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Tormentise -> RE: Criminally Violent Sub (5/31/2008 12:06:18 PM)
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Yes, she certainly does stir my motor, and like nobody ever has before. The last night we were together, as I was leaving the office, I recall looking at her picture and feeling a sort of holiday feeling throughout my entire body, just from looking at her picture, that's how wild I am about her. Then when things started going downhill that night it resembled the feeling of having the evil stepfather give all my presents to my siblings and forcing me to sit there and watch them open them all on christmas morning and not having anything (true story, that'll sure teach me not to ever peek at the presents again!!)
I recall one study determining that if a person gets angry four times a year they are bipolar. In my days of being a lumberjack, quite often a tree would lean the wrong way and pinch the saw blade inside the notch rendering the saw inoperable, leaving two choices, either move the tree enough to pull the saw out, or stand there like an idiot and get nothing done until the machine returned to push over the tree. Quite often, if you pushed hard enough, the tree would move just enough to get the saw out. Push, push, push with all one's might, purposely getting angry to raise the adrenaline level to summon enough strength to adequately move the tree. I was working eight hours a day building houses with my uncle after school beginning at age eleven. We worked 18 hour days when there wasn't any school. Every job I have ever had I have at least doubled the production of anybody else that was hired, I have always, always been balls to the wall. Until about a month before we met, I had worked over 4 1/2 years without one single day off networking for a law firm. When I met her I exploded with creativity, writing some of my best songs and poetry. My '65 panhead sat in storage, completely torn apart, barely touched for nearly 16 years. A desire to please her has it almost completed and ready to start. It would have been started had not I have put extra effort into making it as clean as possible without ruining the integrity of the bike, completely rebuilt right down to the flywheel. While traveling for work, I produced more than any of our other reps, setting the standard for what was expected of them. After meeting her, I nearly doubled that. If I can stay disciplined and focused enough the woman is going to inspire me right onto your FM radio. What breaks my focus? Considering giving up on her does. If that makes me bipolar, I'll take that over a handfull of pills every day. Last year at this time, I fasted 40 days without solid food, only using juice, milk and tea. I just went 15 days on a straight water fast, but i broke it because of a lousy cigarette. Still, I am aiming for a complete 40 water only fast and to accomplish most of it during the upcoming trip. There are many misconceptions about fasting. www.falconblanco.com/health/fasting.htm My biggest mistake this past year was taking a client from a well known motorcycle club out on the town, so you can guess where that landed us. I had a few beers, a lot of beers actually, and we ended up partying until the sun had risen for a couple of hours. Although I repeated at least three times or more to every stripper in that place, "No thanks, I love my wife." I paid the price for being out all night, hung over the next day, and in the doghouse again, still. I have always felt guilty about being online, especially lusting through dating sites, when there are more productive and beneficial activities that can be enjoyed, yet I absolutely find myself quite impressed with the intelligence, if not brilliance, of some of the posts relating to everyday situations unrelated to the BDSM lifestyle on this site. Years ago, having studied journalism before switching the focus of my poetry to music, I was an aspiring writer, the power of the pen. It is a way of venting, just writing , writing, writing, every possible thought that can come to mind, much of it ridiculous nonsense often bordering on the edge of insanity. That's what writers do, spend hours and hours writing, often just to crumple it all up and throw it away, only to rewrite the same exact garbage the next evening. I taught myself how to play the guitar and read music to combine with my poetry. Yes, I may be moody at times, but without those moods, my songs would be flat, monotonous and useless. I have always rebelled against authority, not ever wanting to become what I rebelled against, until a few days ago, uncovering some pictures from the three years I coached a team of Special Olympics basketball players who couldn't make it on any other S.O. basketball teams because they were told they weren't good enough. Without any previous coaching experience, we went forward and beat every single one of the teams they couldn't make it on. While at those tournaments, those children eschewed their own parents and relied on me to guide and protect them, they clung to me even as their own parents were present. I was their authority. I used to joke that the reason I got through to those kids to motivate them was because I was the most handicapped one of them all so they could relate to me as basketball players, not handicapped children. I very recently have begun putting my first band together, and the bass player said it all, "You're the boss, so just keep playing the guitar like that." I met a guy that lets his wife beat him up about once a month or so. He says it keeps her from getting into fights at the local bar. Ask anybody who has been together over twenty years and there almost always have been long rough periods. Her and I went from point A. to point E. without touching B,C, & D. Are you familiar with the Soulmate Emotional Destruction Theory? Can't remember where I actually found this: "Ultimately the consequence of this notion is the unfortunate reality that soulmates often possess the ability to inflict serious emotional injury unto their twin flame, greater than any other being could. This often results in the separation of idealized love, due to the severe emotional impact. Many soulmates are destined for an eternal search, not for lack of meeting, but rather lack of acceptance. The encounter is often equivalent to the collision of matter and antimatter, a violent explosive reaction will occur, but if held through to completion only pure energy, and thus harmony, will result. Unfortunately few encounters are held through to completion." Pure energy and harmony? That's what I call Rock & Roll, which is why I prefer to sleep on a sleeping bag in the back of my pickup, gazing at the stars instead of a more conventional, socially acceptable structure. Rock & Roll flows through my veins. One of my songs she liked the best, "Just one time I want to have it my way, To feel the kind of love I want to feel, So when I reach the end of the highway, For once just to know that it was real" about sums it up. The other night, from the back of the truck, I was able to listen to quite a gun battle which couldn't have been more than a block away. It sounded as if it was a 9 mm against a .22, at least fifty shots total with at least the last dozen or so coming from the 9 mm. Life in the big city, isn't it wonderful??.
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