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RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/14/2008 8:39:21 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfoundDarkness

Not been sleeping well, i have been trying to help her with that, it is making her just drag ass, and she is stessed about a few things that are not small things. but no she isnt like mentally ill. just feeling lethargic and such.

Research sleep deprivation and the effects it has on people.
I don't get punished for sleep deprivation, I get told to lie down on the couch with my head on his lap while he rubs my back and gets me to nap. And then when I get up and am feeling better is when he has me go do stuff.

How long has she been suffering? Has she had a physical lately? How much caffeine does she ingest and how late in the day? Does she go to bed and get up the same time everyday, because even one day of sleeping later can screw up your sleep cycle? Does she watch tv in bed or do anything besides sex and sleep? Since that sets up a psychological effect that bed is for doing stuff, not for sleeping. How much research into sleep have you done that you are capable of helping her?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

Post #: 21

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/14/2008 7:39:58 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

personally I know it may seem counter intuitive but sometimes A good bought of excercise may help. even though she is lethargic and tired... it will go along way in boosting good chemicals in the body, clean out some of the toxins a bit, and work some of the stresses out of her system, combined with a big energy drain it might help her get a good nights sleep which may just help get her out of the RUT she is in.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 22

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/14/2008 7:51:54 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

That is exactly what a good spanking session does for me when I'm in the place. When I get overly tired everything is an effort and I probably am a bit harder to deal with but unless I'm able to recharge it just gets worse. If this continues for her maybe she should see her doctor?

If this is an unusual situation for her then stepping back and talking may work. If instead this is habitual behaviour then it needs to be changed. Again from my s view if punishment were involved it would be best mete out after the draggy feeling is over.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Skully7000)

Post #: 23

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/14/2008 8:01:35 PM

angelwithhonor

Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

.........from my own problems of bipolar depression no job ect ect. i know that sleep is a disorder that falls in depression deeply. i have no guiding hand to make me or help me to get out of bed and do whats needed..so she is lucky to have you..so guide her with a strong guiding hand........

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 24

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/15/2008 12:51:59 AM

ProfoundDarkness

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfoundDarkness

Not been sleeping well, i have been trying to help her with that, it is making her just drag ass, and she is stessed about a few things that are not small things. but no she isnt like mentally ill. just feeling lethargic and such.

Research sleep deprivation and the effects it has on people.
I don't get punished for sleep deprivation, I get told to lie down on the couch with my head on his lap while he rubs my back and gets me to nap. And then when I get up and am feeling better is when he has me go do stuff.

How long has she been suffering? Has she had a physical lately? How much caffeine does she ingest and how late in the day? Does she go to bed and get up the same time everyday, because even one day of sleeping later can screw up your sleep cycle? Does she watch tv in bed or do anything besides sex and sleep? Since that sets up a psychological effect that bed is for doing stuff, not for sleeping. How much research into sleep have you done that you are capable of helping her?

it is um, stress related, i am working with her to make her feel better. and it seems to be working. thanks for the questioning though, im not being sarcastic either. if it was something foreign that required research, that would be the perfect. and i didnt know the psychological bed is for doing stuff thing. im gonna whip that out in a conversation at work!!! :D

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/15/2008 1:50:38 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfoundDarkness

My beloved sub today had not been feeling well, in fact she began to outright disrespect me and yell. When I put my foot down she'd kept going, and as i grabbed her to punish her, she was damn near combative. I stepped out as opposed to letting my anger do the punishment, as i do not want to punish until it is abuse, just discipline.

Am i doing the right thing or is it best to just step in and punish reguardless of how she handles it?

According to the rules and ethics I live by (and obviously totally agree with), you my lad have done precisely the right thing to step away! My first rule is NEVER punish when you are angry. I like to wait till calmness prevails and work with the errent person to ascertain what the underlying cause is. If some form of shittyness was deliberate to provoke anger, I find that by the culprit understanding that that had displeased me greatly does work well on the long term whilst some form of suitable punishment addresses the matter of never allowing crimes to go unpunished. It is a fine line but not hard to achieve.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What would you punish? You have to understand and get to the SOURCE of the problem. Punishing at that point would only have been stifling a SYMPTOM of the larger issue. This is why punishment should be done in only very rare and serious circumstances after thorough discussion and understanding IMO.

It's quite possible she just can't calm down once she's on a roll- immediate physical punishment will do nothing to solve that issue, it will only add to the fractures and insecure weakness she is experiencing.

Try to always do the thing that will make you both closer and stronger together in the long term. That doesn't mean tolerating her shit, it means not just reacting, but operating with best authority for the whole relationship.

This is one of those delightful cases where LA and I agree. This pleases me...

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

Post #: 26

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/17/2008 6:38:22 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

stepping away is best..never let your control slip {on her that is} and when you come back to this subject..be concide and list it as it happened..both what she failed to do..and How to do it..then..and on then ...decied if she needs puishment..or a new way of doing it...but never puish in anger..beleive me you would never forgive yourself if you think about it....Huntertn

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 27

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/18/2008 11:51:42 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I came across last December's issue of Psychology Today that discusses sleep deprivation. Especially the part dreaming plays in being able to handle things. Apparently when we dream, we rehearse stressful situation that we encounter in real life and then we handle those situations better. Without solid sleep, including sufficient dream stage, our ability to handle situations goes way down.

One of the things that is most susceptible to lack of sleep/dreams turns out how to handle verbal interactions. In other words, because she hasn't slept or dreamed well in a while, her ability to interact verbally without arguments has gone way down.

