Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Titles and Honorifics


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Titles and Honorifics Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/24/2005 7:00:23 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		We feel that a lot of the time we address people in the world with a Ms/Mrs/Miss or Mr are just part of our upbringing as being in our 50s it was what we were taught to do as kids and even at times when told by someone to just call them by their first names we both just find we are unable to not a reason we can explain just a feeling it would be wrong to do so is all.
As it is with nicknames there are people we all know that we only ever call them by that and never their real name as they probably wont answer anyway.
As to what Mercnbeth put about there its "Dude" here in Oz its "Bastard" with how that is emphasised.
Even in this life style there is ones who would never think of calling a Dom as anything but Sir or Miss as we have discoverd due to them showing respect and out of politness nothing else even if they are sked to do other wise as at no time would they ever be with who ever it is they are talking to and on only vanilla world subjects.

(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/24/2005 7:20:45 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Thinking about Titles and Honorifics, reminded me of something I learned in the Australian Army years ago. (We all know that not all officers are gentlemen or in fact good leaders. Some just deserve to be killed) You salute the rank and what it represents. You do not salute the man un less he has earned it. In all my time in the military and paramilitary units (mercs), there may be half a dozen men I have seen and myself included, saluted as Men and fuck the rank. One of the was a non commissioned officer, as a man he earned a slaute before and after he won the Victoria Cross in 'Nam.

When some one adresses me by either a title or honourific, mostly they are recognising either an attainment, a position I have earned, a rank I had earned in the Military, or even, something I was born into (in which case they may be recognising the family too). Some times, I get a flood of pride if I'm being recognised for something I have done. Mostly though when dealing with those outside my personal circle, it is just part of the game of life, it is some one displaying good manners nothing more and notnhing less.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to anopheles)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 7:44:02 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, so let me summarize what I think I'm seeing are people's replies.

From the top/dom view titles and honorifics are:
Special recognition worked for
A recognition of a social position outside of the scene space
Recognition of a kinky relationship
A turn-on sexually

From the bottom/sub view:
Recognition of a kinky relationship
A way to keep emotional distance
A way to creat emotional closeness
Special recognition worked for
A way to ground your identity


May I try to refocus us on the original question?

What does having kinky people use titles and honorifics for you when you are not in a relationship with them do for you?

I'm really trying to understand some of the motiviations behind several other threads on something similar but its getting lost in personal responses and claims of politeness and consent and stuff.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 7:57:21 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
What does having kinky people use titles and honorifics for you when you are not in a relationship with them do for you?

Annoy me and/or amuse me.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 7:58:49 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72
but as for the rest of us that know how to approach a sub/slave this is merely rude at the begining of the conversation.........like I tried to get across in the thread I posted "your not my Dom syndrome"

Master Six

However I have to tell you that calling a random slave "subbie" or "little one" is REALLY grating and annoying for a lot of us. They might not bring it up because it would be rude and they know your intentions are good, but it's generally not good to have that sort of tone unless you've established something with them.

Emeraldslave2


For me, a Man calling me "little one" before we know one another would be a bit disconcerting, but not terribly offensive. i do not object to being called "subbie" since that's what i am. However, on the boards, where some people react badly to honorifics and others to the lack of them, it seems best to stick with the person's nick in addressing them.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 8:22:36 AM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		Originally Sir comes from the word Sire around 1205 AD… no I’m not a Doctor of words just a geek that loves to know why people act how they do. And language is one way to do that. Your word map tells a lot about you.
When I was a child, Sir was a term reserved for someone that either was royalty or had earned the title. I know several people who have earned or been born into the title. And yes, one is a submissive leather man… so if you meet him in a formal setting you would have to call him Sir (name omitted to protect the guilty LOL) …
I used to object to being called Sir because of this. Until I grew to understand that some Tops train their bottoms to use it as a term of respect to, as Iron Bear said, respect the rank, not the person. I do have several real life friends that address me as Sir.. and from them it is a term of respect. I know when my son’s friends called me Sir .. it’s I’m being an ass to a bunch of 16 yea olds…LOL
My rule of thumb is look at who is saying the honorific and in what setting. Then, when possible, listen to the tone of voice or other usage. Is it being used with respect or as an insult? Then go from there.
When dealing with humans NEVER EVER assume your traditions are right. A former president of the US flashed an OK sign with his fingers to a crowd of Russians in Russia…to them it means the same as the middle finger to us…
When in doubt ask the person what they would like to be addressed as. And ask why they are using a term for you. If you are asking for information, you can rarely go wrong. Plus you are showing them respect and interest… and giving them a chance to spout off LOL…
Tony
(just don’t call me later for supper…)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 8:49:55 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		That reminds me of the infamous Mitsubishi Pajero 4x4. Mitsubishi had a hard time understanding why that model failed to sell very well in Spain--until they discovered, to their horror, that "pajero" means "wanker" in Spanish. You'd think a little bit of pre-release research would have been in order...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenxx

