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RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 3:30:39 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Well... I know the topic was really 'How to treat your sub in public and not get caught'... But considering that I am also into public humiliation, I enjoy getting 'caught' at it.  There's nothing better than a fun game of freek the mundains - or in this case - vanillas.  If I can freek a sub in the process, that's even better.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 6:07:58 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Funny thing about this post is, a lot of the things mentioned in it, I don't see as doing something 'special' for while in public.  There are just par for the course.

The way I'm addressed and so on doesn't change just because we've stepped out of the house.  Doors are always held for Me, whether it be going into a store, coming back home, or for the car. When My sub's with Me, I don't carry things, unless I chose to.  If he needs to leave Me, the reason doesn't matter, he asks permission.  There is always one collar or the other (silver chain or red leather) on his neck, whether we're together or not.  If I try on shoes at the store, he kneels and puts them on for Me.

It's not things the general public would be offended by, but we really don't change much from home to out and about.  It's just the way we do things.



I've actually thought that about quite a few things as well...there are many things I just expect that apparently others consider part of the D/s dynamic. This could explain why my vanilla relationships tended not to go well...

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 6:25:50 AM   
boytoy4female


Posts: 103
Joined: 8/10/2006
Status: offline 		Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, public humiliation doesnt have to be exposed in public. Circumstances on the risky edge, will make the sub very self conscious and concerned, even though there is a reasonable margin of safety.

You may have a stain on your shirt and be very self conscious about it. Yet, in reality, no one even noticed. This is similar to some experiences I have had. I was sure everyone could tell I was walking funny, like I had a plug in my ass. Or, maybe they could see the outline of the buckles or the plug harness. Could they hear the crinkle of the diaper or see the outline of a baggy wet diaper under my jeans? The reality is no one knew. But, in that self-conscious state-of-mind, reality was distorted.

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 6:32:43 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		No its only done in some circumstances because I am not into micromanagement and I don't want a sub who is asking permission to do something every couple of minutes. Been there done that and threw the tshirt away.

I make him ask me how many alcoholic drinks he can have because he used to have a drinking problem and asking permission and knowing I'm only going to allow two reinforces the idea that if I'm not with him he has to use his own restraint and order ONLY two.

Another thing he does for me that I forgot in the prior post was when we go to the gas station he goes inside, fixes my coffee and brings it out to me then he gets to pump the gas. So there are lots of little things you can do to work in some D/s in your outtings.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 8:44:54 AM   
Shewalksinbeauty


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		 This thread is really a great idea! :-) helps out newbies like me, and gives experts discussion and new ideas too.


My two cents is that one thing I like to do is put one of those silly little temporary tattoos on my subbie. We just bought a bucket of 100 butterfly tattoos. Generally they'll go in places not very obvious but still if he knows it's there it's something for him to be self conscious about. Also, I painted his toenails last night, which outside won't be a problem since he wears shoes, but we also live with another person (who is vanilla) and most of the people who come over on a regular basis are males. So if he gets caught without socks and pink toenails...

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 8:47:16 AM   
Gwynsbitchboi


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		"There's nothing better than a fun game of freek the mundains - or in this case - vanillas.  If I can freek a sub in the process, that's even better."  that's funny, I think I;ve heard my Domme say something simular.  In public she's had me pick out my own panties and take them to the check out while asking me in front of the girl if I think I'll look good in them.  I've also had to ask to use the restroom, which turned out to be the catalyst for an even more humiliating experience when I was told to hold it until I wet myself instead.  (I guess I was being kind of a brat that day) 

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 9:37:37 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Lol...years ago, when I was out shopping for obscene lingerie for a rather important occasion, I ran into an elderly couple shopping at the same store.  They were both well over 50, if not over 60, and looked like someone's kindly old grandparents from Mayberry.  As I drew nearer to them, I saw the old woman reaching up and pointing to a pair of dark violet lace panties with a split crotch.

