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puella -> RE: Hiding it from your spouse? (6/10/2008 6:03:37 AM)
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You know, call it the cynic in me, but I do not really think you give a hoot what advice you get from the people here, unless it supports the decision I very much suspect you have already made for yourself. People not go to an anonymous online discussion forum to seek permission to do what they know is wrong, but want anyway unless, they have already found the means of rationalizing that wrong within themselves already.
I also suspect that you (and many others) turn to a Dom or sub instead of the 'regular' sexual indiscretion choices because you feel that it allows you to say that it is a need that you have that your spouse simply cannot and will not be able to fulfill, thus giving you some sort of moral high ground (in your own mind) about why it is ok for you to do it. Being in a 'deviant' relationship, as you so charmingly put it, does not excuse you the person from all ethical and moral responsibilities and sensibilities.
What you proposed is not ethically or morally right. You are cheating, whether with a Dom or your husbands best friend...it is all the same. That you thought more to talk to a bunch of strangers than to the person you pledged to love honor and cherish 'til death do you part says an awful lot about you and your so called 'needs'. Face it.. you do not NEED it, you admitted as much in your post. You want it...and the it you want is not an adult, consensual BDSM relationship...it is just some cheap fucking (and maybe some spanking and hair pulling to spice it up for ya and maybe a dose of good old fashioned chemistry) with someone besides your husband.
You already know it's wrong, or you wouldn't be hiding it. But for the hell of it, let's look at it this way:
How would you feel if you peered into your husbands head and he was thinking something along these lines..."I really think that the 20 year old fitness model/trainer at the gym and I are on the verge of having and amazingly special relationship together. Don't get me wrong, I love my old wife and all the things she does for me (cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, making sure life is good..out side of the bedroom) and I sure do not want to fuck up all those good, easy things I get from her every day, I just think I am entitled to have a really intense, hot and sexual relationship with this other woman, because lets face it, my wife CANNOT provide me with what she can, I mean, she will never have that body and be able to do with it what this girl can, nor can she provide that thrill of the new and the zing and excitement of the beginning of a relationship... (and god, the thought of being honest with her, and all the drama that might stir up in the beginning, and all the work it might force me to put into our relationship...yuck!), and god damn it, don't I deserve that?...even if I am in a 'committed relationship'....everyone can lie and cheat and steal (hell some would even say steal, right.. I mean, stealing time, energy and the commitment to our relationship to give it to another is a kind of stealing, isn't it?) from the person I committed to spiritually and legally to be my closest partner in life can not be wrong....Yeah, I am gonna get me some young, flexible, hot tail...what she doesn't know can't hurt her....well not right now anyway."
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