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RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/9/2008 8:59:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Females tend to want the fantasy of the warrior/poet. Males tend to want the fantasy of the madonna/whore. Throw in a load of gender stereotypes, an authority based relationship dynamic, and big skewed numbers of supply/demand as Focus well noted- and viola!

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 21

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 1:34:44 AM

bashfulhuck

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
Status: offline

I am just not finding myself to have that very same experience on this site. I've been blessed with quite a few very very nice, sweet, caring Dominas writing me a bit, and haven't found one yet that's acted arrogant towards me, or even mean.
And there are Ladies like DominantJenny that really are a great example of what being a Domina is. She's poised, loving, romantic, confident and in charge. And I'm seeing plenty of other examples of that type of Lady on these forums.

Peace and serenity to you all,
the basful one

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 22

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 1:47:37 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

In all honesty, I've never encountered one of these so called Arrogant bitch Dommes on this website. On the other hand I've encountered a few female subs that fit the bill very well instead.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 23

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 2:00:19 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

i strongly feel that the Dommes i meet in real life...the ones who are able to interact in the world are no more or less arrogant than any Dom or any sub out there...people are people. Its the online fantasy thing mostly that perpetuates this. It doesnt matter if the person is male or female, D or s....if the person is ready for a relationship...an honest one...then the behaviors are just not present. If the behaviors are there that soul is just still searching. i wish them well...but try to avoid them if possible. i prefer peace and reality.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 24

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 2:52:06 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

Do you feel that the apparent supply and demand aspect of the ratio of dommes to submissive males factors into this at all?

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 25

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 4:43:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This is one of the places where the gender lines are drawn between counterparts. I think it does come down to the supposed numbers, or at least they way they are perceived.

One of the best compliments that I get is that I'm just like a 'regular' person. I'm not so full of Myself that I have what is frequently called 'Domme's disease. There's a reason they spell it just exactly that way.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 26

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 5:11:16 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulhuck
And there are Ladies like DominantJenny that really are a great example of what being a Domina is. She's poised, loving, romantic, confident and in charge. And I'm seeing plenty of other examples of that type of Lady on these forums.

Aww. Thank you. I'm not actually generally as romantic as I've been around here lately, for the record, but I do try to live up to those qualities. I'm glad you're having a good experience here. :)

(in reply to bashfulhuck)

Post #: 27

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 5:15:02 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

No, in fact if I think over all the doms and dommes I know, the opposite is true.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 28

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 5:40:38 AM

MasterGreg43

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline

I know a few dommes that has earned My respect and watching them how they treat a sub is slightly different at time but then again if she has learn both side of the coin, so that put that domme in a postion to know how a sub could or would think, but other I have seen that try to make their self better then a Dom, not are the one that you have to watch out for, someone either hurt them or taught them that negaitve way to act.

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PA Dominant King
Dominant King of Sweet Palace of Pain
Master of Sweet House of Pleasure & Pain

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 29

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 5:59:04 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Mabey Im hanging out at the wrong places. All of the Dom/Dommes I know are great people. I have not run into any arrogrance. I do hear about bad ones so I guess they are out there.

(in reply to MasterGreg43)

Post #: 30

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 6:05:36 AM

LadyPhoenixRisen

Posts: 33
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline

I see the "my way or no way" in doms all of the time, so I don't think it's that much of a difference. I care very much for my pup and I don't think there are tons more out there like him. I do want what I want though, and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't see that men feel any different about it, it's just that they are looked at as dominant when they think that way and we are looked at like bitches when we are the same.

I am very straightforward when I talk to someone. They know right from the beginning what I expect from them and what I won't put up with. I am not having an attitude, I am just saving us both a lot of time if that's not what they want.

Men and women are different (thankfully) so the way things are done might vary. I don't expect anymore out of him than I am willing to give myself. At the end of the day, he will have no doubt who he belongs to.

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Like the mighty phoenix,
Once again I rise from the flames set to destroy me & take flight.
I am Stronger; Glorious; Powerful; Victorious.

"Women are naturally dominant, just ask Adam why he ate the apple."

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 31

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 6:05:48 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

you could also make a comparison between the male subs and fem subs... there is far more of a "worthless worm" attitude prevelent in the approach male subs take than in femsubs. It isn't ALL by any means, I know a few very sound malesubs and have had a few femsubs approach Me with the whole 'worthless' angle (To which I take the attitude that if they are 'worthless' why on earth would they be worth My time!).

Possibly 'some' of the attitude you see is from Dommes comming into the lifestyle, not having worked out what they want for themselves so much and simply responding in kind to the worthless worm attitude they get inundated with.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 32

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 6:30:34 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

There are some men that are very turned on by a very powerful Domme. There may be times when they seem arrogant when they are only fulfilling a role that seems to be expected of them but would be very different during a meeting. Of course, there are those that simply get tired out from so many contacting them and use the arrogance as a way to weed out the less desirable.

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(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 33

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 6:42:19 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I've met lots of Dommes and I must say I've found the opposite; almost every Domme I've met has been chatty, friendly and a really good laugh, but then I'm a Dom and I suppose it could be the fact that I'm not what they're looking for that made a difference.

Maybe it is down to numbers that they can be arrogant, but I don't think so, the vast majority of Doms I've come across have an attitude too, but if it's down to more male subs for Dommes then They'd have to be more practical about how They (Doms) find subs and I don't see this.

