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ORIGINAL: Treasure3

My views are clashing in a big way with those of my Master. 

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… and it's the "you can never be too thin" kind of mentality. 

I'm twenty pounds overweight.  I'm also comfortable in my own skin…

Personally, I believe that confidence and self-esteem play a MUCH larger role in how a person is perceived than weight does. 

My weight has stayed within five pounds of when I first met him two years ago.

His comments about other people lead me to wonder what he really thinks of me

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ORIGINAL: Treasure3

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ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3

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ORIGINAL: Treasure3

I would rather work it out now than to let it become the elephant in the living room.  As with other subjects he is uncomfortable with, he talks around the issue a lot but doesn't really deal with the topic.  I'm just not sure how to go about solving this.  Any ideas?

This statement was interesting to me in that I believe it's a good starting point. Instead of working on the issue of his views on weight, why not discuss and explore this attribute? His idea on how to 'solve' the views he has regarding weight is to have you remind him when he's saying something. But doesn't it make sense that this ----> As with other subjects he is uncomfortable with, he talks around the issue a lot but doesn't really deal with the topic. <------ Is the crux of the issue?

- tinkerbelle

I do find it frustrating and unnerving that he doesn't deal with the topic openly and directly.  But, I also believe that simply telling him "you're talking about it again" makes the problem go away.  It just stuffs it away and eventually, those things that are stuffed down and never dealt with explode with sometimes ugly and disasterous results.  I don't want that to be the case here.  If we just don't talk about it, it doesn't mean it isn't there.

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ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I have similar issues. When I get disgusted with my body-I change my excercise and eating habits. The weight goes away-and I have lost five pounds in the past two months-and still dropping.
 
 The only real attitude that most fat people need to change is about food and discomfort. If you don't want to look like a pig-stop behaving like one.

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ORIGINAL: Treasure3

I've talked to him and told him how I feel about this.  He's said to remind him when he starts making comments and he will stop, but that isn't solving the problem, just hiding it, and sooner or later, I'm afraid it will become a HUGE issue for us.  I would rather work it out now than to let it become the elephant in the living room.  As with other subjects he is uncomfortable with, he talks around the issue a lot but doesn't really deal with the topic.  I'm just not sure how to go about solving this.  Any ideas?

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

I'm probably gonna sound insensitive here but you've went to him and he's given you a way to curtail it..which i don't know why he just doesn't stop altogether on his own.i'm not sure if this is something that you should split over..(too many are quick to do so)i see it bothers you and i would hope that you have really sent the emotional side to him versus trying to make light of it in some way so you don't upset him?you wouldn't be the first female BTW to have a man try to "help" you loose weight this way..ya know..making comments indirectly about others hoping the slave will "get the picture"(hardly ever has positive effects on a female)another question?is he good to you in most other ways?

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ORIGINAL: Treasure3

I'm really not sure how to word this the right way, so please bear with me.  I absolutely do NOT want this to turn into another typical weight thread.

My views are clashing in a big way with those of my Master.  Simply put, he has VERY specific views on weight - his own and other's - and his opinions are bringing up stong feelings in me that, I'm sure, are related to my own issues on the subject.  To pare it down, his belief is that social standing, finding a partner, success, or the way other people see someone is directly related to their weight, and it's the "you can never be too thin" kind of mentality.  For example, we were watching a popular cooking show on TV one day and he commented that if she weren't so heavy (she isn't heavy... maybe a few extra pounds, but NOT fat) her ratings would go up.  It's the same thing with friends who don't currently have a partner and who happen to be even a LITTLE over what he perceives as their ideal weight... their weight must be repelling members of the opposite sex.  He has the same issues with himself.  He sees himself as twenty pounds or so overweight and is so self-conscious about it that he refuses to have full-length mirrors in his house.

I'm twenty pounds overweight.  I'm also comfortable in my own skin and don't cringe every time I look in a mirror or worry what other people might think of me.  It took me a long time to get to that point because I grew up with a parent who was obsessed with weight and it did have a very detrimental effect on my self-esteem, especially growing up and as a young adult - and I wasn't even overweight then.

