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tsatske -> RE: What skills and attributes are needed for marriage? (6/3/2008 5:14:39 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Irishknight
Intimacy does not require sharing the same bed when sleeping.
IrishKnight,
If I can get words around this to say what I mean, i suspect you will have no trouble agreeing with me. It matters that you and your wife not only have a good reason, but really, really tried.
I eventually had to quit sleeping with my dear first husband too, although we still shared a bedroom. Of course, by then the mitosis had eaten his brain and there was no real intimacy left, and the sex life was shot by chronic preapisms, but, the love was still there.
There are many, many things that make up a good, strong foundation of intimacy. Some of them are really basic, structural - really, really important. If one of those is missing because you can't be bothered, or for some other pansy ass reason, you are not going to be able to make up the hole that leaves. OTOH, if you are missing one, or even some or several, of those very important building blocks, for unavoidable reasons you can't control, you absolutely can make that up by continuing to put real work into your marriage.
It's like - imagine two couples who do not actually live in the same house, even though they are married. One couple buys two houses, across the street from each other, because, though they love one another, neither can stand the other's kids (saw these people on Oprah, visiting my Grandma. really.) The other, one or both of them are in the Service, and they have been given stations which keep them apart. Imagine that both know they will live apart for the next 3 years - in the latter case, till the station assignment ends, in the first, till the last teen goes to college. One couple lives only feet from each other, the other is separated by thousands of miles. If you had to make a guess, who do you suspect has the stronger marriage?
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