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RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 6:37:48 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
It's definitely a control issue, and that's the Dom's realm and responsibility....

Focus... Dude.. You are doing it again... We ain't suited to being on the same side... stop it

Is ok, this is you agreeing with *me* - situation normal....

Our differences generally arise from me never agreeing with you!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 21

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 6:51:56 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Constrictor1
ball gag
funnel gag
bit gag
penis gag
old sweat sock with duct tape over the mouth
lemon gag
duct tape
intubation tube
mummification
punishment hood
...... the list goes on and on

Constrictor1

I second that!!! Mistress always said I could complain and talk all I want, but to be aware that She has gags and knows how to use them!

She also said that silence is golden, but Her favorite gag for me is rubber and leather!

Mmmmmmm.....***head swooning at the thought***

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to Constrictor1)

Post #: 22

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 6:56:22 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

The little monsters I work with say that "its not my fault i talk, I cant help myself" .. and when they hear the alternative, they magically find the mute button (so all y'all Dominants out there ... its not a paddle or a crop ... its writing out the definition of silence 100 times with a blunt pencil and narrow ruled paper)

and they can, its called self control. Word to the wise, self discipline is the *single* most useful tool. Save him the work, keep yourself inline, make yourself pleasing, make yourself the good girl because YOU want to be a good girl ... not because you dont want the beating

Now if you just enjoy talking, so find someone who is amused by what you say ... or is really good at tuning you out ... or filling your throat with cock ..(still trying to work out which one Sir favours ... hmmmm)

if you want to suck cock all day ... just say so ... i know at least .... most ... of the male population would support that

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 23

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 7:41:55 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

I am a new sub, I have a horrible time being quiet!

I am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

reading between the lines here it seems like what you are asking is to be kept busy sucking dick until the urge to speak passes. or maybe i am wrong again .

Domi?!!...

*SNORT*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 24

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 7:50:17 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

i know plenty of very "mouthy" sub's.. And i have my moments too..

There's nothing wrong with it, depending on the context.. The only thing that will help is learning to exercise your own self control over, when, how, and at who.

Once you have a grasp of that it ceases to really be a bad thing.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 25

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 8:35:33 AM

thespiritedsub

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Thanks everyone. Master and i have spoken about this. All i know for sure is that generally it is expected of me to figure out some things about myself so that way i clearly understand why i am misbehaving.

In the past ive not understood, or actually taken the time to understand, why i act the way that i do. I appreciate all of your help. As said, i am new at this, clear communication is still new for me, understanding myself is still new for me....

(in reply to metalmiss)

Post #: 26

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 8:41:06 AM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

You are correct - it is up to you to understand it - what is up to the rest of us is to give clear boundaries to anyone who has anger or mouthy issues that may not be crossed.

N

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 27

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 8:45:14 AM

thespiritedsub

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

I agree with that...a lot.

I like to do my homework, see what other people say about these sort of issues. I often feel that this, like everything else, requires education on both our parts. But I am only in charge of educating myself and learning to behave...

I appreciate all of the help!! THANK YOU!

(in reply to MrSpectacular)

Post #: 28

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 9:20:54 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

You people let them keep their tongues?

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 29

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 9:28:05 AM

passub

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

If you have an issue or problem with your partner or with others.. then by all means raise it..
would ye rather be a doo mat.
Cause there is a skool of thought that dictates that subs shoulda be seen and not heard.
Would ye rather be a dummy and would that not be boring.
So learn to alm down, not run off at de mouth at de least little thange - ok but having
a gob and making yer point is perfectly ok, imho.
It is called communicating and necessary espically in de scene..

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 30

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 9:28:09 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

Well my problem is this. When I have a serious fire under my ass...a bone to pick.....I get mouthy, sarcastic, just plain bitchy.

Maybe it is something I have learned to do to cover my real emotions...I am HIGHLY uncomfortable with letting other people know when I am experiencing an intense emotion and tears are a big hurdle for me...anger is my first trained response to anything...I learned it growing up.....

Greetings,

when you feel that need coming on, try kneeling to say it, with your head down and your eyes on the floor. You might be surprised to find how much more difficult it is to speak in a sarcastic manner when your body does not match the attitude. You may also discover that your tone and demeanor change to be in accord with your body.

well wishes ~ fairer

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 31

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 9:47:17 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub
Not quite.....Generally in anger my submissive side takes flight to mexico for vacation LOL. There is really nothing between the lines other than trying to learn to control my anger, be respectful to my Master and be submissive.

This is a little bit of a different problem than what your OP indicated. How to handle your anger towards your Master and how to manage it so that you don't damage the relationship in managing a problem is a tough issue.

It could be that you don't know how to express yourself when you are truly angry. If that is the case, possibly taking a step backwards, asking for time from him and being granted it, getting in touch with how you are truly feeling - this may help you be able to express your feelings to him more clearly than simply blurting back in anger.

It could be that he needs to listen to you better - you may not be feeling heard when you are angry, for whatever reason. Possibly you could both work on which communication skills help you when dealing with a tricky issue. If you are granted the ability to speak clearly, yet respectfully, you may feel heard which may go a long way to handling your respect issue when angry.

All of these things take time. You're talking about relearning a response which you said was learned as a child. Patience and guidance would be needed from your Master to figure this out.

< Message edited by NeedingMore220 -- 6/8/2008 9:54:37 AM >

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 32

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 9:49:59 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

When you get angry... write it down. Write down everything, grab a strong pen and crush it into a tablet. Write down every angry word, thought and emotion. Grit your teeth down hard and scribble down everything... you'll find that you don't have nearly as many words then. Plus you won't be putting things out there that you likely didn't mean to begin with. Writing when angry produces a plethora of things... sometimes it's even great poetry. And when you are done writing out your angst, it will be much easier to discuss it rationally. Typing works to a point, but after a while the typos just make you more angry, good old fashioned pen and paper work best. This is coming from someone that never called a spade a spade, I called it a f*cking shovel.