When dealing with humans NEVER EVER assume your traditions are right. A former president of the US flashed an OK sign with his fingers to a crowd of Russians in Russia…to them it means the same as the middle finger to us…


(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 11:39:30 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

The bdsm online area is extremely diverse, and trying to follow a single protocol often prooves fruitless. Many sub/slaves don't feel the need to address anyone as Sir or Master..Ma'am or Mistress to start with, and even less once they are owned. Some times it's just because of who they are, sometimes it's due to their Owners not allowing it, sometimes it's the Dominant's themselves saying don't call me that.

In the bdsm section I feel more stabilized and at ease if just use's their screen name they have given themselves. If it has Sir or Mistress in it, then so be it. If it turns into a more one on one conversation then usually Sir or Ma'am, etc. just comes out naturally in addressing them until told otherwise not to.

In the Gorean area I will address them as they prefer to be addressed as I am in their community and it just is proper "for me" to do so. Being that I am not Gorean though, I will add their screen name to that title when addressing them..as in Master IronBear, etc.
The Owner of me is "Master". Even Master address's persons as Sir, Ma'am, Mistress or Master as it is just plain respect to us. Out in the world I address even the young cute lil waitress as Ma'am, as in thankyou Ma'am when she takes the order or brings it. Even our 6yr old we address as Sir..as in thankyou Sir or your welcome Sir.

I guess it is a difference of wether your from the mindset that these terms have to be earned first or just deserve to be given until prooved otherwise.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 1:21:01 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Based on some other threads I have a question for everyone.

Outside of the kinky relationship, why do some people want to be called by a title or an honorific? What do you get out of it?

Short answer... recognition. Whether it be recognition to massage their ego or recognition to show respect for legitmate achievements, anyone who has an expectation for others to use a title is looking for recognition.

For me personally, the only title I really care to have used in regards to myself is Master, and that only by my own slave... the rest of you can just call me Pad, Padriag, Bard, or Sean... take your pick.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 1:48:22 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

For me personally, the only title I really care to have used in regards to myself is Master, and that only by my own slave... the rest of you can just call me Pad, Padriag, Bard, or Sean... take your pick.


Padriag -

Agree! I also wouldn't have it any other way. There is too much responsibility that comes with the term Master to have anyone else but beth use it in reference to me.

You rule DUDE!

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 2:31:17 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Well of course I rule, I'm a dominant. ::big cheesy grin::

Something else about expecting people to use titles and honorifics I learned a long time ago was that often, its unrealistic. For example, I grew up here in the South and in most places its still expected to say Sir or Ma'am to someone older than you, or in a position of authority over you or someone you are doing business with (unless you know them very well). You also hear Mr or Ms a lot, being on a first name basis is a privilege. But, I have friends in NYC who are a bit baffled by it, its not commonplace there apparently. So for me to have an expectation of a non-Southerner to use those same forms of address would be unrealistic of me. Same thing applies within this lifestyle... for a Gorean to expect a non-Gorean to use Gorean forms of address is unrealistic... just as it would be for me to expect a Gorean to address me in a non-Gorean way. I have friends in India who refer to me as Uncle, even though I'm no relationship to them at all... in India its an honorific given to someone out of respect... they like me a lot I don't ask them to stop because its their custom and they're trying to show me respect in their own way.

Bottom line, it all comes down to keeping it real, keeping our expectations of others realistic.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 4:06:11 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		There are two different areas in which I use an honorific, but for me, they overlap. I have a title that goes with the work/station I have in my spiritual path. I use that one when I am introduced in public, sort of like a priest would use "Father", a nun would use "Sister", and a minister would use "Reverend". For me, that title follows me into my lifestyle work, since the two areas overlap.

