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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/25/2005 11:59:57 PM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		oppps just notice I called pinkpleasures pretty pink... for some reason I saw that as you nick name.
Sorry about that. Call it a brain fart. LOL
Tony

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 12:14:55 AM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline
quote:


The problem is when people start expecting OTHERS to share the same sorts of values, and consider them rude when they don't.

I think right in that sentence is the totality of what many of us have been trying to say. There are not true rules in human relationships. You cannot say that everyone MUST do it your way. When I give S&M 101 one thing I do try to always include is that there is no one right way.
What works for the couple or triad or whatever involved is what is right. If manners were so simple and so easy to understand, then there would be no problem. But, each society, region, and group have their own way of expressing respect or disrespect.
Sir/Master/Mistress/Top are all just words. And any meanings they have beyond the dictionary are what we give them. In Canada is you ask someone to borrow a fag, well let’s just say if he lends you one … you may not want to light him on fire. But in England you would get a smoke.
Unless we allow for different word maps of others, and at least try to understand each other, we have confusion and chaos.
A good rule of thumb, ask how the person would like to be addressed if your unsure. If it’s not within your tolerances, let them know that. If you can find a happy middle ground, you can talk and perhaps find a friend. If not, smile and walk away.
Thanks Emeraldslave2. Or LuckyAlbatross that’s what I was trying to say ;-)
Tony

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 12:33:41 AM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I wonder what many Doms would have to say about a sub insisting they dominate them,just because they were a sub.

I bet it would wilt thier willies in a big hurry.

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 4:37:10 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

oppps just notice I called pinkpleasures pretty pink... for some reason I saw that as you nick name.
Sorry about that. Call it a brain fart. LOL

Phoenxx/Tony


<giggles> i kinda like that nick; and since i change nicks like the seasons i'll have to mull that one over, LOL...pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 4:40:00 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

A good rule of thumb, ask how the person would like to be addressed if your unsure. If it’s not within your tolerances, let them know that. If you can find a happy middle ground, you can talk and perhaps find a friend. If not, smile and walk away.
Thanks Emeraldslave2. Or LuckyAlbatross that’s what I was trying to say ;-)

Phoenxx/Tony


Ok, that makes sense. Six, how do You want me to address You?

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 6:31:04 AM   
empresschaos


Posts: 84
Joined: 10/23/2005
Status: offline 		One thing I haven't seen addressed on this thread is switches. Just because a person is with their Dom at a play party or whatever doesn't make the person a sub. I have been a Top in all of my relationships... until now. I've been seeing a marvelous Dom for over a year, and although I'm submissive to him, I don't consider myself a bona fide sub, and would consider it disrespectful for another Dom to assume that I should call him "Sir" just because I'm wearing a collar these days.

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 6:38:45 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

this is really the proper thing to do......how could that if I was at lets take for instance IronBears home and He asked bella politely to help with serving the men and the free of the home and she said neener neener......I would let IronBear take the first round with her then I would take up round two....



Well, first off, I wouldn't say "neener, neener". But this is just your view. If someone is a guest in our house, we never make the assumption that the submissive is at our disposal for any service. We check with the Dominant first, which is what we believe to be proper.

If you directed me to help serve dinner at your house, I would look to Master to indicate whether I should or not. Until he does that, I don't move.





Hi Bobby,

Were you visiting, it would be against my concept of good manners to ask any girl not in my collar to help without asking her Master first, that is a given. In fact it would probably be my own girl who may ask you to help after I had got your Master's permission. I'd be prepared to bet though that you may well ask your Master and offer to help if you saw things were busy.





That actually is very correct. I most times ask Master for permission to help, if I see things are busy. There are a few Dominants that have standing permission to give me direction. If I was at someone's house that wasn't one of the few, and they directed me without seeking Master's permission, I'd be offended. I would never ever through a temper tantrum about it. I wouldn't even be slightly snotty about it. I'd merely tell that person to check with Master.

Most of us wouldn't dream of sitting in someone else's car without permission from the owner, so I'm confused why someone would think it's okay to give direction to someone's property without permission from the owner.

I will say that I've been to some larger events, such as a collaring party, where the subs were expected to serve all of the Dominants their meals. After watching how some of the Dominants that we did not know behaved, he made the decision that I would serve only Master and help the submissive that had done the cooking.

