RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "cheater?"

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:11:06 PM

backseatbebe

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another head in the sand

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

the cheaters moto
"i didnt lye, i just didnt divulge the truth"

Another generalization

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:11:36 PM

celticlord2112

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*chortle*

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:15:38 PM

camille65

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< Message edited by camille65 -- 6/12/2008 5:26:38 PM >

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:20:03 PM

backseatbebe

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the only difference to me is...
if you were honest and commuincated with your partner at the time that you had evolving feelings with someone else that might eventually effect the outcome of your relationship (which it did)
it is not the sexual action that bothers me it is the mental excuses that people use to make themselves feel better about hurting a "partner"

i also would like to add that this isn't about YOU
you have made this about yourself by your own guilt im assuming
or did you not notice any cheater could replace your "circumstances" and my opinion wouldnt change
it is about all cheaters, hence why i feel there is NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING

< Message edited by backseatbebe -- 6/12/2008 5:26:24 PM >

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:20:33 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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cheating was one of a few things my ex accused me of when he filed for divorce. he had this notion that being online and chatting with others (mostly women) was a form of cheating. he also thought i was searching for someone better than him. of course he was wrong in his assumptions since he had ample opportunities than i did to cheat.

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:26:21 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

it is not the sexual action that bothers me it is the mental excuses that people use to make themselves feel better about hurting a "partner"

And what of the "non-cheating" spouses who ignore their partners needs and desires, who rationalize again and again why the partner's needs and desires are not important, who hurt by casual dismissal? Does any opprobrium attach to them?

< Message edited by celticlord2112 -- 6/12/2008 5:27:23 PM >

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:27:06 PM

slvemike4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

the only difference to me is...
if you were honest and commuincated with your partner at the time that you had evolving feelings with someone else that might eventually effect the outcome of your relationship (which it did)
it is not the sexual action that bothers me it is the mental excuses that people use to make themselves feel better about hurting a "partner"

i also would like to add that this isn't about YOU
you have made this about yourself by your own guilt im assuming
it is about all cheaters, hence why i feel there is NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING

And what mental excuses will be used by you for being overly judgemental...There are, as many have said to you ,multiple shades of grey in life,yet you fail to concede a one, while sitting in judgement of anothers action how does that play out on your moral scale...

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:27:39 PM

backseatbebe

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ohh of course
but like the cheater they have many options to improve their situation
and need to own that responsiblity and bad choices they made
and not hide behind excuse like "there was no way out"
would you feel it was right if the abusive partner used the same excuse to defend their actions?

< Message edited by backseatbebe -- 6/12/2008 5:30:11 PM >

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:31:37 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

ohh of course
but like the cheater they have many options to improve their situation

Hmmm....

And how then would you assign blame in the relationship where the one partner is indifferent to the point of callousness, bordering on emotional abusiveness, refuses to acknowledge that there are defects in the relationship--even going so far as to reject any form of counselling--and that because of this indifference, the other partner no longer has a positive reason to refrain from emotional involvement with someone outside the relationship?

Who stands convicted in your eye?

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:33:15 PM

backseatbebe

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my excuse is being cheated on several times
should i not base my judgments on life expericnes?!?!?

quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

the only difference to me is...
if you were honest and commuincated with your partner at the time that you had evolving feelings with someone else that might eventually effect the outcome of your relationship (which it did)
it is not the sexual action that bothers me it is the mental excuses that people use to make themselves feel better about hurting a "partner"

i also would like to add that this isn't about YOU
you have made this about yourself by your own guilt im assuming
it is about all cheaters, hence why i feel there is NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING

And what mental excuses will be used by you for being overly judgemental...There are, as many have said to you ,multiple shades of grey in life,yet you fail to concede a one, while sitting in judgement of anothers action how does that play out on your moral scale...

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:34:09 PM

cjan

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If you have approbrium attached to you, I suggest you see a health care professional ASAP.

Btw, female cheaters, feel free to send me your pics and phone #s.

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:34:44 PM

MissMagnolia

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bebe, I said way back at the beginning of the thread that I have never cheated, and I couldn't put another person through that pain, so never would.

