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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


I don't see how D/s, M/s or B/s matters here at all.  Maybe she *wants* to be monitored and "put in her place"... and maybe he's an asshole.  End result for you is the same.  Continue looking for people who are interesting, interested and available.

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

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ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

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 Unless you broarden your question to include M/s dynamics I have no response as I only deal with slaves in my dynamics. 

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  I of course include the M/s dynamic as I am not really interested in D/s either, like you I prefer M/s.

  some people in  M/s relationships were able to answer the question without feeling it necessary to once again bring up the whole subs vs. slaves stuff...it just takes a little imagination.

If you knew anything about me which you obviously don't or you wouldn't have made that comment, you'd know that from the ten years as a Gorean Master living a Gorean Lifestyle and now for some years as a Master of a Victorian Home, you'd know as I have often enough commented I know bugger all about submissives having dealt and deal on a personal level exclusively with slaves. There is a difference which is why I asked the question. It has been my experience that people asking questions about the whole sub/slave situation will either use the term "sub/slave" or  D/s & M/s. I have made it clear also that I do take most things literally as I neither have the sapre time nor will I play guessing games trying to double guess. I may have to professionally but also it is my experience to do so in previous areas where I was employed was to risk injury or death to either self or a client.

You and you alone assumed (a major mistake) that I was bringing up the submissive v slave discussion which I refuse to enter into. I have my own definitions which works for me and that is enough.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

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ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

my point was...nobody else in an M/s relationship needed to clarify.  It was taken as a given that the OP was not trying to exclude You.  We ALL know you are in an M/s Gorean relationship...

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but from the OP using D/s, the spirit of the thread could have gone on without Your comment. 

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You could have spoken about your relationship in terms of Your dynamic. 

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i just felt that there was no need to force him to broaden his post.  Thus, the imagination part....

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ORIGINAL: tsatske


If you only know this person online, why would you expect that you could trust your words not to go any further than themselves?

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ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

Yes I totally agree with you.

Thats why I originally asked my question using the D/s.

But then some people do feel the need for much more graphic inclusion to get them to participate.

Thank you.

Your OP and subsequent posts seemed to use the terms interchangeably, and not everyone sees them that way.  I don't personally see a problem with seeking clarity on what you meant.

Well in answer to that I will just say....you can't please everybody!

I'm fairly new to the BDSM lifestyle as witnessed by my posts to date and as a result I'm on a sharp learning curve......so forgive me if I mix D/s with M/s.

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

+snip....
you knew all you needed to know when you where made aware it was an owned girl. That means the girl, whether she is sub or slave, whether she is online or real life, will follow rules... HIS rules, whatever you maybe think right or wrong is irrelevant apart from whether you choose to continue talking or not. she is HIS not yours. The same goes for 'general consensus'... frankly it is not our business as each Dom/Master will run Their Dynamic Their way, it isn't open to a vote!

your reaction does make Me wonder as to the 'problem' as it strikes Me that few Masters would have any problem with respectful discussion with their girl from any gender or any side of the dynamic unless that person had shown themself lacking in respect.

To answer some of the other 'questions' raised here... speaking of course from My Own perspective, that of a 24/7 real life TPE Dynamic (IE. NOT pulling a OTW, just how such works here!)

Trust.... sure I trust My girl, if I didn't trust her I wouldn't Own her. Monotoring her mail isn't about lack of trust. In My case it isn't about insecurity or in fact any need of Mine, but rather from a need in the girl, one common to many TPE compatable girls I have known. They draw a great deal of comfort and security from the fact that I do check, that I do keep an eye on My girls activity. They belong to Me, I take an active interest in what they are doing whether it is online or off. Conversly, with My playpartner/sub I am not drawn to check her mail. I don't Own her, there is much of her life that isn't My business, she has a lot of privacy from Me and only shares what she chooses to share. My slave doesn't have that privacy, I Own her mind, body and soul, there is no privacy, no secrets, no part of her life that I can't/don't involve Myself in at least to the point of being aware of what is happening.

To those who take the attitude "I don't have time".... what do you have time for? Hopefully you MAKE the time for the level of Dynamic you take on.... I take on TPE, the T stands for total, that is a big comitment I expect from the girl... also a big commitment from Me. It takes time, I accepted that when I went down this road, I am suited to that which is why I went down this road..... Don't decry others for putting in more work than you are prepaired to comit to, horses for courses.

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

Yes I totally agree with you.

Thats why I originally asked my question using the D/s.

But then some people do feel the need for much more graphic inclusion to get them to participate.

Thank you.

Your OP and subsequent posts seemed to use the terms interchangeably, and not everyone sees them that way.  I don't personally see a problem with seeking clarity on what you meant.

Well in answer to that I will just say....you can't please everybody!

I'm fairly new to the BDSM lifestyle as witnessed by my posts to date and as a result I'm on a sharp learning curve......so forgive me if I mix D/s with M/s.

No forgiveness needed for a learning curve, or even for mixing up terms.  I might recommend, however, if you indeed are learning, to refrain from snarky remarks to those who are asking for clarification when terms are interchanged. 

Just my 2 cents.

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Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

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 If you knew anything about me which you obviously don't or you wouldn't have made that comment, you'd know that from the ten years as a Gorean Master living a Gorean Lifestyle

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Also I chose to comment because I can! 

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ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
While I generally do not expect total privacy in online communication, I also don't expect for them to be read by other people (other than the one I'm writing to).  So if she happens to be a monitored sub, she better let me know.  Otherwise, I'd consider it a betrayal on her part if I shared something in confidence with the understanding that no one else is reading it.  I'd never speak to her again.  This is simply a matter of integrity.

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ORIGINAL: SleepyDom

While I generally do not expect total privacy in online communication, I also don't expect for them to be read by other people (other than the one I'm writing to).  So if she happens to be a monitored sub, she better let me know.  Otherwise, I'd consider it a betrayal on her part if I shared something in confidence with the understanding that no one else is reading it.  I'd never speak to her again.  This is simply a matter of integrity.

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
Besides, WTF is the big deal... if you are aware you are talking to an Owned girl then you shouldn't be discussing anything you would have a problem with her Master knowing about..... THAT is a matter of INTEGRITY!

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

When talking to an owned girl, I usually start with, "I shall assume that this will be shared with you\r Master/Mistress which is good for all of us". When I conclude I also ask her to give my greetings and respect to her Master/Mistress. helps keep everything in the open so there is no misunderstandings..

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

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ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker
Which I think is a fair way to go about things.