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candystripper -> RE: why is it (11/3/2005 11:39:50 AM)
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quote:
I suppose in that perfect world everyone would know what they were, but my observation is that significant, let alone complete, self-awareness is a rare thing. Were we to assume, however, that people on this site were self-aware, perhaps some of them would be aware of an urge within themselves for someone to disrespect what they say, override their objections, penetrate their boundaries and take control. Or would that be too much like dominance and submission?
CitizenCane
First, we all must agree on the definition of "self aware". The dictionary definition is found here:
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/aware
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
However, i imagine when You used the term, You had some sort of model of human potential in mind. The famous Maslow "Heirarchy of Needs" is a humanistic approach to modeling human mental health. According to Maslow, a self-actualiized individual has met his needs on tiers below and is concerned with problems outside himself; is not concerned with societal conventions, and exhibits other desirable qualities.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aso/databank/entries/bhmasl.html
"A Science Odyssey: People and Discovery"
According to Maslow, a person must fulfill the lower tiers of needs, such as food, shelter and clothing, before they can address themselves to the higher tiers. Accordingly, age is no assurance that an individual will become self-actualized. Nowadays, it seems less and less likely that age affords this opportunity due to the huge losses many older Americans have sustained in their retirement assets. Placed in precarious financial straits, older Americans may be forced to deal with their most basic needs.
The search for love is a need on a tier below self-actualization, so if we follow Maslow strictly, very few who are single on CM can be self-actualized. Also, the need to control one's environment is also a lower-tier need, so anyone attempting to exert control over people with whom he has no relationship, etc., cannot be self-actualized.
Because it is associated with self-actualization, an ability to disregard societal conventions might suggest that more BDMS'ers and Goreans are self-actualized than vanilla people. However, spend any time on the boards and see the flame wars; spend time in the chat rooms and see the men demanding to be addresssed as "Master" by all and sundry; read your email and wonder why people cannot read profiles. i think it's a nice thought that somehow the CM community has a larger class of self-actualized people than, say, Yahoo Personals, but i think it's no more than that. It would be fun to study though; too bad the current political climate would make any such grant application unlikely to be succesful.
Myself, i think Maslow's basic points are irrefutable; as it is said in the URL, " a man dying of thirst will forget his thirst if his oxygen is cut off". It is in straitions at the higher levels that i am not as inclined to agree. i know people who i would deem self-actualized who have been searching for a partner/family member for a long time. i know others in committed relationships who seem juvenile.
This Op reminds me of other threads in which members wished for a CM screening process; no "fakes" as defined by them; no one without an above-average IQ; no one without good manners, etc.
i suspect we'd never, ever agree on a screening criteria, and the very notion rather contradicts CM's mission, to provide BDMS'ers (and Goreans, should anyone feel they must be treated as a separate group) with a multi-faceted site offering everything from free searchable profiles to chat rooms to a message board. To my knowledge, there is no site comparable to CM...and entirely free, run by Mods who work hard.
candystripper
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