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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 2:09:33 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika
When do you know you're ready to move on after a long term relationship?


You are ready to move on when you no longer ask yourself that question.



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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 2:29:54 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		This is a rather difficult question to answer.   Here's a few things I can share on the topic.
There may come a time when you think are you are ready, but you don't realize you are not ready.
When you are ready, you honestly may not realize it the time.  It just sort of sneaks up on you.
It's actually kind of amazing that people find somebody when they are least expecting it.









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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 2:36:46 PM   
angelwithhonor


Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		and when you make that decision to move on. the hardest ,is that very first step on doing it!  i hope with peace you move on with just that, a peace of mind ! hugsyou did what you know is right for you . *hugs*

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 3:16:53 PM   
LadySatara


Posts: 14
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		You will know when you are ready. After my last long term relationship I spent two years getting over it and now I know I'm ready. Even when I think of the past I usually just laugh about the good times and wonder why I did the stuff I did. It's all apart of growing up. I wish you luck dear.

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 3:43:51 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		It took me 10 years, three years of therapy to make sure i didn't make the same mistakes again, and joining collarme.
Now i am in a serious relationship and couldn't be happier.

the pain and anger goes away, sooner or later, and you know you will be ready.

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 3:48:06 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

This is something I posted in my journal and something I am posting here because I would honestly like imput from others. I am sure the answers will vary, because we all grow and heal differently.
 
When do you know your ready to move on after a long term relationship?

Is it when a certain amount of time has passed,or when the other person has move on themselves? Is it when you no longer cry at the very thought of what you have lost? Is it when you are no longer reminded of them by life, by others, by a simple scent or tone? How does one know, truly know they are prepared, ready mentally, physically, and emotionally to move on?

Is it when you stop loving the other person? Or when they stop loving you? Is it when you stop aching for their touch? Is it when you stop seeing them in your dreams? When do you know? How can you know for sure?

I don't have the answer to these questions... I don't even venture to guess but these are questions that plague me.
 
Blessed be,
Nika


It's always been my experience that in any kind of relationship, the absolutely worst time is after one or both have awakened to the need to end it but before the end actually happens.
 
i sure hope this isn't happening to you; it can be terrible.
 
i'm the sort who prefers to rip the bandage off quickly, rather than to pick away at it slowly.  Whenever i have felt that an end was coming, i have acted as fast and as drama-free as possible to get out then and there. 
 
That doesn't mean i haven't cried my share of tears afterwards...it's just that i feel a sense of relief when the worst has happened and i can move on.
 
pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/6/2008 3:49:37 PM >

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 3:54:33 PM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		the correct answer is: 1month of grieving for every 1 year of your realtionship...

in all seriousness it depends on you.

I've had a few heartaches... and after each of them I was "emotionally Unavailable" I made this clear with anyone I was getting close to... I was spending my time with Friends...and Ideally: I was only interested in Friends With Benefits...when it came to anything sexual. I still got horny. there was still Lust... I just wanted nothign to do with Romanticsm. and if that was a problem for anyone I was "seeing" then we would cut out the physicalness and save the friendship.

it worked rather well for me overall. I may have missed out on some good relationships b/c I choose to Just be friends...but I also gained some of the closest friends I still have to this day.

the biggest problem I have had to deal with was when new girlfriends got upset that 60-80% of my friends were people I have slept with...





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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 3:55:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My relationships almost always overlap eachother, first because I was cheating and then because I have multiple relationships going on at once- they don't all end and begin at the same time.

I think the more important question to ask is "How do I know I'm ready for THIS type of relationship with THIS person?"

And for me the answer is because I am more fulfilled with them than without them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 4:01:37 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Everyone has their own way of moving on, I agree there is no right or wrong answer there is only what is right for each person individually. I was with Phoenix for 3 years, we raise 2 beautiful children together. He moved on before the relationship ended, although in many ways neither of us have truly moved on. I am no longer angry nor do I cry every day. I thought I was ready to move on then I felt guilty for thinking about entering another D/s relationship or becoming intimate on any level with another man. I found myself looking at my collar and the tattoo I wear that will forever mark me as Phoenix's and I cry. I am still in love with him, this week I have just been so confused. I feel bad because I thought I ready, meet a really sweet guy but even he says I talk about Phoenix all the time. (I didn't even realize I was doing it) I know I NEED to move on but I am not sure how to do that.
 
Reading everyone's responses is helping me gain insite and a sense of relief.  Thank you.
 
blessed be,
Nika

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 6/6/2008 4:02:33 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 4:04:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Heh my partner and I still talk about our ex's- they were very important parts of our lives.  And in your case, always will be a part of your life and thus would have to be accepted by anyone else you got involved with.  However, talking about them ALL the time might be a signal that it's not ready, I think it's a natural part of the process in forming a new relationship.  Of course, one needs to be aware and not go heavy on the comparisons.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 5:41:41 PM   
InsaenPleasures


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline 		I know I gave you some advice when we talked earlier, but figured I would share a little more. There really could be a difference between, being over the old and being ready for the new.  There comes a point that you realize you are not going back and for me that was harder than being able to go forward, if that makes any kind of sense. Going forward I do not think always require you to be at the point of no return, if the new person (or persons) is patient and understanding.

Logan

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 6:52:32 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servantheart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

When you realize that you cannot go back-and make the choice to go forward instead.


Sound advice, though it's wise to avoid jumping into a serious relationship too soon after the old one ends.  Don't shut yourself off from the outside world and activities, but don't look for someone new until the time feels right.  You'll know when it's time.


