What should be in a sub's profile?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

What should be in a sub's profile?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> What should be in a sub's profile?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 6:50:05 PM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

I know different aspects of this have been covered elsewhere, but I hope people won't mind my trying to get it all in one place where it's easy to reference. :)

What information are you looking for when you browse profiles looking for a potential sub? Some things I suppose are obvious, like the standard age/sex/location question, and most seem to like photos. Beyond that?

My own profile -- I intend to revise it soon -- consist primarily of a summary of my kinky interests, with some elaborations. This was perhaps not well-thought out, as I believe it turns off many (if not virtually all) dommes, who see it as a "laundry list" of fantasies or fetishes I expect them to cater to. Which is not how it's intended; the idea is to see if we're somewhere on the same page, or at least in the same chapter. I cannot, with any degree of honesty, say that "I will serve in any way desired; it's all about You." Of course I expect a domme to be concerned with fulfilling her own needs, desires, and kinks. However, if she has absolutely no interest in areas important to me, then we would probably both be better off looking elsewhere; if I'm not getting my own kinks addressed from time to time, I'm not going to be enthusiastic about serving her in other ways.

So, while I ought to de-emphasize that part of things, I am wondering what other information is being sought. Career? Hobbies? Philosophy of life? Skills? Goals, both in and out of the relationship? Physical traits? Past Femdom experience? Areas the sub wishes to learn about and/or improve? Limits? Health issues?

I know there will be a variety of answers, but hopefully there will be some things we hopefuls can learn from. Me, I'm afraid that it will turn out that I just don't look all that good on paper....

Post #: 1

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 6:54:42 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I was going to say "a cock photo", but I've found it works a lot better when I just randomly send out pictures of my cock to dominant women. Actually, it works to send it to all women. They all love it. I know this because they're often so impressed that they're scared to respond. Yep, that's me, giving the ladies what they want....

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 2

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 6:57:45 PM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I was going to say "a cock photo", but I've found it works a lot better when I just randomly send out pictures of my cock to dominant women. Actually, it works to send it to all women. They all love it. I know this because they're often so impressed that they're scared to respond. Yep, that's me, giving the ladies what they want....

Oh, well, yes, I KNOW they all want as many cock photos as they can get. Nothing turns on a domme like unsolicitied photos of a strange male's cock, preferably accompanied with a well-written message attatched, such as "r u a dominate women i will do N E thing 4 u."

However, my own cock is so gi-normous, if I sent out pictures of it I would be so spammed with email from Dommes that I'd never get anything else done. It wouldn't be fair to the rest of you guys. You're welcome. ;)

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 3

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 7:05:53 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Okay, you have a sense of humor, so I'll actually try to help in answering your question.

First off, you have to go into the writing of your profile with the understanding that you're really only going to get what you're actually seeking. If you're a service submissive (which is more my thing than it might be for others), if I claim to be someone who is seeking sex slavery (or anything of that nature), I'm probably not going to seem sincere, nor am I going to really hit it off with anyone that is seeking what I aim to be. If you list a set of kinks of things you like, you run the chance of finding someone who is looking for what you are seeking, but you're going to have a bit of a hard time because a lot of women are going to see you more as a "do me" type of submissive, and you'll find a lot just not willing to put in the effort for something they can find with a lot of guys, including vanillas who are exploring.

My advice is to figure out exactly what you want to be, and then determine if it's actually possible. If you want 24/7 control, you're going to have a pretty hard time finding it unless you've really done the work with dominants you get the opportunity to explore such things with. You'll have a hard time attracting someone with an extreme desire, although that doesn't mean it can't happen.

For me, one of the first things I did when exploring was find out what women were seeking, and then I did a personal reflection to see if that was something I wanted to be. And I did. It took a LOT of time and effort, but eventually I went from being a fly on the wall at parties to being someone who was actually pursued. But for me, it took a lot of crap work to convince people I was sincere, and I'm not saying that needs to be your path, but it was the one for me. In my line of slavery, I tend to be more interested in those who put me through the rigors of testing before deciding if I'm right for her; it tends to show both of us that we're both sincere about what we're seeking.

