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RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 11:36:40 AM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

Well from personal experience of women in general.

Women do tend to off load stuff that has happened to them or been said to them, onto each other, to each other.

My ex called it "debriefing".

Edited because of spelling. lol And again!

< Message edited by MstrObjectmaker -- 5/28/2008 12:25:42 PM >

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 81

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 11:40:32 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Darcy and I do not believe in micromanagement. We also do not feel that those who do share mail exhibit some form of trust issue.

I share everything with Darcy, particularly what people may say, mail or post if I know he would be interested, if He thought it important and also to protect our relationship from outside sources who would use private correspondance as a tool to try and undermine any relationship, particularly the one we have.

But then, we do not have any trust issues whatsoever because we hide absolutely nothing - either from each other or the world as a whole. Lies and mis-info causes pain and hiding. I certainly wouldn't hide.

If a person, regardless of orientation, does not share that they are in a relationship or intimacy or control from the onset or does not state that they share with others - particularly if you have communicated that this is a term of your relationship with them - of course you would feel betrayed. But as much as they should be open and give clear communications to you - you have equal responsibility to protect yourself by communicating clearly and not making an automatic assumption that privacy is an automatic gesture - like respect. Neither is a commodity to earn or barter with, but a preference that is requested, considered and clearly communicated.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MstrObjectmaker)

Post #: 82

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 11:41:17 AM

SleepyDom

Posts: 118
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
I guess I'm a loner for a reason.

Yes.

Smartass.

MOM, while trust is important and I can't be bothered to check her emails and such (unless she's been acting suspiciously), I do believe in owning my sub's mind in the sense of knowing what's going on (intimate things) without violating any trust she's been given by others.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 83

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 11:47:36 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

LaTigresse is correct -- as usual. You are overemotionalizing a non-issue.

I was not making a smartass remark. I was pointing out that you have a problem. You can choose to deal, or not.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 84

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 11:52:04 AM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

As far as I am concerned any intimate relationship be it 'nilla or lifestyle should operate on the principle of mutual trust and transparency if it is to grow into something lasting and meaningful.

So the fact that the participants in that relationship share everything including mail, passwords and personal information etc...has nothing to do with wishing to micro manage.

And everything to do with complete openess and trust.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 85

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 11:56:32 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

Well those women had no honor then; I'm sorry you've been involved with such low grade of women. I'm sure there are lots of women with honor and integrity. As for not sharing personal stuff, well, that's what intimacy is. You don't rule out love just because you've been hurt. You don't rule out trust just because you've been betrayed. The trick is to be a better judge of character, I suppose, but trust? Without trust there's nothing, there's no relationship. If I can't trust her with my personal stuff, we ain't having any relationship period.

First off all, i suppose we have a very different definaiton of integrety. To me, sharing everything with my Master is a matter of integrety. To hide anything from him would be breaking my moral codes. If you owned me, I suppose you could order me to do otherwise, but that would probably just make us not a good match, as i need a Master willing to see all of me.

It is true that women, more than men, need someone to share with. I often tell male friends - if you have a star shaped mole on your ass, trust me, your wife's bf knows about it!

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 86

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:01:35 PM

SleepyDom

Posts: 118
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
First off all, i suppose we have a very different definaiton of integrety. To me, sharing everything with my Master is a matter of integrety. To hide anything from him would be breaking my moral codes. If you owned me, I suppose you could order me to do otherwise, but that would probably just make us not a good match, as i need a Master willing to see all of me.

It is true that women, more than men, need someone to share with. I often tell male friends - if you have a star shaped mole on your ass, trust me, your wife's bf knows about it!

So you're saying that my ex-sub's Master had a right to know everything about me that she knew, that I told her in confidence, is that correct? You're right; we have a very different understanding of integrity.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 87

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:09:36 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker
So the fact that the participants in that relationship share everything including mail, passwords and personal information etc...has nothing to do with wishing to micro manage.

And everything to do with complete openess and trust.

And finaly, a post from you I can agree wholeheartedly with :)

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MstrObjectmaker)

Post #: 88

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:12:22 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
So you're saying that my ex-sub's Master had a right to know everything about me that she knew, that I told her in confidence, is that correct? You're right; we have a very different understanding of integrity.

Thats the nature of them being an ex... tough isn't it and yep, MY girl hides nothing from Me if I ask it of her... maybe you should stick to vanilla if you want 'secrets'

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 89

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:13:13 PM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom

So you're saying that my ex-sub's Master had a right to know everything about me that she knew, that I told her in confidence, is that correct? You're right; we have a very different understanding of integrity.

For what its worth.....I guess the trick is to make sure you keep hold of the sub you decide to tell your intimate secrets to so that she never has the oppotunity to divulge those secrets to someone else.

Basically people are just that people, and from my experience of relationships women do tend to tell there significant other all about their previous relationship and the man who they were in that relationship with.

Some don't but most do.

To them that previous relationship is history and the person who they were intimate with is history.

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 90

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:13:15 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom
So you're saying that my ex-sub's Master had a right to know everything about me that she knew, that I told her in confidence, is that correct? You're right; we have a very different understanding of integrity.

Maybe this will help. My Master requires me to tell him anything that affects me - anything that affects my thoughts, my feelings, my baggage, my reactions to things - anything. If that means telling him something a former Dominant told me, because that something affected the way I think, then that's what it means. When he takes ownership of me, he takes ownership of all of me, and that includes the history that makes up who I am today.

I'm not being a smartass about this, but seriously, if you want to share something in dead confidence that will never be shared wtih another soul, talk to a therapist or a priest.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 91

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:15:23 PM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker
So the fact that the participants in that relationship share everything including mail, passwords and personal information etc...has nothing to do with wishing to micro manage.

