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RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 6:13:03 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

FR~

I see threads like this every so often and I don't get it. She just had a kidney infection and you are concerned with who is IM'ing her? What I want to know is why you aren't down there by her side with her computer turned off.

To me, it really does sound like a lot of drama - like so many have said before if you wanted it to stop you could. Its very simple:

Step 1: Purchase air, train, bus ticket to wherever she lives or get in a fucking car and drive to where she is

Step 2: Turn off her computer once you are there

C~


i think S/some members who have posted here are not very asute about using the 'net.  i myself cannot go offline completely -- i have real life business to attend to that cannot be managed elsewise.  i think that's gotten to be pretty commonplace.
 
There also seems to be a bit of ignorance in some posts about what an online stalker is capable of and how A/anyone online might acquire' one.  It isn't always because Y/you joined a dating site or entered a chat room. It can happen because Y/you once published a book or article in any genre or because Y/you happen to live in a particular area.  Hell, it can happen because some assh*le chose Y/you at random.
 
Once Y/you have a stalker online, Y/you may as well have one offline as well, because everything Y/you do will be available to the assh*le if he/she is really interested in bothering Y/you.
 
No matter what solution(s) Y/you choose to try, it will likely take months to get rid of the assh*le -- and most of the time, it isn't because Y/you finally succeeded at protecting Y/yourself.  It's because the assh*le got bored and moved on to his/her next victim.
 
Online harrassment can be extremely serious.  There are very few ways of assessing the level of risk.  However, if Y/your stalker starts sending Y/you pictures of Y/your house, etc., it's time to buy a gun and learn to use it, because Y/you have then entered the deep water.
 
http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,1986981,00.html
 
pinksugarsub
 
 

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/10/2008 6:17:40 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 6:32:00 AM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

having been in that position in both vanilla and scene, i agree with just changing the contact info and only letting the people who can be trusted have the new ones. also-- have you actually complained to your email and IM servers? while it might not change the harrassment being kicked off the site once or twice can put a damper on anyone's day. if it gets serious enough i would collect whatever is sent to look into cyberstalking laws-- and i'm speaking from the perspective of having been yelled at by law enforcement for not collecting mine just because i could simply turn off the computer and not wanting to get more involved than that.


i didn't get enough detail from the Op to determine if any law has been broken.  However, even if a crime has been comitted, my past experience is that no law enforcement agency will file charges.  .....
pinksugarsub


sorry just to cut it for length. like i said before i never actually contacted the cops personally (though not to get into details someone else did for me) and i was told that they take it slightly more seriously than before, though it may be a locality thing as opposed to a general procedure thing. and i agree that complaining to the site isn't a perfect fix, but if you keep the info that's sent it makes it easier to argue against he said/she said (again it may just be a locality thing bu this is what both college campuses i've lived on has taught us to do). there is no easy fix to this type of situation if there's something legitimate going on- and while i don't know that there is, i don't know that there isn't as well.


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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 9:21:48 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i think S/some members who have posted here are not very asute about using the 'net.  i myself cannot go offline completely -- i have real life business to attend to that cannot be managed elsewise.  i think that's gotten to be pretty commonplace.


He said that she was only online to talk to him and her family, not to earn a living.  I realized that I misspoke when I said that she had a kidney infection, according to the OP she recently had a kidney transpant.  And for fucks sake if there's anytime to be physically in the room with someone helping them mend physically, its after an organ transplant.  The last place they should be talking is online.

C~



< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 6/10/2008 9:22:19 AM >

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 9:32:20 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i think S/some members who have posted here are not very asute about using the 'net.  i myself cannot go offline completely -- i have real life business to attend to that cannot be managed elsewise.  i think that's gotten to be pretty commonplace.


He said that she was only online to talk to him and her family, not to earn a living.  I realized that I misspoke when I said that she had a kidney infection, according to the OP she recently had a kidney transpant.  And for fucks sake if there's anytime to be physically in the room with someone helping them mend physically, its after an organ transplant.  The last place they should be talking is online.

C~




Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in?  Or how long it's been since her operation?
 
