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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 9:07:44 AM

Dnomyar

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misstrubation. Why do I keep wanting to hook a chain to that link on your collar???

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 10:42:47 AM

LadyPhoenixRisen

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Yes, I really do think I should have at one point. It was few months after I came on here in 2006, I had been raped, used up, and really wasn't in a good place. I am not sure how, as I look back, I ever thought I could make someone a good sub/slave/switch/dom.

I think sometimes we do have to look at ourselves and see where we are. Maybe we aren't ready for something at all, though I think that can be hard to admit. I tried to admit it to myself several times, but I still kept on the search.

If you can be honest with yourself enough to honestly say it, maybe you are making the right choice. It has taken me a very long time to heal from everything I went through. In the end it made me a stronger person, but I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

I can look at myself now and say I am at a healthy place. I know that I can offer my angelpup the Dominant he deserves, or any other submissive out there I meet. I am also in the process a better daughter, wife, mother...etc.

I wish you the best on what you decide.

Phoenix

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 11:23:14 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Miss T, you are one of the fab people on here. Yeah, your life hasn't been perfect, and you only mention the good parts in passing, but isn't that often the way of these places? It's easy to share good times with those in the immediate vicinity, not so easy to find a listener in strife and doubt.

You have so much going for you, you can only continue to improve. That isn't easy, and might involve some short term sacrifice, but I think that the fact that you are worried about the impression you are making is a good step forward.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 12:05:03 PM

RedMagic1

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Missturbation, what Lady Hibiscus just said about you is true. So are the kind things other posters have said about you, on this thread and elsewhere. I hope you understand that there is no contradiction between what I said and what they are saying.

If you hate my guts for the rest of my life, but stop hating your own guts for the rest of yours, I will consider it a total victory.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 12:42:02 PM

Deliena

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 12:54:54 PM

allcatsaregrey

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I know how you feel, Miss, and agree with all of the positive comments others are sending your way. I've read your posts before - sometimes I don't comment because I just like reading or feel I might not have anything new to offer - but, I'm behind you. You are a geniune and intelligent woman with a lot to offer.

... And, if you ever want to go with me to get red flags tattoo'ed on our butts, let me know!

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 1:04:49 PM

Deliena

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oooo I just had a lovely warm thought about MissT's bum.... is that wrong?

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 1:25:00 PM

missturbation

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quote:

Remember that sometimes the advice we least like is the best, Red was perhaps a bit over the top with the caning remark but you are so quick to be defensive that you missed the care and sound advice in his post and I THINK that it was Red's post not Owner's that LA was refering to.

I didn't miss the sound advice that was there and i did thank him for it. I do believe though that comments about blocking me and not caning me were un-needed and unwarranted and unfortunately hid the good advice in his post.

quote:

ONLY you can do the work but just admiting you have the problem is a big part of it. You are lucky, you are young and have plenty of time, us old farts dealing with this stuff have a harder time of it. If it means anything, I think you show great promise and I have liked some of your posts and comments. Some people SHOULD have lower self esteem, you are NOT one of them!

Thank you.
I'm working on my problems
Therapy wuld be a great idea, unfortunatley i cannot afford it at this time so im just gonna have to battle through.

quote:

Nope, never thought of red flagging Myself, call it arrogant but I often think I have a valid point to make. I sometimes wonder if O/others red flag Me in some way though!

Like you i do feel i often have a valid point to make as long as it is to someone else and doesn't involve my own life decisions. I do sometimes sit back and think 'why cant i fillow my own advice?'.

quote:

But just knowing you have them is the first step. Why not take the second and get some help in healing?

I'm trying, talking things through with those close to me who i usually hide this kind of stuff from.

quote:

No you are not one of the decent people on collarme. I consider you to be one of the exceptional people here. I feel this because you are willing and able to disclose. You do so from the heart and from subjective feelings. You also post here from experience. I am not being patronising here but for one so young I think you post with insight beyond your years.

Its much easier for me to open up to a forum where a lot of the people are faceless to me (if that makes sense), than it is for me to open up to my r/l friends. I often think im a lot more honest because the forums are kind of anonymous, maybe too open sometimes.

quote:

misstrubation. Why do I keep wanting to hook a chain to that link on your collar???

Natural instinct

quote:

Miss T, you are one of the fab people on here. Yeah, your life hasn't been perfect, and you only mention the good parts in passing, but isn't that often the way of these places? It's easy to share good times with those in the immediate vicinity, not so easy to find a listener in strife and doubt.

I totally agree. Maybe i should start making more of the good stuff, fade the bad out.

quote:

Missturbation, what Lady Hibiscus just said about you is true. So are the kind things other posters have said about you, on this thread and elsewhere. I hope you understand that there is no contradiction between what I said and what they are saying.