Try it, you may be surprised.

Jewel

Great advice, though i tend to stick with banging on my keyboard. I type very fast, and can get all those twisted emotions when I'm really in a knot blurted out very quickly, which is really satisfying at times!

And once you write it all down ... you maybe surprised with what you're reading on the page. Sometimes I've done this and laughed hysterically at how silly I was behaving about an issue that truly was a non-issue. Other times I've identified a real problem I hadn't seen though it was right in front of me.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 33

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 9:59:32 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

Well my problem is this. When I have a serious fire under my ass...a bone to pick.....I get mouthy, sarcastic, just plain bitchy.

Maybe it is something I have learned to do to cover my real emotions...I am HIGHLY uncomfortable with letting other people know when I am experiencing an intense emotion and tears are a big hurdle for me...anger is my first trained response to anything...I learned it growing up.....

you've already been asked an excellent question: 'why?'
Begin by stop blaming your upbringing for your responses; your parents may have bought you the car and taught you how to drive, but now you're alone behind the wheel.
If you can't learn how to respond better on your own, go for counselling.

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 34

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 10:15:37 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

Greetings,

You might want to take a look at this article on Reactance. It seems like it might be appropriate to your situation.

http://www.healthyinfluence.com/Primer/reactance.htm

Best of luck ~ fairer

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 35

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 1:21:05 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

Maybe it is something I have learned to do to cover my real emotions...I am HIGHLY uncomfortable with letting other people know when I am experiencing an intense emotion and tears are a big hurdle for me...anger is my first trained response to anything...I learned it growing up.....

quote:

All i know for sure is that generally it is expected of me to figure out some things about mysel fso that way i clearly understand why i am misbehaving.

In the past ive not understood, or actually taken the time to understand, why i act the way that i do. I appreciate all of your help. As said, i am new at this, clear communication is still new for me, understanding myself is still new for me....

Do NOT treat this as "misbehavior", punishing you for doing it is going to make it worse, not better. Imagine when you get angry if your partner was gentle, caring, and accepting of you instead. Your parents made you suppress your feelings and punishment is doing the same thing. What you need to do is learn to deal with them in a mature fashion instead of like a child as you do now. I would ignore the anger and bitchiness and focus on the underlying issue. In short, give you permission to throw your tantrum and once you were done have you look at what caused it and work at creating a safe place for you to experience those emotions. Strip away the shame and guilt around having emotions and the anger you use to mask them.

Punishment requires you to get even BETTER at stuffing those emotions down and trust me they are going to come out somewhere sometime anyway. Working with you allows you to get better at DEALING with those emotions and getting to a place where anger isn't your only emotional response and you will be a happier and freer person for it.

I have experience with all of this because I used to be quite similar and did similar fucked up shit but when you are 6'2 and your partner 5' it isn't bitchiness, it is abusive.

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 36

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 1:25:15 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: thespiritedsub

Maybe it is something I have learned to do to cover my real emotions...I am HIGHLY uncomfortable with letting other people know when I am experiencing an intense emotion and tears are a big hurdle for me...anger is my first trained response to anything...I learned it growing up.....

quote:

All i know for sure is that generally it is expected of me to figure out some things about mysel fso that way i clearly understand why i am misbehaving.

In the past ive not understood, or actually taken the time to understand, why i act the way that i do. I appreciate all of your help. As said, i am new at this, clear communication is still new for me, understanding myself is still new for me....

Do NOT treat this as "misbehavior", punishing you for doing it is going to make it worse, not better. Imagine when you get angry if your partner was gentle, caring, and accepting of you instead. Your parents made you suppress your feelings and punishment is doing the same thing. What you need to do is learn to deal with them in a mature fashion instead of like a child as you do now. I would ignore the anger and bitchiness and focus on the underlying issue. In short, give you permission to throw your tantrum and once you were done have you look at what caused it and work at creating a safe place for you to experience those emotions. Strip away the shame and guilt around having emotions and the anger you use to mask them.

agreed, and this was actually the advice that i was given when i was seeking help for similar issues as a high schooler facing a similar family environment. it's rough but it's doable.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 37

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 2:15:52 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

am mouthy at times...I dont mean to be, its just part of my personality and I just cant help it sometimes. I am trying to be a good sub, but it is very difficult for me at times to not be bitchy.

Any thoughts on how to stop my mouthyness?

I think one of 2 things may happen. You will either be in service to someone to whose will you will bend to and cut that stuff out, and or, it will cost you something you hadn't bargained on, and you'll think twice next time.

In other words, you won't change until something motivates you to change.

PL

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to thespiritedsub)

Post #: 38

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/8/2008 6:23:44 PM

KMsAngel

Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
It's definitely a control issue, and that's the Dom's realm and responsibility....

Focus... Dude.. You are doing it again... We ain't suited to being on the same side... stop it

Is ok, this is you agreeing with *me* - situation normal....

Our differences generally arise from me never agreeing with you!

Focus.

little whisper: get a room, you two

_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 39

RE: ok....you can shut up now.. - 6/9/2008 4:51:10 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

An excellent way to get anger out of the way is to take a swim noodle or tennis raquet or cane and beat the living **** out of your bed! This should calm you down enough to allow you to rationally talk about what made you angry.

Tell your Sir that when you become angry and out of control that this is what you plan to do , that leaving him isn't disrespect, and that you will return when you feel able to communicate effectively. That way, you and he will know what is going on, you will be able to leave the scene of the crime before being rude/disrespectful/mouthy, and when you are in control you will be able to talk about "X".

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 40

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