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RE: Is there a reason? - 6/3/2008 9:39:55 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Skully7000

I am of the oppinion that if a relationship fails it is most often a lack of compatibility. so if my ex and I were not compatible there is not a reason for me to warn someone else.

if we are talking on a more extreme level..."this man was a sub but then after getting hit to hard turned around and beat his mistress" then yeah I would spread the warning....but making sure that I explained what I Know vs what I Heard vs what I Think

The main difference being-if an asshole abusive male dom got the snot beaten out of him by his femsub for abusing her-many here would see that as "poetic justice/karma."

Have a male sub do the same to a fem dom, for the exact same reasons-and it's criminal. Double standards abound.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 6/3/2008 9:40:20 PM >

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Post #: 41

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 12:32:53 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

most single women especially those rearing children live below the poverty lines

Can you give a citation for this? It is not true in the U.S., and I have trouble believing it is true in Canada.

I can't give a citation without trying to dig up info but I was one of those numbers trying to work jobs slightly above minimum wage which is well below the poverty line and government assistance is a necessity just to be able to pay for bare necessities not including a car and I also worked on a contract for the school board and that is where I learned about as about 50% of children then were raised in single parent homes mostly with the mother ... a quick search turned this up

quote:

Canadian women living in low income Almost 1.5 million adult women were living in poverty in 2003 - the most recent year for which information is available. Among adults, aged 18 or older, women account for 54% of persons in low income. 4

http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/resources/consultations/ges09-2005/poverty_e.html

http://unpac.ca/economy/wompoverty3.html

www.wthuron.ca/pdfs/FinalReport.pdf

quote:

Income disparities between women and men persist. According to Census 2000,
the average annual pre-tax income of women from all sources including
government transfers was $22,885, or 62% that of men

Female lone-parent families have by far the lowest average total incomes among
families in Canada.
Women continue to be among the poorest of the poor in Canada. They make up a
disproportionate share of the population with low incomes – 2.4 million in 2001
compared to 1.9 million men
Family status has a profound effect on poverty. In 2001, 42% of unattached
women ages 18 to 64 lived in poverty compared to 12% in families.
While the incidence of poverty among women declined from 18% in 1992 to 16%
in 2001, the depth of poverty (i.e, the gap between poverty line and the average
income of women) remained quite deep and in some cases worsened. The gap for
non-elderly unattached women in 1992 was $8094. The gap in 2001 was $8546.

www.casw-acts.ca/advocacy/womenpoverty_e.pdf

quote:

Almost half of single Canadian women over the age of 65 live in poverty, meaning they receive less than Statistics Canada Low-Income Cut Off (LICO).

quote:

A single mother with 2 children who works full-time, all year lives more than 50% below the poverty line.

quote:

In 1997, 2.8 million women, 19% of the total female population in Canada, were living in low-income situations and 56% of all families headed by single mothers were living in poverty.

quote:

One in six children, or 1,139,000 children, still lives in poverty in Canada - a 21% increase since 1989

quote:

UNICEF (United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund) has criticized the Canadian government for maintaining disproportionately high levels of child poverty.

http://dawn.thot.net/oct17.html

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Post #: 42

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 12:36:30 AM

Zarine

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

In response to Maya's comment:

three words USE BIRTH CONTROL

< Message edited by Zarine -- 6/4/2008 12:38:27 AM >

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 43

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 12:43:14 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Being a single parent does not necessarily mean they started off that way..... most become single due to a relationship breakdown or death of a spouse

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Post #: 44

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 12:48:37 AM

Zarine

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

My mom was a single mother, but due to her having a job, allimony, and child support we did perfectly fine. Not everyone gets these things, but it doesn't take a lot of intelligence to go "hey, we're both making minimum wage, perhaps we should wait to have children".

People should not have children unless they can afford them. If you have kids right off the batt in a marriage and get a divorce and your ex husband can't pay child support or won't, perhaps you should have made better choices.

I have met many people whose parents were divorced, but very few whose parent has died. Even then, if you are intelligent about money it's not that hard to live well. Too many people these days want to have everything their parents worked 30 years for. I know this because I worked with a "sort of" single mother, her husband was in prison so she was working to support her two children, yet she had a big screen tv, video game systems, two dogs. No one needs these things, live simply and you can live well. These days more and more women are choosing to be stay at home moms, and it works. I have two female friends who are now stay at home moms. They do perfectly fine on one salery because they don't rush out and buy new cars or big screen tvs. This is pretty much the same as being a single parent because you have 1 income and one person staying home with the children. That excludes daycare fees of course, but there are government subsidized daycares out there, I know I worked at one for about 9 months.

Heck, there is always the military if you can't find a job. It pays well, and honestly, fewer people die each year in the military than die in car accidents each year.

< Message edited by Zarine -- 6/4/2008 12:57:19 AM >

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 45

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 1:04:23 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Gee, 22 years old and so much wisdom!!! If you have kids right off the bat after marriage?

