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A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 2:11:10 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

After getting quite a mixed response from friends, I thought I'd ask here...

Sadists... where does your sadism come from? More specifically: When you play with someone, be they a sub, a bottom, a friend, a partner, etc... what are you looking for from them in regards to your sadism?

For example - do you prefer a sub/bottom who is a masochist and actually enjoys the pain? Who gets off on receiving what you dish out? Or do you prefer a little more reluctance? Does it excite you more if your sub/bottom is NOT a masochist, but they are taking the pain because they know it makes you happy to give it?

Does your sadism come from the same place as your dominance in that respect? Is giving pain another way for you to exert control and power over a person, or does the desire to inflict pain come from somewhere else entirely? All input is greatly appreciated. :)

< Message edited by sodsta -- 6/12/2008 2:15:16 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 2:37:42 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I'm a reaction junkie. So are most Sadists. Doesn't have to be about pain, or even physical.

Where does it come from? Why is water wet?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 2

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 2:44:02 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

People often associate sadists and pain and more often that not this is true but it is not always the case. I identify as a sadistic type but I am not into the traditional pain thing, particularly if it is manifested as impact play. I do enjoy face slapping but not from a brutally painful perspective but more from the other emotions is tends to draw to the surface. I enjoy electrical play but the pain from that it often instantaneous. It's the buildup leading to it that I enjoy.

I can easily say that a masochist is not my optimum match. I much rather enjoy activities with someone who truly does not enjoy them herself. Again, the buildup to the activity is as enjoyable as the activity itself.

I'm not quite certain where this came from. It laid dormant until only a few years ago. I know that I have been and continue to be heavily influenced by some of the sadistic bdsm video fare that is available on the internet. I get lots on great ideas from Insex, Hogtied and Device Bondage.

It's not a pain thing for me. It's much more of a fear thing. Pain is often an aside.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 3

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 2:45:27 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

After getting quite a mixed response from friends, I thought I'd ask here...

Sadists... where does your sadism come from? More specifically: When you play with someone, be they a sub, a bottom, a friend, a partner, etc... what are you looking for from them in regards to your sadism?

For example - do you prefer a sub/bottom who is a masochist and actually enjoys the pain? Who gets off on receiving what you dish out? Or do you prefer a little more reluctance? Does it excite you more if your sub/bottom is NOT a masochist, but they are taking the pain because they know it makes you happy to give it?

Does your sadism come from the same place as your dominance in that respect? Is giving pain another way for you to exert control and power over a person, or does the desire to inflict pain come from somewhere else entirely? All input is greatly appreciated. :)

I need someone who is fundamentally a masochist, although I prefer more of a "don't enjoy it at the time, but appreciate it afterward" kind of masochist. I like a little reluctance...but not actual resistance. If I feel like someone is really not having an overall good time, I lose my ability to continue. I find this reassuring. :P
Power and control are involved in the sadism, and dominance and sadism intertwine quite frequently, but FEEL like two very different things. My dominance feels like a personality trait, like my temperament, whereas my sadism feels like a...physical trait, specifically sexual, like my sexual orientation.
Feel free to ask me if I didn't go into it fully enough...I'm not sure I said it very well. :)

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 4

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 2:55:28 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

To me, my leather orientation.. dominant sadist.. comes from the same place that any orientation comes from.. its in my genes and it is what it is.

If I'm playing with a bottom.. or a friend.. its fun.. I like that they enjoy it.. I've yet to find a masochist to match me.. *dramatic sigh* someday perhaps... in the meantime I enjoy that my boi does it for ME... she takes it for me as she's not a masochist. That's HOT and it makes me wet... I have another occasional play partner that is the same.. and it also makes me wet..

hmmm. and that's what its about.. either way.. just making me... *ahem* wet

and I'm only looking for honest and open reaction and exploration.. nothing mystical, just honesty

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

After getting quite a mixed response from friends, I thought I'd ask here...

Sadists... where does your sadism come from? More specifically: When you play with someone, be they a sub, a bottom, a friend, a partner, etc... what are you looking for from them in regards to your sadism?

For example - do you prefer a sub/bottom who is a masochist and actually enjoys the pain? Who gets off on receiving what you dish out? Or do you prefer a little more reluctance? Does it excite you more if your sub/bottom is NOT a masochist, but they are taking the pain because they know it makes you happy to give it?

