in my personal relationships.

quote:

I've struggled with this myself.  I've lost someone I loved to serve.  While I'm been given the opportunity to return I've struggled with the sacrifices I would have to make. 

I hope this goes well for you.

quote:

Bottom line is you're not a slave "except when" or "but if", a slave, by definition, doesn't have that right. 

Your bottom line not mine. Your definition not mine.  


 


Well that's fine.  I can call myself Asian-American but I'm pretty sure once people see me they'll notice I'm white.  The definitions you posted use different wording but all have the same meaning.  I stand by my original argument.  A slave, by even the definitions you yourself posted, is "wholly subject to another".


Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This
whol·ly  

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Audio Help   /ˈhoʊli, ˈhoʊlli/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hoh-lee, hohl-lee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adverb



1.
entirely; totally; altogether; quite.



2.
to the whole amount, extent, etc.



3.
so as to comprise or involve all.


[Origin: 1250–1300; ME holliche. See whole, -ly]



Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

You can qualify it all you want with "what if's" and "really" but there is only one definition for the term. 

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 7:52:10 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		This is bdsm. There is no one true way. There is no rule book, no absolute manual for Masters and Doms, no absolute manual for slaves and submissives. It is about what works for the people in the relationship and is no one else's place to label and define how others are or should be, bottom line.

_____________________________

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 7:55:17 AM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		I won't spend a lot of time on the submissive vs slave aspect of the conversation. I'll just say what many others have said before: If you think you're a slave, you're a slave. If you think you're a submissive, you're submissive. It has nothing at all to do with the "dictionary definition", limits vs no limits etc.

For me, presentation is 75% of your score. I understand people deal with a lot of BS during the search for a suitable mate or dinner companion. I've had my fair share of bad experiences. But if 90% my profile goes on and on about that, I look like a whiney little girl or a self centered bastard. While I admit I am a self centered bastard, I prefer my partners not discover that until they are safely secured to the bed.

I will typically respond "i'm not a doormat" thusly: "I am not interested in wiping my feet on you. However, wiping my mouth on your breasts after eating a mouthful of spaghetti with extra sauce really gets my motor running."
 
Seriously - I drive by profiles which are mostly negative - too much bad mojo to disturb my chi. So when I see "Why does it seem 99% of the dominates here are wannabes?" I take away another 20 points for spelling and move on. There are far too many happy grown ups out here to allow my day to be ruined by the few bitter ones.

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 8:08:18 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		what's wrong stating "i'm submissive and not a doormat" in a profile? 

from a male pov, you have NO clue about what we as women go through here. you don't see or read the crap that's typically sent to a slave's/submissive's inbox/bulk mail. wannabes and wankers with their "on your knees now, bitch, suck my cock and call me Master" to "i have this fantasy of you being naked and chained so i can fuck you all day/night long ...what do you think?" messages (and this is the tamer stuff - i'm sure others can tell you some that were crude and downright disgusting) to scammers and their marriage proposals.  sometimes we need to have a nasty attitude in our profiles to separate the weeds from the flowers. 

so yes, it's like Burger King and we do have a right to demand to have it our way when searching for a potential dominant/master. we shouldn't have to settle for anything/anyone less if they're not compatible to us. we, believe it or not, have the control until at such time are willing to submit that control to you. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to SirromancerX)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 8:11:15 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

This is bdsm. There is no one true way. There is no rule book, no absolute manual for Masters and Doms, no absolute manual for slaves and submissives. It is about what works for the people in the relationship and is no one else's place to label and define how others are or should be, bottom line.


I agree.  There is, however, an absolute manual for the English language called a dictionary.  If every term is subject to everyone's own interpretation doesn't the value of the word get lost? 

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 8:24:46 AM   
Tygra


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

what's wrong stating "i'm submissive and not a doormat" in a profile? 

from a male pov, you have NO clue about what we as women go through here. you don't see or read the crap that's typically sent to a slave's/submissive's inbox/bulk mail. wannabes and wankers with their "on your knees now, bitch, suck my cock and call me Master" to "i have this fantasy of you being naked and chained so i can fuck you all day/night long ...what do you think?" messages (and this is the tamer stuff - i'm sure others can tell you some that were crude and downright disgusting) to scammers and their marriage proposals.  sometimes we need to have a nasty attitude in our profiles to separate the weeds from the flowers. 

so yes, it's like Burger King and we do have a right to demand to have it our way when searching for a potential dominant/master. we shouldn't have to settle for anything/anyone less if they're not compatible to us. we, believe it or not, have the control until at such time are willing to submit that control to you. 

I totally agree with you!!!


