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attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:15:48 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I have been following a thread about the inital meeting between a domme and a male sub. It struck me that there seems to be an arrogance to dommes that i don't see with the doms. I know a couple of dommes, and while they are very nice people they seem to have a different attitude to their subs than the doms i know.
I perceive them as being less willing to work on relationships, that they almost have a feeling of if one doesn't work out then there are a lot of other fish in the sea. That they will have it their way or no way - an attitude i don't see in most doms.
Do others see this? and if so, is the difference there because they really are arrogant, or are they arrogant because of the numerical difference between male subs and dommes. In other words are they arrogant because they can be.

I am not in the market for a domme, so for me this is purely a intellectual question. I am not trying to offend anyone either, so please accept my apologies in advance if this thread miffs you.

Post #: 1

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:37:06 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

From my limited experience of this site, female dommes seem super arrogant. They're usually the ones demanding money and to be treated like a "goddess." I have yet to flip through a man's profile and seen that. The men do have that "I control everything" attitude, but not a "worship me" attitude. And another thread also pointed it out, how the male sub was unhappy that the domme was changing their first meeting and being pushy and rude...and her response was "there are a ton of other male subs" or something close to that...like shove off I can use another man if you don't like it.

And not, not ALL but a lot seem like this. The ones I've seen irl don't seem so bad though. But then again irl they don't have a profile attatched to them to disect.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 2

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:42:17 PM

InsaenPleasures

Posts: 49
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline

I don't know, I am sure you can find a thread where the prevailing attitude was the complete opposite. Not to sound trite or obvious but a lot of it does have to do with who you run across in this lifestyle. Perhaps a sub who has served both a male and female Dominant might be able to share their opinion?

Logan

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 3

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:46:56 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Yes, I've seen it but I don't think it's any more complicated than the equation of supply vs demand.

For eg, with every munch I've been to, I'd estimate over 60% of those in attendance were male subs whose ideal match was a Domme. That kinda puts your average Domme in a position of power - the great corrupter.

And at those same munches, we Doms have generally outnumbered any fem/subs in attendance. Mystery solved....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 4

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:48:52 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I have been following a thread about the inital meeting between a domme and a male sub. It struck me that there seems to be an arrogance to dommes that i don't see with the doms. I know a couple of dommes, and while they are very nice people they seem to have a different attitude to their subs than the doms i know.
I perceive them as being less willing to work on relationships, that they almost have a feeling of if one doesn't work out then there are a lot of other fish in the sea. That they will have it their way or no way - an attitude i don't see in most doms.
Do others see this? and if so, is the difference there because they really are arrogant, or are they arrogant because of the numerical difference between male subs and dommes. In other words are they arrogant because they can be.

I am not in the market for a domme, so for me this is purely a intellectual question. I am not trying to offend anyone either, so please accept my apologies in advance if this thread miffs you.

i have some Domme Friends. i would not characterise any of Them as arrogant, selfish, careless, etc. If They had that kind of personality, W/we wouldn't be F/friends to begin with.

i don't think any generalisation holds water as to 'Dommes in General' vs 'Doms in General'.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 5

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:50:27 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I find that interesting Focus - because every munch or playparty i have been to - and bear in mind i have only been in the lifestyle for 2 1/2 years - there were no unattached male subs, and plenty of female subs. very odd!

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 6

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:53:49 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have some Domme Friends. i would not characterise any of Them as arrogant, selfish, careless, etc. If They had that kind of personality, W/we wouldn't be F/friends to begin with.

i don't think any generalisation holds water as to 'Dommes in General' vs 'Doms in General'.

pinksugarsub

I too have domme friends, and to me they aren't arrogant - but when they talk about their toys they are very different.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 7

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 3:56:36 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

Those that have *it*...

Have no need to flaunt *it*...

A great post... should be an interesting read...

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 8

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 4:04:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I think it is a mistake to compare the many profiles of those looking for money with those who are sincere lifestyle people. (sorry for using the term "lifestyle!)

Go over to the mistress forum, and see how many of the women speak poorly of their partners.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 9

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 4:36:49 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Many people expect their real time relationships so run the same...and successful ones often don't. In either case, you have to remember this is ONLINE and thus fantasy abounds in both forum and profile sections. For those who don't see it in the Male Doms, if you visit the Gorean boards, you're apt to see more of it. Again, seeing it online doesn't mean that it's how things do, or should, work offline.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 10

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 4:42:46 PM

cluelessslave

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I have been following a thread about the inital meeting between a domme and a male sub. It struck me that there seems to be an arrogance to dommes that i don't see with the doms. I know a couple of dommes, and while they are very nice people they seem to have a different attitude to their subs than the doms i know.
I perceive them as being less willing to work on relationships, that they almost have a feeling of if one doesn't work out then there are a lot of other fish in the sea. That they will have it their way or no way - an attitude i don't see in most doms.
Do others see this? and if so, is the difference there because they really are arrogant, or are they arrogant because of the numerical difference between male subs and dommes. In other words are they arrogant because they can be.

I am not in the market for a domme, so for me this is purely a intellectual question. I am not trying to offend anyone either, so please accept my apologies in advance if this thread miffs you.

