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Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:25:09 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I only seem to see 'years ofexperience' written in Dom(me)s' profiles. I can see why this is a selling point. I can see why this might endow a feeling of safety. I also feeel that it might have it's negative aspects too.
But myy question is: what would the term years of experience mean in a submissive's profile? For me my body is my instrument as a submissive. I therefore cannot truly say when my submissive nature started and really couldn't state my years of experience. This would be similar to stating how many years I had been willing to have my body used.
So; what meaning does it have for you as a submissive and how would you measure it?
How useful is it to know this about a submissive if you are a dom(me)?
Do you value innocence or experience in a submissive?

And this isn't merely (a personal question).


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/11/2008 5:26:42 PM >

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:29:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't see any relationship between orientation and how to use/define the term "experience."

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1064057/mpage_1/key_experience/tm.htm#1064077
Claiming experience and giving advice

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1712591/mpage_1/key_experienced/tm.htm#1712680
Are you experienced?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1142381/mpage_1/key_experienced/tm.htm#1142421
What is experienced?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_621938/mpage_1/key_experience/tm.htm#622182
the definition of experience

http://www.collarchat.com/m_378312/mpage_1/key_experience/tm.htm#378327
experience vs theory

http://www.collarchat.com/m_850012/mpage_1/key_experienced/tm.htm#850034
when is a newbie no longer a newbie

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:32:19 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I personally prefer beginners. When someone talks about the years of experience they have as a submissive that translates to me as how many years they have been trained to serve someone else. This may mean I have to unteach certain things. I might also take into account how many dominants they have served, 4 years with one is far preferable to 4 years experience with 2 dozen partners...

DV


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VampiresLair

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:35:35 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Well I do. It more often asserts itself in conversations with Dominants who seem to be able to 'prove' their experience by stating what techniques they have experience of, what equipment they can use. And further more how adept they are at using that equipment. Now if a submissive is at the receiving end of that equipment how can they quantify a qualitative experience?

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:37:54 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Damn, LA, way to shut down a thread!

Years of experience to me means from the time i started playing - ie actual hands-on (pun intended) experience. I don't count fantasy as part of my experience. And for me, experience is real time, not cyber.

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:37:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
Well I do. It more often asserts itself in conversations with Dominants who seem to be able to 'prove' their experience by stating what techniques they have experience of, what equipment they can use. And further more how adept they are at using that equipment. Now if a submissive is at the receiving end of that equipment how can they quantify a qualitative experience?

Thats up to you to decide.  I've met more than a few doms who been crappy at flogging for 12 years.  They'll proudly tell you how much they love it and do it every weekend and their whole collection- then when you see their technique, they suck.

It sounds like you're asking "What heterosexual experience is important when you talk to a homosexual?"

Generally, a submissive will not have experience as a dominant in a Ds relationship.  That doesn't mean the concept of experience is any more or less relevant.

The process of determining what experience they have in what areas is the same.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:44:17 PM   
Prinsexx


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Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It sounds like you're asking "What heterosexual experience is important when you talk to a homosexual?"



I know you are trying, by analogy, to infer that my original question is not askable.
But I certainly am not asking anywhere near that sort of mutually exclusive question at all.
Indeed the question  "What heterosexual experience is important when you talk to a homosexual?" is a valid question in its own right but totally irrlevant here.

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:46:36 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I personally prefer beginners. When someone talks about the years of experience they have as a submissive that translates to me as how many years they have been trained to serve someone else.


This more or less supports the impression I have that experience is valued and seen as valueable if it pertains to domination rather than submission.


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Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:51:01 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Experience is only valuable if it is good experience. Like LA said, someone who has 12 years of experience giving floggings and has never bothered learning how to do it well is far less desireable to a sub than someone with a solid 6 months experience who has learned from an expert. The problem is that too many subs think that experience = ability. Thats along the same logic of age = maturity. I have 13 years experience as a dominant. I am still unable to tie a decent knot to save my life, but I am great with cuffs and chains. If I simply say I have 13 years experience, most peopel assume tat menas I can tie knots that could keep houdini at bay for a while. It is an avenue to encouraged assumption, not an actual usable indicator of anything in the world.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:53:55 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

I only seem to see 'years ofexperience' written in Dom(me)s' profiles. I can see why this is a selling point. I can see why this might endow a feeling of safety. I also feeel that it might have it's negative aspects too.
But myy question is: what would the term years of experience mean in a submissive's profile? For me my body is my instrument as a submissive. I therefore cannot truly say when my submissive nature started and really couldn't state my years of experience. This would be similar to stating how many years I had been willing to have my body used.
So; what meaning does it have for you as a submissive and how would you measure it?
How useful is it to know this about a submissive if you are a dom(me)?
Do you value innocence or experience in a submissive?