Does your sadism come from the same place as your dominance in that respect? Is giving pain another way for you to exert control and power over a person, or does the desire to inflict pain come from somewhere else entirely? All input is greatly appreciated. :)

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/12/2008 2:56:15 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 5

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 3:06:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

When I am being sadistic, I want them to hurt. I want them to not be gaining any directly pleasure from the physical stimulus I cause. So I either play with a non-masochist, or I play over their pain/pleasure threshhold so they are experiencing the pain as pain.

When I'm not being sadistic, it depends on where I want us to go.

Sadism is not directly related to domination or dominance- trust me there are plenty of high rolling submissive sadists out there.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 6/12/2008 3:07:38 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 6

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 3:11:49 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta
For example - do you prefer a sub/bottom who is a masochist and actually enjoys the pain? Who gets off on receiving what you dish out? Or do you prefer a little more reluctance? Does it excite you more if your sub/bottom is NOT a masochist, but they are taking the pain because they know it makes you happy to give it?

Does your sadism come from the same place as your dominance in that respect? Is giving pain another way for you to exert control and power over a person, or does the desire to inflict pain come from somewhere else entirely?

I am also a reaction junkie, but a positive reaction junkie. I will not be sadistic with someone who is not a masochist, or at least who wants to be one. Angel cannot handle physical pain, and so I have never hurt him. Fox gets excited by physical pain, and so when we play we often play rough. Angel is an emotional masochist, and enjoys being belittled and humiliated, while Fox couldnt deal with that without major implications. I am an emotional sadist with Angel, and a physical one with Fox.
I dont want someone to take the pain, I want them to WANT the pain.
My sadism is part of my dominance. It is yet another aspect of the control I have, where someone wants something they would normally not want. I do not want to inflict pain randomly on people I am not involved with, I only want to be involved in this sort of play with those that are mine and whom I have trained and conditioned to desire to be hurt in order to make me happy.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 7

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 3:48:04 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

I find my sadism is a bit of a slippy complex creature. Something that is difficult for me to put my finger on fully. I tends to be rather dynamic and depends up what day of the week and the person I'm with. With that said, I'll know share with you some detailed things.

What I call the "Kick the Dog" sadist mode. Basically, where it becomes a form of controlled stress relief.

The "Entertaintment" sadist mode. Where love to see and watch the reactions in response to pain.

The "Sex Freak" sadist mode. This mode is actually sexually stimulates me to no end. Their Reactions actually make me well frankly want to fuck them to death. So I'll inflict pain, watch the reactions and use this to tease myself until I'm so worked up, that I end up releasing all the building sexual engery from inside of me.

The "Reminder" sadistic mode. Where I just plain love to assert myself and power over them to remind them who's boss.. A sort of reinforcement mode to D/s.

The "Sadist Service top" Sadist mode. Where I love to take a painslut and push their pain levels, because I know they enjoy it! They are loving it to death.. however, I tend to desire to want to push things at times. Sort of like "Yeah you love pain, I'll show you pain mentality.

The "Pleasure Service top" sadist mode. Where I simply dish out pain knowing they enjoy it, however I'm without the same mentality as I am in with the "Sadist Service top" mode.

The "Eye for an Eye" sadist mode. Tends to come out when in the middle of fluid play with a sadomaso Domme. Also Bratty Sub Girls or Smart Ass Masochistic tend to flip my triggers for this mode. However, with Bratty Girls or SAMs, the mode tends to change into one of the previous modes during the course of it all.

In terms of play, it's not uncommon for me to be in one mode and switch to another during WTF is going on.

Now, some of these modes are clearly linked with my Orientation, other ones are not. My desires to inflict pain seem to come from different sources, vary from the day of week. Also it all depends up my partner.

My sadistic streak is somewhat confusing to me, because it's not clear cut and dry. I also might Add.. There's difference between Physical and Mental pain. There are moments when I have gone for both. The mental pain sadist, is a again a little strange to fully explain. It's one of those sides to me that I tend to keep a tight lid upon, unless it's fair game in the dynamic I'm in. Let loose with awareness and a bit of caution too.