_____________________________


---------------------------------------------------------------
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(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 8:52:08 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		It is not  enforced slavery ...we are dealing with  consentual slavery  and that means the right to determine the level of authority transfer one  wishes to submit to  in a relationship that is agreable to both parties.  

_____________________________

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(in reply to Tygra)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:12:50 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds to me that the OP wants a true definition of slave, and everyone to adhere to it. Like that is ever going to happen! We as humans are imprecise, absent-minded, improvisational and generally not set in concrete, and everything associated with us in in a similar state of flux and growth. If you don't believe me, check out how many new words have been added to the dictionary this year.

Words meanings change , we change, life changes - heck , even glass flows. Just because we can't see the ongoing process, doesn't mean its not happening.

And as for the profiles - if someone is adamant about not being a doormat - ask them why. I would be willing to bet that there is a really good reason, and an unpleasant story behind it.

(in reply to SirromancerX)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:13:15 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

This is bdsm. There is no one true way. There is no rule book, no absolute manual for Masters and Doms, no absolute manual for slaves and submissives. It is about what works for the people in the relationship and is no one else's place to label and define how others are or should be, bottom line.


I agree.  There is, however, an absolute manual for the English language called a dictionary.  If every term is subject to everyone's own interpretation doesn't the value of the word get lost? 



The basic general (not absolute) meaning is a base for the terms and the wider or deeper or fuller definition is determined by those in the relationship. If someone says they are a Dominant then most are going to have a general idea of what they mean. The rest is defined by the person.

The terms sadist and masochist are not generally defined within bdsm as they are elsewhere. The basic part is the starting point, but if you go by the dictionary or psychiatric definitions then most of those who identify as a sadist aren't really sadists and the same with masochists.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:19:02 AM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

For me, presentation is 75% of your score. I understand people deal with a lot of BS during the search for a suitable mate or dinner companion. I've had my fair share of bad experiences. But if 90% my profile goes on and on about that, I look like a whiney little girl or a self centered bastard. While I admit I am a self centered bastard, I prefer my partners not discover that until they are safely secured to the bed.
(...)
Seriously - I drive by profiles which are mostly negative - too much bad mojo to disturb my chi. So when I see "Why does it seem 99% of the dominates here are wannabes?" I take away another 20 points for spelling and move on. There are far too many happy grown ups out here to allow my day to be ruined by the few bitter ones.


I experience it much the same way. If there is too much of a negative slant in a profile, it simply puts me off. Your first impression of someone means a lot. When you first meet someone in real life, you don't start out by telling them about everything that you're not or what you don't want, for heavens sake - same thing should apply when writing a profile. Being addressed as a 'potential idiot' is truly annoying (would you believe?) - I do understand that a lot of submissives feel a need to ward off a lot of crap, but sometimes it's hard to say whether it's about that or simply about attitude. - There is a journal option also, and I think that can be a better place to address the typical issues related to negative online experiences - that way the profile can focus on what most people really want to know; what this person is actually like, and what he/she is actually looking for. Of course, you always have to read between the lines as well, but if there's too much of a negative vibe I'm not going to bother with that...

_____________________________

~ sometimes a spanking is just a spanking...

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:26:59 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

This is bdsm. There is no one true way. There is no rule book, no absolute manual for Masters and Doms, no absolute manual for slaves and submissives. It is about what works for the people in the relationship and is no one else's place to label and define how others are or should be, bottom line.


I agree.  There is, however, an absolute manual for the English language called a dictionary.  If every term is subject to everyone's own interpretation doesn't the value of the word get lost? 



The basic general (not absolute) meaning is a base for the terms and the wider or deeper or fuller definition is determined by those in the relationship. If someone says they are a Dominant then most are going to have a general idea of what they mean. The rest is defined by the person.

The terms sadist and masochist are not generally defined within bdsm as they are elsewhere. The basic part is the starting point, but if you go by the dictionary or psychiatric definitions then most of those who identify as a sadist aren't really sadists and the same with masochists.


Why did I just have a flashback to Bill Clinton trying to explain why getting a blowjob wasn't really sex? 

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:29:29 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

This is bdsm. There is no one true way. There is no rule book, no absolute manual for Masters and Doms, no absolute manual for slaves and submissives. It is about what works for the people in the relationship and is no one else's place to label and define how others are or should be, bottom line.


I agree.  There is, however, an absolute manual for the English language called a dictionary.  If every term is subject to everyone's own interpretation doesn't the value of the word get lost? 



