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RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 4:42:37 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: redd4Dom
sorry about the spelling the spell check is not working on my pc

Given that I have really no idea what your talking about and don't thnik this post really warrants a serious answer, I think you need help beyond simply spell check.

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Post #: 21

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 4:52:25 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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People are not ducklings with only instinctive drives to guide them.

Perhaps these friends allowed themselves to choose those partners for a first time because kinder, more gentle partners did not sufficiently excite them to have sex. In other words, the nice guys were boring and only the ones who took control turned them on.

Your assumptions that need examining include the fact that everyone should be able to enjoy soft sex. That's an assumption not a fact, if you are a psych major then I ask you to present links to prove this.

You also assume that someone who pins a woman's hands behind her back for a first kiss, has her erupt in passionate desire and then continues the sexual encounter in that manner is by definition cruel. If she enjoys it, then it isn't cruel. If he kisses her and she yawns during the encounter, then continuing would be cruel to both of them. There's another unexamined assumption here.

You may want to read up on the books of a well regarded authority in the field of alternative sexuality, Gloria Brame, Ph.D. in psychology. Her works would give you a great deal more insight than you now have.

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Post #: 22

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 4:54:02 PM

AquaticSub

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It didn't have to be cruel - there are many of us who have never been treated cruelly who only want to be a submissive or a slave 24 hours a day for the rest of our lives. It sounds like both your friends need to see a kink-friendly therapist who isn't you. It's entirely too personal to you and I'm not sure that you understand women who want to be in BDSM relationships, and that some of us will have trouble accepting and embracing what we are. I'd suggest you start by having them read some of the threads in the Ask A Submissive/Slave forum where many of us have come forward to share our stories as strong women who simply happen to be this way.

And rape is not a BDSM act. Don't confuse them.

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Post #: 23

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 5:41:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I'm still with Kyra here. Exactly how long ago were these first experiences and how old are these people? I'm getting serious emo "The world is dead to me forever" older teeny type vibes here.

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Post #: 24

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 6:03:22 PM

redd4Dom

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Joined: 5/23/2008
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one was D/29/m yr old s/15yr/f old and 32 yrs ago
the other was D/34/f yr old s/14/m yrs old and 25 yrs ago

well im sure there will be more said but i think i'll stop here----thank you for the input -- all of it.

one has flat out refused counseling and the other is thinking about it--(no i would not council my friends -- it is unethical to do so)

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Post #: 25

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 6:05:32 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: redd4Dom

one has flat out refused counseling and the other is thinking about it--(no i would not council my friends -- it is unethical to do so)

I'd point them towards the CM forums and local events as a resource for them as well. It wouldn't replace therapy but it may help.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to redd4Dom)

Post #: 26

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 7:00:23 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Then it seems the issue is not the first time introduction to sex. It is them. Most of us get over bad experiences. Perhaps they should have stopped having sex until their bad memories had left them?
Plenty of people have had bad first times and gotten beyond it to have wonderful sex lives.
Someone whose identity is steeped in the misery of a bad first time might want to look into counselling.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: redd4Dom

asking to stop - that i dont know about for one of them-- one did ask for it to stop--but yes both of them have been upset that they could not do vanilla --- it caused several good relationships to end for them

both have stated that they cant be anything else -- but not for lack of trying

(in reply to redd4Dom)

Post #: 27

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 7:03:45 PM

redd4Dom

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Joined: 5/23/2008
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#1 D/m/29 s/f/15 = 32 yrs ago

#2 D/f/34 s/m/14 = 25 yrs ago

to those that have replied without anger or nasty remarks--thank you your insights have helped me to understand better

some of the things that have been posted seem to have been done out of anger why ? i am asking a question? why get so up set about it?

i am going by what my 2 friends have said period

except for believing their treatment to be cruel on one night - how it was told and said through tears - it was not expected nor wanted by them one said stop the other did not -

i never said i was seeing them as a client. just as in medicine you dont operate on your family or close friends the same is true for therapy. its just not done. i have been trying to guide them towards getting some therapy.

did i say i dont respect your life style or your right to live how you want to? no!

hell i've been in hot zones DEFENDING your right to do so for over a decade - that is how much i believe in and respect you and your right of choice -

Do not assume to tell me what i think when you do not know. That is you assuming and being guilty of what you are telling me i am and we are both wrong to do so

when a question is asked it is generally for knowledge or insight or a better understanding of something.

what i said was EVERY ONE should feel that they have the right to choose what they want--not used so poorly/badly/cruelly/(whatever word you like) that they feel they do not have any other choice in their life

those that want proof of my education -- keep looking on line i'll post graduation date time and location for ya

i think that covers everything in the replies.

(in reply to redd4Dom)

Post #: 28

RE: first time sex - 6/4/2008 8:30:49 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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In some states those age combos would be felonies, and they would not have had the power to consent. I'm not really sure I'm following your rant there, but again, please show me how you connect kinky sex with dominance and submission. I'm missing where you think that link lies.