If you hate my guts for the rest of my life, but stop hating your own guts for the rest of yours, I will consider it a total victory.

I recognised the good advice in your post and yes you had a good point. I need to see the positive a little more, let the good stuff shine through.

I certainly do not hate your guts but as i said at the beginning of the post felt that some of your comments were unwarranted and not necessary, perhaps even not relevant. However i cannot and do not want to control what others say to me in feedback. I was maybe a little dramatic (ok definately) in this thread but i really did feel that low and bad for a brief spell.

quote:

... And, if you ever want to go with me to get red flags tattoo'ed on our butts, let me know!

I will

quote:

oooo I just had a lovely warm thought about MissT's bum.... is that wrong?

Depends what it was lol

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 3:19:37 PM

agoodgirl4Daddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

A mix of low self confidence, low self esteem, questioning my self, beliefs and desires leads me to think i'm just not one of the decent people hidden amongst the players

I agree with your assessment of yourself.

I post a lot, and you may have noticed that I never post on threads you start. That is because I think you are not listening. I am either in a very good mood right now, or a sadomasochistic one, because I decided to tell you what I think, in hopes that you just had an ah-hah moment.

I have considered blocking you many times, because everything you write about is either how much you suck, or how much your most recent ex sucks. It is unattractive. I would not cane you if you had the last ass left on earth.

It is absolutely 100% within your power to change.

People get bigger muscles by lifting weights. People become lawyers by memorizing law books. Improving self-esteem is exactly the same -- it comes from daily exercise, guiding your mindbody into a different state.

Example: for every complaint post you make, make two positive posts.
Example: every time you say something bad about yourself in real life, say two positive things.

The only way to change a habit is to break it.

Excuse me...but your arrogance, callousness, and need to throw out cheap shots are showing.

I think you owe Miss an apology for your rude cane remark.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 4:03:00 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy
Excuse me...but your arrogance, callousness, and need to throw out cheap shots are showing.

I think you owe Miss an apology for your rude cane remark.

I was telling the truth about how I felt. What I said was not a cheap shot. It was a statement of fact.

I consider it rude, uncaring, and useless to pat someone on the back and say, "There there," or "You can do it," when that's been done 1,000 times before and resulted in no apparent change in behavior.

She will remember my comment for a long time, perhaps the rest of her life. I thought the best thing I could do for her was to intaglio what I had to say in her brain, in hopes she would keep coming back to it when dealing with this issue.

If you have ever worked on a suicide hotline, or taken professional listening classes -- or dealt with a victim of sexual or wartime trauma -- you must know that just being quiet and nice is not always the way to go. I don't write my posts to win a popularity contest. I try to give people what they need.

Arrogant -- you decide. Callous -- no.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 4:41:58 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I was telling the truth about how I felt.

So it's one rule for you and one for most other folks is it?
i have also found your comments to me to be arrogant and inappropriate.
The caning comment was totally unecessary particularly when Miss T was posting in a delicate moment of self-doubt. I think it takes courage to post here when one is feeling low or negative and yet it can and should be allowed to serve a purpose because it very often is easier to raise an issue amongst a forum of near strangers AND get valueable input and advice.
I feel you have since retracted your original stance because it did not get you the public vote.
Had Miss T been a newbie here I am pretty certain she would have gone away and carried those feelings of self-esteem with her, red-flagged herself absolutely and felt unwelcome to return here to post again. Anyway that is what I would have felt like were i a newbie.....but you see I am not.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/9/2008 4:43:27 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 4:45:26 PM

agoodgirl4Daddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: agoodgirl4Daddy
Excuse me...but your arrogance, callousness, and need to throw out cheap shots are showing.

I think you owe Miss an apology for your rude cane remark.

I was telling the truth about how I felt. What I said was not a cheap shot. It was a statement of fact.

I consider it rude, uncaring, and useless to pat someone on the back and say, "There there," or "You can do it," when that's been done 1,000 times before and resulted in no apparent change in behavior.

She will remember my comment for a long time, perhaps the rest of her life. I thought the best thing I could do for her was to intaglio what I had to say in her brain, in hopes she would keep coming back to it when dealing with this issue.

If you have ever worked on a suicide hotline, or taken professional listening classes -- or dealt with a victim of sexual or wartime trauma -- you must know that just being quiet and nice is not always the way to go. I don't write my posts to win a popularity contest. I try to give people what they need.

Arrogant -- you decide. Callous -- no.

OH PUH-LEEZE....

I am a licensed clinician in the human services arena, and being antagonistic and uncaring is never proper protocol when dealing with people in crisis. Firm, caring, and responsive..YES. I found your response none of those. You yourself said that you have often wanted to block her posts (but why didn't you?), then you chose to take the opportunity to tell her how you feel.

