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RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 7/29/2004 7:23:53 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cheeba0228
its really quite easy isnt it. They want the experience but are afraid of what it involves and afraid of turing themselves over.


Maybe that's part of the problem. They assume there is a lot more to the meeting than there really is. I don't know about all the women here. But when I arrange to meet a man/ sub I'm not planning anything BDSM. It's just a meeting to see if we're suitable. Too many guys seem to expect a lot more from a first meeting. Get over it.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 7/29/2004 8:39:53 PM   
SherriA


Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
I was teaching somebody to drive a while back, and they kept apologizing for every little thing. I finally said "Ok, I want you to fully apologize for every driving faux pas you have made or will make in the future and then focus on driving and never apologize to me for driving mishaps again."


I've often told people "don't apologize, just don't do it again."

Frankly, saying you're sorry doesn't change much of anything for me. It's an overused excuse, imx. People seem to believe that by saying they're sorry that somehow that makes everything all better. It doesn't always work that way.

I'd much rather they spent their time correcting whatever it was that went wrong instead of wasting breath apologizing over and over again. It doesn't take long before it simply seems very insincere, at least as perceived through my filters.

I had a client that used to do the same inappropriate thing over and over again. And every time, she would say "sorry", think that 5 little letters should excuse her. My co-workers thought I was some kind of a beast when I began telling her that sorry didn't cut it, and if she was really sorry then she would do something to make up for her behaviour, rather than just paying it lip service.

Yeah, well, call me a beast. Sorry doesn't fix it. Fix the problem and there's no need to be sorry anymore.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 7/31/2004 5:51:25 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA
Yeah, well, call me a beast. Sorry doesn't fix it. Fix the problem and there's no need to be sorry anymore.


I totally agree with you, Sherri.


Especially when it was for deliberate actions that they couple with "I never meant to hurt you", which usually means "I never meant for you to find out", because if they never meant to hurt anyone, they wouldn't have done the deliberate act they knew would cause hurt.

Anyway, I'm off an a tangent.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to SherriA)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 7/31/2004 7:25:23 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

Yeah, well, call me a beast. Sorry doesn't fix it. Fix the problem and there's no need to be sorry anymore.



Dearest beast;

As you already know, it's a common understanding in the psychology field that people who say sorry but continue the behavior are not sorry, they are seeking permission to do it again. For these people, accepting their apology is permission.

You're dead on, and as you know - I feel similarly.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to SherriA)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 7/31/2004 7:53:22 AM   
randsboy


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Olympia WA
Status: offline 		cause the offer of rt scares teh shit out of em, so they either disapeare or go on with th fantasy with someone else

_____________________________

randsboy

always home during the day and willing to play. I do not drive, but could host. color & ethnicity not a problem

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/11/2004 8:55:36 PM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		i have been at times scared by something a Dom has said just before we were to meet...i either cancelled the meeting or showed up...never left him hanging but sometimes its scary.

i agree and disagree about meeting early...i agree that you should meet before fantasy can set in but i for myself do like a little time to talk with the person safetly online or on phone first before i meet him to get an idea of who he is. if a Dominant seems to push too quickly before i even have had a chance to know his name or to know if i'm even interested in meeting him....they usually get the ignore button. it causes me to run the other way. when i start a relationship i prefer to go slow but you can't really start the relationship until that first meet in my opinion.

(in reply to MsDawnbbwdomme)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/14/2004 9:04:38 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Hey MissDawn,
You're right to be annoyed, but you shouldn't give up on seeking what you want/need... My advice (or what helps for me), is to chat only a few times/phone calls until a meeting occurs, and don't give them what they want online; because if what they want is Not real time, they'll probably leave you alone if you refuse to play online when they want to...
It also helps to have a sense of humor to accept human fallibility (liars/cheaters/confused people), and take everything said with a grain of salt until they decide to put some effort (buying a plane/train ticket) into meeting you.
Hope that helps.... M, Lady Domme in RI

(in reply to MsDawnbbwdomme)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/15/2004 12:39:39 PM   
NightDaughter


Posts: 264
Joined: 1/23/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		This goes both ways, its not just subs who don't show, i've had more then a few dominants do the no show deal after talking with them for several weeks or months, which really pisses me off big time.

As for subs not showing, etc well i think others have said it that some never had the intention of ever showing, others got scared and still others just want their jollies and enjoy playing with ppls minds/heads.

Regardless of the orentation, talking for a time, learning about each other is good, but till the first meet you don't know for sure whats real and whats not.

luck to you

_____________________________

NightDaughter
My Blog - http://www.livejournal.com/users/nightdaughter/
"I never said that I could spell, but I do try my darndest to get my point across" - ND

(in reply to MsDawnbbwdomme)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/15/2004 8:18:37 PM   
sexypet


Posts: 225
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For me, in every case of a Dom not showing up or refusing to meet early on, they have been involved with another (in one case, a vanilla live in) or were married. Lately, i've had to pull background checks to prove it.....mainly because i hate to have all this time invested and not know the truth.....

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/16/2004 10:39:58 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		If they don't show up, it's their loss. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to realize that if they aren't even motivated and determined enough to meet up with you at a direct time and place then they are unlikely to be of any use anyway. Simple as that really.

