RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships

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SimplyMichael -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:17:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Here are the conundrums with mentors...those who most need them seldom seek them, those who do seek them often don't need one, those who most seek to mentor often have the least to offer and those with the most to offer seldom mentor. There of course exceptions to all of this but then again people fall out of airplanes and live sometimes too. I was mentored by some interesting people out of the San Francisco scene but I have learned far more just reading the boards here. Then again, I was new and knew it all back then, and am old and now less now so that could have something to do with it as well. [Emphasis added] And so do you mentor Michael? Any chance you could explain the actual point for singling me out for this line of questioning?

subtee -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:18:23 PM)
I think you know...

RedMagic1 -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:21:34 PM)
As a fellow Iowan, I will translate for my paisana subtee: There is a brainiac hiding inside the Neanderthal.

Labman1 -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:27:39 PM)
Here's my $0.02 on all of this (to be taken with a grain of salt, lime and tequila) I know I am Dominant, though I haven't had a serious D/s relationship. I know that's what I want, but I fear that my lack of experience (occasional scening and more overall vanilla the rest of the time) in relationships is a deterrent for subs. I'm looking for a LTR, but I also know that I can't offer the level of domination that many subs are looking for right now. Since I don't feel comfortable getting into a long term lifestyle relationship until I can offer the level of skill my sub/slave desires, I feel a little trapped. How does one overcome this catch 22: "I lack the practical D/s relationship experience that my partner deserves, but I want a D/s relationship"? I can't justify (and am not the kind of person to) get into a sexual relationship with someone just to "get the experience I need". thoughts?

CruelDesires -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:28:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz Screw that, I am going to be the Bubblewrap domme.... That should be safe enough right? I do really want to learn how to use it like I've seen a few others do. When the wrong person is on the other end, it's annoying. When it's jusssst right, It's almost relaxing. Oddly enough, I've always been a little pissy about anyone hitting me in the face, but someone actually had the skill to take about half of the thing, and use it on my face. That was interesting... O.o Sorry. Back to your regularly scheduled thread. I would be happy to PM you some practice exorcises to help become more proficient with the dungeon length singletail whip if you like? :) CD

derfrewop -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:30:08 PM)
Mostly to metalmiss but also subtee A top who is worried about losing control, scared of harming a sub by going to far or other ways of horribly screwing up is the only one who can be trusted. If you are not worried about these things, you are a menace to anyone you top. Take it away from BDSM and focus on anything where a lack of care will lead to harm or death. Would you trust a person with a gun who is not concerned that they could kill somebody? Would you ride in a car with a driver who is careless because they don't think they can hurt people? Would you trust a person on a ladder who doesn't think they can fall? Every day, every one of us do things that might hurt ourselves and others. This is not a problem so long as the person is aware that it can all go bad. A person who is fully conscious of the dangers of what they are doing is a person who much less likely to cause harm. Being "horribly scared" that you might lose control is the very best way to avoid losing control. A Dom who is not afraid of losing control does not take the steps and precautions required to prevent losing control. That said, you are an individual person. You have to decide if you can keep that fear of losing control while still doing what you want to do. Personally, I am quite good with a gun but the fear of losing control means I will never be comfortable using it. Yet dealing with extremely toxic chemicals is something that I can keep the fear and still be comfortable doing even though the actual danger is far greater. You are an individual so you need to make the decision but having a appropriate fear when doing something that is actually dangerous is a sign that you are the right person for the task. .

Lynnxz -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:34:28 PM)
Labman, my opinion is that practice makes perfect. I used to look for guys who had the experience, and the skills that I wanted, only to later realize that I didn't get along with them at ALL outside of the kinky stuff. So, I'm taking a different approach this time around, I'm perverting the hell out of my boyfriend. It's surprisingly easy, hahaha. Don't stress about your skill level, just find someone who doesn't have a problem learning along with you, or who can teach you a few things.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:36:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee I think you know... That lacks clarity, care to try again?

subtee -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 7:38:46 PM)
Red, thank you. Here's my swan song. I would love a mentor...it's been rough and I guess why not? I'm not promised a rose garden. It's very cool to hear of "success" within the lifestyle or within the BDSM dynamic or whatever. I do congratulate those of you who have found it. I believe it's rare and as much as there can be blame assigned to those of us who have not found it, and I do see a certain eagerness to do so, I will say that it's pretty much a crap shoot. Ah well...

cjan -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 8:02:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz Labman, my opinion is that practice makes perfect. I used to look for guys who had the experience, and the skills that I wanted, only to later realize that I didn't get along with them at ALL outside of the kinky stuff. So, I'm taking a different approach this time around, I'm perverting the hell out of my boyfriend. It's surprisingly easy, hahaha. Don't stress about your skill level, just find someone who doesn't have a problem learning along with you, or who can teach you a few things. Well put,and, I think a healty attitude and approach. Best wishes to you both. P.S. Don't forget the finesse. snort

subtee -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 8:19:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: subtee I think you know... That lacks clarity, care to try again? Okay, do I intimidate you? I'm submissive. Not had luck. You're dominant and have had luck. You say you mentor by posting of your success...I don't believe that's effective or relevant. I believe that you don't mentor one-on-one and certainly not submissives...if you were to mentor me, wouldn't you have to know me? At least somewhat?