Personally, I believe that confidence and self-esteem play a MUCH larger role in how a person is perceived than weight does.  I'm not sure I'm saying that the right way to get my point across.  In other words, it isn't only the thin people who find dates and partners or who are successful and happy. 

These differences of opinion are bringing up some very negative feelings in me.  Master doesn't mean to be critical or to make me feel badly, but he will comment on my weight at least once every visit.  Either I've lost a few pounds or gained a pound or two.  (My weight has stayed within five pounds of when I first met him two years ago.)  His comments about other people lead me to wonder what he really thinks of me, and even though he assures me he loves me and would love me no matter what the scale said, I find myself asking why I'm any different than those he talks negatively about.

I'm finding myself resenting and resisting his attempts to gently nudge me into losing weight.  I know he wants me to, even though he doesn't come out and make it an order.  I think it would almost be easier to deal with if it was an order, strange as that may sound.  Could I stand to lose a few pounds?  Sure.  But... I don't want to feel I have to lose weight for him to accept me.  Accept me as I am NOW and not for what my potential might be.  Does that make sense? 

I've talked to him and told him how I feel about this.  He's said to remind him when he starts making comments and he will stop, but that isn't solving the problem, just hiding it, and sooner or later, I'm afraid it will become a HUGE issue for us.  I would rather work it out now than to let it become the elephant in the living room.  As with other subjects he is uncomfortable with, he talks around the issue a lot but doesn't really deal with the topic.  I'm just not sure how to go about solving this.  Any ideas?

(Emphasis added.)

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ORIGINAL: firefey

a few things i would like to explore with this topic.  number one, he is right in the most general sence of the word.  studies have shown that "attractive" people are more successful.  they are also more self assured and confident.  but it's a chicken/egg situation.  are the "attractive" people more successful because they are confident or are they more successful because they are "attractive"?  i would hazard to guess that confidence and success are the commonalities.  not success and attractivness, which is SO subjective anyway.

which brings me to number two.  what we, and here i mean society in general, deffine as attractive has changed drasticly in the last fifty years.  but lucky for us girls with curves, the pendulum seems to be heading back to center.  slowly, but surely.  unfortunetly the ideal of thinness is vastly out of proportion with what is healthy, and most people who are focused on being thin are focused on the body mass index.  which is the more retarded index ever created.  imo.  i could say more about it, but i don't know that many curse words.  the BMI is grossly inaccureate and most people, were they to follow their recommendation, would be gaunt and sickly.  education about what is an actualy health wieght might be needed here.  for you more than him.  you need to know these things so that you are armed for the comming conversation.

lastly, he does need to be doing something about his wieght if he is going to be so critical of others.  asside from working on chaning his pedjudices here, and they are just as though he were racist or sexist he needs to understand that, perhaps you could step in and assist.  you mention that you visit him.  how often do these visits happen?  would it be workable for you to help him with health eating habits?  would it be workable for you to come up with an activities routine you could both do together.  walks or roller blading, or whatever you enjoy.  and lastly, do you compliment him on how he looks?  do you tell him when you see him that you find him attractive?  or if his appearence has changed to you mention it?  i'm not saying you need to feed his ego, but rather if he is going to make the transition to a more health attitude about wieght and his own self worth, you will need to support him.  perhaps sharing with him where you were and what you had to do to become happy in your skin?

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ORIGINAL: TorridAffair

I am so overwhelmed by how much we women suffer over weight...and more and more men are as well.  It seems clear to me that your Master is projecting his own issues about his own weight and body onto you as you said he can't even look in the mirror at himself.  One way to handle that is by deflecting it right back to him ... just like if you had Wonder Woman's bracelettes on.  Here is an example:
Master: "Slave you look as though you have gained a couple of pounds."
Slave possible answers:
"Master are you feeling bloated today?"
"Master I am sorry you are feeling heavier than normal."
"You too, Master, look like you have put on a few pounds."
"Master please tend to your issues about your body asap, they are negatively impacting me."
I send you lots of girl power, love, and acceptance of your beautiful curves.