Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (Full Version)

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MstrObjectmaker -> Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 2:00:10 PM)

Question:-

Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

Question:-

If so should the sub in question inform all of his/her contacts that a third party will be privy to what has been discussed online?

For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub.
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.

That is not to say that I have not entered into online D/s before, but I find it unnecessary to have control of a subs instant messaging.

Thank you Iain.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 2:07:06 PM)

I've only had one person have access to my collarme, gmail, myspace and aol accounts, but he was someone that I had a flesh relationship with.  As far as I can remember, I never felt the need to tell anyone that he had that access.  I would never give access to someone that I had an online only relationship with.



MladyHathor -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 2:09:01 PM)

I find this to be a common practice--to Me it smacks of insecurities--I stand to be proven wrong--I don't have time to manage Mine let alone someone's emails from Mom and the Nigerian scam---if they can't be trusted they don't make first base.
 
 



SimplyMichael -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 2:34:01 PM)

BSB and I SHARE passwords, mostly so we can more easily share information or I can ask her to send an email for me.  We don't like keeping secrets from each other.  I don't monitor her though, I am too damn busy for that sort of micro managing.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 2:59:14 PM)

I offered my passwords to my Master but he never wanted them.  He said he trusted me to relay any pertinent information to him, and if he wanted to see what someone wrote to me, I could forward it to him.  There was a time when I gave it to him because of convenience for that particular situation, but I doubt he even remembers it now.

Since I do all sorts of secretarial type of work for him, I have his passwords, but I only go into his accounts when it is relevant to do so. 



camille65 -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:04:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

Question:-

Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties? The word 'monitor' bothers me. He has all my passwords and stuff but he doesn't use them unless I forget them and ask him for them. I don't think I do anything exciting enough to warrant monitoring actually.

Question:-

If so should the sub in question inform all of his/her contacts that a third party will be privy to what has been discussed online? Absolutely yes. Not telling someone that the conversation is going to be read by another party is just plain wrong to me.

For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub. 8 years I've belonged to him and it has been primarily online. He lives on the other side of a big country and until I manage to move there... we are online except for my tri-monthy dashes to his side [:D]
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.

That is not to say that I have not entered into online D/s before, but I find it unnecessary to have control of a subs instant messaging. That isn't a factor in all D/s online relationships remember, it is ultimately up to the parties involved which means it is as individual as well.. the individuals.

Thank you Iain.



metalmiss -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:19:27 PM)

First off, your question, in my experience isn't something entirely restricted to online "relationships."
While my relationship with my Master is entirely a real life one (i would find anything "online" unfulfilling, i don't see the point in it and hence it is something i personally would never persue), i do spend some of my time online (obviously) and that part of my life is controlled and monitored by Him as much as any other.

He has all of my passwords, not just my messenger accounts. If He was curious or concerned about anything or any part of my interaction with the outside world it is there for Him to see, i hide nothing. And as it happens He logs into all of my accounts regularly as a matter of course. That openness is in my opinion essential for a Dynamic such as ours to run effectively.

The checking of my messenger accounts is something that i find reassuring & it adds to my sense of security within Our relationship.. i have no privacy, nor did i ever expect such.. Instead when He does check my messenger logs or mention something i have spoken about in a conversation but didnt speak to Him about at the time, it makes me feel warm inside & happy as a slave with a Master who cares enough, that He takes the time to check for Himself. That i mean enough to Him for Him to be so attentive and make that effort is something which thrills me inside

As for whether a girl should have to tell all and sundry that she speaks to that her Master might read the conversation.. In my opinion, certainly not. If i speak to somebody new online it is my responsibility to tell them (and i do) that i am an Owned girl. Past that point, if they try to behave inappropriately then they would be blocked and if He saw fit, my Master would deal with them directly. But they would have had that warning in my telling them that i am Owned.

In the same vein, if i was speaking to another Owned girl online, i would do so under the assumption that the conversation would be monitored and that level of control had been taken, therefore our conversation would be a polite and respectful one. I can only imagine what the problems you had before were.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:20:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker
Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

There is no standard, but it's fairly common.

Of course there's always the question of time- not only does your sub need to be having lots of different internet conversations, but you then have to read, review and maintain them all?  Just inefficient and impractical.

quote:

If so should the sub in question inform all of his/her contacts that a third party will be privy to what has been discussed online?

