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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 5:32:09 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

The point of my posting was that while you are in dominant mode, you *are* a dominant. While you are wearing a collar you *are* a submissive, in my opinion.



Perhaps an alternative method of looking at this could be to say:
"Whilst you are in Dominant Mode; you are Dominant at that time, and whilst you are in Submissive Mode; you are Submissive at that time."?

Some times it just pays to take the time to dot your "I"s and cross your "T"s to save confusion and misunderstandings.



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 181
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 6:13:31 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Pinkpleasures, I am a newbie. If I can see through them, I can only imagine some experienced femdom reacting to such messages. So I guess that kind of guys dont get many answers - I actually pity them.

Kasia


Kasia, i am also new; but i am 52 years old and have not thrown away ALL my common sense..and have known about D/s since jan '04 and been blessed with wonderful friends online and on the phone, so i have learnt; not everything; and i realise some (most) things must be experienced to be truely understood..and even still, i have figured out that a true Dom or Master has good manners and does not expect every subbie or slave to "submit" to Him in any way.

pinkpleasures

p.s. nice to meet a fellow newbie

_____________________________



(in reply to Kasia)
Profile   Post #: 182
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 7:00:28 AM   
empresschaos


Posts: 84
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

The point of my posting was that while you are in dominant mode, you *are* a dominant. While you are wearing a collar you *are* a submissive, in my opinion.



Perhaps an alternative method of looking at this could be to say:
"Whilst you are in Dominant Mode; you are Dominant at that time, and whilst you are in Submissive Mode; you are Submissive at that time."?

Some times it just pays to take the time to dot your "I"s and cross your "T"s to save confusion and misunderstandings.





...But the point is that I'm only submissive to one person. Just like I'm only employed by one company and only have one mother. Despite the fact that you may be an employer or a mother also, if that's not my relationship with you, then I'm not about to pretend that it is.

I can definitely understand how being called "Joe" or whatever when you're in total dom mode can burst your bubble a little, but if you want to put *anything* in my mouth--even words--you need permission. May be safe, may be sane, but if it ain't consensual it ain't my kind of play.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 183
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 7:46:47 AM   
ButsuDom


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/7/2005
Status: offline 		Common courtesy and civility is something that is not unreasonable to expect when speaking to people. It matters not whether it be dom or sub. That doesn't necessarily mean that a submissive/slave is required to call a dominant sir or master. With the number of emails received by submissives from wannabes and gamers I would be a bit conservative about who I used these terms with myself. I've never required a submissive to call me anything in particular. I don't need a title to define who I am. When they are ready they have always asked me how they should address me. Out of respect some will use the term sir when speaking to a dominant. But that is their choice and should not be expected. I've found over time that once someone respects you they will have no trouble calling you sir. And in my opinion, the term master should only be used when in fact the person being addressed is in fact a master to the person doing the addressing. Just my humble opinion.

Namaste,

ButsuDom

< Message edited by ButsuDom -- 10/28/2005 2:11:39 PM >

(in reply to shaohua)
Profile   Post #: 184
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 10:39:10 AM   
WindDancer


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Sir Six,

My take is this. As I see it whether W/we are r/t or v/t, its important W/we all know protocal. Unfortunately, because all of U/us have O/our own reasons for entering the lifestyle, not all of U/us make the effort to research the lifestyle. The reality is this for some P/people its about sex so T/they will do T/their own research according to T/their own needs from My experience in the lifestyle online.

I have also found that most who are online, have spent more time doing fantasy roleplay in Gor which is based on a series of books by John Norman. So in answer to Your question, I believe its lack of tolerance with ignorant P/people who cannot do the research to find out what is proper protocal. I know speaking for Myself, and only having online experience, it can really get on My nerves being addressed as "Master" when I don't own the lilone addressing Me. I have been taught through My online experience that "Master" or "Mistress" is reserved for those who are collared to their Dominants..Am I wrong??

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 185
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 10:51:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WindDancer

Sir Six,

My take is this. As I see it whether W/we are r/t or v/t, its important W/we all know protocal. Unfortunately, because all of U/us have O/our own reasons for entering the lifestyle, not all of U/us make the effort to research the lifestyle. The reality is this for some P/people its about sex so T/they will do T/their own research according to T/their own needs from My experience in the lifestyle online.