"What do you think of these?" Her voice was perfectly forthright, a normal speaking tone, as if she was asking about a pair of garden shears.

The old man was obviously embarrassed by my presence and muttered something about how he didn't really have an opinion.

She turned to him, clearly irritated.  "Well, you should!  You're the one who's going to be wearing them!"

I abruptly starting looking for the secrets to life, the universe and everything in the weave of a mesh teddy on the rack in front of me, desperately biting the inside of my cheek and trying not to break into open laughter.  The old man winced.

"Yes, thank you dear..." he sighed.

Sorry, the post above just made me think of that for the first time in years.  You're never too old for a little public humiliation!

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 6/6/2008 9:38:58 AM >

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Gwynsbitchboi)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 10:13:39 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Oh that is RICH!  Love it!

One of my on-line boys and I have a running fantasy of me meeting him at the airport some day down the road and playing the pissed off wife bitching him out... "Where is my gift?  Did you spend all your money on PORN and Strip clubs AGAIN?"   Classic 'see how far we can push this loud, public argument.  Including shoving him and slapping his face. 

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 11:13:01 AM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

We don't do extreme things in public its just not our thing but we have some protocol in place. He walks on the right and I on the left, he opens all doors, carries all the packages for me. He gets the car and pulls it up to where we are and turns the wheel over to me so I can drive. I pick out his food at the restaurants and order it for him, I've gotten a few funny looks as they look to him for verification of what Id just said and he of course nods and smiles. He asks me if he may have dessert or if he can have another alcoholic drink (2 is his limit).
When shopping for clothes I pick out things for him. He calls me Ma'am in public and asks if he can have a hug or a kiss. He asks permission to use his cellphone. I've gotten remarks by my vanilla friends just how lucky I am to have such a gentleman. I have to agree with them.

~Lashra



Ms. Lashra stole my thunder here, this is precisely what i was going to say. Be the perfect old school gentleman, up to a point, the point of interaction, She takes over then. As i was raised to be one, it's easy for me.

The other things, yeah those remote control toys can be fun. Easily available these days. And maybe one more thing, the wearing of a 'virtual' collar. A collar can be anything agreed upon to signify the relationship, i used to wear a heavy large link solid silver bracelet at all times. As a token and reminder.


_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 2:07:23 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I don't get the whole "Dom/me orders for sub" thing.  When I'm in full Domme Mode - I don't 'deal with underlings'.  It's my boy's job to know what I like, deal with the waiter, make sure I get everything delivered perfectly, pay the bill, leave the tip, etc.  Perhaps that's more of a Southern Gentleman thing... but I want my partner to do all the work and make sure I am treated like a Queen.



It's customary in many restaurants for the male to order for the female.  The woman ordering for the male is a role reversal as is the power exchange that takes place in a D/s relationship.  It's a public statement to those around about who is in charge; the woman, not the male.  
 
This can be humilating for the male when given the odd or questioning look by a waiter which has implicit overtones of "Why aren't you the one doing the ordering or paying the bill?"  Similarly, when he has to ask permission to have another drink, desert, etc., it reinforces that she is the one whom he is subservient to in their dynamic.  You're clearly the Queen in his world since you're making all the decisions for him in the kingdom he lives in where there is no King.
 
I hope this helps explain.  BTW, it's also not unusual for some of this to be done in what will seem to the sub to be in a louder voice than necessary.
 
Oh, and for those into watersports, some women are known to take an empty glass with them to the restroom, fill it with their nectar and bring it back to the table for their sub to drink with their meal.  My apologies if that squicks anyone.
 
 - pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 2:46:00 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The way I'm addressed and so on doesn't change just because we've stepped out of the house.  Doors are always held for Me, whether it be going into a store, coming back home, or for the car. When My sub's with Me, I don't carry things, unless I chose to. 
 


