RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 8:15:40 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I'm confused with the advice of changing yahoo nics and email addresses. She can simply choose to block, ignore, delete. Why give goofy men such power over her that she must change her life to accomodate them? Unless of course, that is the sort of drama that she thrives on.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 41

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 9:09:15 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

It's probably a misdemeanor..which isnt a big deal yo some so calling the cops is up to you..but probably a waste of time..might even piss the persons off lol..besides..it is just emails unless theyve threatened harm in some way?if shes so sick and this is causing her problems then maybe you should step in as her Dom and have her change the accounts anyway.I know i would do what i thought was right in the situation..just my opinion.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 42

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 9:14:23 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Been through something similar. She needs to kill all her exisiting IM, email and cyberspace accounts. Open up new ones and give out the details to only those that are trusted and worthy of it.

Damn, reading posts like this just makes me want to bitch slap some of my Domly peers back into the Galaxy they came from. Totally demonstrates a lack of self control and restaint, along with respect for others.

(in reply to SadistCpl4fslv)

Post #: 43

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 9:21:51 PM

HalfShyHalfWild

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Okay, so she can't change her user names and she can't go offline completely....i'll accept that premise.

Her choices are not as good now but here are some things to consider:

Change ISPs.

Change passwords -- and choose new ones that are very difficult to guess, such as 'u1aa34sb'.

Use a proxy when online.

http://en.onsoftware.com/software-to-surf-by-proxy/

Install a good firewall. Look at cnet.com for comments on various products.

Install a good anti-virus progra, and follow the instructions to the letter.

Check for keyloggers and remove any found. Prevent new ones from being installed.

http://www.lazybit.com/index.php/2007/03/01/free_keylogger_protection?blog=2

Enter a hacker chat room, explain the problem, and ask for additional advice.

http://irc.netsplit.de/chat/hacker.php

Contact a computer security firma nd pay them to install safequards on her pc.

http://www.secureworks.com/

None of the above is bullet-proof, but maybe one of these ideas will help.

Best wishes to her.

pinksugarsub

This lady here has given you the advice you were seeking. Every thing she's said has been dead on and even better than what I would have given, and I'm an internet security freak these days. I hope you follow it, as she's given some real and thoughtful help to the situation you have described.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 44

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 9:21:52 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

FR~

I see threads like this every so often and I don't get it. She just had a kidney infection and you are concerned with who is IM'ing her? What I want to know is why you aren't down there by her side with her computer turned off.

To me, it really does sound like a lot of drama - like so many have said before if you wanted it to stop you could. Its very simple:

Step 1: Purchase air, train, bus ticket to wherever she lives or get in a fucking car and drive to where she is

Step 2: Turn off her computer once you are there

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 45

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 9:25:48 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

D. emanding
R. eally
A. ssnine
M. oronic
A. ttention

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 46

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 10:04:06 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

(fast reply)
To the OP, you might find some ideas on these sites:
http://wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment//

http://www.cyberangels.org/

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 47

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 10:09:26 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Turn off the computer, step back into reality! Regain senses turn on computer, log on and kill accounts which are the doorway to this drama. Simple! Very simple.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 48

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/9/2008 10:15:56 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You're still making this too complicated. If it's yahoo messenger, all she has to do is block and delete, and make her settings to ignore messages from anyone not on her friends list. The other messengers have similar features, I just can't remember what terms they use for it.

For email, set the filters so that anyone not in her address book goes to bulk mail. Oh, and why would she open the emails and read them anyway? They need to just be deleted unread.

Are you with her physically? I'm getting the feeling that she is shooting herself in the foot.

Cali

Hey cali I agree with you. The OP like a lot of ppl on here. Just don't listen.
BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 49

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 2:41:44 AM

SilentTigresss

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline

"meebo?" "pidgeon?". Where the heck have i been ?!!

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 50

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 3:34:50 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

having been in that position in both vanilla and scene, i agree with just changing the contact info and only letting the people who can be trusted have the new ones. also-- have you actually complained to your email and IM servers? while it might not change the harrassment being kicked off the site once or twice can put a damper on anyone's day. if it gets serious enough i would collect whatever is sent to look into cyberstalking laws-- and i'm speaking from the perspective of having been yelled at by law enforcement for not collecting mine just because i could simply turn off the computer and not wanting to get more involved than that.

i didn't get enough detail from the Op to determine if any law has been broken. However, even if a crime has been comitted, my past experience is that no law enforcement agency will file charges. The only exception i'm aware of is the Secret Service, which will file charges if there has been a theft of at least $25,000 via the 'net. $24,999 isn't enough though -- the prosecutors refuse to file charges below the $25,000 mark. It also has to be $25,000 in money; they won't prosecute for theft of intellectual property with an assigned value, etc.

The law enforcement community really needs to catch up to the laws on the books, but i don't foresee that happening any time soon.