Once again, Bear, I'm impressed your ability to balance reality with your Gorean ideals. It's a breath of fresh air.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 8:39:03 AM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

One thing I haven't seen addressed on this thread is switches. Just because a person is with their Dom at a play party or whatever doesn't make the person a sub. I have been a Top in all of my relationships... until now. I've been seeing a marvelous Dom for over a year, and although I'm submissive to him, I don't consider myself a bona fide sub, and would consider it disrespectful for another Dom to assume that I should call him "Sir" just because I'm wearing a collar these days.

When asked, just say your in Top mode and don't have to call anyone Sir... just make sure your Dom isn't there to hear it ;-)
My switch friends only sub to those they are involved with. To everyone else they are polite, well ok not EVERYone. Piss one of the ladies off and she'll crave you a new one lol... and dang it's amazing watching her do a blading.

(in reply to empresschaos)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/26/2005 5:39:50 PM   
riversimplicity


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/18/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

I would expect that Master to get on her ass and email me directly then I wuold issue the punishment deserved

Master Six


First and foremost, how do you know that the "Master" who is chastizing your slave and taddle-taling to you about her behavior isn't some slimy couch lizard who sits on his butt all day masturbating to porno tapes from the 70's, who doesn't hold a job, who knows little about the lifestyle except what he reads online and who's "slave" is his guttersnype wife whom he never went into any agreed upon relationship, rather just beats her submission out of her saying "B&*%, gimme a chicken pot pit".

Online, yes, I show respect to everyone. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove to me otherwise that they are not worth my time or effort or respect. In person, darn tootin' I address every Dominant male that enters my Master's home as Master or Sir, as to their preference. But I will not just join a chat room and start calling every Dominant indicating screen name "Master" or "Sir".

Gee...also you'll note, Six, that I'm not referring to you as Master or Sir, I'm capitalizing my own personal pronouns and I'm NOT capitalizing "You" when addressing you. Guess you'll just half to look past that and see if you can look at me as a person as well as someone else's property.

Gosh, I guess I've trailed on long enough and made my point clear.

Best in your journey.


_____________________________

~river
(property of Erus)

I want to touch
the sharp taste
of the moment in between
the second just before
the place where
the breath catches
in anticipation.

Excerpt from The Moment Before, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

(in reply to SirSix72)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 7:05:14 AM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop

I wonder what many Doms would have to say about a sub insisting they dominate them,just because they were a sub.

I bet it would wilt thier willies in a big hurry.


I can't imagine that happening, but if it did, I suspect I would refuse to dominate them for a while. :)

(in reply to JustaTop)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 7:06:34 AM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

One thing I haven't seen addressed on this thread is switches. Just because a person is with their Dom at a play party or whatever doesn't make the person a sub. I have been a Top in all of my relationships... until now. I've been seeing a marvelous Dom for over a year, and although I'm submissive to him, I don't consider myself a bona fide sub, and would consider it disrespectful for another Dom to assume that I should call him "Sir" just because I'm wearing a collar these days.


I think if you wear a collar of submission, it makes you a submissive, even if you are capable of switching.

(in reply to empresschaos)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 7:07:40 AM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: riversimplicity

isn't some slimy couch lizard who sits on his butt all day masturbating to porno tapes from the 70's


Blimey - do you know me?


< Message edited by Prunesquallor -- 10/27/2005 7:09:23 AM >

(in reply to riversimplicity)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 11:48:35 AM   
riversimplicity


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/18/2004
Status: offline 		[/quote]

Blimey - do you know me?

[/quote]

LOL, one never knows.

I guess my point is that we are all individuals, we all have our own views and protocols for what it is that we do in our own relationships. We should all look at each other as individuals. Just because I am a slave does not mean that I am less than anyone else. I am simply different and relate to certain other individuals in a different way.


Personally I like to look past all the "trappings" and try to get to know the individual. I'd rather know who you are at the core of your being than define you by your "station" relative to another.

I'm an American citizen. I am a human being. As such I have certain rights. I even hold certain authority over my Master where it involves my children.

We, my Master and I have what we define as a 51/49% relationship. In all things pertaining to *us* he has 51% of the power/authority, I have 49%. This means in more clear terminology that I have a voice, he has the vote. When it comes to my children born from a previous marriage I hold 51% of the authority, thereby I hold the vote and he holds the voice.

My voice is very important to my Master, because he sees me as the intelligent individual that I am and knows that there are quite a few instances (daily *grinz*) whereby my voice is the correct and most prudent path and therefore becomes his vote.

I know I'm rambling. But I cannot see the point in arguing over honorifics. Honorifics do not, in my opinion, equal respect.

