MizSuz
Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: melycious 1. its always best to meet folks in a group situation, simply put..its safer..and if they are a total bore, there are others to talk to Some folks are more intimidated by groups. Particularly submissive men who are not 'out.' I usually tell these people that they probably couldn't deal with my lifestyle anyway, as I am quite out. quote:
2. look at your own approach, are you so determined to meet, for whatever reasons, that you are pushing someone who is not so sure of themselves? do you give them an out? do you provide whatever emotional security they might need? do you allow them to pick the place, encourage them to bring a lifestyle friend? Newp. I tell them "this is where and when I'll be, if you're interested." If they don't show, I believe that to mean they are not interested. Sometimes that will be a public function, sometimes it will be at a public place. I don't give them an out because at that point they are not beholden to me for anything. They can provide their own out. I'm not responsible for their emotional security at that juncture either. If they aren't grown up enough to provide their own then I am probably not the one for them. If they need it then they should arrange it and let me know how they hope it goes off. If I'm amenable I'll cooperate, if I'm not I'll call it off. If they'd like to bring a friend they are welcome to. The more the merrier. quote:
3. do you attempt to follow up afterwards? not as a punitive measure..but perhaps as a learning tool for yourself...... ? ie: i was surprised and disappointed when you didnt show up today? i hope things are ok, but assume you choose not to meet for a particular reason, in order to be the best at what i do/enjoy, i wonder if you could find time to drop me a line or 2 telling me what put you off, why you made that choice? AND THEN, dont debate what they tell you, dont argue it, or defend it......... say thank you..and see if what they say really applies to you... They know how to contact me. If they haven't, then they don't want to. Good enough for me. I sound like a bitch, don't I? hahahaha
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“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.” - Robert Heinlein
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