I have met, I know people......................Get a little experience of life before making such silly statements.

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Post #: 46

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 1:08:24 AM

Zarine

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

I have experience, it's called seeing people around me make poor life decisions, as well as people who made good life choices. My mother waited a few years before having children when she and my dad were married. A friend of mine has waited 10 years before having children, she is a stay at home mom because she and her husband made a good life. Then I have friends from high school that got pregnant either in high school or right after high school because they were not being careful. Not to mention my cousins, which is an entirely different story. Being a female who eventually wants to be a stay at home mother, I have paid a good deal of attention to those around me who have had kids or plan on having them.

It's insulting to say that simply because I am 22 that I am making silly statements. Sorry, but it's not that hard to make good decisions about your life. One can be a young individual and still have a decent amount of life experience.

< Message edited by Zarine -- 6/4/2008 1:17:03 AM >

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 47

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 8:50:08 AM

CruelDesires

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Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

You sound alot more intelligent then many others I have met rt and online. Kudo's to you.

CD

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(in reply to Zarine)

Post #: 48

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 8:57:30 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Gee, 22 years old and so much wisdom!!! If you have kids right off the bat after marriage?

I have met, I know people......................Get a little experience of life before making such silly statements.

I don't see her making any silly statements. It's a vagina, not a clown car, and if you can't afford kids, then don't have them. Accidents happen, I'll give them that... but around here, so many people have 3 or 4 kids, then proceed to live off of welfare for the rest of their life. It's a drain on the govt, and the people that have the common since to use birth control.

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(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 49

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 8:59:57 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

And what the heck happens when you become a stay at home mom have 3 children and your spouse dies or runs off? what happens if you are on birth control and end up pregnant anyway? You can have good job today and be unemployed a year from now....you could end up with an injury or illness that can prevent or temporarily prevent you from working .. shit happens in life ...decent paying jobs can be hard to come by, the longer you are out of the workforce raising children, puts you lower on an employers list as the best employee, having children they also know you will be absent more often which lowers your chances more, and being single raising children lowers your chances more, this means your less desirable as an employee which usually means the good jobs you become excluded from ...that is reality... I was a single mom due to divorce my ex refuse to pay support I could have had a somewhat higher paying job earlier in life but it meant working 16 hours a day.....not good for children if you are a sole parent...so I work low paying jobs inorder to be home more with my child until something came up that was higher paying it took 14 years to land that good paying steady job putting me in my 30s before I could start climbing out of poverty which is a serious set back because I am now trying to play lifes catch up game...of buying a house paying to raise the children and add to that trying to put funds away to retire so I am not ending up back in poverty and hoping my job lasts long enough with out being eliminated in order to do that...if it doesn't I am going to end up a senior women in poverty as I am now at a age where I am less employable and being my home is not paid off ...I would lose that as well....part of the reason it took so long was there was an economic depression so jobs were scarce, I also ended up on government assistance for 2 years because 16 hours a day as a computer programmer messed up my wrists . You may think you have it all figured out but until you start living the realities you don't know what all the road blocks are you will have to get around and the military here in canada is not like the US but I am sure in the US a single woman with children would have a hard time being able to commit do military service to compensate for their miltary funded education unless you have family available to look after them while you serve your time.

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Post #: 50

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 10:12:55 AM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

I think you hear less Doms complain because they know their submissive is a reflection of themselves. And what does that say about themselves if the sub is 'bad'?

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Post #: 51

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 11:17:45 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Gee, 22 years old and so much wisdom!!! If you have kids right off the bat after marriage?

I have met, I know people......................Get a little experience of life before making such silly statements.

Oooh MM! My favourite lady but a bit severe don't you think? Poor Zarine (28 to your 3255 in the posting stakes); don't start going gentle with the idiots, but cut a little slack when it's due.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 52

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 11:53:06 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zarine

It's insulting to say that simply because I am 22 that I am making silly statements. Sorry, but it's not that hard to make good decisions about your life. One can be a young individual and still have a decent amount of life experience.

whispers ... get used to this ... we aren't allowed our own well thought out, informed and intelligent decisions until they say we can sit at the big table *nodsnodsnods*

shocking as it is to many Zarine .. young people can have formed the correct opinion .. or at least a valid and informed one at an early age. I started posting on these boards when I was 21 .. and hid my age so that people would stop flaming me - when i started off this profile , and kept quiet about my age .. I had a much warmer reaction .. but then I thought .. fuck it .. my age should have as little to do with it as my race, orientation, or status

people who flame you for being young .. are missing out on the intelligence you so obviously have - their loss hun .. not yours

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Post #: 53

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 12:23:13 PM

Zarine

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

When you have children you should plan for some kind of eventuallity. There are things called insurance. A friend of mine now has three children, but a couple of months ago while she was 8 months pregnant she got into a car wreck and suffered a shatter ankle. Her insurance company is providing her with her lost wages.