What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient?  Sitting in a chair?
 
The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely.  He chose not to go into detail as to why this is.  So?
 
pinksugarsub

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 9:33:42 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		sadist,

Calichic got to the point really fast! Just do it as it is alot easier then the original post.

CP

(in reply to SadistCpl4fslv)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 9:40:31 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in?  Or how long it's been since her operation?
 
What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient?  Sitting in a chair?
 
The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely.  He chose not to go into detail as to why this is.  So?
 
pinksugarsub


Okay you aren't reading the words I'm saying.  I'm saying this.

He
should
go
and
be
physically
with
her
since
she
is
sick.

She is online to talk with him and her family.  If they all got off their asses and actually took care of her physically then she wouldn't be online and thus wouldn't have to bother with whoever is bothering her.  I don't think there is any circumstance in life where cyber bullshit like he described is ever worth a second.

I cannot understand if someone claims to be in a relationship with someone who is obviously sick and they aren't there physically present and taking care of them - it literally makes zero sense to me.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 9:55:01 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub
Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in?  Or how long it's been since her operation?
 
What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient?  Sitting in a chair?
 
The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely.  He chose not to go into detail as to why this is.  So?
 
pinksugarsub


No, I have absolutely no experience with post-transplant patients, however, common sense should tell you that if your temp reaches 103, maybe you should shut off the computer and go to bed.

Edited to add: and yes it would be nice if someone was with her.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 10:02:09 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You are making a lot of supposition about the "harrassment".  It isn't that they are threatening her.  It is that they are trying to in his words "wrench" her away from her dominant. 
It is her choice to read them or not.  If in IM it is her choice to answer it, or block.  If they continue and she doesn't wish to see it, it is her choice to leave it up or shove the box down to the taskbar.
She is making the choice.  She may be making that choice due to her weakened condition, or because she wants to see what they say.
I work in computer security.  Yes, people can stalk (I have stalked back which was fun!), yes people can harrass.. but come on.. there are fewer psychos out there than your post assumes.
This is not a case of harrassment.  This is the dominants fear that someone might convince his sub to leave him.
Kyst

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 10:54:37 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub





 
If i had had a keylogger on my pc when i reformatted, it would not have been removed.  i needed help from Dell to accomplish the reformat and asked the tech that specific question. i'd assume the same is true of worms, trojans, viruses and the like.
 
pinksugarsub
 

Bugs 99.9 percent of the time WILL be deleted on a format.i've only had one that wasnt removed using the format option and thats because it actually made a seperate partition on the hard drive for which to hide in.maybe you got the same one?lol


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:05:01 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Amazing how people jump from "email harrassment" to online and offline stalking, keyloggers, worms, cyber crimes, etc. When you hear hoofbeats, look for horses not zebras.

Cali


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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:05:35 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		oh i might add that it was 1 in 15 years.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:06:39 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You can't "wrench" away someone who doesn't want to be "wrenched". 

A dominant with any authority would've suggest to his submissive a long time before now to:  ignore, delete messages unread, and limit your time on the computer.  You are welcome.  I would make an awesome domina.  Any subs out there who want to suck on my toes?   

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(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:10:26 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Amazing how people jump from "email harrassment" to online and offline stalking, keyloggers, worms, cyber crimes, etc. When you hear hoofbeats, look for horses not zebras.

Cali


or you could just choose to ignore the sound altogether.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:17:59 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I agree with you.. and call me skeptical... but I think he's being played...

she's been thru so much, but a bunch of 'theys' (how MANY could there be?) she can't ignore online?  make herself invisible, block them, delete their email or designate it spam?

something is fishy here



quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Have any authority for your opinion that post-transplant patients cannot use a computer? Know what stage of recovery she's in?  Or how long it's been since her operation?
 
What precisely is it about computer use that you believe is contra-indicated for a post-transplant patient?  Sitting in a chair?
 
The Op says we are to accept she cannot get offline completely.  He chose not to go into detail as to why this is.  So?
 
pinksugarsub


Okay you aren't reading the words I'm saying.  I'm saying this.