CruelDesires -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 8:55:51 PM)
Some people in the lifestyle reccomend that to avoid conflicts of interest and to avoid any unwanted entanglements, Dominants should only mentor other Dominants and submissives should only be mentored by other submissives. CD

Alumbrado -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 9:04:47 PM)
That certainly sounds good... on paper.[;)]

SimplyMichael -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 9:47:40 PM)
quote: Okay, do I intimidate you? Why on earth would you think that? quote: You say you mentor by posting of your success... I think you are projecting here, I don't post of my success, rather my struggles, failures and issues. quote: I believe that you don't mentor one-on-one and certainly not submissives... I don't have an issue with doing that, the few times I have, they don't tend to like the advice I give. As for mentoring submissives, I don't see what I have to offer as I am not submissive. I might help them find a suitable submissive to mentor them. If they are in a relationship they should be talking to their partner, and if they are not in one, I tend to experience trouble with boundaries on one side or the other. quote: if you were to mentor me, wouldn't you have to know me? At least somewhat? As long as "know me" wasn't in the biblical sense, of course. Some advice like "slow down" or "look for patterns" is pretty generic but yes, after that it does require a lot of knowledge of who you are mentoring.

chellekitty -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 11:35:30 PM)
well, after all that dirty laundry being aired out i had to go back and look to see what the original topic was.....oh yes... i have been venturing into the top side of things, and considering it for quite a while...i even enrolled in a year long mentorship program at the beginning of the year that opperates out of Austin, Tx, but due to some drama from the wreckage of my past carrying over into the new year i had to drop out...something about not being able to stay in the program on my own merrit but being allowed back in on the advice of the man who's gossiping got me kicked out in the first place just rubbed me wrong...but that is neither here nor there, as far as this general concept goes...what i was trying to get to was the one on one mentoring part of the program, where Tops/Dominants who had developed certain skills and were willing to teach them to other Tops/Dominants in one on one sessions through out the year, there were also group exercises and weekend long intensives... in san antonio there is a group that puts on intensives for Tops/Dominants when they find a need and someone(s) willing to teach...it starts off with the intensive a group class, but also typically extends to whenever you see that person they are willing to go over what they taught, apprentice you in that skill...i have found that many people in this lifestyle are willing to do this if you can work with their schedule...well, no, they are not going to stop their one night a month they get to play with their slave away from the offspring and the dogs and the household duties and the community duties to teach you that harness or how to put needles in someone or how to throw a whip like "this"....but....if you can work with them, they will work with you... btw...i have what i consider a healthy dose of reality when it comes to being on the handle side of an impliment...i realize that in past times some of these were impliments of torture, even to the point of death and weapons, others were meant for skin much thicker than humans, still others are medical instruments used to get to internal bits and pieces...thats what makes them exciting...if they weren't, i probably wouldn't be playing with them...i like keeping the people i play with alive and able to walk away when i am done...if that means i have to not play with something until i learn how to do so safely, oh well, i can wait...this isn't an unrealistic fear, this is recognizing the limitations of the human body...whoops...steps off soap box chelle

LadyPact -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/27/2008 11:58:21 PM)
I'm sure this response information is in some of those links provided by LA. I'll post them again anyway. Yes, I mentor. The most prevelant apprentice that I have is My husband. He's learned, not only skills from Me, but how interactive D/s relationships work. He credits Me with being his greatest teacher these past couple of years. I also do one on one lessons for various skills and have done demos for groups. There have even been a couple of pro Dommes on these boards who have asked Me to teach them certain forms of play, even though I'm just a lifestyle Domme. My advice on this is very simple, and what works for Me on the receiving end. If you see someone conducting a scene or being proficiant at a skill that you admire, simply ask that person if they would be willing to teach you. I'm always flattered when people approach Me in that fashion. The worst that can happen is that they say no and you haven't lost anything. On the other hand, they might say yes and you learn something new. By the way, I still ask people to teach Me new things. I'll never know everything, but isn't it really more fun that way?

thetammyjo -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/28/2008 11:18:53 AM)
I learned most of my SM skills and bondage skills apprenticing to those who had skills I had observed in clubs and organizations. I didn't have a formal mentor for other things but lots of others I could talk to because we were in NYC at the time and we were involved in number of groups. I have mentored and taught others the same way I learned

JohnWarren -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/28/2008 1:07:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm mis stating anyones possition but I believe when folks say mentoring at a group, they much more mean they expresss their opinions openly at the discussions, and offer further advice, communication etc that would be more one to one when someone expresses an interest in their style/ ability/ wisdom (cough cough) etc. I suppose I'm showing myself to be the old fart that I am, but to me, mentoring is primarily a one on one think. It can be very intense and time consuming. For that reason, I generally don't "mentor" much any more. I find the limited time and energy I have is best used in broader forums and my participation in them has greatly decreased as my health deteriorates. How old a fart? Well, I guess you'd just have to ask Telemachus about my relationship with him.

Archer -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/28/2008 2:00:53 PM)
Not sure I made the point clearly in my last so I'll expound just a bit. I go to a group. I participate in the discussion. After the discussion Jack comes up to me and asks for a bit more in depth discussion in a one on one face time. So Jack ends up over to the house or out for coffee or beers and we talk about whatever the questions etc were. It's not really a formal mentoring situation certainly, but it's closely related to mentoring it has almost everything except the long term time commitment. I prefer longer term more time commitment mentoring both directions, being one and having one, but mentoring in the abreviated version is better than none at all. And it's certainly easier to find a person willing to commit to a single night meeting for bers and conversation, than it is to find someone to commit to years of bouncing ideas off them and getting their more detached perspective on the various who what where when and how questions we all have.

subtee -> RE: Mentoring/Apprenticeships (5/28/2008 2:14:45 PM)
Right on. It's the personal as opposed to the general audience teaching that makes mentoring mentoring. It's a relationship. This is all I should have said.

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