An analogy worth considering is acting. Should an actor be punished for flubbing a production if there were no rehearsals? Dreams are rehearsals, and she isn't having any.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 28

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/18/2008 12:00:38 PM

Ellsa

Posts: 37
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: minnesota
Status: offline

Menopause is a bitch.

(in reply to shykitty1)

Post #: 29

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/18/2008 2:31:20 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i find it is very effective to take my submissives face in my two hands, and steady my gaze in to her, and then say, " breathe with me."

once we are harmonized in breath, the next question is....

"what do you want me to know about what is going on?"

then I listen

then i ask "what do you not want me to know about bout what is going on?"

then i listen.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 6/18/2008 2:35:13 PM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 30

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/18/2008 6:43:12 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I love that breathing exercise.

I have done a lot of study about sleep deprivation, having faced it myself. Without enough REM sleep, when you dream, your mind cannot file away things. You can literally die from not dreaming, something that few seem to know. This part happens typically after four hours of sleep, so if one wakes up frequently they may miss it. It can change an entire demeanor, seem to lower intellect, and leave someone with very jangled nerves.

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(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 31

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/18/2008 7:41:41 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

you can die from not dreaming?...i find that oddly beautiful ....

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 32

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/18/2008 10:01:31 PM

WhiteFox77

Posts: 66
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

NEVER punish in anger. And IMHO physical "punishment" should only be done for fun. But that's between you and your sub to decide.

I'm with LuckyAlbatross on this one. It sounds like you have some real issues to work out, and the sickness just allowed the problem to surface. Disrespect is not acceptable, nor is ignoring your subs feelings. If she has something she is that emotional about than it is something that needs to be discussed (without insults and yelling). Just because you are in a D/s relationship doesn't mean you aren't in a "relationship", and the life blood of any relationship is communication.

_____________________________

Sincerely
WhiteFox77
Learn more about us at http://SexySubmissive.RedFoxDen.net

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 33

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/20/2008 5:53:22 AM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Hmmmm its 'only' stress that is causing sleep deprivation. Do you know how many illnesses are the result of stress? In the industry i work in we view stress as an illness on its own not just a behaviour thing.

Willow

(in reply to WhiteFox77)

Post #: 34

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/20/2008 8:02:02 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Well said! Pity that more areas of society don't recognise that stress is real, it ia a medical problem and is inherently dangerous and realated to bpth depression and essentially to chronic depression and chronic pain. It also is one of the major contributing factors which moves shyness to chronic shyness and other similar orders.. I am suprised how many counsellors are not aware of the effects of stress. I also find that stress is amongst the more difficult illnesses to locate the real causes rather than the obvious, especiually as for example, it is often a symptom of many psyciatriatric and medical illnesses. Stress in injured patients who are suffering trauma aftert such things as a MVA is one of the major factors which can increase the onset of serious shock which is often fatal and causes most of the deaths in that perios of time when paramedics deliver a patient to an emergency ward and when treatment starts unless the patient has constantly given reassurance and not left alone.. Not suprisingly, often a few words of comfort and basic human kindness as well as some small amount of human contact can aleviate many of the more dire aspacts of both stress and shock....

There is a time and place for punishment and unlike some others, I believe that there is a vast difference between punishment as a game and puniushment as a means of enforcing disclipline. Punishment doesn't have to mean a beating, it can be additionsl duties and/or a retraining as well as just the knowledge that the culprit has been found less than pleasing.

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/20/2008 8:03:32 AM >

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 35

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/22/2008 1:39:05 AM

lassnmo

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Sir,
i am a slave and i Sir looking at it from a slaves point. i should not give Sir advice. But, many submsisives/slaves need to be given journals to write of what she did wrong. This giving you time Sir to take a break, and think of her physical punishment without being to angry.

With all due repect to you sir,
"slave girl lass"

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

Post #: 36

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/24/2008 7:38:29 AM

lassnmo

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Hello,
Sadly i can't come back to talk, unless the Sir who is training me states i can.
Wanted my friends to now. i have not forgotten them, i am being trained and he said no, so be it.

_____________________________

"forever learning"

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

Post #: 37

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/24/2008 4:58:50 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Yes -

You did the right thing... as the police are a phone call away no matter how "beloved" she may seem to be.

But, I would tell her to pack a bag if she decides she wants to behave that way ever again -and-inform her she should have it in her hand at that time.

And, then stick to the edict.

~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfoundDarkness

My beloved sub today had not been feeling well, in fact she began to outright disrespect me and yell. When I put my foot down she'd kept going, and as i grabbed her to punish her, she was damn near combative. I stepped out as opposed to letting my anger do the punishment, as i do not want to punish until it is abuse, just discipline.

Am i doing the right thing or is it best to just step in and punish reguardless of how she handles it?

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

Post #: 38

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/24/2008 6:36:56 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProfoundDarkness

My beloved sub today had not been feeling well, in fact she began to outright disrespect me and yell. When I put my foot down she'd kept going, and as i grabbed her to punish her, she was damn near combative. I stepped out as opposed to letting my anger do the punishment, as i do not want to punish until it is abuse, just discipline.

Am i doing the right thing or is it best to just step in and punish reguardless of how she handles it?

Only You can answer that question for you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to ProfoundDarkness)

Post #: 39

RE: Time to punish, and a time to step back... - 6/25/2008 7:35:52 PM

lassnmo

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Sir.

If you are a M/s relationship, but are not Gor what is the differences. I have been taught differnt ways but they all seem to merge into the same aspects of th realm.

Thank -you
lass

_____________________________

"forever learning"

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 40

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