Speaking of moving on, as a choice? ..  I tried to force myself (make a choice) to get into a relationship, because logically it made sense, I was trying to be proactive, had some pride, and the other person seemed so great about it.  I tried to be smart about it, and just sort of be in it.. maybe fill in the rest with a "catch me when I fall" scenario.  Was sure I'd beable to pull myself out of my rut.  But the focus on pulling myself out of a rut was stronger than seeing developing and being in something great for the future totally apart from the old relationship.

No matter what, it wouldn't progress beyond a certain point.  Like I felt like running/panic when things got really close and just had to distance myself.  Often, I ran into like unexplainable emotional walls where I just couldn't feel beyond a certain point, not caring, forcing myself to feel something that wasn't there because it made sense.  But then I just couldn't "sort of have" a relationship.  My mistake was getting involved and not keeping the distance I needed from anything serious.. making a choice to be proactive, though it was logical from an impersonal standpoint, was a huge mistake and shows that life isn't about willing things to happen, it's about how you deal with what happens to you and what's happening in you. 

If the other person is worth it, he will wait for you.  So what he does is just as important as who he is.  If he doesn't, red flag.  But we're all human, make mistakes, and need to fess up for them if we do care about the relationship.  Kind of part of developing a good long-lasting relationship, serious or not, he will be respectful of your needs rather than always been consumed with his..  Got to be real with the other person etc, of course though, but sooner or later it breaks because the needs just don't mesh. 

I think I heard a rough estimate of half the time you were involved for recovery.  So if you were in a two year relationship, it will take you roughly one year to get over it.  So logic aside, I guess eventually your thoughts gravitate towards new possibilities, rather than staying settled on old distractions.  I guess like a lot of important things in life, you just know. 

< Message edited by chickpea -- 6/6/2008 6:55:29 PM >

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 7:14:16 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

When you realize that you cannot go back-and make the choice to go forward instead.


An excellent response.  

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 8:17:07 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes you get lucky and there's an epiphany, where you just KNOW that you know that you know it is time.  Most of the time, I think you don't always make the decision but rather find that the decision was made a long time ago and the realization just caught up with you.  Either way, when the following occur there's generally no doubt its time to move one:

1)  When he/she walks into the room and your mind wanders off into a delightful fantasy of him in the shower, with you leering over him with a bloody knife.
2)  When you can't think of him/her without kicking the dog/cat/kids.
3)  When you are having sex and all you can do is stare at the ceiling, and the only thing you say during his orgasm is, "peach...I think I'll paint the ceiling peach."

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 8:40:24 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

This is something I posted in my journal and something I am posting here because I would honestly like imput from others. I am sure the answers will vary, because we all grow and heal differently.
 
When do you know your ready to move on after a long term relationship?




after I had left my wife ....mom asked me what am I going to do now?

"mom I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.... just like I have my entire life"

Simple but effective.

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 8:44:18 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

When do you know your ready to move on after a long term relationship?

Is it when a certain amount of time has passed,or when the other person has move on themselves? Is it when you no longer cry at the very thought of what you have lost? Is it when you are no longer reminded of them by life, by others, by a simple scent or tone? How does one know, truly know they are prepared, ready mentally, physically, and emotionally to move on?

Is it when you stop loving the other person? Or when they stop loving you? Is it when you stop aching for their touch? Is it when you stop seeing them in your dreams? When do you know? How can you know for sure?


For me personally, this has varied greatly on who I was with and why the relationship ended. I have had partners that it took a long while to move on after, and with y exhusband I had a new relationship after the papers were signed but before the court date to verify them.


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 6/6/2008 8:57:37 PM   
MrRandallspe


Posts: 110
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Ending a relationship of this type is very much the same as ending a marriage. Some end well and others end with empty feelings,bitterness and the like. i had a slave that I felt would be with me for a long time,tell me one day that she was leaving to become the slave of another Master. I was bitter and torn apart for months. I still do not want to see her,yet I have gone on with my life.

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 7/15/2008 6:55:37 AM   
Liannalin


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline 		I have no sage advice to offer, merely a large dose of empathy. I have recently left a 10 year marriage. We are friends...and for the most part it doesn't hurt. Every now and then, though it feels like a catch in my lungs...exscruciating for an instant, followed by the ache that finally subsides into numbness. I do wonder how much of that feeling is mourning for the man himself (the man that I chose to leave because we were miserable together) or mourning for the closness I was used to. Having someone there. I have tried meaningless sex, tried to move into another relationship...after a little while I can feel myself searching for ways to distance myself from any kind of commitment, while craving it at the same time.
It doesn't help that he found what will soon be his third wife before we even split up.

So I feel you honey, and send all the good that karma has to offer your way.


Blessed Be
Liannalin

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 7/15/2008 11:31:44 AM   
OnlyMels


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		You just know when your ready I dated a guy for 2 months and he pretty much lived with me loved my son like his own then one day he went to work and never came back no call or anything untill a little over a month later when I had just moved on and found someone new. That hurt like nothing before I almost mourned him like he had died. It takes time but you know when your ready to move on the hurt will finally go away you'll still probably think about the person every once in a while. But life moves on. 

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Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.

Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!

Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

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RE: When do you know your ready? - 7/15/2008 1:03:52 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		You'll know it when you're ready to move on....but you must give yourself permission to grieve the person and relationship.  You can't change the past, you can only learn from it and take that lesson and move forward.

When my last Master passed suddenly it was the worst time i've ever experienced.....it was like being adrift in a sea without an anchor...i grieved for all that i'd lost and all that i'd never have with him....but the old adage really is true....Time does heal.  One day you realize the memories don't cause pain and then you're ready to move on.


_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

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