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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 7:34:26 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I love your honesty and the self-examination you are willing to share on the boards.

I have done and said some things I regret on CM, on the almost 4 years I have been here.

I put that behind me and move on.

Guess what? No one on earth is perfect.

You are as good as anyone else here, and better than most.

The only flag for you is M for Marvelous!

Thank you
I make my fair share, maybe more of mistakes and yes, maybe i am too honest and yes maybe i should share the good stuff too *grinz*.
Im human though and can deal easily myself with the good, its the bad i struggle with !
Luckily i have here, most peeps have been through what im going through and i can get some really sound advice.
If it helps me and others i wont stop posting even if sometimes i come across as a whiny assed sub that nobody wants to cane.
In my own way im trying to improve myself

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

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(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 21

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 10:04:57 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm not quite sure how much sense this is going to make to other but it does make sense to me

I've just posted in another thread 'its funny' about looking past the players, wannabes and fakes and seeing the decent people on this site.

I've also started a thread in polls and other random stupidity which was supposed to be a silly post to get out my frustrations, but ended up as a pretty serious rant.

Looking at the both of them, the unstability of me in the polls and other forum and the fact i have just said i have to red flag myself, i really believe maybe i should!

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

Aw, missturbation, i'm sure yr 'one of the deceent people here'. If you weren't you wouldn't be pondering like this.

i haven't experiened any crisis of self-worth (but then, i'm older and my angst is mostly behind me).

i have, though, left the site for a period of time due to things happening in my real life. i think M/any /pl take these breaks.

i'll keep good thoughts for you, miss.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

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Post #: 22

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/7/2008 10:22:39 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I have to express this as well. There are a number of posts that I've made where some of my flaws and faults are totally exposed at times.

The thing is this, what's a difference between a "Red Flag" and a flaw or fault. I'd rather somebody make a "Red Flag" call on me, because they have found or spotted something about me that is not compatiable with them. I'd rather have somebody "Red Flag" my ass and move onto finding somebody more compatible to them.

Red Flags can be a really good thing! If somebody can accept a flaw of fault of mine and not Red Flag me for it. So the much better, somebody accepts me for who I really am.

Some people try to hide a lot of things from other people. I've never lost respect for anybody who's been brutually honest and open with me. I actually think very highly of them. It's the people who are pretending to be something or somebody that they are not, those are the people that bite you in the ass.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 23

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 12:02:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

One thing to note Miss- your response to him is exactly the behavior and worries that prompted you to begin this thread to start with and made you feel like you should red flag yourself.

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 24

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 1:00:54 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

I don’t know if this is exactly what you mean but, …maybe …just maybe… my screen name is a red flag! I like having a red flag, it filters out the tourist and scares them away.

Nietzsche said:
“All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.”

I like that quote so much I open the song Renegade Master with it.

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I give good thread.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 25

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 1:08:13 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

In my opinion everybody has to deal with self esteem, and self confidence issues at times in life.

Hell, I've actually done things before not knowing how well or good I would be able to do it.   I actually got asked that once during a job interview if I could do something. My reply was "Hell if I know, but there's only one way to find out!", guess he liked that answer because I got the job.

Any time I play music out in front of people, I have to totally blank my self esteem out 100%, pretend like it's not even there. I have to say to myself "I don't care what the anybody thinks, fuck 'em". I know that sounds bad.   It's just the fact. There will be somebody who won't like something about what I'm doing. I can't please everybody.   If I let one person shake my sense of self, it distracts from my ability to play in front of people.   Personally, I'd rather play in front of very large groups of people compared to small crowds. Basically, I am aware that if I think about things too much it will fuck with my self esteem and confidence.

I've had people express to me about how much confidence I have had in doing something before. I actually just wanted to laugh because I was probally anything but confident in what the Hell I was doing at the time. The key is to simply stay focused on what I was doing or trying to do at the time. Confidence had very little to do with anything. Focus was the key.   I know from experience that the very second I loose focus, the game is over, I'm at risk of falling flat on my ass.

I'm not perfect, I know I am perfectly capable of failing at something. My sense of self is not alway running at 100%, it might be at 80% one day, another day it might be running at 30%.   It all depends upon so many factors it's not funny.

