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ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:25:21 PM   
thespiritedsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet!

I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:27:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There's a difference between

1) Being quiet

2) Being mouthy

3) Being bitchy

And none of those necessarily has anything to do with being "a good sub."

I'd say the first step would be to define if those three things actually are equivalent in your mind and if so how they became that way?  And then ask why you feel you developed this way to begin with?  Once you've done the groundwork on it, you can start to consciously become aware of the specific situations these habits occur and think of new choices.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:31:03 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah.  In other words,

Why do you talk?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:32:55 PM   
thespiritedsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		Huh. I never really thought of it that way...thanks

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:33:00 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Often times it is not what you say but how you say it. Learning tact was the hardess lesson that I have learned.Sometimes being tactful means knowing when to simply shut-up. -laughs-
 
Blessed be,
Nika

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:36:06 PM   
thespiritedsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		Well my problem is this. When I have a serious fire under my ass...a bone to pick.....I get mouthy, sarcastic, just plain bitchy.

Maybe it is something I have learned to do to cover my real emotions...I am HIGHLY uncomfortable with letting other people know when I am experiencing an intense emotion and tears are a big hurdle for me...anger is my first trained response to anything...I learned it growing up.....

(in reply to SweetNika)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:44:19 PM   
oblige


Posts: 38
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I love this response. When I was younger I was a bit like the OP, (and still can be when tired or feeling insecure) Upon examination I found that I had some inner need to "prove: something by all my smartness and noise. I cleaned up those needs a bit and spent more time in purposeful silence and active listening, then I found a genuine fascination with both the quiet, and what others had to say,  instead of my own mind flowing out my mouth so much.. Meditation can be a good way to get in touch with first the noisy mind, then the quiet..

*giggles* when I first  read the title of this thread I wondered if anyone was going to suggest a ball gag!


_____________________________

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go." (TS Elliot)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 6:48:46 PM   
thespiritedsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oblige

I love this response. When I was younger I was a bit like the OP, (and still can be when tired or feeling insecure) Upon examination I found that I had some inner need to "prove: something by all my smartness and noise. I cleaned up those needs a bit and spent more time in purposeful silence and active listening, then I found a genuine fascination with both the quiet, and what others had to say,  instead of my own mind flowing out my mouth so much.. Meditation can be a good way to get in touch with first the noisy mind, then the quiet..

*giggles* when I first  read the title of this thread I wondered if anyone was going to suggest a ball gag!




LOL sometimes I think that may be the best idea when I am out of control!!!! LMAO

(in reply to oblige)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 7:29:09 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		you know i bet you have more control over it that you think. Is it everyone that you get bitchy with or just the ones you feel safe bitching at?

With my ex i felt the same way you do now. Like i couldn't help being bitchy with him. It didn't help that when he saw me starting to get that way he would push all my buttons. In truth though i could have controled it. At work i had to control it or get fired so i did.

Now with Master i've only gotten snippy with Him. On the rare occasion that i started to get snippy He's called me on it and i've been able to change my tone.

If you can control it at work you can control it with others too

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 7:34:27 PM   
thespiritedsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

you know i bet you have more control over it that you think. Is it everyone that you get bitchy with or just the ones you feel safe bitching at?

With my ex i felt the same way you do now. Like i couldn't help being bitchy with him. It didn't help that when he saw me starting to get that way he would push all my buttons. In truth though i could have controled it. At work i had to control it or get fired so i did.

Now with Master i've only gotten snippy with Him. On the rare occasion that i started to get snippy He's called me on it and i've been able to change my tone.

If you can control it at work you can control it with others too



This is a problem I have had my entire life really. When I was a teenager one of my friends was introducing me to someone and she said "This is Alli, if she doesn't like you, trust me, youll know"

Only with my Master do I want to change and control this problem. I call it a problem because I am causing him AND myself pain by doing it.....

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 7:41:36 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Hmmm....

There is a big difference between not being able to control yourself when it's appropriate to control yourself, and not being able to control yourself when you really shouldn't.

Try to take a step back from the situation before reacting. Figure out whether this is something worth fighting over or not. If not, respectfully state your piece; if it is, respectfully state your piece and be prepared to defend it.

I totally understand your dilemna.

Just remember that while we all call ourselves various things such as sub/slave/dom/domme etc... that we all have to be responsible to live our lives as honestly as we can. That even means those of us who have chosen to serve.



_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 7:42:13 PM   
cluelessslave


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet!

I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again .

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 7:46:55 PM   
thespiritedsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet!

I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again .



Not quite.....Generally in anger my submissive side takes flight to mexico for vacation LOL. There is really nothing between the lines other than trying to learn to control my anger, be respectful to my Master and be submissive.

(in reply to cluelessslave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 7:48:47 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet!

I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again .



Domi?!!...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to cluelessslave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 9:34:51 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		ball gag
funnel gag
bit gag
penis gag
old sweat sock with duct tape over the mouth
lemon gag
duct tape
intubation tube
mummification
punishment hood
...... the list goes on and on

Constrictor1

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/7/2008 9:48:19 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave
reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again .


Hey!  "Shut up and give him a blow job" is supposed to be MY line!

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to cluelessslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 4:39:21 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		When you get angry... write it down. Write down everything, grab a strong pen and crush it into a tablet. Write down every angry word, thought and emotion. Grit your teeth down hard and scribble down everything... you'll find that you don't have nearly as many words then. Plus you won't be putting things out there that you likely didn't mean to begin with. Writing when angry produces a plethora of things... sometimes it's even great poetry. And when you are done writing out your angst, it will be much easier to discuss it rationally. Typing works to a point, but after a while the typos just make you more angry, good old fashioned pen and paper work best. This is coming from someone that never called a spade a spade, I called it a f*cking shovel.
 
Try it, you may be surprised.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 5:25:50 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?



Yeah, take you out to a remote Pacific spot and have you walk the plank as sharks circle underneath.

Perhaps I'd sit in the sun with a cup of tea, "see that shark there? hasn't been fed for a month"....."you're about to make an excellent first-course".

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 5:47:44 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet!

I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

When I first read this, I thought you might've been a single sub having a bit of trouble with the trolls and general "dom" arseholes about.  In which case I was gonna suggest that it was ok do do whatever you felt necessary to keep the wolves at bay, including being mouthy etc....
 
But you say you have a Master?  So I've gotta ask - what, if anything, is *he* doing to stop your mouthiness?  It's definitely a control issue, and that's the Dom's realm and responsibility....
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to thespiritedsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 6:00:11 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
It's definitely a control issue, and that's the Dom's realm and responsibility....


Focus... Dude.. You are doing it again... We ain't suited to being on the same side... stop it

I like a girl that is a good communicator, that often means they talk a lot. If I want silence I GET silence... but otherwise I enjoy banter and discussion... if the attitude is wrong *I* correct it. I teach her what *I* consider appropriate.

It is no good Us on the forum telling you what to avoid as it is down to your Masters preferences.... AND down to Him to ensure you comply to those preferences.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 20
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