However, this is a very big, very wide and very strange world. People don't always agree with each other. That's ok. If we all thought alike, we would be living in George Orwells 1984 world. Even there, the people who showed a different way of thinking were tortured until they were mindless again.

I personally would never cheat. I have my reasons for that, which no one else knows. Each of us has had a different upbringing, a different set of morals, a different set of ethics, different experiences of life. I don't know the circumstances, emotions, fears, living conditions or background of any of these people who have posted here.

Nothing in this world is black and white. It would be nice if it were, but it isn't. We all live life the best way we can at that time. I have made mistakes in my life, I wouldn't be human if I hadn't, but I did what I needed to do at that time.

Unless you know the ins and outs of the lives of every single person here, at each stage of their life, you can't making sweeping judgements.

I have never cheated, but I don't condemn those who have, because I don't know why they did it, and even if I did, I have no right to judge anyone.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 6/12/2008 5:36:35 PM >

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:36:42 PM

backseatbebe

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ahhh look what we have here
is this an assumption?!!?!!? a generalization?!!?!?!
that people who are cheated on deserved to be cheated on because they didnt provide enough of "something" to their partner? cause i know many people who are willing to work at their relationships, attend consuling but yet still get cheated on

please state your foundations!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

ohh of course
but like the cheater they have many options to improve their situation

Hmmm....

And how then would you assign blame in the relationship where the one partner is indifferent to the point of callousness, bordering on emotional abusiveness, refuses to acknowledge that there are defects in the relationship--even going so far as to reject any form of counselling--and that because of this indifference, the other partner no longer has a positive reason to refrain from emotional involvement with someone outside the relationship?

Who stands convicted in your eye?

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:39:50 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

and need to own that responsiblity and bad choices they made

Which comes back to what I said near the beginning of this thread:

quote:

When one desires a person outside of their current relationship, the choice is does one pursue or not pursue that relationship.

Consequences exist either way. And so it really boils down to which consequences do you want in your life?

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:42:35 PM

kittinSol

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I understand it's an emotional issue, but seriously... you're taking this really personally, unless there's something you haven't told the thread?

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:42:43 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

ahhh look what we have here
is this an assumption?!!?!!? a generalization?!!?!?!
that people who are cheated on deserved to be cheated on because they didnt provide enough of "something" to their partner? cause i know many people who are willing to work at their relationships, attend consuling but yet still get cheated on

please state your foundations!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe

ohh of course
but like the cheater they have many options to improve their situation

Hmmm....

And how then would you assign blame in the relationship where the one partner is indifferent to the point of callousness, bordering on emotional abusiveness, refuses to acknowledge that there are defects in the relationship--even going so far as to reject any form of counselling--and that because of this indifference, the other partner no longer has a positive reason to refrain from emotional involvement with someone outside the relationship?

Who stands convicted in your eye?

I am providing a hypothetical, and inviting you to visit your powers of judgement upon the hypothetical parties. As a hypothetical, it is its own foundation.

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:51:10 PM

backseatbebe

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wow you lost me there, was that in english?

anyways when i open my own thread asking if there is ANY reasons i should be able to be judgemental i will await all your responces!!!

in the mean time again i will state you can choose TO END THE REALTIONSHIP (or just commuincate and be honest if you don't want it to end) INSTEAD OF CHEATING

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:53:06 PM

backseatbebe

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nope i just think cheaters are pathetic
i strongly value honesty and communication

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I understand it's an emotional issue, but seriously... you're taking this really personally, unless there's something you haven't told the thread?

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:53:09 PM

celticlord2112

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I cast a scenario for you to judge the players. Purely imaginary, complete as described.

How would you judge such a situation?

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RE: Am I the only person here who has been a "chea... - 6/12/2008 5:55:28 PM

backseatbebe

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i personally would choose the one where there is honesty, trust, and commuincation involved
and believe others should as well
but i guess that is asking too much of people, hence why everyone wants me to accpet this "grey" area

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

and need to own that responsiblity and bad choices they made

Which comes back to what I said near the beginning of this thread:

quote:

When one desires a person outside of their current relationship, the choice is does one pursue or not pursue that relationship.

Consequences exist either way. And so it really boils down to which consequences do you want in your life?