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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/10/2008 3:03:12 PM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Edited because i do not see the need to justify my reasons for starting this thread.
I know my motivation, thats all the counts.

and neither should you feel you have to MissT, I'm sorry to see the way some people have responded to you and by the way - the warm thought was slightly moist and groinal, but then if I was thinking about your bum and it didn't make my groin moist and warm I'd probably need my pulse checked!

*giggles and blushes*

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/10/2008 3:04:30 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/10/2008 3:52:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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You realize Miss that you've made this into the ultimate "I feel sucky, give me hugs" thread? That's too bad, I was hoping you'd really dig deep and use the opportunity to work through some of your habits.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/10/2008 4:14:02 PM

agoodgirl4Daddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I don't know whether this is a hijack or not, but I'll answer because this is important to me.

Say someone says, "I want to kill myself."

Sometimes the right thing to do is to paint a picture. How would you do it? Where? What would your body look like when you're done? Okay.... now.... who's the most likely person to find your body? How would they feel?

Answer: "Oh, pretty bad. I wouldn't want that to happen." Then you can actually start dealing, once you snap someone out of the funk.

Moving someone back to visceral reality, by helping them paint a picture, is a well-known technique -- and, more important, it works. Bottom line: you are not always doing someone a favor by being nice and accepting. It is sometimes correct to force them to view the consequences of their actions.

Edited to add: I am responding to AGoodGirlForDaddy, who explicitly requested me to come back to this thread. I respect her, so I did.

I apologize in advance for the high jack, I just want to add a couple thoughts (then i'm done... :) ) :

What you, RedMagic, are suggesting is a "take" on a well-known therapeutic practice - the use of paradoxical techniques. This, however, is something that therapists are often taught to use after gaining significant skill in their work and after a rapport has been built up with the patient, and if i'm wrong, please excuse me, but I do not believe that you have a therapeutic alliance with the OP. By the way, what you said in your cane remark was NOT a pardoxical intervention. IF you don't believe me, ask any therapist worth his or her salt.

One thing that i keep in the forefront of my mind is that there are human beings on the other side of the computer. It's important that i always remember that....and rarely *if ever* does a human change by being beaten down and belittled.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/10/2008 5:52:57 PM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You realize Miss that you've made this into the ultimate "I feel sucky, give me hugs" thread? That's too bad, I was hoping you'd really dig deep and use the opportunity to work through some of your habits.

To be honest LA im baffled by your comment here. This thread was never about making me feel better, only one person can do that and that is me. Was i supposed to ignore the nice stuff people said about me? I thought it was polite to thank and acknowledge them to be honest.
I have taken on board the good advice i was given throughout this thread. I just don't know which bits of it will be relevant or helpful yet, i'm working on it.
Those people who defended me against certain peoples remarks did so off their own backs and i can not control that. I am thankful to them though for sticking up for me and will not pretend otherwise.
I cannot control the way a thread i write goes and therefore would love to know how i personlly turned it into 'i feel sucky, give me hugs thread'?

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/11/2008 12:43:05 AM

EvilGeoff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well I don't make posts about it :) But I'll pull myself back a bit, soften a few perspectives and expressions, and then just keep going. Seriously, the only person who remembers a post you made two weeks ago is you.

OK I might but that's just because I'm sick like that.

Not saying I'm showing any red flags but I remember stuff LA posted long time ago... :)

But seriously, to not hijack the thread, yes, we _can_ engage in thoughts and behaviors that should be red flags to ourselves, if not to others, that we are doing things that are not healthy for us. try to be good to yourself, find the sourse of the problem, work on correcting it.

And best of luck. Because it isn't the failures or problems that demonstrate our character. It is our response to the issues that determines how we see/think of ourselves, as well as how others see us.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/12/2008 9:13:25 AM

Deliena

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I think perhaps forums almost make the process of identifying change in ourselves easier. After all we have a resource where we can look back at past posts and discussions and re-read our reactions. Sometimes this can be boring, sometimes "walk down memory lane", sometimes we see ourselves in a light we don't like and sometimes we see in ourselves things we do.