In the end though, I think there are as many nice none arrogant Doms as there are arrogant Dommes. I think it all evens out ultimately.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 34

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 6:48:54 AM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
I have been following a thread about the inital meeting between a domme and a male sub. It struck me that there seems to be an arrogance to dommes that i don't see with the doms. I know a couple of dommes, and while they are very nice people they seem to have a different attitude to their subs than the doms i know.
I perceive them as being less willing to work on relationships, that they almost have a feeling of if one doesn't work out then there are a lot of other fish in the sea. That they will have it their way or no way - an attitude i don't see in most doms.
Do others see this? and if so, is the difference there because they really are arrogant, or are they arrogant because of the numerical difference between male subs and dommes. In other words are they arrogant because they can be.

Certainly the supply/demand imbalance encourages arrogance. Considering the number of messages we receive each day, it's a struggle sometimes to even respond to them all, so we've learned to quickly end conversations with candidates who seem less promising, simply because there are so many other fish in the sea. However, this attitude begins to change once we meet someone irl and get to know them. At that point, they shift from an anonymous page of text into a unique human being.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 35

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 6:56:02 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulhuck

I am just not finding myself to have that very same experience on this site. I've been blessed with quite a few very very nice, sweet, caring Dominas writing me a bit, and haven't found one yet that's acted arrogant towards me, or even mean.
And there are Ladies like DominantJenny that really are a great example of what being a Domina is. She's poised, loving, romantic, confident and in charge. And I'm seeing plenty of other examples of that type of Lady on these forums.

Peace and serenity to you all,
the basful one

You sound like a gentleman who has learned "you get what you give" :) (i.e. like meets like)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to bashfulhuck)

Post #: 36

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 7:02:50 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Eh, lately over in Ask A Mistress, it's been all sugar and spice and everything nice.

Gimme a V "V"

Gimme an A "A"

Gimme an N "N"

Gimme an I "I"

Gimme an L "L"

Gimme another "L"

Gimme an A "A"

I like a little hot fudge and nuts on my sundae.

If I smell weakness, I'll eat you alive.

Just sayin.

chia* (the pet)

"RAH"

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 37

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 7:03:51 AM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I have been following a thread about the inital meeting between a domme and a male sub. It struck me that there seems to be an arrogance to dommes that i don't see with the doms. I know a couple of dommes, and while they are very nice people they seem to have a different attitude to their subs than the doms i know.
I perceive them as being less willing to work on relationships, that they almost have a feeling of if one doesn't work out then there are a lot of other fish in the sea. That they will have it their way or no way - an attitude i don't see in most doms.
Do others see this? and if so, is the difference there because they really are arrogant, or are they arrogant because of the numerical difference between male subs and dommes. In other words are they arrogant because they can be.

I am not in the market for a domme, so for me this is purely a intellectual question. I am not trying to offend anyone either, so please accept my apologies in advance if this thread miffs you.

My views on your subject, yours may be different.

You must be speaking about the ones I call the "Fluffy Bunny" dominants. They are usually more noticeable then lifestylers because you see them when they are primping and posing. The ones that have no clue even after they study the lifestyle thru reading about it on the web or seeing it in real life. Because it is so foreign to them , they only understand the parts that they can comprehend which usually is just the more S&M kinky sexual/visual aspects of the scene. Because they really cannot get a good grasp of what it is to be a Dominant , they read up on the stereotypes and posture and attempt to conform to that ideal. Both male and females alike posture that way because they don't understand what D/s is all about so they attempt to fit it into their vanilla culture views and it comes out in a really caricature like type of power exchange interaction.
CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 38

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 7:11:59 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I have been following a thread about the inital meeting between a domme and a male sub. It struck me that there seems to be an arrogance to dommes that i don't see with the doms. I know a couple of dommes, and while they are very nice people they seem to have a different attitude to their subs than the doms i know.
I perceive them as being less willing to work on relationships, that they almost have a feeling of if one doesn't work out then there are a lot of other fish in the sea. That they will have it their way or no way - an attitude i don't see in most doms.
Do others see this? and if so, is the difference there because they really are arrogant, or are they arrogant because of the numerical difference between male subs and dommes. In other words are they arrogant because they can be.

I am not in the market for a domme, so for me this is purely a intellectual question. I am not trying to offend anyone either, so please accept my apologies in advance if this thread miffs you.

My views on your subject, yours may be different.

You must be speaking about the ones I call the "Fluffy Bunny" dominants. They are usually more noticeable then lifestylers because you see them when they are primping and posing. The ones that have no clue even after they study the lifestyle thru reading about it on the web or seeing it in real life. Because it is so foreign to them , they only understand the parts that they can comprehend which usually is just the more S&M kinky sexual/visual aspects of the scene. Because they really cannot get a good grasp of what it is to be a Dominant , they read up on the stereotypes and posture and attempt to conform to that ideal. Both male and females alike posture that way because they don't understand what D/s is all about so they attempt to fit it into their vanilla culture views and it comes out in a really caricature like type of power exchange interaction.
CD

I agree with you here, the arrogance comes when someone is posturing, trying to be the one in control all the time, even if it's not necessary in that given moment. It can happen with male or female dominants, but the example I have happens to be female. A woman contacted Alpha about me, asking if she could use me as a plaything. As soon as he explained that we weren't comfortable being separate, she started trying to posture above him, which didn't make any sense! They were both dominants and she kept pushing and demanding things from him... kept writing half-formed sentences with the parting words, "bye then" but kept replying to his inquiries... then it turns out, she was mad because she wanted to dominate both of us! wtf? Anyways, all that to say, arrogance can plague anyone too big for their britches.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 39

RE: attitude differences between doms and dommes - 6/10/2008 7:14:51 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

why do people have to make things so hard to understand it is really simple is just comes down to the person no two cards are a like you are what you are
I think people just can not accept that of them selves or of others they have this need to try and fix the world or something leave it alone life will take care of it

(in reply to abcbsex)

Post #: 40

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