It's certainly gracious to post something like that on a profile, but not necessary.  I simply never expect a conversation to be private until I've truly formed a deep lasting friendship and commitment with that person.
quote:


For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub.
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.

That is not to say that I have not entered into online D/s before, but I find it unnecessary to have control of a subs instant messaging.

Thank you Iain.

You are only caught with what you choose to be caught in.  Especially online.  Just click the x.

I will also say that my partner and I do share passwords and such, but mostly just a "in case of emergency or need" issue, not for any sort of general monitoring, we really don't have the time or desire.



MstrObjectmaker -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:39:12 PM)

Thank you to all who have responded to this post thus far.

However I feel I must clarify the kind of D/s relationship I am inquiring about.

I myself am of the opinion that within a real time/real life D/s relationship access by the Dominant to passwords and their corresponding accounts of his/her sub's is a given. As is restriction of access to the internet as a whole.

My questions relate to D/s relationships that are soley cyber based where the participants have never met and are unlikely to ever meet in reality.

Thank you again.



SoulPiercer -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:44:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

Question:-

Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

Question:-

If so should the sub in question inform all of his/her contacts that a third party will be privy to what has been discussed online?

For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub.
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.

That is not to say that I have not entered into online D/s before, but I find it unnecessary to have control of a subs instant messaging.

Thank you Iain.



I don't know if it's "standard practice", but I'd say a lot of people are obviously doing this, because it happened to me once a few years ago. It was actually with someone I had known for about 3 years. Her "online master" read an email where I had used a kissing emoticon in closing. From the email he sent me .. I think his head was about to explode.

If someone gives you their email address or chats with you on Yahoo, knowing they are being monitored, I say they should disclose it.

I have kimmie's password to CM and Yahoo. But since we live together, I don't think we qualify as an online D/s relationship. Just like with ownedgirlie, she gave them to me for some reason I've since forgotten, probably when she was away and needed something she'd saved in email.

I can honestly say .. having heard about some of the messages she gets .. I have no need to check her email or screen her messages on CollarMe.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:46:25 PM)

There is no such thing as standard practice. It doesnt exist online anymore than it does in realtime relationships.
Some do it one way, some another... but looking for a consensus is like looking for a pearl in a snowfield. Possible, but highly unlikely.

DV



Usako -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:52:34 PM)

I would never give anyone access to my accounts, be it irl based or on line based. I enjoy my privacy and if they trust me then they shouldn't need to "monitor" me.



MstrObjectmaker -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:54:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker


Question:-

Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub.
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.




I would like to add that my question about whether or not it is "standard practice" is based on the fact that the Master in question told me in a mail that as I am obviously new to the BDSM lifestyle I would not necessarily know that the monitoring of online conversations was indeed "standard practice".

That is after I called into question the need for such a policy in a reply to a previous mail.

The reason for posting my questions is to find out the general consensus on this topic.

Thankyou.



IronBear -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 3:55:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

Question:-

Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

Question:-

If so should the sub in question inform all of his/her contacts that a third party will be privy to what has been discussed online?

For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub.
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.

That is not to say that I have not entered into online D/s before, but I find it unnecessary to have control of a subs instant messaging.

Thank you Iain.


Unless you broarden your question to include M/s dynamics I have no response as I only deal with slaves in my dynamics.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)




MstrObjectmaker -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 4:01:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

Question:-

Is it standard practice for online Dom's/Dommes to take control of online subs through access to not only their profiles but their MSN and Yahoo messaging accounts, to monitor all communications with other parties?

Question:-

If so should the sub in question inform all of his/her contacts that a third party will be privy to what has been discussed online?

For myself I would prefer not to be party to online Domination but I have recently been caught foul by such a situation. Between a Master and his online sub.
Not finding out until too late to what extent the online Domination and subsequent control has been taken.

That is not to say that I have not entered into online D/s before, but I find it unnecessary to have control of a subs instant messaging.

Thank you Iain.


Unless you broarden your question to include M/s dynamics I have no response as I only deal with slaves in my dynamics.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)




I of course include the M/s dynamic as I am not really interested in D/s either, like you I prefer M/s.



