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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Really Living it, 24/7 (6/10/2008 9:53:40 PM)
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This post is might come off a bit like a rant of sorts. Because at times it's the small and simple D/s things that keep you in the state of being in the lifestyle. I am literally amazed in fact that some people have not figured out these simple things, because they are really simple. In fact involves only a couple of minutes here and there out of your busy day to day life.
The basics are this, the lost art of flirting.
I'm going to write about things that I myself do to keep things going.
If she is doing the dishes or perhaps doing the laundry. I have and will walk in, make her stop what she's in the middle of doing for a minute or two. Call this asserting myself as a DOM. Where I'm in control of her, instead of the Laundry or the Dishes being in control of her ass. Now with that said. Really simple. Matter of telling her to show her ass, pose, put her hands on the lid of the washer. Perhaps flash me her bare naked ass, spread or whatever else. Perhaps make her drop to her knees... so I can caress the side of her face. Tell her she's doing a great job at what she's doing. Perhaps trace my fingers over her lips. Bend over kiss her on the lips, the forehead. whatever it is. I'm basically interupting a Day to Day boring grinding activitity and taking a couple of minutes to DOM her ass. Be it sexual, sensual, with praise, threats of using them, flashing.. Whew... long list of things that can be done. Simple short and sweet. Does not take very much time at all. Very little time in fact.
The other thing I make certain is part of the day to day dynamic, is a service routine. A few small and simple things she can do for me. I'm talking about things besides cooking dinner! Cooking Dinner does not involve any direct interaction. A 5 minute neck massage is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Perhaps, having her sit at your feet.. in such a manner her arms are around your legs, give her the remote control, let her flip the channels on your request. Really simple. Basically, it involves human interaction with one another in a manner to reinforce this dynamic.
OK, lets say your submissive has so many chores and tasks to do, that it screws with your quality bonding time. I would recommend to any DOM to get off their ass and tag team some of these tasks with their submissive. You can flirt and do some of the things I previously mentioned without her freaking out about all the work she has to get done before bed time. Basically Doms if you submissives time is overloaded, try to step in and do something creative where you get to spend time together and can reinforce the D/s dynamic on some level. Being a couch potatoe with a video Game addiction, really won't cut it. You have to allocate time to your relationship. Again, it does not require a lot of time. Just little slices of it here and there. Think about that one when there's commercial breaks on TV, sitting there watching 5 minutes worth of commercials really is a waste of time. Sieze the small moments when you can! I can not express this one enough.
You don't have to turn play time into a Scene Only! This is a lifestyle that is not built off from scene play alone. I think too many people get caught up in scene play and don't bother trying to take certain things outside of the friggen bedroom.
I love working with multi-level protocols, it actually is very useful for moving from relaxed control to high control. You can't be stuck in high gear 24/7 every day of the year. It takes some work at mutiple protocol levels, but it's well worth it in the end.
It's the small simple things and moments that can keep you in the lifestyle state 24/7. I did not read any of this stuff from a friggen book or have somebody explain it to me. This is all stuff, that I figured out on my own, in time and experience. Communication was involved. A lot of this was me simply listening to my partner, then being responsible for figuring out how to fix problems or make things better.
Communication is an amazing tool when it comes down to figuring nearly anything and everything there is to doing BDSM. Express what is on your mind, ask questions, share thoughts and ideas.
I've never had to deal with issues of what was or was not consentual, what was safe and sane, never had to deal with a lot of crazy issues I see being posted online here at times. I know I can or appear to be rather hardhead and opinionated at times. But communication avoids 9/10th of these friggen issues, and enables you to figure out how to make your relationship better and stronger.
Doms and sub should not get so caught with worry that communication somehow reduces the D/s dynamics at work, because the truth be told it can lead to reinforcing the dynamics.
OK, I'm done with my 24/7 living rant....
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