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Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rudeness... - 6/8/2008 1:32:35 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		 i would like some feedback from T/those of Y/you here within the collarme community concerning a scenerio i have just encountered...to be fair, i will not say one way or another how i feel or what my reply was to this statement....

i was asked by a Female Dominant, that has a profile here on collarme. Being that She was local to my community, i had replied that i would be appreciative of such a meeting. She then set a tentative date, and W/we had B/both agreed on that evening.
i later get a text message on my cell, where She again asked if i was for sure going to be able to meet, and then gave me a location. Said location is a very well known lifestyle bar, yet She went on to tell me, She would be meeting yet another submissive at the same time, as well as bringing a fellow Domme, and that She expected me to buy the drinks for Both Her, as well as the accompanying Domme.
i wish to get the opinions of T/those here if this would be considered proper protocol for a first time meeting with a prospective submissive, and if the immediate order to be ready to pay for the Both of Them is also something that should be accepted?

< Message edited by adorationofwomen -- 6/8/2008 1:50:03 PM >
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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:41:07 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		   I can't speak towards mistresses, since I've never gone out with one, but I would frankly be insulted to by that situation.
   You having to pay for the dominant seems pretty usual, and paying for her friend isn't outside the realm of reasonable expectations. You're sub, which means you might need to pay, and you're a man which means you might need to pay. Outdated rules, certainly, but chivalry is charming (particularly for the women who get free drinks). If you have financial issues and had already discussed that, then making you pay for more people that could potentially put a strain on you was rude.
   However, unless you knew previously that it would be somewhat of a group date, inviting others was out of line. And unless you has specifically discussed serving with another submissive, the double date was really rude. Even if you had discussed serving with someone else...I think that a double first date was pretty stupid...how could she possibly get to know either of you?

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:47:54 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		thank you katie....if need be i could clarify...no finacial aspects were discussed prior. The only thing discussed to me prior was i was meeting a possible Domme, for U/us to supposably get to know O/one A/another...
i also agree towards the chivalry statement, as well as with the rest of your response

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:49:09 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		You pay because you wish to pay , being told your having to pay for her and her party is rude , even more so on a first meeting . Unless you know that your buying a pro service i would say thanks any way and walk away from it .sounds very shallow and superficial .
Katie is right and  if your wanting to get to know her  it should be her in a nice quite place .

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:51:59 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		i thank you as well azro....i am biting my lip as to what was told of me when i voiced this to the Dominant, and informed Her i would be posting it here to take it to an unbiased discussion and or poll....again, i thank you for your input

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:56:05 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Chivalry (buying drinks) should be OFFERED, not demanded, IMO.
Especially if she is not privy to your financial situation.  It was rude of her to do that, as well as invite others along without discussing it with you beforehand.


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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 1:56:43 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adorationofwomen

i wish to get the opinions of T/those here if this would be considered proper protocol for a first time meeting with a prospective submissive, and if the immediate order to be ready to pay for the Both of Them is also something that should be accepted?


There isn't any universal proper protocol nor can we tell you if this is something to be accepted.  There is only you, your potential partner, and what you both want out of the relationship if any develops.

She's, at minimum, just expressed she is looking for a sub who will quickly bend to her will and who will fall into the roll of paying for drinks, possibly for chivalry reasons, maybe for humiliation/power-position reasons, maybe for pampering reasons, maybe as a test, who knows?

It's now your turn to consider this expressed interest of hers and decide if you desire to quickly bend to her will and be a sub who pays for drinks -what ones and for who- that she says.  You can also pursue what her reasons are, to find out if they fit you or not.

If that's not what you want, whether so fast or at all, then you just found that you two don't suit at this point.  If so, it's not about proper protocol or general acceptability, but about compatibility.  You're both in the process of feeling one another out here.  Take the data and work with it! :)

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(in reply to adorationofwomen)
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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:57:54 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		i thank You Ms. Greedy.....for Your time and response to this post.

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 1:58:00 PM   
MistressCyanide


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline 		Hi all I am the Domme that adoration is speaking of. It wasn't until today that we had discussed a place to meet and that is the same time I made him aware of the plans. I understand that it was rude to have met 2 subs at once. I have a busy schedule and it just worked out that way. I am not entirely new to the lifestyle but I am still learning. I hope that his ego feels better now though. Please feel free to attach anymore comments on this matter. Thanks

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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 1:59:28 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Thank You for Your response Ms. Rumpus...appreciated and accepted

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:01:38 PM   
MistressCyanide


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you Rumpus... I still still stand by My desires...