In my fiction writing, I use my given name. I don't use that one for my spiritual/lifestyle life, mostly because I wasn't ordained to my current station with that name (a change of names is considered a "rebirth" and is common in our spiritual tradition). In my non-fiction writing, I use the name that goes along with what I'm writing about. It seems, to me, to make sense to use the name that people will recognize.

In my relationships, and among my family, I am me, but I feel more comfortable with my spiritual name than my public name, so at home to the other owners, I am Zephyr. To the servants, I am Lady Abbess to the ones connected primarily to our temple, and Mahgi (Master or wise one) to the ones connected primarily to our House.

I don't expect anything other than politeness in other venues. Ma'am doesn't bother me, nor does Miz Zephyr. "Lady" or "Lady Zephyr" is welcome. Even "Lady Abbess" is welcome, though most folks who don't share our religious path wouldn't think of it. I only use my full title for formal ceremonies, since it is -really- long, and a name as long as the buffet table ought to come, I think, with a comparable dinner spread and at least ONE glass of decent heather ale, mead, or wine.

I don't answer to "Mistress"...not because I am ignoring people or because it pisses me off, but because, when I hear it, I don't associate it with anything to do with me. My mate is "Mistress" to our House servants, but I am Mahgi, so "Mistress" doesn't mean me, and doesn't register with me. I might look around to see if SilverRose has come over and they're talking to -her-, but I won't recognize someone using "mistress" as referring to me.

Why do I like to hear the honorifics I do used? Partially habit, I guess. I became accustomed to using and hearing honorifics as I went through my pastoral training, so it made sense for me to continue to use them and expect to hear them from individuals associated with our path or individuals/groups to whom I am presenting myself professionally. The other reason that I used them is because I earned the right to do so. I am not going to BS and say that the years and the hard work that I put in aren't worth anything to me. They are worth a lot to me, and the honorific came after putting in my dues, so I use the honorifics I've earned, and wear them with honor as a representation of both my efforts and my responsibilities.

Honestly, if someone chooses not to use my honorific and is generally polite, I am not going to make a huge deal about it. I don't care who likes that I use them and who doesn't. I use them because -I- am comfortable with them, and that is pretty much good enough for me and anyone that I associate closely with. Which is as it should be. On the other hand, if someone uses one of my honorifics -- especially one of the ones that are used privately (maybe because they heard one of my servants use it), I won't make a big deal about -that- either. I may ask them if they know what they called me and what it signifies, but this is more so that they can make a choice about whether they want to call someone that who doesn't own them...especially because my private-use honorific is unusual, and may not be recognized as being akin to "Master".

I give people the benefit of the doubt. If they ask to be called something, I'll call them that. If I can't dignify their request because of my own perceptions of that person, I'll choose not to talk to them any more than I have to. These are words. They have the power that we give them -- so I don't stress about it any more than I have to to keep discipline in my house and in our temple.

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Based on some other threads I have a question for everyone.

Outside of the kinky relationship, why do some people want to be called by a title or an honorific? What do you get out of it?

What are other tops/dominants motiviations and thoughts on what and when titles and honorifics are desired?



< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 10/25/2005 4:17:12 PM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/25/2005 10:42:37 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		In the military I EARNED my rank and felt honored to be referred to by it. As a pilot with a search and rescue organization I EARNED my title and felt honored to be known as such. As a child I was taught to use 'sir' and 'ma'm' because it was the right thing to do and showed respect. I still do that to this day and I tried to instill this in my own child.

I would not want to be called Master because I'm not one. I am a Dom and have never trained to be a true Master. The people out there that insist on being called 'Master' (by people other than their own Sub if they have one) are also probably not real Masters and more likely wannabes or imitators who don't have a clue as to what a real Master is.

I would also not consider calling anyone, Sub, Slave, lady or whatever "Little one" unless I knew her VERY well and she was indeed quite small. That smacks of rudeness or 'looking down your nose' at someone and I try very hard not to do that.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 10/25/2005 10:45:36 PM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 10/26/2005 1:29:58 AM   
MrPeterson


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/21/2005
From: Washington, D.C.
Status: offline 		I went to a school where everyone called each other by titles, regardless as to whether they were students or teachers. It wasn't a rank indicator (nobody was using titles like professor). It was an indicator of mutual respect. So the problem I've had ever since then is in *not* calling people by their titles, since so many people in our society are offended by formality. (I got flamed one time for referring to another person on a discussion board by the title of Mr.)