It sure does seem to me that it was more about your need to unload on her than a sincere desire to be helpful.

It'd be kinda like telling the suicidal person "yeah..go ahead..i'll help you load the gun..you're right..you really are better off dead."

< Message edited by agoodgirl4Daddy -- 6/9/2008 4:48:38 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 5:06:18 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I try to give people what they need.

One more thing: try harder.
I believe you are an entertainer yes.
You are probably very skilled at putting a whole load of crap into a top hat and pulling out a white rabbit. and very highly skilled at getting the attention onto yourself and away from Miss T who genuinely posted in need.
I'm registered and insured here in the UK as a therapist with 12 years experience. I have offered you to mail me privately but thus far you refuse. I am speaking out here because in my purely personal opinion (and not speaking as yur therapist) you simply comtinue to lose credibility in your posts as soemone giving anyone anythinf, especially anything they might need.
This is not the RedMagic thread: it is about red flags.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/9/2008 5:07:14 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 5:12:26 PM

RedMagic1

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I don't know whether this is a hijack or not, but I'll answer because this is important to me.

Say someone says, "I want to kill myself."

Sometimes the right thing to do is to paint a picture. How would you do it? Where? What would your body look like when you're done? Okay.... now.... who's the most likely person to find your body? How would they feel?

Answer: "Oh, pretty bad. I wouldn't want that to happen." Then you can actually start dealing, once you snap someone out of the funk.

Moving someone back to visceral reality, by helping them paint a picture, is a well-known technique -- and, more important, it works. Bottom line: you are not always doing someone a favor by being nice and accepting. It is sometimes correct to force them to view the consequences of their actions.

Edited to add: I am responding to AGoodGirlForDaddy, who explicitly requested me to come back to this thread. I respect her, so I did.

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 6/9/2008 5:22:24 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 5:16:01 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
It is sometimes correct to force them to view the consequences of their actions.

So you just got a dose of your own medicine.
And yes it's a highjsck and you are attention seeking in my personal opinion.
Again: please email me if you would like a conversation.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/9/2008 5:17:00 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 5:23:46 PM

Icarys

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I don't know whether this is a hijack or not, but I'll answer because this is important to me.

Say someone says, "I want to kill myself."

Sometimes the right thing to do is to paint a picture. How would you do it? Where? What would your body look like when you're done? Okay.... now.... who's the most likely person to find your body? How would they feel?

Answer: "Oh, pretty bad. I wouldn't want that to happen." Then you can actually start dealing, once you snap someone out of the funk.

Moving someone back to visceral reality, by helping them paint a picture, is a well-known technique -- and, more important, it works. Bottom line: you are not always doing someone a favor by being nice and accepting. It is sometimes correct to force them to view the consequences of their actions.

sometimes the best of friends are the brutally honest ones..not sure if you are trying to be her friend or not though..i personally think her post was strictly for attention and not for actual change.my opinion.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 6:15:27 PM

missturbation

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quote:

She will remember my comment for a long time, perhaps the rest of her life.

Don't flatter yourself.
Edited to simplify.

quote:

personally think her post was strictly for attention and not for actual change.my opinion.

If that is aimed at me well you are certainly entitled to your opinion. But just for your information it wasn't. I may regret posting it to a certain degree if im honest but i was low. Im sorry if a genuine 'bad day' looks like a cry for attention to you.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/9/2008 6:52:11 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 6:30:52 PM

Icarys

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

personally think her post was strictly for attention and not for actual change.my opinion.

I may regret posting it to a certain degree if im honest but i was low. Im sorry if a genuine 'bad day' looks like a cry for attention to you.

I don't believe in pity..compassion is another thing..what i said wasn't an attack on you..your a human being and you have feelings like anyone else..the last thing i would want to do is cause harm to you.(you know what i mean :>i am a sadist after all) but i also believe in telling the truth as i see it..i just try to do it a less than asshole way.(doesn't always work lol)but what you said there makes me think it for sure now..if it was just a bad day why redflag yourself?why post on it unless you wanted some uplifting?only you can know for sure the truth..but if you want to be"honest"maybe you should look there.again my opinion.best wishes to you female.

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/9/2008 6:36:33 PM

missturbation

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Edited because i do not see the need to justify my reasons for starting this thread.
I know my motivation, thats all the counts.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 6/9/2008 6:50:43 PM >

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RE: Red flagging ones self. - 6/10/2008 12:12:16 PM

Deliena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Edited because i do not see the need to justify my reasons for starting this thread.
I know my motivation, thats all the counts.

and neither should you feel you have to MissT, I'm sorry to see the way some people have responded to you and by the way - the warm thought was slightly moist and groinal, but then if I was thinking about your bum and it didn't make my groin moist and warm I'd probably need my pulse checked!

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