Bear in mind, police reports are public information, and reporters routinely review them. It's remotely possible that the 'BDSM' angle might lead to a small mention in the local paper. Some P/pl don't want to be 'outted' that way.

Contacting the webmaster at a site where the aggressors are known to have found her initially might be of some use, but most sites treat complaints like this as 'he said/she said' and take no action. Unless the site bans by a member's IP, the offenders can just make new profiles and return immediately. Even IP bans aren't very effective if the agressor is determined; changing ISP's is easy.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/10/2008 3:57:25 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 51

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 3:53:50 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I was going to say shut off the computer, too.....ok, log out of CM and don't go back in. Then, like someone else said, create a new email and messenger (Yahoo, MSN, AOL, not one linked to any private sites) account and don't give out her name to anyone except her personal circle who she absolutely must keep in touch with.

It really isn't that hard to avoid people if you really want to.

I can't help but wonder what she has done to make these supposed stalkers want her THAT badly.

This kind of harrassment can, and does, happen to A/anyone. Y/you just never know what 'flips a switch' for S/some P/pl. There is very likely nothing she did to provoke the aggressors, apart from being in the wrong place/wrong time. It's kinda like getting mugged -- no sense in wondering if Y/you are attracting muggers for some reason.

Every site i've worked with has had to deal with legal problems arising from this kind of harrassment of its members. It's so widespread, it makes me wonder if the 'net has s'how given rise to a whole new criminal class -- otherwise law-abiding P/pl who just can't manage to stay within the law when T/they're online.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/10/2008 3:55:55 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 52

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 4:00:29 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Yes harrassment can happen, but it's on-line. She can choose to ignore these people or she can choose to chase the drama and give them power. Some people should use the off button on their computers. It really isn't difficult to ignore people or block them or choose not to read the stuff they send.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 53

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 4:06:49 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

i have only read the OP, and none of the three pages of responses so that i can just focus on the main thrust of the thread.

Why are you posting this here, the very site all this drama has been played out on, and where those involved on both sides would recognise the specific scenario? Why would you choose to inflame things even more by all the chest beating when you have already stated that everyone on the submissive's side of this have tried all of this and more to no avail?

Ignore, ignore, ignore, and then more of the same.

People will get the message in the end if only the recipients of their contact would stop reacting to it in any way at all, directly. If they break site rules, don't say a word, just send all the relevant information to the powers that be and let them deal with it, whilst keeping a dignified silence.

If they have broken any law, keep all relevant information, find out as much about the offender as possible and contact the police and a solicitor, as well as the internet companies these people use to harass people and let them make all the moves whilst again keeping a dignified silence.

Supporting this woman through all of this is way more important than coming here and elevating the whole nasty business to a new level of drama and inflammatory rhetoric. You may well find that instead of finding solutions you have made the sorry saga worse.

Yes, i think those people doing the harassing are the scum of the earth, should back off and get on with their own lives and leave others to do the same, but here you are making a bad situation worse. You didn't honestly think this would help did you?

Ignore all the crap that flows your way and keep a dignified silence, and act like any other citizen would when faced with such behaviours. Don't take such pains as to inflame those who could obviously recognise themselves, you and the submissive. You have just dragged yourselves down to their level.

(in reply to SadistCpl4fslv)

Post #: 54

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 4:16:44 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
there is something going on somewhere that we're not being told

I agree. Life is not this complicated.

I could change to "RedMagic2" tomorrow. Mail everyone, "Hi, I'm now using RedMagic2." It would take maybe 5 minutes.

Could you ask her to post to this thread?

i respectfully disagree, RedMagic. Life online really has become this complicated. Security risks are now E/everyone's concern. Apart from harrassment, identity theft is now committed online as well.

http://usgovinfo.about.com/cs/consumer/a/aaspoofing.htm

There are far too many evil means for any reasonably computer-savvy P/person to 'secretly' obtain anything she has ever typed, even if it isn't stored on her hard drive. New ones appear daily, and the vendors of firewalls, etc. can't really keep up.

A/anyone's security measures can be bypassed. Remember the news stories about hackers getting into the servers of the Pentagon, etc.? Things have only gotten worse since then.

http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9802/25/pentagon.cyberattack/index.html

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 55

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 4:42:04 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

If you don't think "conspiracies" such as what I am describing can possibly happen all one has to do is spend a day in BDSM chatrooms on servers such as bondage and see that this happens all the time at least in a cyber way.

So that makes me wonder , why would you be spending all your time in BDSM chat rooms, or any chat room for that matter.

Drama doesn't bother me unless I let it. Conspiracies need fuel for their fires, and clearly you are fanning the flames.

So often, OPs want to argue with people, say "but you don't know the whole thing" and "You don't understand". Maybe, it's not the communities job to solve problems that you've clearly created.

If you want to take yourself out of the drama, you will. You will take the suggestions that were made to you, and solve your problem. If not, no amount of bandwidth will satisfy you.

PL

Some P/pl who have posted on this thread seem to be 'blaming the victim'.

