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What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 7:50:55 AM   
cyberdude611


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Status: offline 		Women always say men dont like to get married because of a fear of commitment.

However a study shows that it is more complicated than a fear of commitment. Some men dont marry because they fear a bad marriage, especially men who had experienced a bad divorce of their parents' as a child.

"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
 
In 1980, only 6% of men over age 40 were never married. Today that number has soared to 17%. The study indicates that more and more men would rather live a life of bachelorhood than deal with the fear of marrying the wrong person, especially as divorce rates continue to rise.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080602/lf_nm_life/books_bachelors_dc
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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 7:57:47 AM   
Vestonika


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Status: offline 		FEAR ME!

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 8:23:08 AM   
Maya2001


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From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Women also have the same experiences of growing up and seeing families split apart by divorce if anything they should be the ones who have more fears of getting into a possible bad marriage  as they will more likely be the lower income earner plus stuck with the responsibility of raising any children that come out of a marriage therefore for them they suffer more risks and hardships when a marriage  goes bad.  So if that is the excuse that is used  ...it should be women that have a greater leeriness of getting married not men. 

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 8:25:33 AM   
Maya2001


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From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		LOL  I think the car thread may explain it better  

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 8:35:54 AM   
cyberdude611


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Status: offline 		That may be true. But they would need to do a similar study on women to say for certain. This particular study was just concerned with men.

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 8:49:48 AM   
FirmhandKY


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vestonika

FEAR ME!


Why?  Because marrying you will inevitably lead to a bad divorce that any man should rightly be afraid of?  

Firm


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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 8:50:37 AM   
OmegaG


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Status: offline 		How stereotypical.

It's not just men who suffer nuptialphibia

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 6/2/2008 8:51:30 AM >

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 8:56:48 AM   
chickpea


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Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		"...he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.  Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men..." Hrmm... and in other news, chickpea, set out to find out why she and a growing number of eligible women in their 30's were still single--basically she went out looking for people who would agree with her.   She conducted a survey of 200 heterosexual women including: her friends, her cousins, her best friend, her best friend's friend, her cousin's friends, her co-workers (mostly subordinates), and her most favorite neighbors that she shares muffins with.  What she was finding out was that the people she talked to all agreed with her!!!  The fact that the quality of the men out there was degenerating creeps, all porn-obsessived on the internet, all sex offenders, and the rest blame women for all their problems.  This definitely explains why there are a lot of single available women out there in their 30s.  This is a very amazing find from a study indeed!!!   AOL should post it on their website to keep the hits coming and the advertisers knockin', and maybe I can sell this and conduct even more oh-so scientific studies that are practically God-send.
This VERY-scientific study definitely explains exactly why lots of women pushing 30's are single...and NOT because they're losers!! 

< Message edited by chickpea -- 6/2/2008 9:23:05 AM >

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 9:05:34 AM   
cyberdude611


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Status: offline 		There are so many psycho chicks around these days I dont blame guys that dont get married....

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 9:07:24 AM   
sirsholly


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Status: offline 		a man is not complete until he is married.......then he's finished.

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 9:19:33 AM   
chickpea


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Status: offline 		Blame women, that's all men do.  Then they flood women's inboxes with psychotic spam. 

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 9:25:30 AM   
cyberdude611


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Status: offline 		Well men havnt changed much in many decades... what has changed in the past 20-30 years? Women. Women today are much different than they were in the 60s and 70s. And divorce rates are soaring...

Im not trying to be sexist...Im simply pointing out a correlation that cant be dismissed.

< Message edited by cyberdude611 -- 6/2/2008 9:27:08 AM >

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 9:46:29 AM   
popeye1250


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From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I always thought marriage was for younger people to bring up families.
As we get older I don't think we "need" marriage as much.
Although if I met the right slave I'd be willing to marry her after collaring.
But, I'm one of those who thinks that a collar is *permanent.*
Lots of older retired people around here who just "live together" as they don't want to take a hit on their social security pensions by marrying!
Seems the govt "punishes" them financially if they "do the right thing!"
And with all the rich widows around here if I really wanted to I could be wearing a Rolex in 3 months.

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 9:57:24 AM   
Archer


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Status: offline 		Women may fear it too but as with all human fears it is weighed against other fears and decisions made.
In this case men have less fear of the stigma of not being married than women have. (generally true)
alot of what makes that true though is that the stigma placed on an unmarried male is not nearly as bad as the stigma placed on the unmarried woman.

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 10:04:08 AM   
Hippiekinkster


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

There are so many psycho chicks around these days I dont blame guys that dont get married....
Men are hands down the winners of all the chronic assholism awards.  

