RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "cheater?"

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 12:03:57 AM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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When I was very young, I cheated on my boyfriend at the time, and then quickly ended the relationship. I probably did that twice where I slept with someone else and the next time I saw the original guy I was dating I broke up with him immediately.

I have cheated in that I have been the other woman numerous times.

I wouldnt do either of those things again I am pretty certain. Especially the second one I wouldnt be with a man who is already with someone and it was not all out in the open. I consider myself part of the sisterhood and simply would not do that to another woman anymore.

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Post #: 181

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 1:17:14 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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Thanks for your post, MstrssScarlet. I'm happy to see that things finally worked out for you, but sad at what you have gone through..

You and others have explained the situation much better than I could have, in that there is a headspace involved that is hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there- although some here do seem to understand. *blows a kiss to CL*
Sometimes it does take the interest of another to remind us of what it is to really live, and make us see that we deserve to feel that way.

To bebe: For your sake, I sincerely hope that you never get your "wish" to be involved in a relationship like this. No matter what your kink is, being committed to someone who truly doesn't give a fuck about your well being, health, or happiness sucks beyond the telling of it. I have no wish to change your opinion, nor do I honestly give a crap what you think of mine.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 6/13/2008 2:08:27 AM >

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

Post #: 182

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 4:05:42 PM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

i suggest you reread the first post
and the responces from the OP

"I am by no means saying lying and deceit are positive things. But, on the other hand, people "cheat" for a variety of reasons and every situation is different. There's got to be other "guilty" parties out there, eh? Why did you do it and was there anything positive that ever came out of it? "

"Thank you for your response, backseatbebe

. You don't agree that the things I mentioned there in post #13 could be in any way positive? Not at all?

luci"

quote:

ORIGINAL: MusicalBoredom

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

this isnt a guilty of what thread
it is a do you think cheating is always wrong thread

Actually the thread is "Am I the Only person who has ever been a 'cheater?'" thread not a "do you think it's wrong" thread. Most people have responded to the topic as "yes i have" or "no i haven't" and most opinions have been about what is ok for them rather than some global truth as to what is ok or not. I for one don't like to be told what my morals should be but I don't mind hearing what other people prefer in their own lives.

(in reply to MusicalBoredom)

Post #: 183

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 4:17:46 PM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
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quoted for the responce in the next post

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

yes it matters
what makes your opinion right?!!?!?!

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

#1 bullshit

Incorrect, but no matter.

That was not opnion, but a statement of fact. Hence why the misstatement is deemed "incorrect". Opinions, being subjective, cannot be "correct" or "incorrect", merely qualified in various forms ("valid", "reasoned", "informed", "sound", et cetera).

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 184

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 4:18:48 PM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
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funny how you contridicted yourself
i thought opinions can't be wrong or right, in your words

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Sucks to be wrong, doesn't it?

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 185

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 4:26:13 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
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OMG...YOU'RE STILL ARGUING?

(help!)

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< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 6/13/2008 5:14:52 PM >

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(in reply to backseatbebe)

Post #: 186

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 4:43:04 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

Injecting my usual anal analysis......
No, she's not arguing....she's posting.

Someone else would have to be motivated to reply in order for there to be an argument.....

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Post #: 187

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 4:46:23 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
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CelticLord, you are completely right....i stand duly corrected....

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i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 188

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 5:07:36 PM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

sorry i didnt know that a forum shouldnt be used as a place to debate
silly me
i should be more kiss ass and cute, right ill get right on that
wouldnt want people out there to think that i have a mind of my own

< Message edited by backseatbebe -- 6/13/2008 5:10:54 PM >

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 189

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 5:19:51 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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Is the orgy over? I am too late?

I brunged cupcakes and lube!!