To me, that's all part of being a gentleman.
 

quote:


If he needs to leave Me, the reason doesn't matter, he asks permission.  There is always one collar or the other (silver chain or red leather) on his neck, whether we're together or not. 

 
With my previous Mistress, I always wore a gold chain that served as "vanilla" collar, plus I had what I guess you'd call a semi-ornate leather collar for casual wear when we were alone together around the apartment and another leather "play" collar for scening which had attachment rings on it.
 
quote:


 
If I try on shoes at the store, he kneels and puts them on for Me.


 
Yumm!  One of my favorite things to do!

I did always enjoy it when we'd go to an adult store of some kind to look at toys or clothing and she'd talk with a clerk about how she might be able to use them with me.  I'd turn beet red, but that kind of humilation play can be a real turn-on for me. 

I especially remember being fitted for a full body harness at a leather shop by a gay salesman while she chatted non-stop with him, discussing the merits of each them as he adjusted the ones she had me try on.  The one she eventually chose for me required alterations and some rather "intimate" touching by the salesman as he sorted out what needed to be done (Note: there was nothing improper about what he did.  It was necessary because of it being a body harness with a CB ring).  The Mistress greatly enjoyed watching my discomfort while the fitting took place and was quite turned on by the time we left the shop.  LOL!

- pixel

 
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/6/2008 4:19:15 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you Pixel.  I had not thought of it in that way.  *shrug*  As a small business owner, I spend so much of my time placing orders and dealing with delivery people and all that rot... it's just not something I want to deal with when I go out.  I also do not stand in lines whenever someone else can 'handle that' for me.

As for kneeling with the shoes... anytime I wear my ankle straps... SOMEONE has to do put them on and take them off for me.  My knees don't bend in that direction.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/7/2008 7:29:39 AM   
subsdmn


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		My Dominant use to order for me in restaraunts.  She did allow me to choose what I wanted though, although she did make suggestions.  I would walk one or two steps behind her wherever we went in public.  In stores I would hold her purse and when she wanted me to get something for her or do something she would just state it, not ask.  This did get some stares however.  Our friends all knew who wore the pants in the relationship. 

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/8/2008 3:10:29 PM   
vampchick88


Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		The first time I went to the mall with pet, it was a new mall I had never been to yet his was very familiar with it, he let me lead the way the entire time. He always held the door for me wherever we went, and the most odd (but now I love it!) he walks around to my side of the car to open my door and extend a hand for me to exit. He wears my collar in public in plain view no matter where he goes. As for me doing anything fun in public, as long as it won't get the cops called I think its fair game. If people watch then thats their ordeal. Thats just how I feel.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/8/2008 3:25:42 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

Over on the submissive forum there was a thread about what one can do in public without attracting attention. Much of the response works better with M/f couples in our patriarchal society, so I am bringing it over here since my question is specifically about F/m couples. One caveat: we aren't into feminization at all.


Really?

Actually I find that Fox behaving as a traditional gentleman look very normal to most people but in reality his carrying my packages, opening door, deferring politely to me and all of that is also very submissive and service focused. Even in the extremes for example my slapping him might people looking at us but I doubt anyone would do anything beyond where as slapping a woman might get local police called or someone trying to step in. How do I know? Cause I have slapped him in public beyond looks, nothing from anyone except a few smiles I've noticed from folks.

The value of any behavior for you is the value you and he attach to it, not what anyone else may think.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/8/2008 8:22:59 PM   
Blessedmistress


Posts: 6
Status: offline 		In public I prefer that my slave play the gentleman role.  I enjoy the dichotomy as he would be viewed as dominant, but I tell him waht he can and can't do.  When we go to Starbucks, he asks what he can order...I will either order for him (if I am awake) or just tell him what size...or that he only gets coffee. 

Open my doors, car and building, order food (after I have chosen what we are eating), I do pay for almost everything, unless I have not transfered funds...I have tied his cock up before he goes to work and he has to wear it all day, he enjoys that.

