stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
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Okay, I'm going to come in here...and try and offer some constructive advice.
STEP ONE - REVISE YOUR PROFILE.
It's mundane, boring, it says nothing. It's about as interesting as that gunk Americans call porridge, 'grits'? Something deep inside me is hoping that you are actually called Richard or Rick.
Who are you? What do you do all day? What are you into? What are your interests? Are you a student? Good job? What are your dreams in life? Ambitions? What makes you different from all the thousands of other male subs out there?
It's a big enough box, can fit lots of writing, there's also another box for journal entries. It's like a garden, a shop window, and when you're looking for a Domme, and because it's a profile, it's got to look attractive, just like a store window. Otherwise they won't buy and won't ask. Use your noggin, a bit of psychology.
Oh and another thing, what can YOU bring to a relationship? Are you a service sub? A play sub? Any experience? This is just a part of a profile.
I once spent 10 days thnking about and designing my profile. Didn't get me anywhere, didn't find anyone, but it turned out to be a basis. Go browse the profiles of other male subs, get some ideas, inspiration, try and find a pattern you like and start there.
Go away and think, write about anything but try for a bit of everything, a sort of blend, BDSM, vanilla, basic info, interests, give clues as to who you are, an honest, accurate, comprehensive online profile of you as you are in reality. It inspires confidnece, builds trust, makes you realistic, lifelike, human.
Make your profile do all the work. That's what it's there for. Just like the big shop windows at Nordstroms. Advertising. Put yourself on display (but please don't take this too literally - some people here have overactive imaginations as it is without any encouragement).
STEP TWO - ADD PHOTOS
Many Dommes like to know who they're writing to, they want to be able to put a face to a name. Doesn't have to be clever, just natural, honest.. recent. A picture of you at home? Doing something? Try to avoid passport photo type shots, mugshots, this isn't the NYPD website or 'America's Most Wanted'.
STEP THREE - BROWSE PROFILES
Yes it's hunting season, and we're about to go hunting Dommes. But what is a Domme? A woman of course, and a woman? A human, as individual as you are, as I am, as anyone else is. READ THE PROFILE. All of it. Is she available? Who is she looking for? What is she looking for? How does this compare to you? Worth a try?
STUDY THE PROFILE - all of it, journal entries, Message Board postings, everything, including those interests. Can you handle her interests? All of them? No point in messaging a Domme who has got canes and crops in 'lives for' with (expert) if you're not into pain, is there? How do your interests dovetail her's? See any compatibility?
STEP FOUR - THINK!!!!!!
May seem like stating the obvious, but not if you were to see the contents of my Inbox.
I want a Domme for the rest of my life.. How romantic. Truly. Not very realistic. I want a Domme. Closer. Female companionship? Much warmer. Female friendship? Getting hot. A response from a Domme? Yes.
Okay, this is the strategy... She's Domme, you're sub.. Forget about your interests, forget about BDSM, forget about kink, forget about what you want.. forget about everything and anything else other than... stimulating her interest in you.
Always leave an opportunity for her to take the initiative, always. Be yourself, don't grovel, don't mewl, don't crawl, don't assume any sort of submissive stance or position until she tells you to, okay? Just be yourself, be honest, read her words, listen to her if she ever calls you, understand.. follow her lead.
This is the strategy. It's not guaranteed.. Most times it probably won't work, but every once in a while it will.
STEP FIVE - WRITE THE MESSAGE.
Please... no life stories, no autobiographies, just a brief introduction, a comment on her profile, and a couple of questions about her. Questions that she can easily answer without really thinking. carefully considered questions.
This should be enough to get past the bottom feeders, the trolls, the Nigerian princes, the male Doms who want her to submit, the functional illiterates, the ones who didn't take geography in high school, the genuine 'hi how r u' illierates, and the spam.
Write to her as you would your sister, mother, as yourself but to someone who you've thought about a bit. keep your expectations low.
STEP SIX - ONE AT A TIME.
Please don't send 50 messages to 50 Dommes, or worse, one message to 50 Dommes, or 10. Three might be interested. Then what? Basically, you're screwed, trust me.
STEP SEVEN - BECOME ONE OF US.
Yes, become a poster. Take an active interest in the forums and Message Boards. Learn, share, ask, advise, you'd be surprised how many people read threads. It passes the time. It's good entertainment.
STEP EIGHT - DON'T GIVE UP.
Make friends.. online, offline, never give up hoping. There's a lot of truly wonderful people out there, here on this site, many of them are Dommes, but this is just a part of them, for they are really fascinating women and wonderful human beings. Hundreds of truly special people out there.
Just like you. You just need to believe in yourself, and put it all down on your profile. It's that simple.
PS. You are really called Richard aren't you? I'm still 50/50 about your nick, but it's growing on me. (Please - to those with the very fertile imaginations - don't).
< Message edited by stella41b -- 6/3/2008 5:03:22 AM >
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