That is the difference between men and women. Men chase after women, pay for women, jump through hopps for women. Women can look past the man in front of them to see the line of men behind him. It's not about doms and dommes, it's about supply and demand. Male desire for women outweighs female deisre for men by several trizillion tons. Whoever wants it the least has the upper hand. Men need it, women don't even like it that much. So even in BDSM play you have so-called male doms basically kissing ass to keep a female sub. Dommes treat male subs like the disposable and pathetic fucks they are. This behavior predates language. It's primal.

< Message edited by cluelessslave -- 6/9/2008 4:44:08 PM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 11

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 4:53:28 PM

HieroV

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave

Dommes treat male subs like the disposable and pathetic fucks they are. This behavior predates language. It's primal.

Ouch! I don't subscribe to that outlook- and I wouldn't spend any time with a woman who felt that way....

Hiero V

(in reply to cluelessslave)

Post #: 12

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 5:04:03 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

In -my- limited experience on the site, I've seen male dominants who are far, far more arrogant than female dominants, as a whole. That's how I've seen it.

Nobody's going to have the same experiences when they look on this site. Just because you've seen more arrogant female dominants than male dominants doesn't necessarily make it fact.

I've seen he exact opposite and I'd say, if anything, it's probably about 50/50 as per normal.

DV's Fox

(in reply to HieroV)

Post #: 13

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 5:06:10 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Bravo Shawn, as usual.

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(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 14

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 5:28:33 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I suppose you can make a generalization like this based on reading some of the profiles from this website. However keep in mind this is a website where anybody can create an account on.

In all honestly, I suppose some Dommes are kinda of arrogant but really no more then their male Domly peers are. Some of us can be down right real smart asses you know.

I would not say that this makes anybody any less willing to work on a relationship. Actually, I've talked with a number of Dommes who worked pretty hard on their relationships with their boys.  If anything I tend to believe or find more fault with male submissives compared to Dommes.   It's a little difficult to fully guage a total over truth to things.

Dare I say it, males subs are not a dime a dozen compared to female submissives. Actually the supply of submissives compared to Dom/mes in general is rather limited.   It's a bitch finding one submissive that one connects well with, so there tends to be at least some value in finding a good submissive. Why screw it out to be back at square one again.

In terms of some of the female Dommes requesting tribute, well there's nothing really wrong with that one. However, some of them put that up on their profile to discourage a lot of not so serious idiots from responding to their profile. In fact, dare I expose this out in the open. Some Dommes will totally set aside the whole tribute deal if they find somebody they are interested in getting to know.  Why do I know this? Because it's happened to me before when I was active in seeking out a Domme for a Dom couple relationship.   They actually explained to me why they tribute requests on their profile.

Something though that was a bit funny, was one Domme I was chatting with, actually had a male submissive pay her tribute with shoes.   The Submissive went a little overboard with all the shoes he bought her, to the point she actually did not feel comfortable with the amount of money the male sub had sunk into it. I was teasing her about having to knock out walls and remodel her closet to accomodate the many many many shoes this guy got her.

Basically many Dommes feel more comfortable in accepting smaller or reasonable sized tributes.

I do tend to think some people with Domme profiles that are asking for tribute have figured out this is a good way to Con desperate male submissives out of money. I really don't trust everybody or anybody from this online world.

There are some very sincere and real Dommes on this website.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 15

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 5:36:34 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

If you search for dominant women seeking dominant men, or dominant women over the age of 30, an awful lot of that I'm-a-goddess-you're-a-worm falls away. Most of the moneydomme profiles (which may or may not be operated by women) are of women in their early 20s.

When I hear stuff like the OP, I can't help wondering if his search function is set to 24-year-old women, max weight 135 pounds.

And yeah, ride the ride to Planet Gor and things balance out.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 16

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 5:40:35 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Well, I don't know about the Dommes (other than a couple who are good friends), but about Doms:
There are a lot who are posers and players and know it alls. I think the only sincere ones are SailingBum, Owner4SexSlave and myself.

(Just kidding guys .... geesh)

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 6:26:08 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am a Domme and have been for a long time. No I don't have the perspective that I can toss a sub because there is another one right around the corner. I enter into a relationship with a PERSON not some label and I will try whatever I can to make it work. However when it does become evident that it will not work I do make it a clean break. But you better believe my partner gets lots of chances to work with me on whatever problems we encounter. But if its not meant to work it won't.

I know some Dom/mes who feel as I do, I also know some who only see a label kneeling before them and are quick to toss them overboard when the waters get rough.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 18

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 6:30:46 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HieroV

quote:

ORIGINAL: cluelessslave

Dommes treat male subs like the disposable and pathetic fucks they are. This behavior predates language. It's primal.

Ouch! I don't subscribe to that outlook- and I wouldn't spend any time with a woman who felt that way....

Hiero V

As a Domme I don't subscribe to it either and any Domme who does doesn't deserve the title as far as I am concerned. Male subs are human beings and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Unless of course your in scene and you agree on calling him a "disposable fuck" thats another matter.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to HieroV)

Post #: 19

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 7:54:58 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Considering the threads I started recently over on the Mistress forum, I don't think I need to say much about my stance.
There is a supply and demand issue that generally favors women, both dominant and submissive (and vanilla, for that matter.) Beyond that, human beings are what they are, and good and bad are found everywhere.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 20

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