For your profile, I would suggest being honest. Tell a bit about yourself. Instead of talking about your fetishes, talk about your hobbies. What makes you unique? What makes you fun to be around? Can you fix a car? Can you hotwire an Apache helicopter while insurgents are firing at you as you're rescuing your Mistress from hostile territory? Oh wait, that last one was classified. I'm not supposed to talk about that "incident".

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 4

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 7:09:50 PM

HardToTame

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline

women want what they cant have. So just write. "Im looking for anyone who isn't you"

nah I'm kidding champ. Wish I could help, if you find the answer let me know.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 7:16:18 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I was going to say "a cock photo", but I've found it works a lot better when I just randomly send out pictures of my cock to dominant women. Actually, it works to send it to all women. They all love it. I know this because they're often so impressed that they're scared to respond. Yep, that's me, giving the ladies what they want....

Knowing that it's been so remarkably successful...I'm going to send picture of your cock from now on.

< Message edited by Griswold -- 6/8/2008 7:17:42 PM >

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 6

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/8/2008 7:19:53 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I can only speak from my own point of view, but I like seeing something about how a man "feels" about being submissive. I don't want to read that women are inherently better than men, but something like, "I recognize my need to be submissive because it makes me feel...". Of course, my thrill is getting into someone's head.

And, by the way, I block anyone sending me an unsolicited cock shot.

_____________________________

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 7

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/9/2008 6:40:11 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

I know different aspects of this have been covered elsewhere, but I hope people won't mind my trying to get it all in one place where it's easy to reference. :)

What information are you looking for when you browse profiles looking for a potential sub? Some things I suppose are obvious, like the standard age/sex/location question, and most seem to like photos. Beyond that?

My own profile -- I intend to revise it soon -- consist primarily of a summary of my kinky interests, with some elaborations. This was perhaps not well-thought out, as I believe it turns off many (if not virtually all) dommes, who see it as a "laundry list" of fantasies or fetishes I expect them to cater to. Which is not how it's intended; the idea is to see if we're somewhere on the same page, or at least in the same chapter. I cannot, with any degree of honesty, say that "I will serve in any way desired; it's all about You." Of course I expect a domme to be concerned with fulfilling her own needs, desires, and kinks. However, if she has absolutely no interest in areas important to me, then we would probably both be better off looking elsewhere; if I'm not getting my own kinks addressed from time to time, I'm not going to be enthusiastic about serving her in other ways.

So, while I ought to de-emphasize that part of things, I am wondering what other information is being sought. Career? Hobbies? Philosophy of life? Skills? Goals, both in and out of the relationship? Physical traits? Past Femdom experience? Areas the sub wishes to learn about and/or improve? Limits? Health issues?

I know there will be a variety of answers, but hopefully there will be some things we hopefuls can learn from. Me, I'm afraid that it will turn out that I just don't look all that good on paper....

I think the interests list is good for establishing that "are we on the same page kink-wise" level...mine is filled out carefully to show both what I like and what I don't like, and I automatically scan through other people's lists to see if there are any red-flag differences.
Pretty much everything you asked about could/should be in there. Don't write a four page essay, though. (I feel like mine is too long, but I've got it down to as minimal as I feel comfortable with.)
What makes you, you, is really the most important thing. Everyone is unique...show your unique self.

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 8

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/9/2008 7:21:38 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I tried sending out a cock photo . It was a 3 page fold out. Let me tell you OP that really works.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 9

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/9/2008 6:30:08 PM

jonathan

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline

When i shifted my profile away from discussing purely kink things and more about myself, that is when it was more well received. The expanded Interests lists here take care of that sort of thing, plus, offer an easy means to display your vanilla interests in music, art, recreation, literature, etc.

Really, if you're looking for a full D/s relationship, they want to hear more about you as a person and any past experience that you may feel is applicable or are able to share. The Good Ones want a whole person who can function in society and still be Her boy. They are not all taken, but tough to find.

