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BitaTruble -> RE: Chrissy's Court (6/12/2008 2:27:09 PM)
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Good afternoon, Your Honor.
I'm here today to file a complaint against Himself. As a direct result of his actions, I have suffered a most grievious injury to my person and seek recompass in the amount of $5,000.00 for my medical expenses, pain and suffering as well as punitive damages.
On or about June 4th, Himself ,with malice of forethought did knowingly engage in perverting the use of a normal, everyday object which directly resulted in bodily injury to my person.
He instructed me to sit on a pin chair for approximately 40 mins. I complied with his instruction. He then instructed me to lay out a drop cloth and further instructed me to lie face down upon it. Again, I complied. Next he proceeded to drip hot wax on a most tender and completely spankable body part. He was relentless in his use of an evil device known as 'the drip stick', a special candle in which the wick is wrapped around the outside of the candle so as to drip the wax from the end in a more efficient manner. This was the only candle in our place of residence at that time. There is a cost for the efficiency of these particular candles in that their life is shortened due to the increased rate of melting. By the time the defendant had satisfied his sadistic and evil cravings, the candle had become to short to be used for its manufactured and intended purpose.
I offer exhibit A as evidence.
On or about June 11th, our area suffered from a terrible thunderstorm which caused the power to go out in our place of residence and plunged it into complete darkness.
I offer Exhibit B as proof of the weather conditions.
Because of the prior actions of the defendant we had no candles to light our way and in the course of navigating in the dark, I stubbed my toe which cracked the nail in half. Subsequent to that incident, I lost part of my toe nail. I had to use peroxide to cleanse my wound then a bandage so as not to track blood throughout the house.
I offer Exhibit C as evidence of my injury. (Warning, this is an actual graphic image of what is left of my toenail!)
I am suing for the cost of the peroxide and bandages to the tune of $0.60. In addition, I would like recompass for my pain and suffering in the amount of $1.50 which I feel is fair and reasonable given the medical expenses I have incured and the extent of my injury. I also see out punitive damages in the amount of $4,997.90, the maximum allowed in my state so as to teach the lesson to Himself that one should never allow oneself to be so aggregious in perverting the use of ordinary objects that they become unuseable when you require them for their intended purpose.
Himself contends that as I slave, I have no right to sue because he said so and I'm 'just a klutz'.
I rest my case, Your Honor and will abide by whatever decision you decree is fair and just.
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