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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/9/2008 11:35:43 PM

khem

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Actually, in my real time experience, I've found that most women are quite polite to their slaves/subs. I am. I find that the "Bitch Goddess" persona is more prevalent in the more fantasy-based places in the lifestyle such as online, in print and in Pro Dom work.

What she said.

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 1:51:29 AM

bashfulhuck

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My Domina rarely ever let the Bitch Goddess come out. When it did, it had a pretty severe impact on me in many ways. In general, she was a very soft spoken, polite Lady, but left no doubt as to who was in charge.
i'm prefectly ok with being told what to do, after all, i'm very much a submissive. I just happen to be attracted to Domina's that treat me with love and respect, a little tickle to go along with the slap :D

the bashful one

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 6:39:39 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shewalksinbeauty

So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here.

I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public.

Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way.

Domineering is not the same as being dominant.

Have you considered that what you consider impolite is merely what turns someone else on? Or that for them the big difference between Ds and vanilla is the ability to let go of all those social niceties?

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 7:42:06 AM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Domineering is not the same as being dominant.

Have you considered that what you consider impolite is merely what turns someone else on? Or that for them the big difference between Ds and vanilla is the ability to let go of all those social niceties?

Precisely.

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 8:15:17 AM

Madame4a

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I never demand... I request... and I'm polite about it, but I'm polite in all aspects of my life.. common courtesy is important to me.. so are manners

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 8:35:42 AM

aidan

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Mistress usually doesn't put things as requests, but she's not angry or domineering about them either. In fact she's quite nice and affectionate about it.

"Get me a Diet Pepsi, boykin" is just as good as "Get me a Diet Pepsi please, boykin" to me. I just like doing stuff for her. ^__^

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 11:34:02 AM

MistressRouge

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I never demand, that is just not my personality.

Even when I inform my slave of a forthcoming punishmentm, I never raise my voice or get in Bitch Mode.

Those with MODES have persona's.

I have no persona to switch to and from, I am a Dominant yes, I am always Myself, and speak to all as I wish to be spoken too, unless verbal humiliation is called for lol.

Those that demand, scream and shout, must be worn out, way too much like hard-work in my view. lol

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 3:37:20 PM

khantengri

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Who has the energy to be consistently domineering, anyhow?

I tend to be firm, yet rather soft spoken. I find that looking my sub straight in the eyes and calmly telling him to do something is quite effective. When I do act somewhat domineering.. it tends to be playful and accompanied with a swat. ;p

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 5:19:07 PM

DreamyLadySnow

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Oh I ask or tell them politely, in a nice voice. I think it's far more menacing than a 'bitchy' voice and the boys have backed that up. A sweet smile to go along with it gets the point across..heh heh.
This isn't the army, why would I want to be barking orders all day? Not my style

LS

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 8:40:33 PM

MsLemon

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Its my opinion that being polite or well mannered doesn't make you any less a dominant rather it just shows that you value the people in your life. Most of my requests are given with a please and followed with a thank you. The rare time this does not happen is if one of my slaves decides to be a bit smart assed or are showing their sassy side (this would be my girl jenna's habit mostly) my polite drops off and my voice becomes colder and more strict which is usually what brings her up short and puts the "uh oh" face on her.

Manners have a place everywhere including within an M/s relationship and in the dungeon. Of course this is my opinion and you know what people say about those :)

Regards,
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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/10/2008 9:28:48 PM

Shewalksinbeauty

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I never thought about it that way. I suppose that's true, it was just something that bugged be because I'm not like that and don't understand it. That's why I decided to post about it. For answers like yours. :-)

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/11/2008 3:55:49 PM

vampchick88

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Mostly I'll ask pet to do something for me rather than demand it. When it is a demand my tone of voice, facial expression, and body language change. Its easy for him to tell the difference I think. The reason I'll 'ask' pet to do things is when I feel that its not his responsibility or when he's got a lot going on around him. I tend to treat him as I would like to be treated. I know *gasps* he is human and deserves respect especially when deserved and earned. As far as a scene...there's nothing poliet, innocent, or pg rated all bets are off he's mine for the taking and will be treated as such.~Lorelei

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/11/2008 4:24:44 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shewalksinbeauty

So I keep seeing the whole "My domme doesn't ask me to do things, she states it/demands it/requires it" etc popping up a lot in some of the threads here.