I tend to have what I call a Containment field around my sadism. For Ethical, Moral and Practical reasons. At times it's best to let things be as passing thoughts. At times it useful to complete ignore the sadist inside, keep it shoved inside a bottle and not let it out.

I've been questioning what trips my sadistic triggers for a year now, trying to understand it a little more. Never really took much time to reflect and sort of define it. A thread on this message board regarding sadism got me to actually start thinkning about it in depth. Before that, I really did not question to much because I have tight control over myself when it comes to sadism.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile2 -- 6/12/2008 3:50:34 PM >

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 8

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 4:43:06 PM

BadJohn

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline

Like others, I think it is in my genes. I don't have any control over my fantasies, only over my actions so I only play with those who consent and I try to make the consent as plain as possible. Like Mike Harmon, the main character in John Ringo's Ghost series, (And the character was largely based on me) I try to be a very bad man acting in the best way I can.

One of the reason's I've become expert at MindFuck is that there are very few things that can get me off so much as the look of absolute terror in a submissive's eyes as the blow torch ignites, the knife comes slashing downward or the noose tightens. Fear as its own smell, as wonderful as a fine wine or a beautiful flower.

I also have an attraction for being in control, and nowhere is control so obvious as when a person's life is hanging in the balence depending on my skill and my attention to detail.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 9

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 4:46:47 PM

d1ll1gaf

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

My sadism comes from the same place as my libido, whereas my dominance is linked to my natural personality. I don't really have a preference between playing with a masochist or a non-masochist, all that really matters to me is the submission to pain. In fact it is the relative amount of pain that excites me the most (i.e. I have to inflict more pain on a masochist then on a non-masochist to get the same enjoyment from it) not the actions themselves.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

Post #: 10

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 6:12:11 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

Adding a concept for sadism from a mental aspect:

Mental sadism is also about provoking reaction, but the reaction doesn't have to be physically demonstrative. It can be a form of persuasion, actually, like dark comedy:

The Children Will Not Go To Bed Without Their Beatings - Bill Cosby [7:05-0:00, counter runs backwards]

I'm not thinking Bill was trying to convince people to beat their kids. In fact, if you watch how he exaggerates the whole thing, it strikes true for some people and for others, it shows them step-by-step exactly how a sane person ends up in an irrational place. The skit hits you where you live and reminds you how absurd life can be at times, like any good "dark comedy" might.

An application of this line of thinking: I look over at Rain and grin. No reason. I just grin. At first, she smiles back. Then you see her twitch a little. Then she asks why I'm smiling. I don't answer, I just keep grinning. Then she wonders what evil I'm hatching in my brain. Inside of ten minutes, her rational facade is stripped away, replaced with a slightly more anxious and nervous girl...and then I walk over, kiss her on the nose, and say,

"Tag. you're it."

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 11

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 6:30:27 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

FR

BTW, this is an awesome thread. Thank you, OP.

d1ll1gaf said what I was trying to say better in his first sentence. Just for the record. :)

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 12

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 6:57:50 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I dont know where it comes from and I don`t....care...anymore.

It took way to long to grasp *it* and nurture .....*it*.

Accpet it....

I am a sexual sadist...

I am a masochist...

Tsk Tsk

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 13

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 7:27:44 PM

taige

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

A sadist I played with for a while said that part of the appeal for him was that he liked getting to the point where he realized he was capable of anything, and then coming back from that edge, but never sure until it happened that he would stop at whatever the limit was. Mental edge play for himself, I guess. He also liked using it to emotionally break down and humiliate his sub, again just to see far he would go and how much she would take.
Other than than, if you asked him "why pain?" he would just say, "I'm just wired that way. I find it erotic. I don't know why."
It was my first experience with pain and I was one of the ones who didn't like it at the time (and it was easy to break me down) but later loved having gone through it and really got turned on by the welts and bruises left behind. As soon as they faded, I was asking for more.

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 14

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 7:56:58 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Interesting thread! I don't think I am much of a sadist, though I enjoy inflicting some pain, it's much more for where it takes the person than for the joy of the pain itself. So someone has to get off on it in some way or another for Me to enjoy inflicting it. If they are totally miserable, then I don't want to bother. For Me it is linked to My Dominance, as when submissive, i don't give pain ... i willingly receive it!

