RE: handling disappointment

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Sundowner -> RE: handling disappointment (6/4/2008 1:31:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WalterRego I have been going through a similar quandary on the male side. Mistress a while ago suggested that She'd like to see me wear an earring. Now, I've never cared for them on men to begin with. But I'm almost 60. ... Wow. I sympathise. I could imagine how I'd feel if I was asked to wear an earring (in my case it'd be by a sub, but same difference). And your post helped me understand the op quandary better. It's not just "how do I put make-up on". It's how do two people handle quite different perceptions of issues. An earring - what's the problem? Make-up - what's the problem? From my (dom) perspective it's easier (easier, not easy). Most ppl want to please their partner, but I could at least try to explain "it may be desirable for you, and no big issue for you, but while I'd like to please you it's a BIG issue for me". And then, in twue domly style, "so fuck off with your daft idea". But actually I'm a failure dom and I don't like telling a sub to fuck off. So I'd discuss it. So to the point - is it practical to discuss this sort of problem? Maybe along the lines of "if you really want it of course I'll do it (earring, make-up, whatever). But - for me - it's a significant problem, and I'll feel humiliated. If you want, I'll humiliate myself for you, of course I will. If that pleases you".

tinkerbelle3 -> RE: handling disappointment (6/4/2008 2:01:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sundowner quote: ORIGINAL: WalterRego I have been going through a similar quandary on the male side. Mistress a while ago suggested that She'd like to see me wear an earring. Now, I've never cared for them on men to begin with. But I'm almost 60. ... Wow. I sympathise. I could imagine how I'd feel if I was asked to wear an earring (in my case it'd be by a sub, but same difference). And your post helped me understand the op quandary better. It's not just "how do I put make-up on". It's how do two people handle quite different perceptions of issues. An earring - what's the problem? Make-up - what's the problem? From my (dom) perspective it's easier (easier, not easy). Most ppl want to please their partner, but I could at least try to explain "it may be desirable for you, and no big issue for you, but while I'd like to please you it's a BIG issue for me". And then, in twue domly style, "so fuck off with your daft idea". But actually I'm a failure dom and I don't like telling a sub to fuck off. So I'd discuss it. So to the point - is it practical to discuss this sort of problem? Maybe along the lines of "if you really want it of course I'll do it (earring, make-up, whatever). But - for me - it's a significant problem, and I'll feel humiliated. If you want, I'll humiliate myself for you, of course I will. If that pleases you". YES! Thank you for reading through the post and responses and explaining that you 'get it' It IS more then learning how to wear make-up. Much more.

Kittypurrs -> RE: handling disappointment (6/4/2008 2:26:04 PM)
That's a tough one but my thoughts are maybe you can offer a compromise. Perhaps you agree to go heavier on the make-up when you are going out on the town but for everyday wear you can go more minimal. I also feel it's very important for you to explain to him how you are feeling about his request and why you are uncomfortable with complying. In my limited experience, most Dom's would care enough about their sub's feelings to not want to make them feel uncomfortable in the vanilla world. If they don't give a damn about your feelings and your happiness I would question your choice in your Dom. I also agree with the suggestion of seeing a good make-up consultant and bringing him along with for the meeting. He can then see how you would look and the COST associated with achieving that look.

tinkerbelle3 -> RE: handling disappointment (6/4/2008 4:12:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kittypurrs That's a tough one but my thoughts are maybe you can offer a compromise. Perhaps you agree to go heavier on the make-up when you are going out on the town but for everyday wear you can go more minimal. I also feel it's very important for you to explain to him how you are feeling about his request and why you are uncomfortable with complying. In my limited experience, most Dom's would care enough about their sub's feelings to not want to make them feel uncomfortable in the vanilla world. If they don't give a damn about your feelings and your happiness I would question your choice in your Dom. I also agree with the suggestion of seeing a good make-up consultant and bringing him along with for the meeting. He can then see how you would look and the COST associated with achieving that look. Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience. Since I've been struggling with this for 2 years....! I have obviously talked with him about it on numerous occasions. He is asking me to wear this 'glamor make up' only at home and only when it's the two of us. I can't even bring myself to do that. When I'm wearing so much make up and altering the way I look it makes me feel not real or authentic. I feel like a freak. Soooooo, I'm trying to turn that around and have started journaling as someone here suggested. After a week of journaling then He and I will once again broach the subject and go from there : )

OmegaG -> RE: handling disappointment (6/5/2008 5:43:49 AM)
I was pondering your last statement for a while-- could you not think of the glamour makeup as nothing more then a costume that he is asking you to put on since he's only asking for it when you are alone?

Phoenix2raven -> RE: handling disappointment (6/6/2008 1:30:12 AM)
i can't stand wearing heavy foundation or powder, but i'm comfortable with doing my eyes, eyebrows and lips. it's hard to wear foundation if you're not used to makeup, it feels sticky-ish. the right powder feels light and it's usually enough so a man will notice you're fully made up. :) Sir loves "slutty" makeup on me sometimes and i noticed after the first time i went overboard with the products, seeing his face light up made it all worth it! i'm an artist, so i think of it as creating a piece of temporary art, capturing a moment that makes Sir happy. so it's not about my self-image, it's more about a shared fantasy. in the end, you have to do what doesn't harm you in any way. if it feels harmful, and you talk to your Dom about why it feels that way, i'm sure you could find a pleasing compromise. ~ raven p.s. - a Nars blush, named "Orgasm" ... it really does look like you just had one!!

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: handling disappointment (6/6/2008 5:34:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG and always wear sunscreen. You can find tinted sunscreens that take the place of foundations and you can find foundations with sunscreen, Even in the midst of winter or on a cloudy day, your skin will thank you. where can you find these? i have never heard of them, and it sounds like something i would love!

OmegaG -> RE: handling disappointment (6/6/2008 8:20:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG and always wear sunscreen. You can find tinted sunscreens that take the place of foundations and you can find foundations with sunscreen, Even in the midst of winter or on a cloudy day, your skin will thank you. where can you find these? i have never heard of them, and it sounds like something i would love! well, I did a quick google and I found this http://www.nextag.com/tinted-sunscreen/search-html Tinted sunscreen is very popular right now, I think and shouldn't be hard to find.

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