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 10:04:48 AM   
FirmhandKY


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

Well men havnt changed much in many decades... what has changed in the past 20-30 years? Women. Women today are much different than they were in the 60s and 70s. And divorce rates are soaring...

Im not trying to be sexist...Im simply pointing out a correlation that cant be dismissed.


I'm not so sure that men or women have changed much in the last 20 or 30 years ... or even the last 2,000 to 3,000 years.

What has changed is the economy and certain aspects of our technological society in which men and women operate.

In the "mating ritual of life" between the sexes, one of women's primary reproductive strategies has been to acquire a man with resources in order to help maximize the success of her offspring (note: this is not women's only reproductive strategy, just the one I'm discussing here).

Men have two major reproductive strategies: 1). Concentrating on a single mating partner  (through marriage or other socially acceptable means) and devoting all his resources to that union in order to give the greatest chance of success of just a few offspring (high cost/high payoff strategy), or 2) spreading his seed as widely as possible, and trying to avoid any responsibility for the care and upbringing of any of his "wild seed" (low cost/medium payoff strategy).

With the ability of women to terminate a pregnancy at any time, and with women's now greater ability to provide for both themselves and their offspring, the need of a woman for a man to provide dedicated resources through a marriage has been undermined.

At the same time, men's second strategy ("sowing wild oats") has become even a lower risk strategy, as women are more willing to accept it, and often become "choosier" still before committing to a dedicated union with a man ("greener grass").

And please do not confuse "reproductive strategy" as to mean that all the behavior will result in offspring, or even that conscious behavior is even meant to lead to offspring.  However, the underlying emotional context and drives that control people are generally expressions of the sexual drive to reproduce.

So ... again, it's not that men and women have changed - it's just that the environment in which men and women express themselves has changed.

Firm

< Message edited by FirmhandKY -- 6/2/2008 10:10:29 AM >

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 10:06:00 AM   
FirmhandKY


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

There are so many psycho chicks around these days I dont blame guys that dont get married....
Men are hands down the winners of all the chronic assholism awards.  


Speak for yourself, please.

Firm


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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 10:25:17 AM   
subtee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611

Women always say men dont like to get married because of a fear of commitment.



They do? Women always say that?

They don't? Men don't want to get married? (I wish someone had explained that to my ex, "the creature.")

quote:

FirmhandKy:   However, the underlying emotional context and drives that control people are generally expressions of the sexual drive to reproduce.

Crap, mine is broken.

quote:

In the "mating ritual of life" between the sexs, one of women's primary reproductive strategies has been to acquire a man with resources in order to help maximize the success of her offspring 
Has been? Did it change then, or not? When was the last era or decade in which you feel this is applicable?

quote:

With the ability of women to terminate a pregnancy at any time, and with women's now greater ability to provide for both themselves and their offspring, the need of a woman for a man to provide dedicated resources through a marriage has been undermined.

[Gross generalization, in answer to yours] With the increasingly easy ability of men to walk away from the obligations of their marriages and their offspring, the benefit of relying on a man to provide dedicated resources through a marriage has been undermined.

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 10:38:03 AM   
aliasmoniker


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Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline 		I don't fear marriage, I just know better than to expect a woman to live by her vows. The example I had was that marriage is what people do when the woman gets pregnant and they think pregant women should be married. Then down the road they can't stand it anymore and get divorced. It takes some kind of external constraint to enforec marriage vows. Like hellfire and eternal damnation. Left to their own devisces, people bail.

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RE: What men fear regarding marriage - 6/2/2008 10:41:21 AM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		I have a problem with online surveys.  However, I think that from the census it was found out that many more people had decided to remain single. 

This may be the first generation that has witnessed bad divorces, but it is not the first generation that has seen bad relationships. 

I will say that I felt a huge push to get married and I did.  I realize now its because misery enjoys company.  I should never have.  I would much rather take the stigma then do that. 

I disagree that the only thing that has changed has been women. I will say that plays a huge role, men are no longer necessary for economic survival. However for men as well as women external demands are phenomenal.  Once upon a time you went to school and then went to work and that is what you did. Or you went to school and found a husband and had children and that is what you did.  Now, the work landscape has changed dramatically. The demands are very different.  Now, its necessary to watch the political climate internationally and domestically and trade agreements.  To continuously work harder than ever to retain a job and attempt to compete for a better one.  By the time anybody is done with that, who wants to go home and find someone in your space who is dealing with whatever they have to? I, personally, don't want to spend 10 hours a day dealing with crap and then come home and deal with more crap. Why would that be viewed as a fear by anyone? Why can't it just be a no, thanks my level of crap quota has been met for the day?

Maybe its me but marraige is an outdated concept.  Its not about the little pretty union of two people in love, its about how the state is going to divide property when you divorce.  I think that there is a huge mix up between commitment and social norms and reality. 


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