I have also found that most who are online, have spent more time doing fantasy roleplay in Gor which is based on a series of books by John Norman. So in answer to Your question, I believe its lack of tolerance with ignorant P/people who cannot do the research to find out what is proper protocal. I know speaking for Myself, and only having online experience, it can really get on My nerves being addressed as "Master" when I don't own the lilone addressing Me. I have been taught through My online experience that "Master" or "Mistress" is reserved for those who are collared to their Dominants..Am I wrong??

I can't tell you the irony in someone who has no real life experience talking about people not "doing the research to find out what is proper protocol."




(in reply to WindDancer)
Profile   Post #: 186
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 11:04:12 AM   
WindDancer


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Well it may be ironic but since when is it not ok to have an opinion? I am here to learn. I am willing to do the research.. Do you wonder why I have no r/t experience? No! you never thought to ask. Well its like this. I live in a community that is small and has nothing like BDSM clubs or even a proper sex toy shop so I come online to enhance My knowledge so I can learn all I can. Not once did I ever claim to be an expert as none of U/us are. All opinions on here whether W/we are r/t or v/t is based on what W/we know which for some of U/us it may be absolutely nothing.

I even went as far as to ask a question which you didn't even address. I suggest you may want to think before you look down on someone who only experience is online as I've met a few people who have claimed to be r/t and in their arrogance they appear to be no better than I am...Anyway, food for thought.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 187
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 11:07:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WindDancer
I even went as far as to ask a question which you didn't even address. I suggest you may want to think before you look down on someone who only experience is online as I've met a few people who have claimed to be r/t and in their arrogance they appear to be no better than I am...Anyway, food for thought.

All I said was that it was ironic. You extrapolated a lot from that.

To answer your question "Am I wrong?" To some yes, to others no.

(in reply to WindDancer)
Profile   Post #: 188
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 11:12:52 AM   
WindDancer


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		well when you make a statement such as you did:I can't tell you the irony in someone who has no real life experience talking about people not "doing the research to find out what is proper protocol."

It sounded like you were looking down on Me because I have only experience online..Can you blame Me? Perhaps if you had explained your answer or expanded, I wouldnt have read so much into it. My apologies if I stepped on yours or A/anyone elses toes by My search for knowledge.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 189
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 11:16:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WindDancer
well when you make a statement such as you did:I can't tell you the irony in someone who has no real life experience talking about people not "doing the research to find out what is proper protocol."

It sounded like you were looking down on Me because I have only experience online..Can you blame Me?


Well it was YOUR perception, so who else would I blame?

quote:

Perhaps if you had explained your answer or expanded, I wouldnt have read so much into it.

Yes, my statement was completely vague and empty of meaning other than the observation of irony. It was a single sentence, with very little context.

But do not make it my fault for YOU reading much into it, versus ummm asking and researching before going on a tirade?
quote:


My apologies if I stepped on yours or A/anyone elses toes by My search for knowledge.

In this case it seems you stepped on toes for failing to search for knowledge and reacting on impulsive and defensive emotions.

But don't worry, I've got a boy over tonight who will greatly enjoy making sure my toes are tended to.

(in reply to WindDancer)
Profile   Post #: 190
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 11:28:27 AM   
WindDancer


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		It must be nice to think that Your opinion is the only opinion that matters. All of U/us have them right or wrong....now You are proving My point..if you are having such wonderful experiences offline with Yours, what the hell are You doing online wasting Your time answering P/people like Me that are beneath You?...oooooh I can't wait to hear your reply..and all this because I had an opinion on a question asked??*LOL*

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 191
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 11:43:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WindDancer
It must be nice to think that Your opinion is the only opinion that matters.

Hmmm not sure where you got that impression?

quote:

All of U/us have them right or wrong....

As I said in my reply to your question "some will think you are right, others will think you are wrong."

quote:

now You are proving My point

Which one?

quote:

if you are having such wonderful experiences offline with Yours, what the hell are You doing online wasting Your time answering P/people like Me that are beneath You?

I thought we'd already clarified that this was your assumptive impression of me based on no actual information? You seem intent on continuing to keep that assumption.

In fact one might say that because I do spend a lot of time in online forums it would mean that I value the experience.
quote:


...oooooh I can't wait to hear your reply..and all this because I had an opinion on a question asked??*LOL*

Glad you didn't have to wait long.

(in reply to WindDancer)
Profile   Post #: 192
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 2:23:33 PM   
ponygirlzira


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Oregon
Status: offline 		Here's what I do. I ask what people prefer to be addressed as, and I call them that until the time comes when they prove themselves to be unworthy of my conversation, and then I simply walk away. I find that many Dominants wish to be called by their first name. Many feel very uncomfortable having subs/slaves call them Master or Sir when they aren't Their property. Some just prefer to be called Sir all the time. I really don't let things like this bother me, how about to each their own?