I did identify with Whippy's descriptions of different types of sadist ... I can see Myself at times in all but "Kick the Dog" and "Eye for an Eye" modes. But then, I'd never kick a dog LOL ... they might bite Me! ... and I don't like brats so that's not gonna happen. But I definitely see Myself clearly in Entertainment and Pleasure Top modes. Well thought out Whippy! (And a welcome return to that nick too, I like it much better than the other).

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 15

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 8:21:02 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

~fr~ I will echo others, this is a great thread. I am not a masochist nor do I really enjoy pain. However, I have tolerated a bit of pain. Fear, however, is a whole different thing for me. I have a hate/love relationship with fear. I hate absolutely hate being afraid, but I really get off on the feelings it creates within me. Once I begin to fear and I mean really be scared shitless, I become alive. I feel everything, every nerve in my body, my heart beating in my ears, everything is hypersensitve. It is such an adrenlane (sp?) rush, it is hard to put into words. Right now, because I am single, I skydive to get that rush. Fear is an amazing thing. Having the fear, facing the fear and coming out the other side of fear is an amazing feeling.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 16

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 8:30:51 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

After getting quite a mixed response from friends, I thought I'd ask here...

Sadists... where does your sadism come from? More specifically: When you play with someone, be they a sub, a bottom, a friend, a partner, etc... what are you looking for from them in regards to your sadism?

Screaming, crying, whimpering, twitching, pleas and things of that nature.

quote:

For example - do you prefer a sub/bottom who is a masochist and actually enjoys the pain? Who gets off on receiving what you dish out? Or do you prefer a little more reluctance? Does it excite you more if your sub/bottom is NOT a masochist, but they are taking the pain because they know it makes you happy to give it?

I prefer playing with non-masochists and I don't really care if they enjoy it as long as they consent to it.

quote:

Does your sadism come from the same place as your dominance in that respect?

I'm not a dominant so I'd have to say a big no to that question!

quote:

Is giving pain another way for you to exert control and power over a person, or does the desire to inflict pain come from somewhere else entirely? All input is greatly appreciated. :)

For me, it's all about inflicting physical pain. I'm not into emotional or mental sadism so I don't practice it much. That said, mindfucks are a great way to start a session but it has to lead to the physical discomfort of the bottom so I get my reaction reward.

edited to add: I really like the pretty colors which I create as well!

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 6/12/2008 8:33:13 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 17

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 8:39:47 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

It took me a long time before I would admit to being a sadist, but I wave my merit badge proudly now! I am strictly a physical sadist, though, I will not engage in any kind of humiliation play or emotional sadism.

I do have to play with someone who at least WANTS what I am dishing out, even if they are not a masochist as such. Someone who is just putting up with it to please me is pretty much just a sympathy fuck and not of interest to me. A real masochist is my match, someone who likes the pain whether they get any kind of pleasure from it~~someone who NEEDS it, even more. I appreciate stoicism, but I need to have reactions that are appropriate and sincere, even if that means subtle things like changes in breathing.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 8:45:00 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

For my Master, I believe it is about power. His sadistic side has grown since owning me, and what he mostly enjoys is seeing my struggle. The harder I work for him, particularly mentally or emotionally, the more pleased he becomes. To see me struggle to try to handle intense pain gives him a rush. To see me cringe and try to pick myself back up for him after cruel lashes of the tongue gives him an even greater rush. And in the end he balances me out so it's all good. :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to sodsta)

Post #: 19

RE: A Question for Sadists - 6/12/2008 9:11:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
~fr~ I will echo others, this is a great thread. I am not a masochist nor do I really enjoy pain. However, I have tolerated a bit of pain. Fear, however, is a whole different thing for me. I have a hate/love relationship with fear. I hate absolutely hate being afraid, but I really get off on the feelings it creates within me. Once I begin to fear and I mean really be scared shitless, I become alive. I feel everything, every nerve in my body, my heart beating in my ears, everything is hypersensitve. It is such an adrenlane (sp?) rush, it is hard to put into words. Right now, because I am single, I skydive to get that rush. Fear is an amazing thing. Having the fear, facing the fear and coming out the other side of fear is an amazing feeling.

Trust me, you are not alone in that.

Mal: We don't want to hurt him, just scare him.

Jayne: Pain is scary.

As I often say, I love everything about pain play except the pain part.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 20

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