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In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 10:17:05 AM

DominantJenny

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Over on the submissive forum there was a thread about what one can do in public without attracting attention. Much of the response works better with M/f couples in our patriarchal society, so I am bringing it over here since my question is specifically about F/m couples. One caveat: we aren't into feminization at all. We're strictly D/s, S/m, no other roleplay type stuff, etc.
So, what have you, as a female dominant or male submissive, found you can do in public to tease/excite/assert the dynamic...without getting (or risking getting) any attention from the masses.
I sometimes do the ordering for my guy at restaurants. Someone else (DV, I think?) talked about entering her submissives PIN at checkouts. I've tried nipple clamps under a loose shirt, but have trouble with getting them adjusted loose enough so I can leave them on the length of time we're out and about without being so loose they slip off at some point. (Help on that?) Anything else?

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 10:20:28 AM

servantforuse

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Make your slave walk one step behind you and to your left at all times when out in public.

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 10:28:54 AM

bashfulhuck

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
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This really is an excellent topic Jenny. My Domina was very much into the mental bondage side of things when in public. In the presence of others, she would flat out tell me to do something for her, not ask, not say please, just tell me. And the expected response would be "Yes Maam", and i would do what was asked. At first that was a tough one to take, because in my day to day life, i'm generally the one telling people to do something (i work as a bouncer at night).
The craziest thing she ever did to me though in public was a flogging. While i was in college, i worked as the night manager at a fast food restaraunt. i had not been collared by her for very long, and was still a bit rebellious, in fact i had been a total brat for about 3 days running. i was working one night, and the 2 people working with me happened to be very close friends of mine that knew Mistress Shelly and i were involved in a BDSM relationship.
i was doing something up near the front counter, she walked in with a flogger in her hand. i felt like a deer in the headlights. i knew i was in deep shit, and i knew i was unable to run. She told me to take a break, she needed to speak with me. i tried to say i couldn't take a break at that moment, but my friends laughed and told me that no, it was time for a break (they so set me up). She took me outside, around back and beat the hell out of me. Needless to say, it put me into a much more pliable, submissive state of mind. The most mortifying part of it all, it was caught on the security cameras, luckily my friends took the tape out and replaced it. But they sure got some laughs out of it at my expense for a few months.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 10:44:58 AM

MsMillgrove

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Restaurant: 1. send to restroom to maturbate to edge.. while you peruse menu. 2. Order something you know they don't like and watch them eat it. 3. Use pet names in front of waiter that aren't obviously kinky. 4. use imagination with dim lighted-long tablecloth eateries. "oops i dropped my purse.. could you pick that up, dear?"
Shopping at grocery or mall : outfit sub with insertible of your choice with silent vibrator and remote. Trigger occasionally.
Pet store: decide on collar for non existent large dog, use the sub's neck to measure. "Isn't Fido's neck about your size--let me check that it would fit.. Gee no. we getter measure him and come back later."
Shoe store: try on feminine slippers for the house-bound large-footed grandma who is ill, "aren't your feet bout the size of grandma.. here you try this on so I can see if it's soft enough inside for her bunion."
I dunno where you live but here in California.. you can do practically anything in public on the excuse that you're scouting locations/rehearsing .. for a film, tv show. Always say student film so you don't get akward questions about when it will air.
Hope this helps.

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 10:53:08 AM

TermsConditions

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I seem to recall delightful talk of wearable / insertable remote control toys.

The thought of that pushes so many buttons for me.

I do so love gadgets!.

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Post #: 5

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 11:12:06 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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When we're out in the store, i tend to walk behind Ma'am and push the cart. It's not exactly one step back and to the left, mostly it's just because She knows where She's going as i don't. She sometimes keeps a thing i like to call the whipstick in the car (a narrow springy thing like the handle of a crop with nothing on the end) and there's always the hand shaped fly-swatter. The first doesn't really hurt in the time She can concentrate on striking the same spot on my thigh and the other just makes me laugh. More effective is Her just smacking my thigh with Her hand. This is never punishment, except on the most playful level; most of our physical interactivity is on the casual/playful end of the spectrum.

One of the more obvious, in my mind, is when i ask to look elsewhere at the store. Which has only happened at the petstore. "May i go check out the snakes and lizards, Ma'am?". As we're approximately the same age (She's 4 years older, and unless i'm clean-shaven; i believe i look older), no one would mistake Her for my mother. So, me being a full grown man and asking a woman of about my age for permission to leave Her side has to look somewhat odd to the innocent bystander. Of course that has always backfired on me, because then it seems i have to tease Her about lizards and snakes after. i'm a bad, bad boy.

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(in reply to MsMillgrove)

Post #: 6

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 11:40:02 AM

DominantJenny

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Joined: 4/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

Restaurant: 1. send to restroom to maturbate to edge.. while you peruse menu. 2. Order something you know they don't like and watch them eat it. 3. Use pet names in front of waiter that aren't obviously kinky. 4. use imagination with dim lighted-long tablecloth eateries. "oops i dropped my purse.. could you pick that up, dear?"
Shopping at grocery or mall : outfit sub with insertible of your choice with silent vibrator and remote. Trigger occasionally.
Pet store: decide on collar for non existent large dog, use the sub's neck to measure. "Isn't Fido's neck about your size--let me check that it would fit.. Gee no. we getter measure him and come back later."
Shoe store: try on feminine slippers for the house-bound large-footed grandma who is ill, "aren't your feet bout the size of grandma.. here you try this on so I can see if it's soft enough inside for her bunion."
I dunno where you live but here in California.. you can do practically anything in public on the excuse that you're scouting locations/rehearsing .. for a film, tv show. Always say student film so you don't get akward questions about when it will air.
Hope this helps.