_____________________________

Ponygirl Zira {JB}


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 193
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 5:59:50 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

how about to each their own?

Or, how about -people stop making up the definitons of some thing just to suit themselves. No wonder so many people are confused and pissy with each other.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to ponygirlzira)
Profile   Post #: 194
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/28/2005 6:36:53 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

The point of my posting was that while you are in dominant mode, you *are* a dominant. While you are wearing a collar you *are* a submissive, in my opinion.



Perhaps an alternative method of looking at this could be to say:
"Whilst you are in Dominant Mode; you are Dominant at that time, and whilst you are in Submissive Mode; you are Submissive at that time."?

Some times it just pays to take the time to dot your "I"s and cross your "T"s to save confusion and misunderstandings.





...But the point is that I'm only submissive to one person. Just like I'm only employed by one company and only have one mother. Despite the fact that you may be an employer or a mother also, if that's not my relationship with you, then I'm not about to pretend that it is.

I can definitely understand how being called "Joe" or whatever when you're in total dom mode can burst your bubble a little, but if you want to put *anything* in my mouth--even words--you need permission. May be safe, may be sane, but if it ain't consensual it ain't my kind of play.


Hi empresschaos,

It really boils down to common sence and good manners doesn't it? In the long run it's less embarrasing to ask how someone wants to be addressed.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to empresschaos)
Profile   Post #: 195
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/29/2005 1:39:30 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Where is any of this chit coming from?
One I am not a lesbian man hating bitch, and you lowering yourself to such tactic's is juvenile. And then you equate that with beating someone black and blue and also adding ass, is that really the only place you beat your slave, Phoenxx?
I have not tried to tell fawn anything, haven't even spoken to her, if you do not want fawn to read anything that might make sense to her or because she may learn something outside the control you impliment, even though I was not speaking to you personally, maybe you better bar her from the boards too, out of your fear of her possibly becoming enlightened.

brightspot


i would like to know what on God's green earth makes you lash out so irrationally? i am open to discussing anything bothering you in email.

pinkpleasures

p.s. i do not ordinarially care about spelling and grammar, but it's my sense that you can do much, much better. Are these words flying off so fast you do not see your mistakes and correct them?

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/29/2005 1:41:27 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 196
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/29/2005 5:05:58 PM   
esina


Posts: 21
Status: offline 		Respect in my book goes a long way........

I try to show respect to every person i meet whether it be online or real time. I truly believe that it costs nothing to be respectful.

If a Dominant contacts me i will address him as Sir / Ma'am, so long as They show me the respect i feel i am due... if They come straight in demanding another title or using the 'get on your knees bitch' thing then respect goes out the window!!! I am a sub but They do not own me and i feel they have no right to address me as such.

Gor Masters i am more willing to accept this from or at least reply respectfully because i understand that i am not (in their book) worthy of anything less.... women have no rights as i understand it (i could be wrong here and apologies to All if i am).

Anyways the bottom line is respect those as Y/you wish to be respected Y/yourself.

Here endeth this lesson from esina very small and probably to opinionated book!!!!

(in reply to shaohua)
Profile   Post #: 197
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/30/2005 9:47:49 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Or, how about -people stop making up the definitons of some thing just to suit themselves. No wonder so many people are confused and pissy with each other.


The thing is, what we're trying to define are relationships.

You can't universalize relationship definitions. You just can't. Each relationship, and thus its definition, is as individual as those involved in it.

People aren't confused because people are suiting themselves - they're confused because they refuse to accept that self-defined is how relationships *should* be.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 198
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/30/2005 1:26:12 PM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		pinkpleasures,

I find you very intelligent and well thought...I extend my hand as well to you for friendship.....it took me a while to get back on the boards...New Orelans is a busy place and the nightclub I just started managing is keeping me very busy.......

Master six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 199
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/30/2005 5:50:50 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl


quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Or, how about -people stop making up the definitons of some thing just to suit themselves. No wonder so many people are confused and pissy with each other.


The thing is, what we're trying to define are relationships.

You can't universalize relationship definitions. You just can't. Each relationship, and thus its definition, is as individual as those involved in it.

People aren't confused because people are suiting themselves - they're confused because they refuse to accept that self-defined is how relationships *should* be.



That just about sums it all up I think. Great Post. Just add a good dose of commonsence and good manners and there should be no problems.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 200
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