The basic general (not absolute) meaning is a base for the terms and the wider or deeper or fuller definition is determined by those in the relationship. If someone says they are a Dominant then most are going to have a general idea of what they mean. The rest is defined by the person.

The terms sadist and masochist are not generally defined within bdsm as they are elsewhere. The basic part is the starting point, but if you go by the dictionary or psychiatric definitions then most of those who identify as a sadist aren't really sadists and the same with masochists.


Why did I just have a flashback to Bill Clinton trying to explain why getting a blowjob wasn't really sex? 
i don't know...i found it pretty clear, actually.

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:35:47 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

It is not  enforced slavery ...we are dealing with  consentual slavery  and that means the right to determine the level of authority transfer one  wishes to submit to  in a relationship that is agreable to both parties.  


I can understand consenting to slavery but consentual slavery is an oxymoron.  "Honey, do you mind if I spank you now"?  "OK, but not too hard, and no, not with that, and you have to stop when I tell you to." 

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:40:01 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		To the Op,

I would be curious as to your definition of Master.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SirromancerX)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:41:43 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

This is bdsm. There is no one true way. There is no rule book, no absolute manual for Masters and Doms, no absolute manual for slaves and submissives. It is about what works for the people in the relationship and is no one else's place to label and define how others are or should be, bottom line.


I agree.  There is, however, an absolute manual for the English language called a dictionary.  If every term is subject to everyone's own interpretation doesn't the value of the word get lost? 



The basic general (not absolute) meaning is a base for the terms and the wider or deeper or fuller definition is determined by those in the relationship. If someone says they are a Dominant then most are going to have a general idea of what they mean. The rest is defined by the person.

The terms sadist and masochist are not generally defined within bdsm as they are elsewhere. The basic part is the starting point, but if you go by the dictionary or psychiatric definitions then most of those who identify as a sadist aren't really sadists and the same with masochists.


Why did I just have a flashback to Bill Clinton trying to explain why getting a blowjob wasn't really sex? 
i don't know...i found it pretty clear, actually.


Me too!  I NEVER believed there was anything wrong with a blowjob. 

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:42:29 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

It is not  enforced slavery ...we are dealing with  consentual slavery  and that means the right to determine the level of authority transfer one  wishes to submit to  in a relationship that is agreable to both parties.  


I can understand consenting to slavery but consentual slavery is an oxymoron.  "Honey, do you mind if I spank you now"?  "OK, but not too hard, and no, not with that, and you have to stop when I tell you to." 


I think you're taking this all a little to literally. Does it really matter what title people use for themselves? Does it matter that "consentual slavery" is just a shorter way of sayin "consenting to slavery"





_____________________________

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(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:43:48 AM   
firstslaveca


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline 		tY

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:48:25 AM   
misbehavin


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2005
From: Rubberboot, Alberta, Ca.
Status: offline
 
quote:

  Maya2001       It is not  enforced slavery ...we are dealing with  consentual slavery  and that means the right to determine the level of authority transfer one  wishes to submit to  in a relationship that is agreable to both parties.        

 
       
 
If we go to the dictionary for definition, no one can be  a slave in today's North American world. Folks....it is illegal. It must be left for the concerned parties to define as they see fit.
 
mis
 
 

_____________________________

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(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: You are not a slave and you are not alone! - 5/24/2008 9:48:52 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife
Look at the profiles of women who advertise themselves as slaves on here.  Hell, just look at those that call themselves submissive, 90% are anything but. 
I always find this funny. Just because I'm not submissive towards you means that I'm not submissive to anyone, in your opinion.  Which is incorrect. People that I show no submissiveness towards are people where I'm the more dominant person. So, what you're claiming as something lacking in me, could actually be something that is lacking in the other person.

So, here's the reality, if I don't behave in a submissive manner towards you, it's because I don't find you to be a Dominant.

Here's the other part of the reality. I'm am owned submissive and have been for over 8 years to the same man. He's an alpha male that inspires my submission.


quote:

how you should treat them when you're not dominating them. 
Everyone has the right to be happy. It's why we've gotten into what we do. The way to get what makes you happy is to be specific about what you want from a relationship. If the relationship does not hold the promise of meeting what you need to be happy, then you move on.

I have no idea of why you think that the "s" type isn't allowed to choose their own relationship.

As for the OP: Bottom line, just because she's a slave, doesn't mean she's your slave. It also doesn't mean that she has behave as a slave to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes along. She gets to decide what relationship she enters, so yes, she does get to have her way before she's owned. She's not your property.

YOU DO NOT GET TO DECIDE WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR FOR ANYONE ELSE OTHER THAN THOSE CONTRACTED TO YOU.  Get it?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 40
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