RavenMuse -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 4:17:30 PM)

Frankly, whilst online relationships are not My bag, it doesn't matter and yes I consider you 'likely' to be pretty new from your reaction to what happened.

There is no 'standard practice' per se, but you knew all you needed to know when you where made aware it was an owned girl. That means the girl, whether she is sub or slave, whether she is online or real life, will follow rules... HIS rules, whatever you maybe think right or wrong is irrelevant apart from whether you choose to continue talking or not. she is HIS not yours. The same goes for 'general consensus'... frankly it is not our business as each Dom/Master will run Their Dynamic Their way, it isn't open to a vote!

your reaction does make Me wonder as to the 'problem' as it strikes Me that few Masters would have any problem with respectful discussion with their girl from any gender or any side of the dynamic unless that person had shown themself lacking in respect.

To answer some of the other 'questions' raised here... speaking of course from My Own perspective, that of a 24/7 real life TPE Dynamic (IE. NOT pulling a OTW, just how such works here!)

Trust.... sure I trust My girl, if I didn't trust her I wouldn't Own her. Monotoring her mail isn't about lack of trust. In My case it isn't about insecurity or in fact any need of Mine, but rather from a need in the girl, one common to many TPE compatable girls I have known. They draw a great deal of comfort and security from the fact that I do check, that I do keep an eye on My girls activity. They belong to Me, I take an active interest in what they are doing whether it is online or off. Conversly, with My playpartner/sub I am not drawn to check her mail. I don't Own her, there is much of her life that isn't My business, she has a lot of privacy from Me and only shares what she chooses to share. My slave doesn't have that privacy, I Own her mind, body and soul, there is no privacy, no secrets, no part of her life that I can't/don't involve Myself in at least to the point of being aware of what is happening.

To those who take the attitude "I don't have time".... what do you have time for? Hopefully you MAKE the time for the level of Dynamic you take on.... I take on TPE, the T stands for total, that is a big comitment I expect from the girl... also a big commitment from Me. It takes time, I accepted that when I went down this road, I am suited to that which is why I went down this road..... Don't decry others for putting in more work than you are prepaired to comit to, horses for courses.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/26/2008 7:10:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
To those who take the attitude "I don't have time".... what do you have time for? Hopefully you MAKE the time for the level of Dynamic you take on.... I take on TPE, the T stands for total, that is a big comitment I expect from the girl... also a big commitment from Me. It takes time, I accepted that when I went down this road, I am suited to that which is why I went down this road..... Don't decry others for putting in more work than you are prepaired to comit to, horses for courses.

As one who said "I don't have the time" I can say for me it's because we were too busy going to actual events, cooking together, watching TV and cleaning out the DVR together, talking to our family members together, visiting possible new apartments together, going mini-golfing together, sleeping together and then cleaning together.

So not only do I not have the time to read all of the emails that cross his screen every single day, why would I take the time away DOING things together just to real emails alone? 

I get that a lot of people into authority dynamics really like micromanaging, at least in some ways and that's great for them.

But life is all about prioritization and for me reading someone elses' emails and correspondence is really low on that list.  It's not about not putting in the work and time, it's that I decide that putting the time into actually doing things together and learning about them that way is far more important and thus do not have the time to read emails.



RavenMuse -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/27/2008 3:30:42 AM)

Don't get your knickers in a twist, as I said horses for courses. What I was saying was that folks shouldn't try to decry those that do (Frankly it doesn't take much time above checking My Own mail... when I check My CM before I log out I log into My girls, a matter of a couple of minutes to glance at her inbox and outbox... same with other sites).

The only reason I can see for those kind of 'jibes' is insecurity.... they see others doing it, feel they maybe should too but don't want to, so lash out at those who do.... When frankly it is naff all to do with them.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/27/2008 3:58:11 AM)

quote:

 Unless you broarden your question to include M/s dynamics I have no response as I only deal with slaves in my dynamics. 


quote:

  I of course include the M/s dynamic as I am not really interested in D/s either, like you I prefer M/s.


[8|]  some people in  M/s relationships were able to answer the question without feeling it necessary to once again bring up the whole subs vs. slaves stuff...it just takes a little imagination.



steviemichael -> RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s (5/27/2008 4:11:13 AM)

if one consents to control anothers 'online'actions and the one consents feels secure and loved and protected by the wolves than so be it !!



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