And this isn't merely (a personal question).


(Speaking of Dominance)
Peoples starting point is decided differently for each person..mine i started when i first came into the lifestyle officially but as i looked back i knew it was my nature from the start.it's always been a part of who i am.

I personally would prefer to know but i'd also want to know how she came to that understanding.

as for the last part.
i value both of those things but tend to lean towards the experience as long as it's been what i could call good service...most of all i value different things in each person.it's really all about attitude for me.


< Message edited by Icarys -- 6/11/2008 5:57:34 PM >

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 5:56:27 PM   
VictorianObject


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline 		oh my... so I''m "fresh meat"?  I actually have never been a sub.  my last girlfriend was slightly domme, but she didn't know the feelings evolving in me.

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 6:11:11 PM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

How useful is it to know this about a submissive if you are a dom(me)?


It is, on the whole, useless in my opinion. No matter how much "experience" a Dom or a submissive has, each new relationship is a new start. An analogy that might work would be to ask is it useful to know how long a potential new mate was married. Does the length of their experience from their previous marriage give one any clue how compatible they will be with you?


quote:

Do you value innocence or experience in a submissive?


Both have their intriguing aspects. I have had the pleasure of owning subs with prior experience, and subs who were on their first time. How I approached the process was different, but the pleasure of training them was equally enjoyable.

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 6:19:31 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I value experience and in fact prefer it.  I believe its useful; I find relationship experience useful in anyone that I might engage with. 

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But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 6:28:46 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Madame4a.  There are two distinct pieces to consider: BDSM/sexual experience, and relationship experience.

BDSM/sexual experience: it is very helpful to me if subs have sexual and topping knowledge.  Stupid-but-true example: I used to fumble about trying to put a condom on.  So I decided I'd just order her to do it.  Great solution.  She knows for certain that I'm sheathed, and I can be served in the heat of the moment.  Downside: I still don't know how to put a condom on very well.  People who don't know how to take advantage of the sub's experience in this category could stand to develop more skills of delegation.

Relationship experience: If she hates all her exes, she and I aren't doing a damn thing.  If she's friends and in regular contact with at least one, I'm interested.  It means she is more likely to have a mature understanding of herself and how to relate to other people.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 6:29:44 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Years of experience mean nothing to me.  I usually laugh when people boast about their "x years of experience in the lifestyle".  If they are going to make those statements then I want to see specifics.  Do they try new things?  Or have they been doing the same thing for 20 years?  Experience means very little if it's not updated and broadened.  Anyway, the person is more important to me than the list of kink experience.  I can grow withe a person, but I don't want someone who brags a lot about knowing nothing.

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 6:59:38 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have found it to be a negative.  I have done this off and on since I was under 18.. which translates to decades.  However, I haven't played every day of those years.  I haven't had that many lovers.  Heck.. I even done long periods of celibacy off and on in my life.  But if you tell people you have pretty much always had kinky sex in a relationship, it is like you are too "seasoned".  Men tend to be nervous as if they are being judged by a standard which was built over time.  It is sometimes difficult to find a man who is not intimidated by that.
For me, each relationship has had its own reward.  Play, even though it appears the same, is not the same in different hands.  Each time is new even if I have been with my partner for years because I am able to take it outside the box.
There are times I dislike having always done this.  But not because I would like to experience being new again.  I dislike having people make assumptions which are untrue.
Heck.. I still blush when I hear a spank noise.
Kyst

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 7:09:24 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
But if you tell people you have pretty much always had kinky sex in a relationship, it is like you are too "seasoned". 

I believe you, but that only means that those men were emotionally crippled.  It is sooooooo helpful to have someone who knows how to do something better than I do, omg.  Assign her to please both herself and me, and it takes tremendous pressure to perform off the dom.  It means things can be more fun and adventurous.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 7:19:19 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL well trust me, in my experience there are a lot of people who are like that.  And it isn't that I know more, I have just dabbled in a lot of stuff.  I don't claim any expertise simply because I may have experienced it.  And just being exposed to something does not make them expert.
<g> I am just twisted and perverted
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
But if you tell people you have pretty much always had kinky sex in a relationship, it is like you are too "seasoned". 

I believe you, but that only means that those men were emotionally crippled.  It is sooooooo helpful to have someone who knows how to do something better than I do, omg. 

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 7:23:07 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I think asking a submissive how many years of experience they have is a
very relevant question.
I want to know if they have 20 years of experience or 2 months of experience,
so for me, yes it matters.

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RE: Submissive years of experience? - 6/11/2008 7:28:01 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		just because someone has a lot of experience doesn't mean that they don't continue to learn or try new things...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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Profile   Post #: 20
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