I'm wondering why dominant ladies would be disinclined to be polite and demand things in less unforgiving terms. I mean, on some level and in some relationships there is probably significance but the recurrence of it seems to be a lot more than I'd think. Especially when you are out in public.

Personally, I like to make my demands sound like requests, even when we're completely alone. Does it sound less domineering? Yes. But that doesn't mean that my sub is less inclined to listen. In fact, he's probably more receptive when I'm sweet about it than when I'm demanding just because he knows that I mean business either way.

I find nothing repulsive in being demanding, cruel or bitchy.

When there is a familiarity between the two and when the orders are delivered in a certain way, demanding divas can be quite appealing.

< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 6/11/2008 4:26:05 PM >

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/12/2008 1:17:25 PM

KindLadyGrey

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I'd answer this post, but I'm not really a real Domme. The submissive boys tell me so because I say "please" and treat them like human beings.

</snark>

I think the reason you see this rude behavior sometimes, especially in people who have been in the lifestyle for a while, is because so many of the submissive men out there require it. I see it much less frequently in actual F/m couples than I do at FemDom events, where some of the FemDoms do order the unattached subs about in a rather demanding fashion. Again, YMMV.

Me? My level of polite depends on my mood and whether my sub has displeased me or not. If I'm unhappy, I'm not really inclined to say please. Every day life stuff though? I generally ask nicely for what I want.

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/12/2008 1:31:37 PM

ThundersCry

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AND....I agree

For the most part...

Like ummm....for a day or two!

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/13/2008 3:19:49 AM

MaamJay

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Polite and affectionate rules here too ... I'd much rather say "Fetch x please pet" than be barking orders. Also ... it leaves Me somewhere to go if pet's attention should wander or he forgets ... I can harden up the tone and make the order more clipped to great effect! (I call it putting on My teacher voice

) though in truth, most of the time as a teacher, I am still warm and polite! I just reserve that for the naughty ones.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/13/2008 5:32:20 AM

LadyPhoenixRisen

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I do a mixture, personally. I see nothing wrong with being polite to pup, even if I am just stating a request. I don't really care how this makes me look to anyone else, it's more the two of us that concerns me.

I will say, "please write this for me", other times I will say "write this for me"..it honestly just depends on what is going on at the time and even my mood.

I can't figure out why if a dom tells someone what to do, he is being dominant and decisive. If a domina tells someone what to do, she is just being a bitch.

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/13/2008 5:55:28 AM

selena123

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I am usually polite with my petie, but he is very attentive and usually asks to serve me before I even think of it on my own. Though I am polite, I ask him nicely to do many things for me in public which leads to people wondering why he does so much for me.
Selena

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/13/2008 11:30:13 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Getting yelled at by a Mistress might be some guys fantasy but in reality men usually can't take it when a woman yells at him and he'll respond back in a similar rude manner.

When we train slaves we've found that asking nicely, expressing how pleased we are, scolding them gentlely, and being firm but polite, really helps a man become a good slave. They're always telling us that they prefer our methods than other Mistresses who yell and get angry at them.

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RE: Politeness and Ordering around subs - 6/14/2008 6:48:26 AM

MadameMarque

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I believe it’s a matter of personal style and personality. I will remark, in response to the OP, that Tammy Jo makes an excellent point. If it pleases a dominant to bear down upon their submissive, for whatever reason, then there are certainly submissives who will take it in the spirit in which it’s given. We’ll do what suits us, what pleases us, and what works – usually in that order, I suspect.

I recall a long time ago, being struck by the demeanor of a character in a movie, The Orient Express. Lady Wendy Hiller played a dowager who was well-accustomed to being served. At one point, she addressed her lady-in-waiting, saying, “(Her name), you will be so good as to…,” and this was how she prefaced her order.

With one who is submissive to me, I speak in quiet tones and I expect obedience. When I “bear down upon” someone, I come closer and get quieter. This is my way.

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