And everything to do with complete openess and trust.

And finaly, a post from you I can agree wholeheartedly with :)

Thanks RavenMuse.

I'm glad we do agree on something.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 92

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:17:21 PM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I'm not being a smartass about this, but seriously, if you want to share something in dead confidence that will never be shared wtih another soul, talk to a therapist or a priest.

Now that is a very good point and sound advice to all!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 93

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:17:38 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SleepyDom

Well, I guess I'm a loner for a reason.

Ok, I see that A had nothing to do with B. Still, I don't even know why you brought it up. I don't give a fuck if any Dom wants to kick my ass, that's their problem. If I'm courteous, that's because I'm a nice person, not because I'm afraid someone might want to beat me up. Hell, I have no problem confronting someone and not be courteous if I don't feel like being nice. And no one was discussing problems of privacy because one was not being courteous and wanted to hide it from others reading. It's like you come to a discussion and abruptly advise: hey don't forget to clean your room. WTF that's got to do with anything anyone's been discussion?

Yes, apparently you are a loner for a reason. Trying to have a discussion with you reminds me of trying to have a discussion with my exhusband, when he was drunk. A waste of breathe, time, energy.............all going in convoluted fucked up circles. Accomplishing nothing.

To most people, what I wrote makes perfect sense. If you want to take snippets and twist them and go off on a tangent with those twisted snippets, have a party. But I won't play that game.

I didn't years ago, with a drunken fool and I won't do it today, with you.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SleepyDom)

Post #: 94

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:19:32 PM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

... maybe you should stick to vanilla if you want 'secrets'

Theres no garantee of keeping secrets in vanilla either, believe me!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 95

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:20:06 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

LaT, You My dear are a complete star... never go and change.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 96

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:21:08 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

... maybe you should stick to vanilla if you want 'secrets'

Theres no garantee of keeping secrets in vanilla either, believe me!

I will have to take Your word on that one... t'is one place I've never been.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MstrObjectmaker)

Post #: 97

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:22:13 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I agree it is all to do with levels of trust. Integrety can vary like codes of conduct, morality and ethics. What works for me probably won't work so well for you as each of us are unique and set our own standards. My rule of thumb is : "If you can look at youself in the mirror and like and respect what you see, you are on track for you and fuck what others who are different say."

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to MstrObjectmaker)

Post #: 98

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 12:23:44 PM

MstrObjectmaker

Posts: 480
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrObjectmaker

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

... maybe you should stick to vanilla if you want 'secrets'

Theres no garantee of keeping secrets in vanilla either, believe me!

I will have to take Your word on that one... t'is one place I've never been.

You Sir.....I would say are a very lucky man!

For myself I can say I will never go back to 'nilla!

< Message edited by MstrObjectmaker -- 5/28/2008 12:36:02 PM >

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 99

RE: Curious about the dynamics of online D/s - 5/28/2008 1:19:21 PM

ZooKeeper2

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline

**"her" is an Owned girl... if you where comfortable with her Master knowing what you where discussing then why would you have felt the need for a thread such as this? If you are fully respecting that the girl is Owned then why should it matter whether or not her Master has access to it? **

I can answer that question, I happen to be the Him in the relationship. The MstrObjectmaker (MO) and her met, *** as friends *** and she made it perfectly clear at the outset that she is owned (that should have told A/anyone what that meant)... the friendship went on for a bit, then following previous orders she asked a question, and came an email more to affirm the access to My girl, which I confirmed, and I explained the orders.

Whether it is on line or in real life, Ownership is Ownership. I further directed My girl to address all Dominants as "Sir or Madam", but MO would have nothing of it and ordered My girl to address Him as Master. My girl forwarded to Me the log file (I do not have passwords, I never asked for them, nor do I want them), and I privately approached MO about His conduct and reminded Him that she is NOT His slave, but Mine.

But that wasn't good enough, as He posted this thread to obtain some sort of affrimation that somehow He is in the right. Claims He didn't know she was Owned and how possibly I could have access to the "private" conversation between Him and My girl, does He not realize, when He is talking to My girl and she is Owned, He is in effect talking to Me? If I Own her I Own everything, if I chose to not claim do I Own it any less? If this supposed were in person, would I still have access to her log files? The answer is surprisingly yes (oh what a shock), but distance makes it different, somehow?

Until there is an Olympics sport on this lifestyle it is up to the I/individuals as to how to run T/their version of it.

MO does not respect what is going on, states micromanagement is not for Him, He was caught with His hand on My slave, if this were R/L the dungeon monitor would have asked Him to leave, why is it so different that it's on line? In time My girl will find a local Master and whomever it is, will have a priceless gem, obedient beyond measure, she gives of herself freely and always, always is respectable. He knowing she was Owned used My first name only, to her, she daring never to call Me this, corrected Him, He balked that with Masters do not address each others with such protocol, sadly, He was addressing Me through My girl and she was not comfortable.

With the post of RavenMuse, MO offered an apology, but that was short lived, He has been needling her on her choice, her approach and how she needs to handles herself. I have stood back and supported My girl, hoping the friendship might be true. Claiming to be her friend, wanting to know if He can approach her as a suitor, she says "at this time, i feel no", He replies "at least you didn't say no". I must be blind it looks like a no to Me, I leave it to her, but today, it still persists.

Now, with the so-called apology whithering in the wind, the needling on her choice persisting, even pity thrown her way. I have sat back long enough, My girl is now upset. The bullshit ends, it ends right now.

Shame on You. Leave her be.

< Message edited by ZooKeeper2 -- 5/28/2008 1:28:45 PM >

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 100

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