So it was a relief to me to come into the leather community and find a place where titles are commonly used. I always call people by the titles they use in the leather community until they indicate they don't want me to (as some do immediately), whether that title's "Master So-and-so" or "slave so-and-so." If they don't use a leather title, then I address them formally in a vanilla manner, unless we're in a place where everyone's calling each other by their first names.

I had a *lot* of hesitation about picking my screen name, because I don't feel comfortable applying a title to myself. In real life, I always introduce myself just by my name. But I was feeling acutely uncomfortable at having people I didn't know write to me and address me by my first name. So I finally figured that I'd have to take the lead in being formal.

Tammy Jo asked:

"What does having kinky people use titles and honorifics for you when you are not in a relationship with them do for you?"

Some slaves and boys I've known have referred to me by a generic leather title for tops (Sir So-and-so). I think that's their manner of encouraging me. :) Likewise, I received a graduation certificate from a leather training academy with the title of the role I'm trying to learn. I think that was the faculty's way of saying, "We sure hope you earn this title some day."

As for "sir" (used by itself, without my name), when any submissive or slave calls me that, I regard it as a generous gift. Naturally, it's nice to receive gifts. I certainly don't regard it as something that I'm required to receive from every submissive or slave I meet.

_____________________________

Orare est laborare, laborare est orare.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 11/1/2005 8:39:02 PM   
bladerunner5


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
What does having kinky people use titles and honorifics for you when you are not in a relationship with them do for you?

I'm really trying to understand some of the motiviations behind several other threads on something similar but its getting lost in personal responses and claims of politeness and consent and stuff.


I don't mind using "sir" and "ma'am" with people I like and respect, especially when I am helping out with stuff - nominally following orders. Note that I typed them with lowercase letters, too. I think most people in my community can tell when I'm using the uppercase Big Respect sort of honorific and the lowercase routine politeness term. I also use sir and ma'am with extended family members, people I don't really play with and don't interact lots and lots with, but have a good deal of respect for, and I know they do use higher protocol within their family so I use language that reflects my understanding of their ways.

Other than that, someone can introduce himself to me as Lord DomlyDom Johnathan Middleford Devonshire of The House of Whatever, and I'll say nice to meet you, John. When I turn to introduce him to a friend of mine, I might or might not use the honorifics he's introduced himself under. It depends on how much of it I think I can get out with a straight face. But I certainly wouldn't expect my friend to use the honorifics either. Kinda like I'd introduce myself by my whole name to a new vanilla acquaintance, but I would only expect them to use my first name when talking to or about me.


Bladerunner

"If you don't ask, how can I say yes?"

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 11/2/2005 4:12:52 AM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

especialy if they are of higher authority which i am not saying call every tom dick or harry Master or Mistress....just a nice Sir or Ma'am....a slave/submissive should be humble to all of those whom show their authority to you.



That would seem to be the main point right there. That for MANY subs/slaves on places like this message board, if the person is not directly your master/dominant, they AREN'T of a "higher authority" just because they own someone else. While I understand yours, and many others reasoning (to some extent), it isn't everyone's reasoning. The message boards and the poster in them would grant many subs/slaves the title of Ma'am or Sir based on the intelligence and forethought put into their posts. Because without that "ownership" or personal connection, for MANY on the boards, we are equal. I'm not saying equal in real life relationships, but equal in the type of "relationship" that exists on the message boards, because while he is YOUR master (or Merc is beth's or Bobbi's master, etc.) they have no authority over the rest of us and it can be quite offensive to think that just because they have the authority over you (or beth or Bobbi, etc.) that they have authority over others because YOU (or beth or Bobbi, etc.) call them master or sir.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

Yes,Master calls pretty much all submissive women "little one" its His way of showing that He knows you are submissive and respects that....because "little one" normaly means a term of enderment...without the pick up lines lol.


Using a "term of endearment" with someone who you do not know or have a relationship with is just as disrespectful as the "pick up" lines. "Sweetheart" is a term of endearment, but I don't know many women who take kindly to some strange guy in a bar taking that "liberty" with them.