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(in reply to backseatbebe)

Post #: 190

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 5:28:21 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

sorry i didnt know that a forum shouldnt be used as a place to debate
silly me
i should be more kiss ass and cute, right ill get right on that
wouldnt want people out there to think that i have a mind of my own

Based on evidence posted here you have nothing to worry about

(in reply to backseatbebe)

Post #: 191

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 5:32:59 PM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

lol im glad you give more value to cheaters than someone who voices their opinion
this thread should be retitled the cheater-sympathizers thread

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

sorry i didnt know that a forum shouldnt be used as a place to debate
silly me
i should be more kiss ass and cute, right ill get right on that
wouldnt want people out there to think that i have a mind of my own

Based on evidence posted here you have nothing to worry about

(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 192

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 5:58:26 PM

slvemike4u

Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

lol im glad you give more value to cheaters than someone who voices their opinion
this thread should be retitled the cheater-sympathizers thread

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

sorry i didnt know that a forum shouldnt be used as a place to debate
silly me
i should be more kiss ass and cute, right ill get right on that
wouldnt want people out there to think that i have a mind of my own

Based on evidence posted here you have nothing to worry about

Or the we are human thread ....well most of us

(in reply to backseatbebe)

Post #: 193

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 6:41:30 PM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

i see
forgive cheaters (people who are controlled by their urges)
yet label me as mindless
thats very human(e)
you sure showed me

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

lol im glad you give more value to cheaters than someone who voices their opinion
this thread should be retitled the cheater-sympathizers thread

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

sorry i didnt know that a forum shouldnt be used as a place to debate
silly me
i should be more kiss ass and cute, right ill get right on that
wouldnt want people out there to think that i have a mind of my own

Based on evidence posted here you have nothing to worry about

Or the we are human thread ....well most of us

(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 194

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 6:49:37 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

the only difference to me is...
if you were honest and commuincated with your partner at the time that you had evolving feelings with someone else that might eventually effect the outcome of your relationship (which it did)
it is not the sexual action that bothers me it is the mental excuses that people use to make themselves feel better about hurting a "partner"

You're assuming that my ex cared about my feelings or the relationship. I can assure you he did not. He refused to get anger management or attend marriage counseling.

Since he never knew I had had sex with someone else after five years of a celibate and emotionally dead marriage, I can't see how he was hurt.

The marriage ended because of his actions, not mine.

I ended the relationship as soon as my daughter's psychiatrist said she would survive it.

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(in reply to backseatbebe)

Post #: 195

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 7:18:13 PM

Knight0Errant

Posts: 32
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I'm a cheater, Yes. It happened. There were reasons. Even in retrospect I think they were sufficient for me doing what I did. And we survived it. The revelation was hard for us both. But it served to bond us closer together and clear the air between us so we could take stock of who we were and what we wanted, then decide to stay together and adjust things. Now we have a variety of open relationship and we are tighter and more loving as a couple than we ever were.

To be honest, I resent the posters like backseatbebe, even though I respect her right to have her opinion.

Why? I resent her apparent need to beat her chest in every thread possible with the poor-me-I-was-cheated-on-and-cheaters-are-so-evil diatribe. I'm human. I make mistakes. I'm not evil (but I can emulate it for a scene when asked... FUN!). I wasn't being evil when I cheated those few times. Neither were those who were giving me comfort and love when I needed it the most.

As someone already noted above, BSB, you were not there. And a wise person once said 'Don't judge a person until you have walked a mile in his/her shoes.' So, I humbly suggest you get off your high horse, realize we all have feet of clay, and maybe, just maybe, look into your self and see if you can figure out why you suffered this several times. Are you doing something that is driving those you were involved with to seek others? Or were you just an exceptionally bad judge of character in choosing your intimates? Are you so angry because you know inside you are part of your own problem? Maybe. Maybe not. Only you know for sure.

Sure, there are some pathological liars out there. And people with serious emotional problems that drive them to be serial cheaters. There are also some sport-fuckers who also happen to be sociopaths and therefore don't care who they hurt while they put another 'notch in their gun'. But it is wrong and hurtful for you to generalize than any 'cheater' is like those pitiful few. None of those describe me with the slightest degree of accuracy.

In fact, most of us you label 'cheaters' are not like that. And my worth as a person is not any less because I happen to have stumbled and made some mistakes. I learned from it. So did my wife. We both were making mistakes. Now it's better. A good result in spite of the pain, or, perhaps, because of it.

< Message edited by Knight0Errant -- 6/13/2008 7:23:25 PM >

(in reply to Knight0Errant)

Post #: 196

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 7:57:35 PM

Irishknight

Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Knight0Errant

And my worth as a person is not any less because I happen to have stumbled and made some mistakes. I learned from it.