Cali

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(in reply to redd4Dom)

Post #: 29

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 12:57:36 AM

pinksugarsub

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<Deleted in full.>

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/5/2008 1:04:34 AM >

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Post #: 30

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 1:15:19 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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I had never seen a cock that large...

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Post #: 31

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 1:18:30 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

#1 D/m/29 s/f/15 = 32 yrs ago
#2 D/f/34 s/m/14 = 25 yrs ago
-

What the fuck does this have to do with BDSM? Adults in their 30s having sex with children is child abuse, pure and simple.

(in reply to redd4Dom)

Post #: 32

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 4:11:45 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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Ah, another no profile. Lots of things not working, it seems.

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Post #: 33

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 5:12:02 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Mmmmm La Tigresse I have a Ford. Want to try your theory out about the Pontiacs.

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Post #: 34

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 5:49:37 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Whose opinion is it that the dominants were cruel, have warped them, marred them... is it your opinon or theirs?

That was My first thought on reading the OP too. My first time definatly showed Me that Vanilla wasn't for Me... nothing 'cruel' about it, I am just not into unresponcive starfish. My first D/s encounter was liberating and frankly an eye opener.

IMO no-one can be 'turned into' a slave... it can be drawn out if it is there, if it isn't it can't be created.

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Post #: 35

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 6:26:11 AM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: redd4Dom

what i said was EVERY ONE should feel that they have the right to choose what they want--not used so poorly/badly/cruelly/(whatever word you like) that they feel they do not have any other choice in their life

What is sad is that you say you have psychological training and yet this statement is made. "They feel they do not have any other choice..." More accurately, they are choosing to think that they have no choices. We all have choices, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not they still exist.

I was raped when I was 14 years old. In that one instance, I had no choice but to participate in the act. However, before the act occured I had a lot of choices. I made quite a few bad choices that put me in that position. After that act, I also had a lot of choices. I could choose whether to let that one act define me for the rest of my life or I could choose not to. My choice was to not allow it to define me.

I made a choice to seek professional help.
I made a choice to educate myself so I would not get in that type of situation again.
I made a choice to live a fulfilling and happy life.

I call bullshit on them having no other choice. They made a choice to feel helpless and wallow in self-pity. They made a choice to allow one moment to lead to an unhappy and unfulfilling life, if what you portray is actually how they feel and is not colored with your own negative judgments.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to redd4Dom)

Post #: 36

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 6:52:05 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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I really am trying to understand this thread but the more I read it the more confused I get.

First, you have titled the thread "First time sex". What you have described does not sound like first time sex at all to me, it sounds like rape....if for no other reason than the ages of the people involved.

Second, you say that you are in the mental health field...but you are asking how people can be so cruel...and if this is "right". Surely, if you are in the mental health field you should know without any shadow of a doubt that there are a lot of cruel people in the world. Especially if your field of expertise is rape.

Third, I can not understand how a mental health professional would think that a rape as a teen could possibly take away a person's choice as to what kind of sex they want to have for the rest of their lives. Now either the people you are referring to have chosen to remain in their victim role instead of choosing to do the necessary work to transition into being survivors.....or what they are trying to tell you is that they like kinky sex and feel that vanilla holds no interest for them and you are interpreting that as a choice they were forced into.

As Kyra said, we all have choices. Forgive me for saying this but it seems that your understanding of the issues surrounding rape are very limited by what you have posted here.

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Post #: 37

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 9:17:33 AM

MstrVik

Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I really am trying to understand this thread but the more I read it the more confused I get.

First, you have titled the thread "First time sex". What you have described does not sound like first time sex at all to me, it sounds like rape....if for no other reason than the ages of the people involved.

Second, you say that you are in the mental health field...but you are asking how people can be so cruel...and if this is "right". Surely, if you are in the mental health field you should know without any shadow of a doubt that there are a lot of cruel people in the world. Especially if your field of expertise is rape.

Third, I can not understand how a mental health professional would think that a rape as a teen could possibly take away a person's choice as to what kind of sex they want to have for the rest of their lives. Now either the people you are referring to have chosen to remain in their victim role instead of choosing to do the necessary work to transition into being survivors.....or what they are trying to tell you is that they like kinky sex and feel that vanilla holds no interest for them and you are interpreting that as a choice they were forced into.

As Kyra said, we all have choices. Forgive me for saying this but it seems that your understanding of the issues surrounding rape are very limited by what you have posted here.

I agree completely with what's said here.

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Post #: 38

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 9:22:38 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
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It' been so long I can't remember

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Post #: 39

RE: first time sex - 6/5/2008 12:06:51 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

My first time sucked. It was in a Pontiac parked in his parents driveway. Nothing about it was pleasant at all. Especially the following pregnancy.

My first time with a woman.........totally, mindblowingly, AWSOME.

Based upon the OP's thought process I should only like crappy sex, with a guy, in Pontiacs.

Pontiacs are great cars to have sex in. Nice and roomy.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 6/5/2008 12:08:46 PM >

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Post #: 40

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