Um, answer all the questions you pose in your 4th paragraph, with the exception of physical traits, limits, & health issues. That is subject matter for when you begin talking to someone and She asks. The rest, work into a nice succinct profile. Don't be "wordy".

Couple more tips, anyone that you decide to contact first, read carefully. Think. Am i what She wants? If She says you must relocate, can you, for example. And look for & at Her Interests lists, if there isn't one i'm not approaching Her. And if there is, i look for at least a 50% match. Just like vanilla.

Good luck.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 10

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/9/2008 9:58:00 PM

MissBallbuster

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I am always happy to see a submissive or slave who has taken the time to explain what it is they see as their reality after Ownership. I don't mind seeking someone's kink desires to a certain point but I much prefer to see their skill set and what they can bring to enhance their Owner's life as opposed to vica versa. Also listing experience instead of saying "I've tried quite a lot' is helpful. Oh and DON'T say in your profile that you "require" ANYTHING of a Mistress, that's the perfect way to get off on the wrong foot. (In My opinion)
~Ma'am B

(in reply to jonathan)

Post #: 11

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/9/2008 10:43:30 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

In terms of the OP's profile:

I would suggest you put everything you have written out of your profile, and paste it into a journal entry. Then it will be available for those interested, but it does not hit the lady in the face as the only thing you talk about.

It's wrong to think of this site as a "kinky sex" site. Yes, the people who put up profiles have some interest in kinky sex, or D/s lifestyle, or something else in the ballpark. But -- for some people it's a site to find relationships, for others it's a site to hook up, for others it's a site to chat with online pals, and for yet others it's a source of wank material.

If you want this site to be a relationship site for you, then the main body of your profile needs to be about your relationship potential. What makes you a good man? What brings you the most joy?

Answer those questions in the main body of your profile. Leave the sex stuff available but de-emphasized. Remember -- she's a lady.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MissBallbuster)

Post #: 12

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/9/2008 11:34:30 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

for yet others it's a source of wank material.

Not to hijack, but what on earth could somone wank to on this site? Maybe they get off on being told their question has already been asked 100 times? I suppose some profiles contain a good amount of skin, so go ahead and send me those links

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 13

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/10/2008 12:01:36 AM

Edwyn

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/17/2005
Status: offline

I just kept mine somewhat short and to the point. I figure if anyone is interested in what I have to say, and my pics suffice their interest (and who doesnt judge by pictures at first anyway?), they can message me, and we'll go from there.

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 14

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/10/2008 12:23:10 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

khem, you would be amazed at how many men get off on "what will you do to me Miss/how will you punish me Miss" crap.

I agree with you RedMagic, absolutely.

Don't look at this as a kinky sex site. For some it is yes, for others, no.

The main thing to remember is that a domme, first and foremost, is a person, a human being, and NOT a BDSM porn star.She has work and kids and worry and bills, housework and school projects to supervise, laundry to do and the car to book in for service. She might be unwell or just bloody shattered and needs an extra day in the week to cope.

If she is interested in you, she will no doubt get to the kind stuff after communicating with you for a while. She very likely just wants to know who you are as a person. She probably couldn't care less if you like anal strap on sex and being beaten with a carrot stick. She's probably too tired to give a rats crap if you like to be humiliated in front of 20 people and like to wear womens dresses.

Try showing who you are as a human being, what you like to do in your life away from the pc and BDSM. Most of all, don't get bitter and twisted like a HEAP of subs on here. A bitching, nasty, why doesn't anyone love me and why are the Dommes here so mean type of profile will rarely get a respnse. Just be YOU.