(in reply to MistressCyanide)
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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:02:33 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i later get a text message on my cell, where She again asked if i was for sure going to be able to meet, and then gave me a location. Said location is a very well known lifestyle bar, yet She went on to tell me, She would be meeting yet another submissive at the same time, as well as bringing a fellow Domme, and that She expected me to buy the drinks for Both Her, as well as the accompanying Domme.


Life is about choice. I don't know your situation, I don't know what really happened in your conversations, but I know there's always three sides to a story: Yours, theirs and the truth.

With that said, I see nothing wrong with the above. This person made a choice: If you want to meet her, you will do it under her conditions. You now have to decide if that's right for you. If you choose not to meet under these parameters, that doesn't make the requester wrong or unsafe or unwilling. It just makes them not a good fit for you. Next....

Welcome to life - you'll choose many things here. Get used to it :)

PL

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:03:15 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		 Your response is also appreciated Ms. Cyanide....this was by no means done for an ego boost Ma'am. i informed You that i felt it was rude, which maybe i shouldn't have used that word, yet i really did feel it rude, not only to be meeting another sub, but to also be bringing a fellow Domme, and immediately instructing me it was my place to pay for Her as well.
i will apologize for the use of *rude*, yet i still feel this was approached in a wrongful manner, and just wanted to get the advice and opinion of O/others that would be unbiased, and see if in fact my many years of experience had maybe been fogged over with a new approach to first time meetings

(in reply to MistressCyanide)
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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:05:36 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		    Looks like better, clear ,  communication is what is needed . 

(in reply to adorationofwomen)
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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:07:53 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		maybe i'm just cranky not having any feet rub on lately...hahahaha

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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:09:05 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		A man or Dom loses points with me if he doesnt pay for my drinks. This is a female thing. I do expect that of my male date whether D's or vanilla. Do I demand it? No. Although if he doesnt, he wont see me again. Would I expect him to foot the bill for a friend? heck no. Although It would score him extra brownie points but it wouldnt make me turn my back if he didnt. Again, I am talking about the scenario with me as a female sub with a male dominant.

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
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RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:11:10 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		As a PERSON, if I invite someone out, I expect to pay for it.  As a WOMAN, I am not surprised if the man insists on paying. 

This is a serious question (yes, sometimes I have serious questions)... is the world of dominant females different?  Is it routine/common/accepted/whatever to ask a man out, then tell him he is not only paying for you, but your friend(s) that you have invited along as well?

Cali

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:13:10 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Anyone can request anything they want to, but you also have the right to refuse anything you want to, especially if you've never met the person before and haven't even established a relationship before they have the audacity to demand that you pay for them AND their unexpected guest. 

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RE: A First Meeting of a Female Dominant - 6/8/2008 2:13:32 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adorationofwomen

Your response is also appreciated Ms. Cyanide....this was by no means done for an ego boost Ma'am. i informed You that i felt it was rude, which maybe i shouldn't have used that word, yet i really did feel it rude, not only to be meeting another sub, but to also be bringing a fellow Domme, and immediately instructing me it was my place to pay for Her as well.
i will apologize for the use of *rude*, yet i still feel this was approached in a wrongful manner, and just wanted to get the advice and opinion of O/others that would be unbiased, and see if in fact my many years of experience had maybe been fogged over with a new approach to first time meetings


I just dont know why anyone would want to meet a domme like that? After being told that I would have said, " Ah, sorry something just came up and I cant make it". Teach people how to treat you and dont take that kind of BS from anyone. Just because you are a sub does not mean you dont deserve respect. That "Domme", needs a lesson in "go fuck yourself".

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to adorationofwomen)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Advice and Opinions wanted for Protocal and or rude... - 6/8/2008 2:15:25 PM   
adorationofwomen


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		as this was basically my question cali.....i have never not paid for a Dominants coffee, dinner, or drinks, during a first time meeting. It was basically the fact of being told, not only before W/we had even met, but being told to be ready to pay for the accompanying Friend....

(in reply to CalifChick)
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