Edited to add:

I see a lot of the men here talking about the ranks that they earned in the military and whatnot. Certainly, they earned that rank, but it was only their fellow military who recognized that rank. To civilians, it is not a requirement that I refer to someone as General, or Captain, as I am not in the military. While we are all in the same community to some extent, those titles, ranks, honorifics are specific to each individual's group, making the rest of us "civilians". As perverseangelic has said (repeatedly and quite well), respect is easily achieved without the use of titles. And as Padriag has said, people WANT recognition for what they perceive themselves to be or have achieved. The problem, it would seem is seeking that recognition from others based on just "your say so" that you have achieved such without them having any actual knowledge that you deserve that recognition. Your college professor is teaching your class, therefore (while he may be a crappy professor), you are seeing him in that position that earns him that title. The same with your doctor or a judge, we use those titles because typically we are seeing them performing in the manner which earned them such. On the message boards, it just rarely works that way.


< Message edited by FLButtSlut -- 11/2/2005 4:31:42 AM >

(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 11/2/2005 4:26:22 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

That reminds me of the infamous Mitsubishi Pajero 4x4. Mitsubishi had a hard time understanding why that model failed to sell very well in Spain--until they discovered, to their horror, that "pajero" means "wanker" in Spanish. You'd think a little bit of pre-release research would have been in order...

Lordandmaster


That is absolutely hilarious.

candystripper

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 11/2/2005 5:11:47 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		A simple working reply which suits me but may not suit others (depending on their ego and/or their position on the wheel of life)is:

"Address me and treat me as you will; each will find their own level with me and thus we may enjoy each other's company. However, treat me with contempt and I may hold you in contempt. Treat me with scorn and I may scorn you. Hate me and I will pitty you. Ignore me and you will be ignored. I will not judge you for your failings or actions. I will attempt to find that which is honarable and worthy in you and it is that to which I will show my respect."

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 11/2/2005 5:17:03 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		In a relationship a title is a term of endearment to me, outside of a relationship I don't need a title, I know who and what I am. It is how I am addressed not what I am addressed as that has meaning for me... as in the way it is said. I have been called "Bitch" and it has been a compliment.

I think geography comes into it. Where I come from the terms "sir" and "ma'am" are not commonly used in everyday life. Mr, Ms, Mrs or Miss would be more usual in a formal setting or first names when know someone.
The people I meet would tend to find "lil one" condescending or patronising from someone they didn't know whilst subbie is often used and it is well meant. From reading the boards here I have learned that in America many find the term "subbie" patronising as such I wouldn't use it with them. To me it is common courtesy to find out what people prefer to be referred to as and once not against my personal ways to use that or to come to a mutual agreement..... If its to be called Lrod and Master well we can agree on Lam

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Titles and Honorifics - 11/2/2005 6:03:45 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I was raised to be a lady, too, and I treat everyone with equal courtesy, or at least manage it 98% of the time. Courtesy and manners are not the same thing as respect----manners are the grease that keeps society running smoothly, the feeling behind the facade might be very different. We are polite to those in authority over us (if we're sensible) regardless of how we feel about them.


I agree 100% Francine.

In business, I tend to call all my clients Monsieur/Madame, Doctor, Professor, etc. until either a) they tell me to please call me by their first name or I have been introduced to them by their first name or b) we develop a more personal bond and it comes naturally, especially with people in my age group. But I have clients that are 15-30 years older then me and still after years of doing business, they are still Monsieur/Madame and that’s just fine. In fact, the respect that I show them is part of my strategy in making them feel valued.

Now Québécois society takes its cues from French society but is somewhat a little more familiar and relaxed about protocol. Here, if you don’t know someone, you would never address them in the second person singular – tu – but rather in the second person plural – vous. It is not so stringent here in Québec as it is France but I’d say in business and official matters, it’s very important to respect if you don’t want to pass as a hick. But in social settings, if I refer to someone, especially someone in my own age group, as vous, they will wonder what planet I came from.

That being said, it always irked me when I was approached by someone in this realm with tu. Though I don't expect for someone to bow down to me when they first meet me, I believe that when trying to seduce a dominant, a little deference might actually play in your favour!

As for diminutives, well I'll bite my tongue if it's not worth getting over an argument about. I’ve been called “young lady” or variations on that in business by men the age of my father. But I’ve learned that lashing out and teaching people about political correctness when they are about to sign on the dotted line isn’t always the wisest. To understand power dynamics is power itself.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Titles and Honorifics Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094