I'd much rather be naked and howling in the wind before I become a prisoner to silence because I'm worried about what everybody else thinks about me. Hell, if asked I just might even let it be known, I'm having a crappy day, my self esteem is shot for the day whatever it is. Tomorrow might be a different day.

Trust me, I've made a jack ass out of myself at times, Even on this message board.   I've even had moments when I was making posts on here and my sense of self had more holes in it then swiss cheese that had shot gun blasted.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 26

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 2:16:06 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm not quite sure how much sense this is going to make to other but it does make sense to me

I've just posted in another thread 'its funny' about looking past the players, wannabes and fakes and seeing the decent people on this site.

I've also started a thread in polls and other random stupidity which was supposed to be a silly post to get out my frustrations, but ended up as a pretty serious rant.

Looking at the both of them, the unstability of me in the polls and other forum and the fact i have just said i have to red flag myself, i really believe maybe i should!

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

I think it's a little dramatic "Red Flagging" yourself but ok..Don't worry so much about it..your just a Human like the rest of us..I promise you..we all have problems, each and everyone of us..the good thing is, like the other poster stated, that you recognize your own problems and you can work on it if you think it needs to be fixed..(if what you said is even a problem for you)

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(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 27

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 7:33:42 AM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

My profile is full of red flags. I consider that to be a good thing. If the lady doesn't like what is written, there can not be an intimate relationship. I won't change for anyone and I really don't want anyone to change (well other than location) for me. I've found that it doesn't work. I'm not saying that everyone is one hundred percent compatible, but there are certain things that are core to what each of us is. It's like a filter on CM. You start out with the whole community and as people drop out because you don't share some common goals or interest (but can still remain friends) you narrow your search for someone that could fulfill your desires and theirs. That is a good thing.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

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Post #: 28

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 7:38:24 AM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

Learning about yourself is part of why we are here.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 29

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 8:20:32 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

I have learned to check the calendar when I get 'odd' like this. My cycle can throw me for a loop every once in a while.

The older I get, the less predictable it is as well.

Just a thought.

PL

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 30

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 9:17:00 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Im human though and can deal easily myself with the good, its the bad i struggle with !

Therapy helped me and I am sure it has helped many others, not everyone can afford or find a good therapist but many in larger cities work on a sliding scale.

quote:

Luckily i have here, most peeps have been through what im going through and i can get some really sound advice.

quote:

If it helps me and others i wont stop posting even if sometimes i come across as a whiny assed sub that nobody wants to cane.

Remember that sometimes the advice we least like is the best, Red was perhaps a bit over the top with the caning remark but you are so quick to be defensive that you missed the care and sound advice in his post and I THINK that it was Red's post not Owner's that LA was refering to.

quote:

In my own way im trying to improve myself

ONLY you can do the work but just admiting you have the problem is a big part of it. You are lucky, you are young and have plenty of time, us old farts dealing with this stuff have a harder time of it. If it means anything, I think you show great promise and I have liked some of your posts and comments. Some people SHOULD have lower self esteem, you are NOT one of them!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 31

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 12:33:00 PM

impossiblesub

Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

Don't know about a red flag but I come with a warning label.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 32

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 1:11:33 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm not quite sure how much sense this is going to make to other but it does make sense to me

I've just posted in another thread 'its funny' about looking past the players, wannabes and fakes and seeing the decent people on this site.

I've also started a thread in polls and other random stupidity which was supposed to be a silly post to get out my frustrations, but ended up as a pretty serious rant.

Looking at the both of them, the unstability of me in the polls and other forum and the fact i have just said i have to red flag myself, i really believe maybe i should!

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

Yes hon; I need a red flag saying: i might be a submissive but I am also a real human being, with a life amd feelings, and fuck-iups and miracles and fears and needs and aspirations and bills to pay oh and hormones and mood swinmgs and creative thoughts in my head and.....and.....and......
but I guess I would be one of many, many, so that kind of negates the purpose of a red flag.....

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 33

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/8/2008 6:24:38 PM

InsaenPleasures

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline

A few years ago a Switch and I had a conversation about predators in the lifestyle and we both noted, with some humor and not a small amount of Chagrin that she and I had many of the attributes of these predators / serial killers. Now to my knowledge neither of us has gone off the deep end nor will be anytime soon. I can own up to such a thing and not worry about it, because while I take the lifestyle and choices I make seriously I do not take myself too seriously. When I start to, thats a personal red flag that I need to check the arrogance at the door.