Seems fairly "normal" (for want of a more pleasant adjective) to me and quite possibly quite useful if we feel we have character traits we wish to work on.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/12/2008 2:58:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Geoff that's cuz you're special and sexy :)

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/12/2008 3:43:06 PM

stella41b

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I operate on a disclaimer - I'm a considerable distance from perfection, and I'm pretty much WYSIWYG. I leave it for other people to pick and choose whatever red flags they find in me.

But then again I don't see players and fakes and wannabes, I just see people. I don't see subs, Doms, switches, I just see people. Each and every person on this site is an individual, they are all following their own path through life, they all have individual experiences with others in their lives.

I can also be self-critical, have little or no self-esteem, I can be low on self-confidence, there are times when I have and do question myself and quite often these are the times when I fuck up on something or with someone.

The RAF trains men to 'do, not think, just do'. I tell my actors in theatre 'try, see what happens'. You can take all the necessary precautions and carefully consider all your steps and still get it wrong. This doesn't mean necessarily I'm advocating jumping in with both feet, but keeping a healthy perspective and knowing when to take risks and what risks to take to me are necessary for a fulfilling life.

The thing is when you start making value judgments of other people and putting them into pigeonholes and categories you invariably make a value judgment on yourself and often have difficulty over deciding into which pigeonhole or category you yourself fit into. There is no better or worse, just different, and just people you either get on with or you don't (assuming you give them a chance and find out).

Everyone has issues, everyone has flaws, imperfections, faults, pasts, weaknesses, nobody is immune to the effects of life and other people. But this is also because we are human, and being human means I guess having a heart, a soul, a mind, being able to think and feel, to communicate, to accept and be accepted, to love and be loved, and this I guess is what we all share and what brings us together or keeps us apart. But it's something we all share.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/13/2008 9:08:03 AM

Deliena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Everyone has issues, everyone has flaws, imperfections, faults, pasts, weaknesses, nobody is immune to the effects of life and other people. But this is also because we are human, and being human means I guess having a heart, a soul, a mind, being able to think and feel, to communicate, to accept and be accepted, to love and be loved, and this I guess is what we all share and what brings us together or keeps us apart. But it's something we all share.

I love this phrase Stella - thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/13/2008 12:07:28 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Thank you.
I'm working on my problems
Therapy wuld be a great idea, unfortunatley i cannot afford it at this time so im just gonna have to battle through.

Sorry, but that isn't an acceptable excuse. Maybe you can't afford one on one, but does that mean you can't afford $30 weekly for group? Or a dollar in the pot at a self help meeting? Because anyone can afford to toss in some change towards coffee at an ACOA meeting. And although it may take longer than if you were focusing just on your needs, there's only good healing to be found there.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/13/2008 12:54:16 PM

Deliena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Sorry, but that isn't an acceptable excuse. Maybe you can't afford one on one, but does that mean you can't afford $30 weekly for group? Or a dollar in the pot at a self help meeting? Because anyone can afford to toss in some change towards coffee at an ACOA meeting. And although it may take longer than if you were focusing just on your needs, there's only good healing to be found there.

MissT is UK based like myself and therapy "on the cheap" just isn't readily accessible in most areas of the UK. On the plus side there are organisations which may provide assistance a quick trip to your local CAB (Citizen's Advice Bureau) should be able to hook you up with any in your area if you are truly interested in this MissT.

(Trying to help not being snarky although I realise the tone of the post could be read either way - my bi-polar is giving me grief atm and my brain is a little fuzzier than normal, apologies)

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/13/2008 12:56:57 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I red flag myself, I will not give out references. I will not give out my phone number unless we have already planned to meet face to face. I do not believe in full disclosure before meeting, I think disclosure gives you something to talk about.
Those who didnt like that, they didnt meet. The boys didnt mind it, and thats why they have my collars.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/13/2008 1:05:45 PM

colouredin

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FR

Being aware of ones faults is important as is if you consider them terrible faults trying to change them. I dont think however you can 'red flag' yourself you can be honest and open about them and bring them to peoples attention but if its a case of red flagging then seriously they have to be changed. Easier said than done I know, and also therapy doesnt work for everyone. Maybe half of the battle is accepting that you HAVE faults and living with them rather than kicking yourself in the head for them, and if you work out how to do that drop me a line.

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