As for military service, then only time you would be away from your family here in the U.S. is during basic training. That would require finding someone to look after children for a couple of weeks, after that it's pretty much a regular job. Also, women in the military who are the sole provider and have children aren't likely to be sent to an active war zone or anything like that.

As for your ex not paying child support, can you not take him to court in Canada?

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 54

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 1:54:51 PM

simplyfyre

Posts: 54
Status: offline

fr

quote:

but around here, so many people have 3 or 4 kids, then proceed to live off of welfare for the rest of their life.

actually if one checks the TANF (Temporary Asstistance to Needy Families=welfare=no child support and they do go after the absent parent to pay it back to the state) rules for the state of Georgia, you will see that in 1997, the rules changed and their is a 48 mo lifetime limit and job search requirements must be met in order to even receive it.Also a check for a family consisiting of a mom and 4 kids will come to 368.00 per month and I dont know of anyone in the Atl area that can live off that.

Be well
Fyre

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Post #: 55

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/4/2008 11:39:30 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

My post was in answer of the statistics that was asked by TwoNYCDomes with regards to Canadian statistics..it was not to detract from the post in a debate with you... as for going to court ... 4 years worth of court battles to get a total of $200 out of the 18 years I raised the child alone ...the courts can't get income not reported or if the person is constantly moving...

As for insurance how do you buy insurance when your struggling just to put food on the table...do I quit eating just to have insurance??? Not that it exists here anyway ...you get a sickness insurance through work which 60% of your regular wages, if you earn poverty wages ...you can't even afford to take time off to be sick

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Post #: 56

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/5/2008 1:56:28 AM

eyesopened

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"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned." - William Congreve

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Post #: 57

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/5/2008 2:19:59 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zarine

I have experience, it's called seeing people around me make poor life decisions, as well as people who made good life choices. My mother waited a few years before having children when she and my dad were married. A friend of mine has waited 10 years before having children, she is a stay at home mom because she and her husband made a good life. Then I have friends from high school that got pregnant either in high school or right after high school because they were not being careful. Not to mention my cousins, which is an entirely different story. Being a female who eventually wants to be a stay at home mother, I have paid a good deal of attention to those around me who have had kids or plan on having them.

It's insulting to say that simply because I am 22 that I am making silly statements. Sorry, but it's not that hard to make good decisions about your life. One can be a young individual and still have a decent amount of life experience.

Priceless

(in reply to Zarine)

Post #: 58

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/5/2008 5:22:56 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Excluding the forums anywhere, but including private messages, YM and Skype messages as well as phone conversations, emails and of course face to face discussions, I've hreard about an equal amount of comments about bad Doninants (both sexes), bad Masters, bad Mistreesses, bad slaves, bad subs and bad switches as i have heard praises being sung about all of the above. I do regularly have people contact me to ask about this person ot that person because the have just met or about to meet someone as well as a few warnings from friends or close aquaintences aboiut this orr that person doing the rounds.

However it is I think generally accepted that peole do seem to prefer to gosip and dwell on the negatives about others than the fine points. Not only in the world of kink but in all works of life .. he;; the papers are full of it as are half the TV programs. I was told as very young man that years after you re dead peoe will always rememnber the bad things about you and only a few will remember the wonderfull things.. Sad comment on the human race isn't it?

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)
.

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Post #: 59

RE: Is there a reason? - 6/5/2008 6:26:08 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zarine

It's insulting to say that simply because I am 22 that I am making silly statements. Sorry, but it's not that hard to make good decisions about your life. One can be a young individual and still have a decent amount of life experience.

Do you ever find it funny that you're expected to have worked out what you want to do in life by the age of 18 or 19 but people don't start respecting your opinions until you're approaching your 30's?

They tell you you need to 'get some life experience'.

Then when you get your life experience and are in your 50's or older, people stop listening to you because you're 'too old'.

I admit sometimes that I find people generally quite strange in their thinking. Oh and apologies for this hijack. Just wanted to share.

But turning my thoughts now to the OP. I find a lot of people tend to go through what I can only describe as 'reality suspension' or 'belief suspension' even, and form new relationships based on two false premises (1) that the new relationship by default is going to be a permanent one and (2) the new person also by default is going to accept them, understand them, and lead them effortlessly to the point where ..."they lived happily ever after". Yes, this is the fairytale relationship and without them knowing the fairy godmother turns up and nicks their sense of personal responsibility and common sense.

There's a French proverb which states that it's easier to lie to others than to stop deceiving yourself.

However, in reality the two truths are (1) the new relationship may indeed turn out to be permanent, but only if both people make it that way and (2) the new person is just a person and is going to have a take on you which is only slightly different from the previous person you were with.

All well and good if reality comes and you can both deal with it together, but for some people the relationship ends before the fairytale has even had a chance to stop and this tends to piss someone off, but without that sense of personal responsibility and common sense they express themselves very much in the same way as when they were 5 or 6 years old.

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(in reply to Zarine)

Post #: 60

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