I think, if nothing else, that is the statement that we should think about. If we learn from our mistakes, then are we not growing in worth as human beings.

And, bebe, I won't condemn you for the way you feel. My first marriage fell apart because she couldn't keep her pants on. I remember the pain. Guess what? I got over it. When I let go it, it went away. It is a lot better to let it go than to hold on to the hurt and anger.

(in reply to Knight0Errant)

Post #: 197

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 9:21:54 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Coming back to the thread on a slightly more serious note, I have been cheated on but have never cheated. I have been tempted a few times but have never given in to that temptation.

I live my life to a strict moral code based on Buddhism and have done so ever since I was 17. I pray and meditate on a daily basis and will do until I die.

Does this make me any more good and worthy than the next person? No it doesn't. You see, I may not have cheated on anyone, but I have hurt people, I have lied and deceived others and have lied and deceived myself on numerous occasions, I have been weak, I have made mistakes, I've done a lot of things which I shouldn't have done. I'm human, I'm fallible, and I'm just as much subject to the forces of good and evil as anyone else.

Yes good and evil. Both exist in this world and both IMHO opinion exist side by side. nd you know, life is never really that straightforward or simple as to be able to make judgments on other people based on one particular event in their lives or even a few. Evil committed with the purpose of achieving good in my book is justified, just as doing good which has the effect of becoming evil isn't. This is my morality and hierarchy of values, it is individual, to me, and I refuse to apply it with regard to someone else.

Relationships are all about choices, decisions and responsibilities - both individual and joint. I was married in 1996, had a beautiful wife, who knew from the start about my gender issues and was supportive of me when I later found out the truth and decided to start my transition and journey to become who I really was in my entirety. From that moment on she cheated on me. But what was she expected to do? Say "That's okay hun, I guess a wife is as good as a husband." Her affairs hurt, but not because she was cheating on me. The pain came from me knowing that I had got married to her and she was forced to go elsewhere for what she needed. This is what hurt, me treating the marriage like a risk and putting her in the situation she was in, in letting her down, misleading her. There's mitigating and aggravating factors on both sides, but I would never condemn her for cheating on me, simply because it wasn't cheating at all, she was moving on. We never had kids. But then again we never really had sex. s it happened we had a beautiful divorce, no faults, far better than the wedding in fact. Three months later her lover married her and she has two wonderful kids.

Each and every one of us treads our own individual path through life. We make our mistakes, we accept the consequences or live with them.

I'm not here to judge. I'm here simply to observe, share, learn and try to understand. When I can't understand I merely accept.

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(in reply to slvemike4u)

Post #: 198

RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/13/2008 10:02:57 PM

Wolfandkitten

Posts: 1153
Joined: 4/4/2008
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I have been on all three sides of the fence....the cheater, the cheatee, and the accessory to the cheating....and I am by no means proud of any of it. Consequently, I have a few issues with trust from all sides. Trusting myself was pretty easy once kitten and I were together for the long haul simply because she is worth it in every sense of the word. Although, admittedly, two weeks into our relationship (before I really knew it was going to be anything serious) I slept with my ex. So a guilty conscious doesn't help with trust issues either.

Trusting someone else again is an entirely different matter. For example : kitten never once cheated on me in 11 years, but because of what my ex and several women in my past did to me as well as what I did, their infidelity and my guilty concious interferred with my ability to trust her. she put up with alot of shit in the first couple of years... but we got through it.

Then it happened....okay so I guess Ive been on four sides of the fence......the internet cheat......as I have posted in the past there was an incedent. It almost cost us everything but 12 years is a long time to throw away on someone over something that in some ways since has been beneficial to both of us. It is still extremely hard to this day...even this very minute...she ran to the store and I sit here wondering if she is calling anyone on the phone? Knowing full well that she's not....I still have those thoughts. But they are getting fewer and farther between.

Okay I'll stop rambling now , yes I have been a cheater. No it wasn't pretty....but it was me.

Wolf

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There is only one, that I have, or ever will collar, my wife, my love, my soul-mate, my destiny.....my kitten.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 199

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