He
should
go
and
be
physically
with
her
since
she
is
sick.

She is online to talk with him and her family.  If they all got off their asses and actually took care of her physically then she wouldn't be online and thus wouldn't have to bother with whoever is bothering her.  I don't think there is any circumstance in life where cyber bullshit like he described is ever worth a second.

I cannot understand if someone claims to be in a relationship with someone who is obviously sick and they aren't there physically present and taking care of them - it literally makes zero sense to me.

C~



_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:21:03 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

You can't "wrench" away someone who doesn't want to be "wrenched". 

A dominant with any authority would've suggest to his submissive a long time before now to:  ignore, delete messages unread, and limit your time on the computer.  You are welcome.  I would make an awesome domina.  Any subs out there who want to suck on my toes?   

My views are my views.i wouldve simply said if it had gotten to a point that it was troubling her and her health, that she needed to close the accounts..your right you cant make anyone do anything they dont want to but we do enter into these relationships each with our duties.make of it what you will.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/10/2008 11:29:30 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		OK, enough people have been cynical before me, I can offer another perspective.

The sub and dom in question sound like really nice people, too damned nice.  They read every e-mail sent to them and what's more, they respond.  They seem to have a very difficult time blocking, ignoring and deleting those which they really don't want to deal with.  I would presume that they've asked for a discontinuation of communication and are frustrated that the people on the other side of the big www don't respect their wishes.

If this is the case, I'd like to suggest that each of them take a bitch pill.  Start ignoring, start blocking, start telling people to fuck off and that further communication will go unanswered if they want to feel that they are still nicer people then the annoying maggots that can't take no for an answer.

There are people that come into our lives who seemingly have no better purpuse then to try to yank our emotional chain and it seems that those people who've been placed in this OPs life are doing a fine job of playing the puppet masters.  Emotions are something that can be given away for manipulation or they can be controlled.  Only the people involved can decide how much energy they want to invest in this manner.  I find that it takes far less negative energy to simply *poof* away these emotional vampires.  I don't play their game, they never know if they yanked my chain or not because I don't respond (but then I've had kids and my mommy ignore button is fully funcional).

As someone else said, if you don't hit the ball back into their court, they will have to go elsewhere to play.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Need help on an issue of Harrasment - 6/12/2008 11:56:50 AM   
Silkendream


Posts: 65
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		i, too, have a different perspective.

First of all, Gavin de Becker's book, The Gift of Fear, is absolutely the book to read about stalkers - he says that if you respond to these people once, it  buys you SIX WEEKS of more stalking, so that gives you some idea of what you're up against.  (It took two years for one man to give up contacting me, so that gives you another idea of the time scale these people work to )  However, if you do refuse to respond to them in any way, they do eventually give up. 

But - for me (and in my opinion only) the main issue here is that she is really ill, and when you are ill, you do become weak, fretful, easily afraid, wanting reassurance, and things which normally you could shrug off, assume mammoth terrifying proportions.  I've done this myself, fixated on an issue and loaded it up with all the fear and anger and pain from the illness.   Getting terrified about stalkers can be easier or less frightening than being terrified about what's going on in your body.

What i would advise the OP to do is not worry about the emailers, but simply sit and listen to his slave crying, let her get it out of her system, and be strong for her.  Reassure her, tell her he cares, and share his strength with her - let her lean on him for a while.  If he could physically be with her, that would be wonderful.  Illness and pain knocks us all for a loop, and makes us all weepy and querulous - DON'T PANIC!!!  Just listen to her and comfort her.  Tell her you're in charge and in control and everything will be alright soon.  Don't even suggest things to do anymore, just let her get it all out.  I bet you after a while she'll stop focussing on the emailers and start talking about how she feels about her illness.

I hope she feels better soon, and i know how awful it can make you feel when someone you love is ill and crying - how helpless, and you want to rush off and do something physical to take care of them.  Sometimes that isn't possible, but - just being there for her and caring is enough.  Good luck.


(in reply to SadistCpl4fslv)
Profile   Post #: 77
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