Oh, I LOVE the first one...well, as long as we're out without the kid, 'cause I'd rather have him there to help me wrangle while I decide what to eat. :P
I'm in Illinois, and not Chicago, so I have to be pretty discreet to avoid awkwardness.

(in reply to MsMillgrove)

Post #: 7

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 12:01:56 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
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Great thread ,great ideas...ThankYou

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 8

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 12:39:45 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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We don't do extreme things in public its just not our thing but we have some protocol in place. He walks on the right and I on the left, he opens all doors, carries all the packages for me. He gets the car and pulls it up to where we are and turns the wheel over to me so I can drive. I pick out his food at the restaurants and order it for him, I've gotten a few funny looks as they look to him for verification of what Id just said and he of course nods and smiles. He asks me if he may have dessert or if he can have another alcoholic drink (2 is his limit).
When shopping for clothes I pick out things for him. He calls me Ma'am in public and asks if he can have a hug or a kiss. He asks permission to use his cellphone. I've gotten remarks by my vanilla friends just how lucky I am to have such a gentleman. I have to agree with them.

~Lashra

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(in reply to DominantJenny)

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 12:44:31 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

We don't do extreme things in public its just not our thing but we have some protocol in place. He walks on the right and I on the left, he opens all doors, carries all the packages for me. He gets the car and pulls it up to where we are and turns the wheel over to me so I can drive. I pick out his food at the restaurants and order it for him, I've gotten a few funny looks as they look to him for verification of what Id just said and he of course nods and smiles. He asks me if he may have dessert or if he can have another alcoholic drink (2 is his limit).
When shopping for clothes I pick out things for him. He calls me Ma'am in public and asks if he can have a hug or a kiss. He asks permission to use his cellphone. I've gotten remarks by my vanilla friends just how lucky I am to have such a gentleman. I have to agree with them.

~Lashra

*nod* I don't want to do extreme things, either. Just keep the dynamic up a bit more and a little teasing/fun. You know what's funny? I've never thought of picking out clothes for him when shopping as a kink-related thing; I just have a better eye than he does for what looks good on him. *chuckle* Women's lib at work, I guess.
I don't like too much asking for permission...it gets to feel tedious when I'm pretty much always going to say yes anyway...do you ever find that a problem?

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 10

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 12:59:01 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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I had a Domme tie a simple red ribbon snug and secure around my genitals when we went out , it tugged a bit and reminded me who put it there with every step and later a string was attached so she could tug from within my pocket .

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 2:19:38 PM

DominantJenny

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

I had a Domme tie a simple red ribbon snug and secure around my genitals when we went out , it tugged a bit and reminded me who put it there with every step and later a string was attached so she could tug from within my pocket .

Oh, I like that! Thank you.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 12

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 2:21:57 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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~FR~

This is a great thread, DominantJenny. Thanks so much for posting it. I'm getting all sorts of wonderful new ideas for my play partner.

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 2:26:22 PM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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What are we considering "getting attention"? Are we talking about being seen as or considered a little unusual/odd or just the things that could be truly upsetting or are highly inappropriate?

I do a lot of the former... hell, just by walking down the street alone... and try to avoid the latter two.

I tend to do the ordering, sometimes have speech and/or eye contact restrictions in place, have them carry things, keeping a pace or two behind, they're always to refer to me as "Miss" or "Miss Rumpus" no matter who's around ... if correction is needed, I do it whether others are around or not, I just keep it to more minor things light a lesser face slap or a verbal correction. hmmm... having them opening and closing my car door for me, reaching the things off high shelves instead of me stretching (I'm short), pushing the cart, asking permission if they need to get up and use the restroom, all sorts of things...

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 2:52:43 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
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From: Phx AZ
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Twas my pleasure . warm smiles .

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

I had a Domme tie a simple red ribbon snug and secure around my genitals when we went out , it tugged a bit and reminded me who put it there with every step and later a string was attached so she could tug from within my pocket .

Oh, I like that! Thank you.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 15

RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 3:10:23 PM

DominantJenny

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

What are we considering "getting attention"? Are we talking about being seen as or considered a little unusual/odd or just the things that could be truly upsetting or are highly inappropriate?

We live in a small town, so only the mildest of odd/unusual is really comfortable for us.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 3:27:30 PM

aidan

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I dunno, this whole thing seems kind of odd to me. When Mistress and i go out we're just ourselves, not trying to be overt about anything, and I don't think there would be any question as to who is in charge. It's just a natural falling-in-place.

The one actively-trying thing we do, that I can think of, is if we go out to eat we usually order one big meal to share, and Mistress will take the larger portion. Same when we cook at home. Seeing as she's the pack leader and all. ;)

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Do what now?

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 4:03:42 PM

MsStarlett

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Hmmm.... I just happen to have some red ribbon in the car.... *evil grins*

Actually, for my first meet with my new boy toy from CM... I thought one fun thing to do would be to simply have him retrieve my toy bag from my trunk. Mind you... I have a rather odd collection of THINGS in my trunk... aside from normal things like oil & antifreeze, I also have a box of feather boas, a box of Yakki hair & a half made Wookie costume, a police hat, helmet and clip board, and a very large, very real spinal column. I'm just waiting for the reaction to the deer spine.

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 4:09:48 PM

aidan

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What is Yakki hair? Wha?

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Do what now?

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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/4/2008 4:33:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Sounds like you're going to be Nibbler for Halloween is how it sounds to me!

I work really hard at not involving the nonconsensual public in what I do. Subtlety is good! Love that ribbon thing, I forgot about that one....

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