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RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/8/2008 9:06:13 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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And the answer is right in front of you.
Someone asks my mom if I'll do something for them and she commits me to it without asking me. Sorry Mr but you asked my mom not me, I'm not available, I've made plans.
If you'd like me to help you with that on _______day I'll be happy to.

Mom, you have simply got to stop committing me to do anything without consulting me, period end of sentance.

(in reply to Hanable)

Post #: 121

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/8/2008 9:07:14 PM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
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tried that fluffy.. i get grounded if i say i wont do something my mothers said id do...

H >:)

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Post #: 122

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/8/2008 9:08:33 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
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From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

tried that fluffy.. i get grounded if i say i wont do something my mothers said id do...

H >:)

then you need to sit down and say i'm 19 and legally an adult and it's time that you start letting me be so. and then stick with it. trust me i had to play this game lol.

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Post #: 123

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/8/2008 9:59:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Umm exactly what is this "grounding of a 19 year old"? If it's really as co-dependent as you say it is, she'd never kick you out, so feel free to do what you want to get what you need.

And yes, as Archer said, you obviously know these people, so get THEIR numbers, call THEM directly, let THEM know that they should ask you, that you'd love to be of assistance when you can and to make sure they come directly to YOU. Just say your mother has a horrible memory (which she probably does) and you'd hate to miss out on opportunities.

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Post #: 124

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/8/2008 10:26:13 PM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
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From: BFE ohio
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sigh* ill try but i make no promises.. with her being as mentaly ill as she is she does not make any sence most of the time.. she has no commen sence. i may be 19 but she treats my like im a baby. i dont think she realizes i have grown up.. but like i said.. ill try.

and ive done the "call the ppl" thing.. they still go to her becuz they know shell say yes.. weather i said yes or not.

H >:)

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Post #: 125

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/8/2008 10:58:57 PM

Archer

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THe very first step again is Making your own adult decissions. Grounding a 19 year old????????????? Ground me and I'll simply move out. I get the my house my rules bit, but the my house thing can be changed by an adult making adult decissions, move the heck out. That is an adult decssion. If she needs your assistance then you have negotiation room bt only if you are willing and able to make the adult decission to move out. Right now she's calling your bluff every time and you are folding.

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Post #: 126

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 4:39:23 AM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable
i dont think she realizes i have grown up.. but like i said.. ill try.

You'll know you've really grown up when you stop telling people how grown up you are.

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Post #: 127

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 7:25:09 AM

abcbsex

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It's amazing the difference in maturity level between people of the same age. I think the best way to solve any "ageism" in a local scene is to take everyone on a case-by-case basis into the group, making sure someone will vouch for them no matter what their age.

And from personal experience, the best way to avoid being grounded in the future is to not argue, simply accept the punishment but let them know that you aren't going to comply in the future. Arguing never worked for me until I learned how to put my foot down and stick with it, no matter the consequences. I'm sorry, trying to ground a 19 year old is flippin ridiculous.

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Post #: 128

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 11:01:08 AM

BrigandDoom

Posts: 155
Joined: 12/29/2007
From: Nottingham
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrigandDoom

I have to say, but what load of old tripe! I've met 16 year olds with more intelligence, common sense and maturity that I have adults of 35+. Age has absolutely nothing to do with a persons maturity or outlook on life. These days our teenagers are better informed, more knowledgeable and considerably more worldly wise than I was 20 years ago.

You have some very strange views and I'm glad that people like you are in a minority! Just because a person is 19 oneday, 20 the next, doesn't mean that they have suddenly wised up! The very fact that in some states and countries you legally marry at 16, and there is no law, nor is there any research that backs up your views. I know we are all entitled to our own opinions, but yours leavbe you severly wanting!

And then there are those that nitpick every post to death...In case you didnt read the title of the thread it specifically says 19 year olds. So that is what I wrote. I would protect my daughter no matter what her age if I thought she needed me nothing would keep me away!