But its different for everyone (obviously) and not something we should be afraid of or shy away from admitting.

Logan

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 34

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 1:01:33 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave

everyone is as fucked up as everyone else. the only difference is that some people can't handle that fact and so they avoid relationships with people who would tell them how fucked up they are. the basic idea behind it is that they are afraid of being put down, so they pretend they are better than other people, by putting other people down. better to be the one dishing it out than the target of abuse.

the entire human population is absolutely fucked up. the worst quality someone can have though is to imagine themselves somehow better than other people. it amounts to rejecting their own humanity.

Beautifully written.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Post #: 35

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 1:08:30 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players

I agree with your assessment of yourself.

I post a lot, and you may have noticed that I never post on threads you start. That is because I think you are not listening. I am either in a very good mood right now, or a sadomasochistic one, because I decided to tell you what I think, in hopes that you just had an ah-hah moment.

I have considered blocking you many times, because everything you write about is either how much you suck, or how much your most recent ex sucks. It is unattractive. I would not cane you if you had the last ass left on earth.

It is absolutely 100% within your power to change.

People get bigger muscles by lifting weights. People become lawyers by memorizing law books. Improving self-esteem is exactly the same -- it comes from daily exercise, guiding your mindbody into a different state.

Example: for every complaint post you make, make two positive posts.
Example: every time you say something bad about yourself in real life, say two positive things.

The only way to change a habit is to break it.

Is there anyone left, RedMagic, whom you feel you can post along side?
The OP is a question about red-flagging oneself.
Does that actually include an answers about red-flagging someone else? I guess, since you seem to be the type who always sees faults in others but never looks within, then it must do.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 36

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 2:18:59 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

I had a monumentally embarrassing moment on CM last year. After all was said and done, I took the pity me route. That led to exactly what you are feeling, low self confidence, esteem, etc. I guess you could say I just felt I didn't deserve to be on this site. So I left CM, thinking I was done for good here. I did that despite the fact I had plenty of feedback, constructive criticism, words of encouragement, offers of support.

We all have our moments that shake us to our very foundation. I feel many here understand when a member has those moments, and don't consider them to be "red flags" when you can be open and honest about them. I finally looked back on the situation, and realized there were so many positives from it, and a great learning experience. It's all so cliche, I know, but it worked for me by simply focusing on the positive, and turning every negative into a positive. As the saying goes, that which doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

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Post #: 37

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 3:17:02 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Nope, never thought of red flagging Myself, call it arrogant but I often think I have a valid point to make. I sometimes wonder if O/others red flag Me in some way though! either in terms of not reading anything else I write after reading something Iv'e said, or telling O/others to ignore Me lol.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 38

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 4:52:15 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you're aware of the fact that you have some serious issues, that by itself means you don't need to red flag yourself. Honestly, being aware of your own shortcomings puts you heads above 90% of the people you'll meet.

But just knowing you have them is the first step. Why not take the second and get some help in healing?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 39

RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 5:15:24 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players etc etc etc.

I guess i'm just wondering if anyone else here has ever felt like they should red flag themselves and how you dealt with it?

No you are not one of the decent people on collarme. I consider you to be one of the exceptional people here. I feel this because you are willing and able to disclose. You do so from the heart and from subjective feelings. You also post here from experience. I am not being patronising here but for one so young I think you post with insight beyond your years.
I do not understand why this forum often resolves to a kind of moralistic stance:the I should/shouldn't position, so often reflected in posts. Surely if there is any community where open-mindedness is paramount it is amongst the bdsm 'community' where individual predilection is so important even within the most contractualised and conformist groups. That;s not to say that the moral stance is not necessary in my opinion. It's simply that just as we may all differ in our pure subjectivity then we may surely be allowed to differ in oyr morals, although there is likely to be a vein of consensus.
I wanted to connect to you by saying: yes on certain days there are moments where I want to red flag myself. These are days when I just blurt it out here: i almost indeed forget it is a public forum. But like a person on a twelve step programme, the first step, the one of disclosure, is I believe the most important step.
Why make attempts to intellectualise? Is it self-defense I read often here?
You doing great girl, just great (in my opinion).

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/9/2008 5:19:14 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 40

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