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Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:14:30 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?
 
And which do you or did you want to happen first---
 
A recent chat with a learning slave--stated that if a Master/Mistress "loves" there is too much chance for "allowances" if a submissive/slave loves---there is too much "wiggle" room.
 
I Myself seek eventual love, but commitment and devotion first, foremost and always.
 
Thoughts?

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:16:05 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		i can't answer this until i've had some coffee......

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:19:28 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		Sign me up for commitment and devotion.

I want love too, but not the type you share with a vanilla spouse.  More along the lines of the love you share with a dear friend, or a treasured pet. 

In my opinion, vanilla style 'love' can indeed interfere with a D/s, M/s dynamic due to making more allowances or overlooking things you wouldn't have initially.  The friendship type love still has more boundaries and are often respected moreso because in my experience friends do not take one another for granted as much as 'lovers' do.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:22:58 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Commitment first... definately. To be committed to the relationship and each other allows you the time to reach the love and devotion stage. New relationships have a tendency to hit some pretty decent bumps and I've tried to be up front about wanting the commitment it takes to work and communicate through those. The goal is love and absolute devotion.
 
Jewel

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:33:47 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Committment first.  If you're both committed to each other and the relationship that you desire, then you will want to put 100% into your budding relationship.   With committment you will want to learn and grow with each other.  As you learn more about each other and "experience" each other and your relatiionship, there is the possibility that you will find the love and devotion that you want and desire. 

I think you can love someone and be devoted to them, but not have a committed relationship.   I also think you can have a committed relationship with another, but not have love.     Many have committed play relationships but there is not a deep love for their play partners.   For me, a complete relationship includes, committment, love and devotion.   

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:51:32 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Commitment and devotion.  A strong sense of commitment and a willingness to devote one's energies to someone or a common cause can carry people through even the hardest times.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 4:54:13 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Commitment first.  Presuming compatibility is there, I think love comes naturally when there is trust.  Commitment, committing, to commit is associated as an act of trust.  So I think it the first most important. 

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:00:25 AM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?



Commitment and Devotion is a type of Love I think.

I think of these three, if you were to divide them commitment is most important because that means the willingness to do the work necessary in a relationship.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:06:03 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Up until recently i would have said none of the above. Now i think commitment and devotion would be my priority. More the commitment than devotion, i want someone who is committed to trying to make a relationship work. Sorry no i think i need not want.
Love is still a no go area for me really, not bothered either way. Don't particularly want or need.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:16:31 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		You first learn that a new camera, golf club or whatever gadget fascinates you is reliable. It works in the way you want it to. You can depend on it. It feels good in your hands and over time you know exactly what it’s going to do, how to correct problems with it, when to use it and when not to. You understand it; you may feel like it understands you. Eventually, you start to personify such a device and attach emotions in excess of what it actually does. Okay, sap you are, you believe it is devoted to you. You may even love it.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:19:57 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?
 
And which do you or did you want to happen first---
 
A recent chat with a learning slave--stated that if a Master/Mistress "loves" there is too much chance for "allowances" if a submissive/slave loves---there is too much "wiggle" room.
 
I Myself seek eventual love, but commitment and devotion first, foremost and always.
 
Thoughts?
{{{takes a sippajava}}}
  i have had love...but for whatever reason, the deeper level of commitment and devotion is usually lacking.  So i suppose i would choose devotion and commitment just to see what it feels like...but i hope it would lead at some point, to love.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 5:32:25 AM   
lanie38


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		I can't have love without commitment but I can be devoted without love...so commitment first for me I guess!

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 6:13:40 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Commitment first...over time with trust and understanding of each other  and proof the commitment does indeed exist between both parties ..devotion  develops   and grows and has the possibility of blossoming into love

to me anything less, or where the steps are skipped  is just infatuation  and often is short lived


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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 6:56:55 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lanie38

I can't have love without commitment but I can be devoted without love...so commitment first for me I guess!


that is nicely said. I go for that option too

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:40:07 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		This is a semantic boggler to me.  I want commitment and devotion, absolutely.  But I want to be loved, too.  The thing is, love without understanding is an impossible path.  The monster loved me for awhile, but he didn't get me at all.....so it backfired.  But can a person be truly devoted without there being some kind of love involved?

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:48:41 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I'm with you...this makes my brain hurt.

What I need, first and foremost, is a connection on a fundamental level, a "click". In all likelihood, that's the beginning of love, though we may not call it that. I don't expect full blown love off the bat...that's not really feasible.
But without connection, commitment and devotion become a burden, become alienating and off-putting.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:50:01 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		How about this?

I need a committment on both sides of the D/s fence to not suscumb to the concept of "wiggle room."

And with that in place, I can get what I want - committment, devotion, love, longevity and a most wonderful relationship.

Oh wait... that's what I have.

Yes virginia, love, committment and devotion between a submissive and a dominant CAN co-exist with no "wiggle room".

juliet

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 7:51:10 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		for Daddy and me - it's all 3 plus 2 more (including trust and friendship) that are important. without them, we wouldn't have the type of relationship that we have for 2yrs.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 8:21:01 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

Commitment and Devotion....or ...Love?
 
And which do you or did you want to happen first---
 


Commitment and Devotion doesn't stand by itself.  It will have something behind it that will motivate a person to be committed and devoted.  For some, their commitment and devotion is motivated by their love for a person. Sometimes a person is committed and devoted because of what they can get out of the situation.  Their for the commitment and devotion is much more selfish and self-serving.  When a person stops getting what they want the commitment and devotion start to falter.

For me.. I want a Commitment and Devotion that is motivated by the person I am and not for what I do for them.  The fact that they Love me for who I am and not for what I do for them will only serve to make the commitment and Devotion stronger.  So in the end... I want Both  neither is more important in my view... What is important is the motivation behind them.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Which is more important? - 5/24/2008 11:13:24 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me love is inseparable from commitment and devotion, the experience of love to me is the commitment to encourage another to be true to themselves.  I cannot have love without the others.

I CAN have commitment and devotion without love however and enjoyed past relationships as such. 

So for me in an Ms/Op situation, commitment is most important.

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