The Op has wisely withheld some details of what happened. The aggressors involved will almost certainly read this thread. To me, it doesn't matter whether He has been honest or not. My responses to the Op and O/other members' posts are from a more general pov. 'What to do if harrassed online'.

It's possible the Op is completely full of sh*t. i have no way of knowing what's happening in A/anyone's real life based solely on what's posted on a message board. When i responded, i took what He wrote at face value. i usually do this with Ops.

i think this is an interesting topic, because W/we A/all face the same risks. Computer crimes and torts are matters i know s'thing about, though i'm not an expert. i think M/most P/pl would be well-served to learn the basics of protecting T/themselves if this ever happens to T/them.

Just as aside, i've noticed in this and other other threads that S/some members seem to have a bias about chat. i fail to see where posting on the boards is a bona fide D/s activity, but entering a chat room renders O/one a fake. To me, they're both just ways to pass time online enjoyably.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/10/2008 4:47:02 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 56

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 5:16:34 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You're still making this too complicated. If it's yahoo messenger, all she has to do is block and delete, and make her settings to ignore messages from anyone not on her friends list. The other messengers have similar features, I just can't remember what terms they use for it.

For email, set the filters so that anyone not in her address book goes to bulk mail. Oh, and why would she open the emails and read them anyway? They need to just be deleted unread.

Are you with her physically? I'm getting the feeling that she is shooting herself in the foot.

Cali

There's a great deal more information available about A/anyone who uses the 'net -- especially any IM service -- than i ever realised. i only installed Yahoo IM (i hate msn messenger, aol aim, etc.)

Google Y/your real name and Y/your nicks; that'll open Y/your eyes. i was amazed at what came up.

In order to install YIM, i had to create a profile. For my own reasons, i abandoned the first profile and created a second one. Yet i still get IM's from strangers using the old profile. i don't know how they're accessing it -- i have it set to 'hidden' because i couldn't get the damned thing to delete.

Then i found out from one of my friends that my YIM allowed A/anyone who IM'd me to see my Yahoo profile and 360 page. This includes strangers who IM me under my old profile.

i've done as much research as i can about privacy on YIM, but the features don't seem adequate.

http://messenger.yahoo.com/

It's a major pain, but i enjoy IM'ing enough to put up with the problems.

By the way fluffyswitch, my 'invisible' setting can be bypassed. i'm not sure how it's done, but it is.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/10/2008 5:22:59 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 57

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 5:30:05 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

I would suggest getting new instant messenger addesses and only give them to those I knew. I would also make it very clear to those people that IF they passed that information out to anyone without my explicit permission they would be block and deleted. I would also contact the server that the harassment is taking place on. I know that most do not take likely to such things, infact I have known MSN to shut down accounts because they were used to harrass others. I do not ever give out my personal contact information unless I am comfortable with them having that access to me, but the reality is even phone numbers are not that hard to change in cases of harassment.

Blessed be,
Nika

For a small fee, my unlisted phone number can be used to learn my real name, street addy and other personal information. Sites that offer these services are just evil, IMO. Even cell phone numbers can be used this way.

http://www.reversephonedirectory.com/

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to SweetNika)

Post #: 58

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 5:42:01 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadistCpl4fslv

Protagonistlily all I can do is shrug at your post and thank you for taking the time. If you think I have created this drama let me clue you into the real drama. At the moment I am on cam and voice with her listening to her cry and trying to console her and help her to be as comfortable as possible because she has UTI and bronchitis and a temp of 103, complications due to a kidney transplant. THAT is the drama that I am involved in and this other is just complicating it all. I do not go to chatrooms anymore and my girl does not go to them and has not had a profile her for over a year. I asked for constructive advice and have gotten real help thus far and whatever the sarcasm or suspiscion that lerks in your mind it really doesn't make any difference to me.

Sorry to sound like a bitch, but if she is that sick, why is she on the computer?

You said in a previous post - "Yes I have talked to her about changing her accounts but that would mean her having to make all those she wishes to keep contact with aware of the change and causing them to wonder why the change. And to be honest I don't think she is really emotionally up to that as well."

If she is that emotionally unstable, why is she on a computer?

There are so many things about this thread that just don't make sense. I wish her luck.

(in reply to SadistCpl4fslv)

Post #: 59

RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 5:44:05 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

claim a hard drive crash, and loss of passwords and id's.

In other words,it melted down,and she can"t remember all of the old ones and just wants to start over. It assuages any suspicions with the friends,and totally cuts off the assholes.

Leatherist, i agree with You..My F/friends were pretty understanding when i changed my Yahoo IM nick and T/they all had to add me again.

When i reformatted my hard drive recently, i realised that a lot of my information was still available because it was stored on a web site server, like Yahoo, and not just on my hard drive.

If i had had a keylogger on my pc when i reformatted, it would not have been removed. i needed help from Dell to accomplish the reformat and asked the tech that specific question. i'd assume the same is true of worms, trojans, viruses and the like.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078