(in reply to sexypet)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/16/2004 10:42:54 AM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		The needless attempt to apologize ad infinitum from cerain people often really grate against me. That tends to be the first thing you notive from many lifer subs is their incessant "I'm sorry"s. Oi vey! It is always the first thing that needs to change. haha. If someone actually is genuinely apologetic over something that they in fact need to be apologetic over then so be it, it'll be handled accordingly...but to reply with "i'm sorry" every two seconds just makes me want to strange them. hahaha

(in reply to SherriA)
Profile   Post #: 51
Excuses, excuses...From a New Sub - 8/25/2004 1:48:27 AM   
NascentMistress


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		Hello, I'm NascentMistress, in Seattle. I have a new sub. Twice, I've asked him to do something and he failed. One of those things was tonight.....I wanted us to "get off" while talking on the phone but he weaseled out. Prior to that, I asked for him tell me more about himself but he hedged.

I'm not one to take bullshit. I decided to test him--to see if he was going to be honest and say he now had a mistress or if he'd be a dog. Well, he didn't pass the test. He wrote that he didn't have a mistress and it was hard to find one. Pissed, I called him. He said he didn't know that I chose him to be my sub. I made it clear in my e-mail. He said it was an honest mistake. I told him that if he was trying to play mind games, I wouldn't have it.

I also told him to take down his profile OR stipulate that he has a mistress. My profile mentions him now. Well, I just checked; the damn thing is still up! Several hours ago, he was supposed to take it off (or modify it). My sub. said he only has one profile but there's another one from his town, with the exact same age, height and fetishes. Even the bodies (face covered) look alike. The only difference is one states he's 5'11" and the other states he is six feet tall.

He's cute, we seem to be a good match, etc., but I don't know how much I can trust him. When given a directive, he has more excuses than a pregnant nun. He's been my slave for barely 24 hours and already, he has managed to piss me off several times--and I've been told my everyone who knows me that I have the patience of a saint.

As it is I have trust issues because my marriage to the biggest slut in North Carolina was full of nothing but lies. I am still fairly trusting but my alarm bells are going off with this sub.

He wants to meet as soon as possible. I have a nasty kidney infection and have to stay in bed the rest ot the week, to let my body relax and heal.

Never in my life have I had a sub. who was so disobedient and quite possily, dishonest.

Any advice is welcome! Thanks.
NascentMistress




Attachment (1)

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/25/2004 3:19:25 AM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsDawnbbwdomme

Hi I am MsDawn a Bi, Poly, Married, BBW Domme 42. And I am soooo sick of players, cheaters and NO SHOW SO called SUBS! Can anyone here explain why a sub would waste both our times contacting a Mistress, chatting in im's, chats, and maybe phone calls and then NOT showing up for the real time meeting??? No explanation, no nothing, end of communication, etc! I am so tired of this particular game I am totally ready to give up my search for a subbie boy. Thanks In Advance MsDawn


Well i am a sub female and have never not shown up for a meeting i have made. If for some reason i did not want to go or could not go, then i told the person in advance. To do otherwise to me shows dishonor.

Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to MsDawnbbwdomme)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Excuses, excuses...From a New Sub - 8/25/2004 4:57:15 AM   
SherriA


Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NascentMistress
I also told him to take down his profile OR stipulate that he has a mistress. My profile mentions him now. Well, I just checked; the damn thing is still up! Several hours ago, he was supposed to take it off (or modify it).


Just fyi....changes to profiles have to be approved by the reviewers before they show up. It could just be that the changes haven't been approved yet. The reviewers have an overwhelming job, and sometimes it takes some time to get things through.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to NascentMistress)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Excuses, excuses...From a New Sub - 8/25/2004 6:36:34 AM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Sherri,
i just made a change to my profile and it shows as "profile pending".

_____________________________


"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

(in reply to SherriA)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/25/2004 6:54:41 PM   
BDfun


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have to say that i never have and never will stand up a meeting with a Domme.
But it has to be a safe meeting initially.
I have met a few crazy women over the years.

Anders (BDfun) Pittsburgh

(in reply to MsDawnbbwdomme)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Excuses, excuses...From a New Sub - 8/25/2004 8:47:01 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

My profile mentions him now.

Your profile doesn't come up for me unless you use a different sn on Collarme.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to NascentMistress)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Excuses, excuses...From a New Sub - 8/25/2004 8:58:28 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		It's not there. Perhaps it was removed because of the naming of said individual.

~stef

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Excuses, excuses...From a New Sub - 8/27/2004 9:43:53 PM   
Sugarbritches4u


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/14/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm....I'm not too sure about why they don't, I always have, but then, I have to feel really secure before I would meet them.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: WHY DON't SUBS Show Up for Face to Face? - 8/28/2004 12:26:15 PM   
wantadoormat


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		Too mant times it is the fault of the Doms on here. How can a female be objective when she gets hunfreds of emails per day from men panting over her. When she sees just how in demand she is then she can become jaded and ignore all but the top 1% who are willing to offer anything to "DOM" her. Usually it is the slaves that need to compete to make them more receptive and try harder but in here it is the Doms competing so all SHE has to do is take the best offer. Maybe WE need to sit back and let the slave come to US for a change.

(in reply to MsDawnbbwdomme)
Profile   Post #: 60
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