In public I take his arm, I pinch the inside of his arm as we are walking, he is not to show any signs..no matter how hard I pinch. 

I love all these suggestions and will be implimenting some of them...Thanks




< Message edited by Blessedmistress -- 6/8/2008 8:24:09 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/8/2008 8:44:40 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Dear Dominant Jenny,

Another thread and I find myself compelled to respond.   It is clear to me that I have a lot to learn.  Holding doors?..  Asking to be excused?..  Holding chairs?..  Walking on the left... and one step behind?  Having my food order place for me (Ms. Lashra would give me a 0 drink limit)?  Then there is that deer spine thing.  OMG!

Lionesses, Tigresses and Dominatrisses...  OH MY!

I have worked with a lot of women over the years.  Most of these jobs might still be considered 'non traditional' for women.  Most of these women gained my respect as coworkers; BUT, I developed an attitude that, "I will die I your company if you will risk fellowship to die with me.  Get your own damn door."  

All of the above activities sound like fun to me.  further they sound like good training for an unreconstructed timber beast such as myself.

Best to you; and, remind that man of your how lucky he is.
Respectfully,  Mike
SnowRanger

(in reply to DominantJenny)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/8/2008 9:24:52 PM   
DaintyDemure


Posts: 41
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline 		For me public humiliation is a hard limit and is written in our contract as such. That said, the contract also states that she has the right to total physical control of my body 24/7. So in public I dont dress girly but My Lady can command me in various ways. Sometimes speech is forbidden. When shopping I push the cart and I am not allowed to remove my hands from the bar for anything until we checkout. I follow her around the store compliantly. Through the mall I carry all the bags so she has the freedom to browse. Usually it is very subtle in public. She also handles all the money as I'm not  allowed any access to it other than my gas card. We both agree to her total financial control. My Lady has seen the post about not allowing the sub to open doors in public other than her car door so that is now a rule. I cant leave her for any reason without asking permission.

(in reply to SnowRanger)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/8/2008 10:20:43 PM   
pinnipedster


Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

One exception is that she loved to take me to get my hair cut, then take charge and tell the stylist exactly how she wanted it cut.  I'd just sit there blushing a bit and tell the stylist whatever pleased her (my Mistress) was how I wanted it done.  When the stylist was finished, my Mistress would be the one to give final approval of whether or not the haircut was done to her satisfaction.
 
 - pixel



Oh, I want this to happen to me in a beauty parlor someday. :)  

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: In public with the male submissive. - 6/9/2008 6:29:50 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

Over on the submissive forum there was a thread about what one can do in public without attracting attention. Much of the response works better with M/f couples in our patriarchal society, so I am bringing it over here since my question is specifically about F/m couples. One caveat: we aren't into feminization at all.


Really?

Actually I find that Fox behaving as a traditional gentleman look very normal to most people but in reality his carrying my packages, opening door, deferring politely to me and all of that is also very submissive and service focused. Even in the extremes for example my slapping him might people looking at us but I doubt anyone would do anything beyond where as slapping a woman might get local police called or someone trying to step in. How do I know? Cause I have slapped him in public beyond looks, nothing from anyone except a few smiles I've noticed from folks.

The value of any behavior for you is the value you and he attach to it, not what anyone else may think.


A lot of the traditional gentlemen stuff is annoying to me...I tend to walk in the lead naturally; having to slow down or stop so he can rush ahead and open a door is bothersome rather than fun.
As I said in another comment somewhere, I apparently simply expect a lot of things and don't think of them as D/s oriented, things like carrying heavy stuff for me or helping with my purse if I need it are things I've expected (and would expect) even in vanilla relationships.
I don't think, in our small town, that my slapping him would work...we'd be judged as Jerry Springer material in all likelihood, and we're already a couple that people seem to remember, so I prefer they remember us positively. (Also, we have children, so that requires a certain amount of modification as well.)

I agree that the behavior is what we make of it. *nodnod*

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 60
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