My statement before was not a peronal attack on you , it was my opinion... like it or not.

Unlike you it seems I did read your posting. Your reasons are purely out of a need to protect your daughter. We allow 18/19 year olds of both sexes to carry guns into battle, yet they are not "adult" enough to make lifestyle decisions for theirselves? I hope you've got plenty of cottonwool to wrap your kids in!

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Post #: 129

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 11:21:36 AM

fluffyswitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BrigandDoom

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrigandDoom

I have to say, but what load of old tripe! I've met 16 year olds with more intelligence, common sense and maturity that I have adults of 35+. Age has absolutely nothing to do with a persons maturity or outlook on life. These days our teenagers are better informed, more knowledgeable and considerably more worldly wise than I was 20 years ago.

You have some very strange views and I'm glad that people like you are in a minority! Just because a person is 19 oneday, 20 the next, doesn't mean that they have suddenly wised up! The very fact that in some states and countries you legally marry at 16, and there is no law, nor is there any research that backs up your views. I know we are all entitled to our own opinions, but yours leavbe you severly wanting!

And then there are those that nitpick every post to death...In case you didnt read the title of the thread it specifically says 19 year olds. So that is what I wrote. I would protect my daughter no matter what her age if I thought she needed me nothing would keep me away!

My statement before was not a peronal attack on you , it was my opinion... like it or not.

Unlike you it seems I did read your posting. Your reasons are purely out of a need to protect your daughter. We allow 18/19 year olds of both sexes to carry guns into battle, yet they are not "adult" enough to make lifestyle decisions for theirselves? I hope you've got plenty of cottonwool to wrap your kids in!

to be fair though that does seem to be a societal attitude. i had a friend in highschool who ended up having a child. he ended up entering the military to support his kid. the town's attitude was that he was old enough to potentially be killed while serving his country but not old enough to take responsibility and attempt to raise his son. unfortunately we live surrounded by a deep rooted age based double standard. old enough to choose to enter a field where you could potentially die but not old enough to choose how to live.

< Message edited by fluffyswitch -- 6/9/2008 11:22:21 AM >

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Post #: 130

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 8:24:14 PM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
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From: BFE ohio
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i would move out archer but i dont have any money. hell i dont actually have a car either.. im buying the one i drive off my father. i would move out if i had the money for a place, a job to pay for it or a place to stay.. but i dont. ive tried putting my fot down with her but that jsut starts another fight where i lose becuz shes crazier then i am. i take the punishment becuz i have no choice but to. i know it sounds like im makeing excuses.. but really.. im not.

H >:)

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Post #: 131

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 9:04:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'm really sorry you are rooted in such a place of helplessness and victimhood and I understand that much of this probably has to do with how you are raised.

But no one will help you unless you choose to help yourself.

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Post #: 132

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/9/2008 9:18:35 PM

impishlilhellcat

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When I lived in Michigan there was a BDSM group relatively close to me that was set specifically and only for the ages of 18-29. It was a great group for meeting people my age. I however, have always been attracted to an older crowd, but the group itself was more a more setting comfortable than walking into a munch where everyone was 35 or older. The problem that you come up against in a group that's segregated in age like that or at least what I experienced is that everyone sort of starts at the same place which is a double edged sword. It's good because you learn together as a group, but if you are that segregated how can you learn more and while I don't think that older always means wiser (we all have our own learning curves some start earlier and later than other etc..) it's nice to have more experienced members around that you can learn from and pick their brains. If it wasn't for someone much older than myself taking an interest in me and my curiosities as to BDSM when I was younger than I am now, had it not been for several groups willingness to take me in I don't think I would know anything about BDSM or even be involved. So I say it should be based upon maturity and willingness to learn not a specific age.