'Nuff said


(edited for grammer...ooops...sorry, I'm not perfect LOL)

< Message edited by riversimplicity -- 10/27/2005 11:50:40 AM >

_____________________________

~river
(property of Erus)

I want to touch
the sharp taste
of the moment in between
the second just before
the place where
the breath catches
in anticipation.

Excerpt from The Moment Before, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 12:35:28 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop

I wonder what many Doms would have to say about a sub insisting they dominate them,just because they were a sub.

I get quite lot of messages exactly with the point "dominate me right now because I am sub". Dont even find them funny anymore, simply boring.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to JustaTop)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 12:42:54 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop

I wonder what many Doms would have to say about a sub insisting they dominate them,just because they were a sub.


quote:

I get quite lot of messages exactly with the point "dominate me right now because I am sub". Dont even find them funny anymore, simply boring.

Kasia


When i receive such messages, i know i have been contacted by a fake or an ignorant Man...i rarely try to educate Them as it has been my experience They will not learn from me. In my opinion -- and in my life -- i will submit ONCE -- to my One...and until He shows Himself i am a respectable, equal member of the CM community.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to Kasia)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 1:05:39 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

When i receive such messages, i know i have been contacted by a fake or an ignorant Man...i rarely try to educate Them as it has been my experience They will not learn from me. In my opinion -- and in my life -- i will submit ONCE -- to my One...and until He shows Himself i am a respectable, equal member of the CM community.

pinkpleasures

Pinkpleasures, I am a newbie. If I can see through them, I can only imagine some experienced femdom reacting to such messages. So I guess that kind of guys dont get many answers - I actually pity them.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 1:06:34 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor


quote:

ORIGINAL: empresschaos

One thing I haven't seen addressed on this thread is switches. Just because a person is with their Dom at a play party or whatever doesn't make the person a sub. I have been a Top in all of my relationships... until now. I've been seeing a marvelous Dom for over a year, and although I'm submissive to him, I don't consider myself a bona fide sub, and would consider it disrespectful for another Dom to assume that I should call him "Sir" just because I'm wearing a collar these days.


I think if you wear a collar of submission, it makes you a submissive, even if you are capable of switching.



That comes off as really derogatory..."capable of switching" as if it were a skill set, not a type of person. I am a switch. It was something *I* was sort of talked into despising because it was considered wrong by so many of my "friends". I'm not "capable" of switching. It's me. It's part of my personality. It's how I naturally react to some people versus other people. If you are collared, cool. If you're not collared, equally cool.

It's nice for you that you consider your own opinions over those of other people in other relationships. But maybe their definition of their own relationship is more important than yours, hrm?

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 1:27:35 PM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist


That comes off as really derogatory..."capable of switching" as if it were a skill set, not a type of person. I am a switch. It was something *I* was sort of talked into despising because it was considered wrong by so many of my "friends". I'm not "capable" of switching. It's me. It's part of my personality. It's how I naturally react to some people versus other people. If you are collared, cool. If you're not collared, equally cool.

It's nice for you that you consider your own opinions over those of other people in other relationships. But maybe their definition of their own relationship is more important than yours, hrm?


I am sorry you saw it as a derogatory comment, because it was really not meant to be. I have never despised switches or felt that they were in any way inferior to anybody else - far from it. The reason I used the word 'capable' was because I see it as an ability I lack. Perhaps I am wrong to see it as an ability rather than a personality characteristic, but I don't understand why that is worthy of insult.

The point of my posting was that while you are in dominant mode, you *are* a dominant. While you are wearing a collar you *are* a submissive, in my opinion.

No, I don't consider my own opinions relevant when it comes to other people's relationships. And yes, their definition of their own relationship is much more important than mine.

< Message edited by Prunesquallor -- 10/27/2005 1:29:19 PM >

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 2:01:37 PM   
AbstractSavant


Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yet another terminal case of analysis paralysis.

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/27/2005 5:31:26 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

The point of my posting was that while you are in dominant mode, you *are* a dominant. While you are wearing a collar you *are* a submissive, in my opinion.



Perhaps an alternative method of looking at this could be to say:
"Whilst you are in Dominant Mode; you are Dominant at that time, and whilst you are in Submissive Mode; you are Submissive at that time."?

Some times it just pays to take the time to did your "I"s and cross your "T"s to save confusion and misunderstandings.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Prunesquallor)
Profile   Post #: 180
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