(in reply to Edwyn)

Post #: 15

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/10/2008 7:11:47 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I look for the following in a profile:

1. I like to get a sense of who you are as a person outside of kink. What motivates you, what kind of activities do you enjoy, what are you passionate about, what do you think is funny?
2. I like to see a pic. It helps me to get a sense of the person I'm talking to. My favorite pics are those of men doing things they enjoy, such as a musician playing or singing, or man on his motorcycle etc... It provides another level of information about you. You should always look generally neat and clean in your pic and appear happy.
3. Your profile should be written in a positive manner. We have all been bitch-slapped in the past, but please keep the pessimism and bitterness out of your profile.
4. What are YOU looking for? Someone to beat you occassionally? Someone for a permanent, although not 24/7 relationship? Someone to do service work for from time to time? Basically what type and level of committment and relationship are you really looking for? If you have a VERY specific kink, and that's ALL you want, please state it.
5. If you mention kink, please be brief and put it last.
6. If you have a sense of humor, show it.
7. Run it through a spell/grammar check.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 16

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/10/2008 10:35:47 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Hello a/all,

I'm pretty new around here and a lot of this is pretty perplexing to me. Type D people? LMAO? I come to this thread and all you guys talk about is photographs of Roosters! Who would ever want to send a mistress a Rooster photo? No wonder the men on this site don't get any responses. I am clearly in way over my head.

Totally Confused, Mike

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 17

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/11/2008 8:09:32 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

Hello a/all,

I'm pretty new around here and a lot of this is pretty perplexing to me. Type D people? LMAO? I come to this thread and all you guys talk about is photographs of Roosters! Who would ever want to send a mistress a Rooster photo? No wonder the men on this site don't get any responses. I am clearly in way over my head.

Totally Confused, Mike

You know why the pervert crossed the road don't you?

He was attached to the chicken.

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 18

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/12/2008 4:25:25 AM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

I prefer to see more about a man's personality than his kinks. Kinks can be worked around if I like a man, but if I don't like a guy--why bother?

I also don't really care about past experience. After all, if the experience isn't with me, it probably doesn't get me what I want :)

But what I would want to know is if I'd enjoy talking to you for hours about current events, can I argue politics with you, and we debate religious principles, can you make me laugh.....Only then do I care that you'd live in my cage, eat from the floor and scream to my tastes.

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 19

RE: What should be in a sub's profile? - 6/16/2008 4:35:11 PM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for the responses. Sorry my own is so delayed: work went nuts, and when it stopped, other things came up, and the the net connection went down for a while, etc....

I suppose part of the reason that it occurs to me to list the kinks first is that for me, it is harder to find someone who is compatible in that area than in other areas. I do know women who share many of my hobbies and interests and with whom I can imagine making a life, but they all seem to be completely vanilla. It *seems* as if finding a woman with kinks in the compatibility ballpark is thar hard part. Of course, particularly on a site like this where everyone is assumed to be kinky, that's not the case.

(I went through a similar thing on a more general dating site -- do I mention the fact that I am a crossdresser or not? I know it's a deal-breaker for some women, and I'd rather be up front about it and never have to go through that "when and how do I tell her" thing again. However, being up front about it has not been a succesful strategy, either. So, I'm not quite sure what the best thing to do is, but I do know that a long-term relationship with a woman who couldn't at least accept my crossdressing and wasn't willing to at least occasionally get a little kinky in the bedroom is definitely doomed, so for now, I'm sticking with being open.)

There's also just the fact that what most dominant women -- well, frankly, what most women. period -- are looking for in a guy, doesn't generally describe me. I'm not career-oriented or financially indpendent; I don't have firm goals that I actively pursue; I am not self-confident; I am not, really, particularly well-adjusted or independent; I have some issues. I still think I am worth knowing, and I have friends who insist on this when I admit doubts to them. I am pretty intelligent, am told I have a good sense of humor, believe that I have excellent communications skills, am honest and sincere, moderately knowledgable about a lot of things, and, with pretty rare exceptions, am just generally not an asshole. :) Not to target LadyJeelys specifically, but I certainly can and do discuss current events, politics, religious principles and metaphysics, ethics, and usually would prefer a good conversation to watching football or reality shows. But I do often have a hard time trying to sell myself when I'm well aware I have some fairly major flaws, too.

Anyhow, I will add a note here when I revise the profile. If anyone would then care to critique it, publicly or privately, I would be most grateful!

(in reply to LadyJeelys)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> What should be in a sub's profile?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094