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Post #: 133

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 5:51:18 AM

Archer

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I'm really not trying to be mean here but the bottom line is you're still dependant on your parents obviously and as such in my world in my opinion you have not reached adulthood yet. NOTE BIG BOLD NOTE: this has nothing to do with your age it's an objective measure when someone is still dependant on their parents they simply haven't reached adulthood yet. If you were 50 and still that dependant, that far under your parent's thumbs I'd say the same thing.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)

Post #: 134

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 6:12:14 AM

abcbsex

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

I'm really not trying to be mean here but the bottom line is you're still dependant on your parents obviously and as such in my world in my opinion you have not reached adulthood yet. NOTE BIG BOLD NOTE: this has nothing to do with your age it's an objective measure when someone is still dependant on their parents they simply haven't reached adulthood yet. If you were 50 and still that dependant, that far under your parent's thumbs I'd say the same thing.

Reading through the discussion, I was thinking it, but you nailed this on the head. I know plenty of people my age who are dependent on their parents, or their parents are dependent on them sometimes, that I would still consider adults. Then also, there are plenty of people my age who seem to be under their parents control. In a bdsm group I don't think I'd want to interact with the latter, even though we're the same age.

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Post #: 135

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 6:33:59 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

I'm really not trying to be mean here but the bottom line is you're still dependant on your parents obviously and as such in my world in my opinion you have not reached adulthood yet. NOTE BIG BOLD NOTE: this has nothing to do with your age it's an objective measure when someone is still dependant on their parents they simply haven't reached adulthood yet. If you were 50 and still that dependant, that far under your parent's thumbs I'd say the same thing.

sorry your post made me laugh though not for the reason that it was written...i'm just thinking one of my parents never reached adulthood then...

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Post #: 136

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 6:35:06 AM

RedMagic1

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One of my best friends moved out at the age of 16. Her father was angry about something. She closed the door to a room, he put his fist through the door, she jumped out the window and never looked back. Her life was really frikkin hard for a couple years, and believe it or not she has an ok relationship with her parents now.

Hanable. Move out.

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Post #: 137

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 9:03:36 AM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
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and go where redmagic? i live near a town that has no homeless shelter.. none of my relitives live any where close.. none of my friends can take me in.. so you tell me.. if im gonna move out.. where am i gonna move to? i have no job.. i cant find one. i dont own my car.. paying my dad for it still..

if you think its just so easy for me to move out.. u tell me where shall i go? tell me.. if ur so much smarter then me.. u tell me where to go so i can start over..

H >:)

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Post #: 138

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 10:50:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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This is going to tick somebody off, but the last couple of pages of this thread might have something to do with some of the complications reflected in the thread title.

There are two main places that I play (90% of the time) when it's not at home. One is a public club, the other is a private place. Both are 21 and up. Both permit certain types of play that encourage the higher age limit. Especially in the case of the private place, I fully agree with the philosophy of that person setting whatever age limit they see fit. If it were My house, you can believe it would be My rules, so I respect theirs.

I also belong to two BDSM groups. One is 21 and older, the other is 18 and older. The members of the respective groups want it that way. Yes, I've had the task of telling people under 21 that they do not fit the age requirements. I do it because it is what the majority of the membership wants. In fact, we've had the debate of changing it, and from the response that was gathered, that's not happening any time soon. As to the group that is 18 and above, when they arrange trips to attend clubs, it is specifically posted that those events will be 21 and up.

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Post #: 139

RE: 19 year olds in the lifestyle - 6/10/2008 1:32:31 PM

DarkVictory

Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

Gee it must be wonderful being you , knowing everything at such a young age , except how to accept another persons opinion as , another persons opinion.

Oh yes you are the ONLY person on this site that EVER uses sarcasm.

Since you have taken such huge offense at my opinion I can only come to the conclusion that you really weren't as mature at the age of 19 as you would have us believe.

Imagine her having the sheer and unmitigated gall to not agree with you! And to then be able to back up her opinion with wit, sarcasm, and logic! What a crass demonstration of intellect and education.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

Post #: 140

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